Birthday madness.

So fresh from a few pints in the Excelsior on Friday evening as the planned cricket final we were going to was cancelled with weather being so shite as usual it was Saturday and that was party day for the girls (mainly Elizabeth.) Due to health and safety olbigations (I was the Unison health and safety rep at one point for the council) it was necessary for me to test all sausage rolls, mini sausages and crisps that were gonna be consumed at the birthday party. As an ex H&S rep I had to make sure I had at least two of each for quality control purposes. Everything tasted fine so the food was ok to serve to the kids. The venue for the part was St Marys church hall on St Mary’s road Garston. It was your typical church hall with wooden beams in the roof and a stage at one end. It had a massive kitchen and oven which was great to prepare the food. I also had to H&S check the chocolate cornflake cakes and sponge cakes. The hall had a back games room which had your traditional musty smell. We had the normal cheesy DJ with the classics coming out “I am a music man” ” Cha cha slide” and the anthem with Mcdonalds , Kentucky Fried chicken and a Pizza Hut in the lyrics. Whatever song that is called. I think my version would be Burger King, Sayers and Pizza Park Garston in my big fat gut. The party went well with all the kids enjoying themselves in what seemed like two hours of random chaos. We brought the cakes out for both birthday girls and come to think of it I have not had any yet although 9am on a Sunday morning is early by even my standards for some cake. Elizabeth’s is below.

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So the party was rounded off with the hokey cokey the party bags were given out and it was time to tidy the hall. I had hidden a whole tray of sausage rolls and with great skill managed to get them into the kitchen without being noticed and passed them off as leftovers. I only jest of course but I can dream. Had to load the car up with the presents Elizabeth and Charlotte had received. Kids do really get spoiled. The in thing for Elizabeth is High School Musical and Charlotte Peppa Pig.  So back to ours afterwards fully loaded with presents and balloons etc to watch some footy and have a few well deserved beers and skip tea to go straight on the grog. We are now proud owners of two very large balloons. One a 2 and one a 5. I am open to offers ASAP if you know anybody who is going to be 25 or 52.

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So thats part one out of the way and its a family and friends BBQ today, I think you will need your coat folks. Saturdays kids party went well even if I have a feeling for the cost of it we could of went on a family world cruise for 2 months. Late Saturday and I killed a last bottle of Budweiser and had my supper. Yes you guessed it a selection of sausage rolls, crisps and cornflake cakes left over from the party. I turned the light of in the living room and used my normal in the dark navigational skills to the bottom of the stairs only to be attacked by a giant fuck off number 2 and 5 balloon, the pair of bastards.

Peace

Fay x

My life in the council

It was Wednesday 3rd January 2001 when I went to the municipal office to start my new job in Benefits. I managed to get into benefits football after work on the Thursday. Only 10 minutes had gone when I trod on the ball and that was the ankle ligaments gone, the first of numerous benefits injuries on the Eldonian astro pitch (Ankle ligaments, infected knee, thigh strain, knocking myself out and getting whiplash and the finally a knee cartilage that required surgery) So Friday I phoned in sick and the following Monday it was crutches on the 82 bus to finish off my 2 weeks training. It was then straight in at the deep end and assessing in Tinlings building on Sue Kenny’s team with my new work colleagues and the fleas and mice. I remember being told to go and shadow Ged and got much needed help from Pete Walsh, Aiden Gilleece and John Brazier. It was what seemed like years of doing cancellations and filing WOF (documents that had not been matched to a file and indeed you needed the skills of David Blane to ever find the file) After a few years there was a multi million pound transfer to Cheryl Jackson now Kelly’s team. Good times on there early on with Anthony BAttle and a young Ben Fitzpatrick who was a bit easy to wind up. One example of this was he asked for a tip for the races at Aintree. We said there was a horse running called “dont eat yellow snow” he promptly ran off to the main run to hide and phone this horse through !! Another occasion he asked did anybody know the phone number for a sports centre. Anthony just picked a random number out and poor Ben went off to call this wrong number. Fun times then playing the daily stars sports quiz five for fun. The paper was Bens and he denied looking at the answers but when questions like name the Ethiopian who finished 6th in the South African tiddlywinks competition he would have the answer and pleaded his innocence.

In 2003 we moved to Venture Place which was named in a competition alas it wasn’t called our teams entry “Backlog Towers.”  A good few months on the landlord liaison team doing the most shittiest claims possible but it did teach me how to spell the word liaison. It was at my time in Backlog, sorry Venture Place that I turned to the dark side and was a team leader for a bit. Had a good team who did not give me too much trouble, apart from the odd debate on stats. They thought that much of me that they gave me the nickname of “The Cowboy.”  This team was fond of a bet and we seemed to have a sweep on a daily basis and even ended  up playing heads and tails to see who bought a can (Pearson, Davies and Maguinness you know who you are) I was also team leader to Gill Nicholson and now have the skills to match President Obama when it comes to sorting out the world problems ;0) (See you on the 11th Gill) Saved from the dark side it was back onto Cheryl’s team.

It was then onto my current home Premier Court. I hope when I leave that somebody takes over my roll as chief of games in benefits and all the sweeps , competitions and bonus ball I run carry on long after I have left. Still on Cheryl’s team and reducing my hours to 32 and generally becoming lazy in the job and falling into council comfortable rut syndrome. Then the decision to leave. The plan being to milk the agency for what its worth and attempt teacher training and teach Geography at senior school. Only really hit me I was leaving as  went for a skive and down to the third floor to say some goodbyes and finally handing in my two work passes and also my desk key. That was it for one last walk down the office , never to be seen again. It did feel weird doing that walk and also a hint of emotion crept in. I will have to be honest though as soon as I had my first pint in my hand in the Excelsior it was forgotten. It will hit me in a few weeks I think when I start somewhere else. For now its like a holiday. Kids birthday party’s today and tomorrow. Ibiza next weekend and then the hunt for work.

