#padlockmyarse

So  happy new year. Does that mean I can shake your hand and kiss your girlfriend even though we have never met before but we are in some cramped boozer that charged to get in and then we had to walk home in the fucking freezing cold because we couldn’t get a cab. Ahhhh gotta love new year. Once again it was a night in with Jools Holland for me and the usual huff at midnight the fireworks in London. Seen one firework seen them all. Lets face facts it’s still the same shit that Guy Fawkes attempted to use back in the day. Fireworks need to move onto a new level.  Come to think of it could use some of that stuff today on Cameron’s mob. *****Disclaimer that is a joke. there is no need to arrest me or sack me from my current employment. Which leads me nicely onto the first new year topic. Now first up what do you make of this ? ““I wouldn’t fancy the bed next to Gareth Thomas ” followed by the hashtag #padlockmyarse Now this was said about celeb big brother contestant Gareth Thomas (A rugby player who has come out) Well it was tweeted by a lad I know who is a semi pro footballer nearing the end of his career. To cut a long story short Lee Steele who played for Oxford City was sacked over this. There was a storm over a homophobic comment over this which was all over Twitter, at one point number two most read item on the BBC news website (Link here) on the front page of the Yahoo UK home page, on Radio 1 newsbeat and also breaking news on Sky Sports News. Judging by the majority of comments/tweets I have read on this Lee is just an ugly homophobe who Gareth Thomas wouldn’t dream of sleeping with (Hard to confirm this as Gareth is in the BB house and as yet does not know Lee) Is this the world gone mad or indeed a big step forward in the cause of stopping homophobia ? Well lets start with the facts. There was no malice or discrimination in what was tweeted. It was indeed a joke. A joke that is not to everybody’s tastes. Lets dissect this a bit more. If Alan Carr or Julian Clary had cracked this gag we would be laughing along saying oh the jolly camp joker. If Frankie Boyle or Jimmy Carr would’ve cracked the gag we would go oooohhhh and had restricted laughter with the view of that’s close to the knuckle but is funny. If Chubby Brown or Jim Davidson had cracked it we would’ve gone thats fucking outrageous. This isn’t comedy its a fucking disgrace jail the fuckers. So who is Lee Steele in all of this ? Well for a start he plays footy in a division which no offence is only a few up from where I play on a Thursday night on Liverpool college astro turf. Me and Lee played in a junior team for a bit. He was lucky enough to get picked up, progress his career and fitness going on to play in in the football league and came on as a sub at Wembley once (jammy bastard) The same scout must have missed me. I went on to lose my fitness and progress though Ladbrokes and Liverpool City Council. So why is this news. An aftershock of the Suarez case with Liverpool. Me thinks so. So why is a man who said racist language (no matter what the context its dodgy what he said) still in a job and the other on the dole ? What Lee said was a joke, Ok a joke not to everybody’s taste. I hardly think he was going around beating up gay people in the Liverpool gay quarter. At the end of the day this lad has now been labelled a homophobe and it couldn’t  be further from the truth. But mud sticks. I tweeted him back “Twitter storm eh !! Now you know how Brand/Ross felt. One mans joke is another mans insult eh. #wannaborrowapadlock” This was as it was just on the local Oxford rags web site before the shit storm kicked up. So carrying on the padlock gag does that mean I should be sacked in the morning ? What about all those nights in Garlands (When it was just an ickle gay club in the 90′s) and what about the gay people I know? Not guilty kidda. Homophobia needs addressing but not in this way.

So in other news its April 5th for the birth of Fay bambino number three. Shite thats not far away. Got the small matter of a house to gut and make ready. Oh well no need to stress everything will fall into plan. One last thought though if it’s a boy, Lee can you do us a favour and if you’re gonna give us your latest kit any chance you could take your name off the back and dye it pink. Awww fuck thats me sacked again.

Peace

Fay x x x

 

Edit 16.01.11 Lee’s apology http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-16568563

Review of 2011

I cant take much more. Chocolate, booze, more chocolate. Stuffing my fat face. I can honestly say I cant wait to go back to work and get back to some normality and be healthy and go the gym. Now as I am back in work on Tuesday I am sure this will last until at least Wednesday lunch time and I will be wishing I had a bottle of Stella Cidre and a Flake in my hands. So hope you all had a merry chrimbo and I wish you a happy new year. I did make it to the gym the other day but only to take my daughters swimming. So we got changed and I wobbled into the swimming pool area and it was all shut off. I asked the lifeguard could we swim and he said no swimming. Some ickle kid had only gone and laid a yuletide log in the big swimming pool. So we got dressed and headed to M&S food for some munchies and watched a DVD instead. So here we go a review of the year.

January

The year started with me putting a £20 insurance bet on Liverpool to get relegated at 20/1. Yes it was really that bad. Keys and Gray decided to go oldskool with some sexism and my first gig of the year was Henry Priestman supporting The Fishermans Friends. Oh and the first hints of a double dip thats recession not the sherbet sweet.

February

Earthshaking news that I cancelled my Sky Sports subs. After notice I lasted one day when I realised it was Liverpool V Man U and none of my mates gave me an invite to watch it. in my defence I did jib ESPN and still don’t have it. My dad reached 66 and doesn’t look a day over 75 ! I embarked on another cultural review of Wroclaw in Poland (2012 will be Tallinn in Estonia) I revealed my album of 2010 to be “Bittersweet Batch” by Jesse Dee.

March

Next gig was the wonderful Dead Belgium. I was amazed at the Japanese Tsunami and even more amazed that people came to my blog looking for “porn tsunami” which I then found out was a web site. Its not that good ahemmm so my mates say. Good old Bob Greaves died and will never be sniffed in the bollocks by an elephant at Chester Zoo again. Mrs Fay was given her notice from the job centre (only to find out in December the job centre are recruiting again !! ) Another sad loss was the announcement that the I.M Marsh will be closed down.

April

Quick on the end of the I.M.Marsh next to go was the Sunday Sport newspaper (a loose description) although I do believe its back. April the 15th came around again and 22 years since Hillsborough and five years since my mum died. I need say no more. I managed to get myself a Glastonbury ticket. At this point I was going on my own.

May

My slide into alcoholism continued as I used the royal wedding for an excuse for a piss up and BBQ. The first of the lads Ian Webster was 40 and we celebrated in Fuengirola and our world record of 20 bottles of lager was set. Inside the human body started on BBC and I must have been watching with what was to come.

June

Glasto baby and with my mate winning a ticket it wasnt billy no mates time. I had great fun in the mud and genuinely have an affection for the place which is very unlike me. More away days and a trip to Newcastle and York on a mates stag weekend. But it was all about Glasto. Did I mention Glasto ?

July

This der heap of shite blog turned two and I was being stalked by Jimmy Somerville on Facebook. The space shuttle launched for the last time and I done a really bad dad thing and made my kids watch it (and the return) I celebrated my bronze wedding anniversary and watched Liverpool on the waterfront which was cool. Oh and a bit of Deacon Blue was as good as ever.

August

So the month started out with a wedding and a funeral. Mrs Fay and the kids left me (Ok to look after her mums house for a bit) Then the riots kicked off but the month ended with the huge loss of my nan. Eileen Roper was 95 when she died and after getting the call to say she had fell in the house through to the call from the hospital a few days later to inform me she had died it was all a bit of a whirlwind. I lived with my nan for 10 years and despite being 95 her death hit me hard. When my mum died it was a relief after a 10 year battle against cancer. My nan dying was unexpected (as it can be for 95) but having seen it all through from start to end I am just glad that somebody that truly cared and loved her and somebody she loved seen her over her last few days. I never got to tell he the news we told the world in October.

September

So the month started with a christening, a wedding and a funeral. I got full value from my new Matalan suit. I turned 38 which equalled the size of my waist. A day I have been waiting for a long time. My two years at Wakefield council ended and it was time to hit the road for work.

October

So the big news we had been sitting on was announced. Me and Mrs Fay were going to have bambino numero tres. Watching inside the human body on BBC (the pregnancy) one had obviously given me some tips. We are gonna call the baby Matchworks as in the back of Garston Matchworks were he/she was made. Gig for this month was Pink Martini.

November

Twas a quiet month apart from the chrimbo tree up at the bottom of out road mid month. A return to work for Liverpool council was on the cards before a late bid from Wakefield secured my services into the new year.

December

Well I queued outside a build a bear shop ! I went to see a cracking Hillsborough justice gig and Mick Jones doing Clash songs. The next night was a bit of Duran Duran. More drunken nights involved a treasure chest an another gate crashing a 21st birthday party and doing oops up side your head.

So there we have it. You can check previous blogs on the left for more detail. A massive 2012 on the cards with a house move and new child. But I leave you with a picture of my dear old nan.

Peace

Fay x x x

Chrimbo bleaching !!

So here we are chrimbo is upon us. The kids are on overdrive and a strict 7am present curfew has been set for the big day and any child found up before that in our house with be put in an orange boiler suit and sent to Guantanamo Bay until January the third and dropped straight off at school. On the old chrimbo rota this year its the turn of the in-laws to feed me burger and chips before they all swan off to the Canary Islands on boxing day. Me and Mrs Fay would have went but with the missus being 24 weeks preggers she decided it wasn’t worth her whilst her sitting out of the sun minding all the kids as we got pissed for seven days on the run. Normally at chrimbo I get hit with chrimbo man flu but this has appeared early this week making the last few days in work tough and I look forward to a well earned week off after a hard working 2011. This week a Sky News investigation has discovered shops in London selling unlicensed or prescription-only skin-bleaching products.   But there is an illegal market in products which contain stronger ingredients that can cause uneven colour loss, intense skin irritations, rashes or permanent bleaching. Hansa Dabee, who is Indian, started using skin-bleaching products when she was fifteen, after experiencing what she describes as ‘cultural pressure’ to have fairer skin. ’I wanted to make my skin appear lighter because I wanted my complexion to be clearer and I thought it would make me more attractive,’ she said. ’I used to watch Bollywood films and the actors appeared to be a lot lighter than your average Asian. They went on to endorse lightening creams in advertisements. ’At school the boys would drool over pictures of Bollywood actresses on their phones. They were fascinated with how fair and light they were. ’Every time I used it I thought, ‘Wow, my skin looks so much clearer’. But I stopped using lightening cream about a year ago after considering the massive dangers it could have.’ The world has truly gone mad. Here we have black and Indian people trying to turn white. I have to be careful what I say in the current climate and not fall into Alan Hansen’s “coloured” trap. Here in Liverpool the trend is trying to look orange and the only bleaching going on will be of the anal variety. Once again another type of bleaching I can’t get my head around. Indeed the only mention of bleach should be when I see an advert for Domestos which as we know “Kills all known germs dead” A quick trip in my Tardis takes us back to 1987 and the “Big bad Dom” advert shown below.

So with a mild chrimbo on the cards its worth noting temps in my garden on chrimbo day were as low as -12c. This years min could be 11c. That is a 22c difference. Dont you just love me being a weather nerd. Stumbled across this picture (below) on a forum. No such white christmas for us this year. I noticed that in Smyths the toy shop they had all boss sledges which my daughter pointed out. Just a shame we aint got no snow. So I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and will sneak one more blog in before the new year. Most probably a review of the year unless something great happens in the news. Well Thatcher could die I suppose. What a chrimbo prezzie that would be.

Peace

Fay x x x

A last thought about my Nan who only got to see 94 chrimbo’s and will be missing this chrimbo. No longer will she ask for a some water in her scotch and then moan dont put too much in. I am also £15 (always thought 15 was a strange number) and a couple of Lynx box sets down. Thankfully she stopped buying me a bottle of “Denim” aftershave a few years back. Mind you I was repackaging it as bleach and selling it on the black market, can I say black market ? Ahhh the worlds gone fucking mad.

A fur coat and Oops up side your head.

So suffering a slight hangover after the volcano and treasure chest (see previous blog) it was time to dump the kids at the ballet christmas party and grab some breakfast on the way back. I ventured into the new Asda in Garston and came out feeling like a proper old man. The reason being that I could not find the sausages (most probably still pissed from Friday night) and I asked a lad in “the Asda” where are the sausages and got some great customer service. I was taken to the exact place they were instead on the normal “Aisle one lad” that some many other places offer. Then a the checkout again some grade A customer service from the girl on the till. It made me feel really old appreciating this excellent customer service and even worse it made me happy !! I was thinking this should be recognised by telling the store manager of my experience and then I decided I needed to get a grip and get over this customer satisfaction orgy I was revelling in. In reality normal customer service should not be so shite that when you get what should be expected you come out of the shop chuffed ! For the record I was living life on the edge by having a sausage roll for breakfast !!

So lazing on the couch and flicking through the Tv channels I came across “The biggest loser USA” before I knew what the programme was called it was the sight of a very fat woman in a belly top and cycling shorts being weighed that caught my attention. Not in a sexual manner may I add but pure curiosity as to why you would let yourself be filmed doing this. Next up was a man who had lost 58 pounds and still looked a fat bastard together with his full pair of breasts. Anyways this had been split into teams and it came down to one chick (American term) standing on the scales crying as she was feeling the pressure as she had to have lost 8 pounds that week for her team to win. What was the prize ? I’m thinking double whopper meals all around would have done the trick. Anyway for the record she lost 16 pounds that week (shows you how fat she was to be dropping that kind of weight) and her team won. I have just finished my application form for the new series which is on ITV next year. £25,000 for the winner which I will enjoy spending in Mark and Spencers food.

So Sunday and with our twice yearly footy match against the police being cancelled this meant a 1:30 start for our lads day out on the ale. So after watching the first half of the Liverpool game in “The Abbey” and the second half in “O’Neill’s” We hit the road with further bevvies in ‘The Central” “JR’s” “The White Star” and onto “The Grapes” on Mathew Street. Here we found an imitation fur coat hung up that nobody was laying claim to. By now already pissed we duly took our turns to each have a go of this lovely white coat which we had grown attached to. We never did find out who’s coat it was but we reckon we had sussed who’s it was but this woman was denying it I think through the mockery she thought we were bestowing on the coat but we just liked it because it was nice to stroke ! Things could only get better after this event, well errrr no. After more drinks at “The Cavern Pub” “Yates Bold Street” and “Pogue Mahone’s” it was time to gatecrash a friends niece’s 21st birthday. So we fell into the place and I was not suitably dressed for the occasion yet again in my Adidas trainers and trackie top with jeans to which I drunkenly apologised for when meeting the birthday girl when introduced on our entrance to the party. It was time to neck more Desperado’s and our main aim of the party was to get an “oooops up side your head” going on the dance floor. Eventually our aim was complete although our “oops up side your head” train only got to about a max of 7 people which was very disappointing. 11.30 and after 10 hours on the ale my homing beacon was kicking in. No sign of any cabs and then my mate ventured off and despite my calls to him I assumed his homing beacon had kicked in. I was to find out the next day that it had indeed kicked in but about 5 years too early as he turned up at his mum and dads house. No wonder we don’t get out much after last nights antics. So with work Monday morning I took advantage of working from home with a one and a half hour lunch spent back in bed recovering. Deffo not having a bevvy now until at least errrr Christmas ho ho ho and here’s the coat I want from Santa.

Peace

Fay x x x

A treasure chest and Duran Duran.

So another week and more nights out on the ale. This is like being in my twenties again !! Last Saturday was the second concert of the weekend with this being (whisper it quietly) Duran Duran. My mate had scored some free tickets for this gig which was meant to be earlier on in the year but Simon Le Bon had a dodgy throat. So it was down to the Echo arena (not my fave venue in the world) for a trip back to the 80′s. As I thought it was laden with middle aged women trying to recapture their youth. As me and my mate Colin took to our seats I was thinking we are in a small minority of men here. Most men had obviously been dragged down by their birds/wives. Were me and Colin the only two men who had come together, well ones that weren’t gay ? Had we a little secret ? A lot of our past was spent in Garlands in the 90′s. What about the weekend away in a hotel in Kings Cross when we went to see Paul Oakenfold in London. For now nothing to tell but rest assured if there is I will be sure to spill the beans on here. But back to the gig and amazing how many hits Duran Duran had back in the day and being a bit of a music nerd I had been listening to their latest album “All you need is now” which is quite good with a definite Duran Duran 80′s sound going on. Highlight of the night was “Wild Boys” with a bit of “Relax” thrown into the mix. The excitement was clearly too much for two ladies, well I use the term ladies loosely as they decided to have a scrap and both “ladies” were ejected by the special security team. Before the gig you could tweet and it would come up on the screen at the front of the stage. Colin tweeted but as it contained a swear word I said that it wouldn’t come up and I was right. I then explained that in some work places the word “sCUNThorpe” was stopped. So he just tweeted the word “Scunthorpe” to which soon came up on the screen at the front. Twitter being what Twitter is Colin soon received a reply saying that they were from Scunthorpe and were at the gig. With the amount of singing Colin was doing along with standing up I think he is a closet Duran fan. I wish he would come out and admit it like I did with my secret Pet Shop Boys admiration. So a second night out in town on the run and we made the last train armed with a chip barm each although in the rush to the platform a sausage of Colin’s was a casualty which was karma as he forgot to order me one ;0)

So fast forward a week and a second Friday night on the ale in town on the run. This time with some lads I used to work with. As I work on my own for the greatest company in the world “Faymondo Benefits Limited” with the kindest director (me) I was treating this as my office party. So after heading in a bit earlier to meet some friends who I go on a cultural review with every Feb (check old blogs for reviews) and indeed next Feb I will be presenting a cultural review of Tallinn in Estonia I met Dave and Ben and after a few scoops in The Railway, The Grapes and The Cavern Pub we headed on up to Aloha on Colquitt Street. Last time I was in here was Dave’s stag night and he was dressed as Harry Potter and very drunk being sick and vanishing home at only about 10pm !! I remember going up to the bouncers and asking “Not being funny mate but you havent thrown Harry Potter out of here have you ?” to which they laughed and said “no but they did see him getting into a cab” !! So silly drinks again in there and first up was a “volcano” once the fire on it had been put out it tasted like shite but we still necked it through our straws. Next up was a treasure chest !! This came with reserved seating and a beer. This to was set alight and then we were left to drink the chest, which I don’t think was meant to be shared by just three people. We tried our best but it was still half full so we gave up and gave it away including seats and headed off to The Blue Angel. I didn’t last long in there as the earlier cans of Red Stripe had caught up with the volcano and treasure chest (what was I thinking?) My drunken homing beacon of scran and home kicked in and I headed to the Botana where this week I managed to get a plain burger and after a drunken rant on Mrs Thatcher with the cab driver I was home and virtually ice skated the last 50 meters walk to the house. A great Christmas office party and I leave you with a picture of the treasure chest with Ben and me (right) trying our best to kill it.

Peace

Fay x x x

Hillsborough justice gig

So Friday night and it was a quick train into town and a brisk walk up to Liverpool university for the Hillsborough justice gig. First up the important bit and the cause the concert was for.

In 1989, Liverpool and Nottingham Forest Football Clubs had progressed to the semi-final stage of the English Football Association (FA) Cup competition. The English FA decided that the match would take place at the Hillsborough football stadium, home to Sheffield Wednesday Football Club, on Saturday April 15th.

More than 50,000 supporters travelled to Sheffield to watch the match but only six minutes were played before the game was stopped by the referee, as it became apparent that a deadly crush was unfolding in the enclosed pens of the Leppings Lane End terrace.

96 people died as a result of the Disaster, hundreds more were injured and thousands were traumatised in what was claimed to be one of the safest grounds in the country.

A public inquiry was launched to answer the question of why Hillsborough happened, with Lord Justice Taylor appointed to oversee proceedings.

Even though he found that mismanagement of the crowds by South Yorkshire Police caused the Disaster, and that a number of failings by the stadium’s owners and safety advisors contributed to the high death toll, no individual, group or organisation has ever been held legally accountable for what is still the worst disaster in British sporting history.

The lack of official accountability has allowed for entirely false accounts of the Disaster to continue to be presented as fact. Consequently an entire new generation has grown up not knowing what really occurred or why and most importantly not knowing where real blame really lies. The fight for justice continues……………

So first up were surprise artists Cast and we were transported back to the mid 90′s. Cast scored numerous top ten hits during this time and lead singer John Power belted out some of them hits in great style. The next surprise was John Bishop who was mainly there to introduce the next band and crack a few gags. He was getting a fair bit of stick from the crows who were now singing “Bishop, Bishop give us a song” In the end John Bishop was fair game and picked up a spare electric guitar on the stage and gave us a rendition (well first verse) of Daydream Believer with what can only be described as some “improvised” guitar playing. Lets just say his guitar skills are on about the same level as Manchester teams in the champions league. So he introduced some more nostalgia and it was time for The Farm. So with tracks as “Stepping Stone” and “Groovy Train”  I was almost young again but with a beer gut and balding bonce. The Farm finished off with “All Together Now” more of which later on.

Sticking with the scouse theme and it was Pete Wylie next up and here we got a first glimpse of Clash legend Mick Jones on guitar. Wylie belted out his choon “Heart as big as Liverpool” His set was finished to a rousing rendition of “The day that Margaret Thatcher dies” with the crowd singing along “Die die die” Now even though I had consumed a few pints it still sat a bit uncomfortable chanting “die” about someone who is still alive. But you know what it can be excused for what that bitch done to this city and over Hillsborough. I for one will be having a bevvy when she does finally go to the big dole queue in the sky. Billy Bragg was up next as he sang his song “never buy the sun” So with Steve Rotheram MP doing a stint with a good speech it was then onto the main event.

Mick Jones joined by various vocalists and guitarists from the night played some songs from The Clash. A true joy to see. I watched him and Big Audio Dynamite at Glastonbury this year and thought he might do a few there. I was unaware he didnt play Clash songs. I even joined the “mosh pit” for “Should I Stay Or Should I go” and Alan who was with us was on a high when “Bankrobber” was played. Not much more needs to be said over this apart from it was a pleasure to see Mick Jones perform Clash songs and I was only about 30 foot away. So the night was rounded off with everybody back on stage for a final group version of “All Together Now” Spotted singing on stage was former Liverpool player Jimmy Case. So I suppose it could be classed as “All Together Now” by Jimmy Case’s all star band featuring Mick Jones. A combination of song and artists I never thought I would see on stage.

Post gig beers in The Philharmonic speaking to a couple from Dublin and then onto Pouge Mahones speaking to another Irishman who has been to the same gig as us. Only one way to round the night off with some munchies from the Botana (which I found out is named after a place in Turkey) So with the cab home I settled down to eat my munchies and to my horror my plain burger had been mixed up with the father in laws and my supper now had cheese, lettuce and all other shite on it. Heartbroken wasnt an under statement.

Peace and in memory of Philip Hammond and the others who never came home that day. Justice will be done.

Fay x x x

John Bishop clip from the gig and Pete Wylie and Billy Bragg songs below

Build a bastard bear and the public sector.

So Saturday afternoon and after dropping Elizabeth (7) off at a birthday party at The Odeon in Liverpool one (When I were a lad I had jelly and ice cream in the room that wasnt the living room and reserved for special occasions only that always smelled a bit musty) it was on for a bit of shopping and as I bought Elizabeth a build a bear a few weeks ago I owed my youngest Charlotte (4) one. So it was down to build a bear also in Liverpool One. As I approached it I could see lots of people. Surely just a chrimbo gaggle of people. As we got nearer I could see some kind of queuing barriers in place. Jesus christ I thought it was going to be a bit busy but bloody queuing out of the shop !!! So it was and we joined the back of the queue which outside the shop was about seven deep (and another 10 plus deep in the shop) Now I have queued for some things in the past. First up is the good old airport queue which comes in numerous formats such as checking in, security, waiting for baggage and then passport control. All things we just accept and expect. Now I have queued for numerous other things wether it be the nerdy in me waiting for a new xbox 360 on launch day. There I was outside Dixons on Lord Street at 6:30am. After some time the man came out counted five people and said thats all we have. Yes you guessed it, muggins was number six. I have also queued for i-phone launches in the past (glad to say I am now over that one) I have also queued for many an hour to get into a match and for cup final tickets. Never in my life though have I queued for a build a bastard bear. So after about a 45 min wait and credit to the staff they were as polite and helpful as they could be we were now at the fluff machine to stuff the bear Charlotte had chosen. So “Rosie” sprang to life and with its little heart put inside Charlotte was happy. Another 10 mins wait to pick an outfit for the bleeding thing and then another 10 mins creating the bears birth certificate which I noted the mothers name Charlotte was on but no father. So it truly was a build a bastard bear. I had a lovely father from St Helens swearing at his kids in the queue (to be fair he was getting stung for three bears and outfits) but no need for the language. He must not of wanted a St Helens replica teddy as it didn’t have a twat of a hoop earring in and two heads. So just another 10 mins to pay and the ordeal was over. Charlotte was chuffed with her addition to an ever-growing build a bear family. So it was home via the Disney and Lego shops and a bite to eat at Burger King and home for the promised build a bear party game with Charlotte as seen below. (Rosie far right)

Gideon Osborne, sorry I mean George Osborne continues to rack up debt but looks to make more cuts must be thanking the build a bear empire for bringing much-needed tax revenue. I had come to the conclusion long ago it was gonna get worse for us before it got better but the light at the end of the tunnel was that this coalition would just be a one term government (assuming Miliband can bring labour home ?) But the way old Gideon is going I think he is setting labour up for an almighty fall economically. The only good thing about the current economic crisis was that the Tories had to deal with it even though it wasnt their fault and would take flack for cuts etc and Labour would get voted back in. But it looks like its gonna take some time to get sorted and Labour might have some shit to deal with if (should be when) they get back in. So with the mass walk out on Wednesday I was a scab. I would never cross a picket line but I was sub contracting for a company who had won the contract to deal with housing and council tax benefit for Dacorum council and as such was a scab. Many of my old colleagues from Liverpool council were out on strike, as I would have been if I was still there and I felt a bit bad and was going against some of my principles but being two steps removed from the council eased my conscience  a touch. But at the end of the day not being in a union and also never having a gold-plated public service pension (joke) as I opted out in the 8 years I was at the council. I also have a new-found type of M&S’s finest crisps (Cumberland sausage flavour) habit to fund it was off to work I go. Now a lot has been made of Jeremy Clarkson’s comments and for the record I think he is a tit but it was a joke (a bad one) its well worth watching the clip below from Stuart Lee who does a small routine about Clarkson and his Top Gear chums. So is it just a joke ?

Peace

Fay x x x

Desert Island Discs (Dance version)

Devoid of ideas on what to blog about I follow-up my original desert island discs blog BLOG HERE This time we are focusing on dance music only. Dance music has played a big part in my life from the days when I was just that little bit too young for the Acid House explosion to when I eventually hit the clubbing scene all be it a bit late 1994 (Apart from one trip to the Hard Dock a few years before) It all started in the o-five one on one September night in 1994 just before I was 21 with Dave Graham and Si Edwards on the decks. I then moved onto early Garlands (before it went all big) and then the “super” club Cream. A few little dates around the country Sheffield and Stoke spring to mind and then onto the likes of “Fairies on the Mersey” and numerous Creamfields. Before retirement was upon me. But like all good pro’s a comeback (or two) was on. First up Hed Kandi in Amsterdam December 2008 (what goes on in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam) and Space in Ibiza (what goes on in Ibiza cant be remembered) tempted me out of retirement again in September 2009 some 15 years after it all started. Now truly settled into the domestic life of wife and two children (third on the way) I present my desert island discs (dance version)

So song one and in no particular order. Its one of the first choons I got to recognise in the 051. Kathy Brown feat Praxis and “Turn me out” Nothing can bring back those first few months clubbing in the 051. From the stairs down into the club (How hard was it coming back up the fuckers) to the echoing sound of the half empty club as we liked to get there early onto the smell of the smoke machine. This is a classic and I love a good female vocal on a dance track and remember my “Handbag Heaven” mixtape I used to blast out.

Song two and a track I loved before I got into clubbing. Passed on from a friends elder sister who was into going to the Quadrant Park. Gutted I missed out on going the Quad but also think had I gone there age 16/17 I might not be typing this today and gone down a completely different life path. Its the FPI Project and “Risky” The FPI Project were famous for a cover of “Going back to my roots” with the classic line sang “Hey you don’t be silly, put a condom on your willy” (not the actual lyrics) which hit the charts in 1990. They had a few underground dance tracks after that and this is one of them.

Track three and back to the 051 with memories of a Thursday night in “The Buzz” !!! Its De’Lacy and “Hideaway” This crossed over into the top 5 I think. I hated it when dance tracks I had heard made the charts. It was if I was in a select club that owned the choon but now the masses were onto it and soon it would be the backing music as the announcer read out what was coming up on BBC Grandstand for the day. But the full 10 min version of this is quality.

Track four and possibly the greatest ever breakdown in the history of dance music as noted on the youtube comments (starts at 3 mins 16) its a remix of a track from Mory Kante called “Yeke Yeke” Given the remix treatment by Hardfloor this took the roof of the club when the breakdown kicked in. I can close my eyes and imagine being back in the day. cant help but have a cheeky smile and tap my toe as the track kicks back in.

So Track five (gonna run out of tracks and so many to pick) is gonna be “Fairies on the Mersey” track. Fairies was a ferry that sailed up and down the Mersey on a Sunday night organised by Garlands that what literally a club on a boat and then we would stumble up towards the town hall for an after party. The track that sticks out here again eventually crossed over into the main charts its another slice of magic called “Sing it back” By Moloko. Whenever I see this video I am transported back onto that boat as it sailed by Otterspool prom in the summer evening thinking why am I on a boat in the middle of the Mersey by the prom dancing ??

Song six and back to the 051 and another track that hit the charts. This mix sounded great in the massive room that was the 051 with the smoke machine on full pelt and only the strobe on the go. Its Living Joy and “Dreamer” another slice of handbag girly vocal this time given a deeper mix by Rollo (Who went on to be part of Faithless) another great breakdown (not as good as Yeke Yeke though)

Song 7 and a track that reminds me of Cream. I could have picked from loads. How can I forget the night when the film Trainspotting was massive when they dropped Underworld’s “Born Slippy” only to be beaten later that night when Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” was played with lights on full blast and the whole club sang as one. Suc was the magic of Cream that crazy stuff like that went on. Alistair Whitehead was our fave DJ who played at Cream and the track I am going for is by Inner City and “Your Love” Again my love of a massive female vocal is obvious. Another Cream highlight was at an all nighter and we fell out the club at 6am and it had snowed. Cue massive random snow ball fight. Magic :0)

Last but not least shock horror no female vocal. Its Lionrock (Justin Robertson) who had a hit with “rude boy rock” but this is the less know “Carnival” With a speech that reminds me of Martin Luther King this track has more of a rave edge about it. The question is are you willing to testify ?

So there we have it. To be honest I could have picked 18 songs not 8. I have not included Ruby Turners “Never ever gonna give you up” as that was on my previous Desert Island Discs blog. What great memories from each track and a whole lot more that I cant even dream of blogging about. In true desert island discs fashion I am given the entire works of Shakespeare to take with me and I get to take a book and a luxury item. The book will be Trainspotting to remind me of that great night in Cream. My luxury item will be an unlimited supply of ecstasy tablets. I jest of course as Kirsty Young would not allow that. It will have to be an ipod packed with dance choons so in the moonlight on the beach on my own I can dance my little socks off with nobody to see me.

Now the choice of what track with me. Overall I most probably have tracks I prefer and no doubt would change my mind on a daily basis given the choice. I have avoided my love of a female “handbag” vocal and gone for Mory Kante “Yeke Yeke” just for that breakdown alone. Happy days (ish) stuck on my tod on a desert island.

This blog is dedicated to Colin Airey who invited me to go the 051 on that fateful night in September 1994. He liked it so much he went on to become a DJ travelling the world spinning dics. On the coattails of him I went into clubs around the world on guestlists and in VIP areas necking free booze and having a belter of a time. “I will if you will”

Peace

Fay x x x

Its 1985 in the Fay household.

So another gap in blogging. Nowt much going on in my life to report on. Well the small matter of picking between three jobs ! I was all set for a return to work for the council for 6 months when late last Friday Wakefield (were I worked for 2 years) said they had done my reference but would I be interested in going back there for 8 weeks starting in December. My head had already been frazzled deciding if I should go back to the council but having made my mind up this was a late twist in the tale. Anyway to cut a long story short I shall return to work for Wakefield a week on Monday for 8 weeks and hopefully longer. Just need to keep myself in work until late March and then when bambino numero tres pops out (or sliced out as it will be) I can then take a month off to go the gym loads and go on the ale, sorry I mean help Mrs Fay and ickle one out. I am sure that after a month off Mrs Fay will be driving me to my next job. So I was looking forward to seeing some old council faces on my return. I felt a bit guilty in turning them down, especially after haggling a wage increase from them but such is life and I have to look after number one in the same way that they would have when my six month contract was up. You never know I might end up back there sometime but after leaving them once and then turning them down at the last minute I dont think my name will be on any chrimbo card lists.

Still waiting on finance to start the process of doing my nans house (when will I start calling it ours) I was cleaning a few things out today to make a start and come to the conclusion that my nan must have been given a handbag for every year she lived as I have never seen so many handbags apart from of the dodgy Africans in Spain but at least they also sell dodgy 1970′s porno cards. Alas I haven’t found any in my nans house yet. If I do they will be mine anyway as I am sure I lost a pack in about 1998 but I couldn’t exactly ask my nan if she had found my cards !!

I love retro and the memory of waiting for the “Shoot” football magazine to come out in the mid 80′s with the league tables. The weekly magazine was well known for its annual free gift of “Shoot League Ladders”. This consisted of a thin card sheet on which were printed blank league tables for each division of The Football League, with a slit in the card alongside each position on the tables. Also given away were T-shaped “tabs” for each club in the league (printed in the appropriate team colours) which could be fitted into the slits to indicate where each team currently stood in the league table. As the season progressed and teams moved up and down the table, their tabs could be moved to new slits accordingly. Old league ladders are still regularly sold on eBay as seen below.

So it was with great excitement the other week in a toy shop in Conway I located the new modern version. OK maybe not modern as that would be electrical but where would the fun be in that ? It was a step up from cardboard a magnetic football league chart. The 10 year old in me wanted to buy this straight away but the 38 year old in me said I aint paying £20. So with the age of the internet I snapped up the chart for a bargain £9. The delivery driver from Amazon came and there were the tables in all there glory. It was 1985 again. Liverpool were great (So were Everton but you cant have it all) Man Utd were shite, Man City average and Chelsea most probably in Division 2 (Championship in new money kids) So I waited for my eldest Elizabeth (7) to come in as I always involve her in my trips back to my childhood for example collecting the whole album last year of the World Cup sticker album from panini the first time I have ever completed an album. Said album is now on the top shelf and can only be handled by me wearing white gloves to protect the sacred album. So the league tables are all up to date and the relegation and promotion explained to Elizabeth. To be fair she had great fun setting up the tables and we await sunday morning as we can do the movers and losers after this weekends results.

To keep on a mid 80′s theme I was again snatching my childhood back and watched the third Star Wars Film “revenge of the sith” I was a tad jealous of Elizabeth as I of course had to watch the film backwards so to speak but Elizabeth had the joy of seeing Anakin turn in Lord Vader in human form and then into the machine version of Darth Vader.  Anyway I am off to continue thinking its the mid 80′s and going to listen to my Howard Jones and Nik Kershaw collection and don my “Frankie Says” tshirt whilst sipping on a soda stream. I leave you with the updated league tables and the link if you want to buy some LINK HERE

Peace

Fay x x x

Its Christmas time !!

Now those of you that know me will know that when it comes to chrimbo I am a full on bah humbug. One of my main reasons is that I hate organised fun. So to be told on the 25th December I must have fun all day which includes acting like I have won the world cup when I get my 5th pair of socks and 8th Lynx deodorant and shower gel set. It also includes I must sit down and have chrimbo dinner (burger and chips in my case) and drink lots and have lots of chocolate things that I do on a regular basis anyway. You are forced to sit with the family, which now includes a rota of my family one year and the in-laws the next. Now I like both families but again I like to see them off the cuff or in a semi organised fashion, not this definitive moment where we all put hats on and pull crackers that 65% of the time go off and 12% of the time contain a gift of any use (* This information has been based on data collected on the 25th December from 1984 to 2010) I much prefer a random fun day of food, booze and festivities that occurs at random on say Feb 11th or June 4th. These are much better days than when we are all focused on this one day and one point for a scran. You get my drift now anyway. Since I now have two beautiful girls (88.7% of the time based on data collected from August 2004 to October 2011) and another bump on the way I have to buy into chrimbo for their sake. I still feel pain on their behalf as they get a boss toy and then get asked by an adult ” So do you like it then ?” of course I do. Kill the questions and just let me get on with enjoying the damn toy. So I let Mrs Fay buy a chrimbo tree which every year is far too big for the living room and normally dies before chrimbo due to the heating being on all the time (have you seen the bloody gas bill Mrs Fay ?) Golden rule number one enforced by Emperor Fay II (Emperor Fay I being my dad) is it must be at least the 1st of December before any tree goes up. Golden rule number two is that my chocolate advent calendar is of high quality chocolate and no cheap shite. So it was with great horror when I drove down the bottom of our road a few nights ago to see what looked like decorations in somebody’s window. As I drew closer my worst fears were confirmed. I nearly crashed the car I was in such shock. Here we were the 14th of November. Then to add insult to injury there was a fooking chrimbo tree up with lights on. I assume it was a fake one as they have not actually chopped any bastard real ones down yet as they are still in the forest. By my reckoning that is a full 41 days before chrimbo. Does that mean the tree comes down 41 days later on the 4th of Feb giving us a festive period of 82 days or 22.4% of the entire year (loving my percentages in this blog eh ! ) Even Santa Claus does not put his tree up until the first Sunday of December !! (Just made that up)

Soon it will be silly season and the cunning plan hatched many years ago by the unscrupulous energy companies will see cunts (apologies for the use of the c word) all over the country turn the houses into giant grotto’s. I demand the “lecky” companies check each of these houses out to make sure the meter is still spinning around and not wedged still by inserting a negative from last years holiday snaps into the small gap in the meter to stop said meter from spinning. Those 1980′s electricity meters were boss werent they. You would climb over broken glass to have your meter spin at them rates now eh !

So bah humbug to the lot of you and roll on a random day next year when I can have lots and lots of random unorganised fun. I will however smile for a small moment on chrimbo day if anybody buys me an iphone 4s or ipad2. The only thing possibly worse than early chrimbo is “desperate scousewives” but I feel thats another blog entirely

Peace and ho bloody ho

Fay x x x