How can I forget being selected in the unbeaten benefits football team run by Ben Fitzpatrick and a 16-0 win against capital of culture sticks in the memory. So off the pastures new and my last day was yesterday. It was a quiet exit out the side door but I will be going for a few beers on September 11th. Many thanks to all the people I have worked with who helped me settle into the new job and have been workmates since. Also thanks to my latest team for putting up with my Meldrew moments and thanks for my leaving present. I forgot to take a chupa lolipop home doh !!! Thanks to the rest of the office for my card and gift card. So much change in the 8 years 8 months I have been here. Long gone are the days of hiding in the main run and working on a ZX Spectrum, its thin client now. On a personal note I was just a young lad dating in 2001 and now I am married with two kids. A busy 8 years 8 months on all levels.

For all those who work in benefits my last notebook has a special note on. The case ref is 10050603.

See some of you on the 11th, never see some of you again. Its been a pleasure. Keep up the good work, most of you are very very good at it, its a shame you are not appreciated more (Done well there only to get one dig in this whole blog !!!! )

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Benefits Chippendales.

So its the eve of me leaving the council. Got a visit of the big boss today who said farewell. I will be doing a full council blog on Saturday going through the 8 years 8 months I have been there. Had the bonus this afternoon of no systems from 3.00 pm to 4.45 pm. Which is always nice. I have ended my subscription with Unison and the highlight of my union membership was winning a George Forman grill in the AGM prize draw. Still cooking the old sausages on it every weekend. Gave the office a treat today with the small cartoon I made called benefits chippendales. Click below for the link.

BENEFITS CHIPPENDALES

Went to Damons after work for Elizabeths birthday tea. Had the usual plain burger and chips and also 2 pints. Must be said that made football 8-9 a struggle but I managed, well just about. Didnt get much sleep last night as I finally got to sleep about 2am (I did grab an hour 6-7 in the evening) Elizabeth decided to wake up at 4am asking if it was here birthday yet. We got a repeat on the hour 5,6 and we all got up eventually at 7am. She was so excited it was her birthday and was singing happy birthday to me in Damons. Spoilt rotten as usual and  look forward to a gaming session on the DS with her.

Got a statement from an old Halifax credit card about 4 years ago. I owed 1p and it said my payment was late and I will be charged if I dont pay it this month. So I took the statement into work and on my lunch went down to the Halifax armed with my 1p. As I walked in and joined the queue I then remembered that I had forgot the statement. So the 1p Halifax saga will have to be replayed next week.

Off out for a quick pint after work on Friday , my main leaving night is on Friday September 11th. I am then off to a cricket final that a couple of the lads in work are playing in. No doubt with a few pints to be consumed there. Short blog tonight as I am knackered. Saving my writing inspiration for Saturdays council blog.

Peace

Fay x

The final countdown

So its three days and counting working for Liverpool City Council and the final countdown has begun. Looking forward to the new start and also a few weeks off before the slog and not to mention a little weekend away in Ibiza. Its the small matter of my daughters birthdays over the next few days. Elizabeth is 5 on Thursday 27th and Charlotte 2 on Monday 31st. Notice how both of them sneak into the school year, thus saving a years nursery fees. Elizabeth was 5 weeks early so that tactic was not planned but Charlotte was always going to be a ceasarean section so we sneaked her in the school year on the last possible day ! The final countdown has also begun for Elizabeth’s birthday. The sheer excitement she has on getting her Nintendo DS (I cant wait to buy Tiger Woods golf for it) makes me remember how birthdays were special. Just another day now for me although I do treat it like a bank holiday and have never worked on my birthday ( I hear you all cry, I never work anyway)  Busy weekend planned then, starting Thursday @ Damons. Friday out watching a cricket final. Saturday Elizabeths birthday party for her friends and finishing on Sunday with a BBQ in ours for the girls and family and friends. Was never really into party’s myself and preferred an extra twenty quid in the card of my mum and dad instead.

Looks like football is going back to the 80’s tonight with the crowd trouble at West Ham V Millwall. Seems like hundreds of fans have had an organised battle. In traditional style it seems to have started in a tube station. Now I am always moaning that football is not like it used to be but there is no need to go back to the dark days of the 80’s when Europe were number one with “The final countdown” (how many more final countdowns can I get in one blog ?) No surprise that Millwall are involved and I am sure that West Ham have a decent firm. Extra time being played so could still be some fun and games there. I suggest that they get the police in that were involved in the G20 protests as judging by form they will give the footy bovver boys a run for their money.

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Kitchen nearly done now after the hard work of the father in law. I have noticed the sink is set up for a left handed person (thats drainage board on the left, sink on the right.) It’s lucky that Mrs Fay is left handed isnt it. I look forward to the official opening of the kitchen and I will let Mrs Fay cook me sausage, chips and beans.

Its DJ Colin Airey’s second choon of the week. This weeks installment comes from a re mixer called Todd Terje giving a nice subtle twist to Chic – I Want Your Love . He is currently playing the back room at Space on our Hed Kandi nights and is one of the most respected Re mixers in the industry. Download the track here. I am looking forward to see Colin play @ Space in Ibiza. He also has his Hed Kandi night in Liverpool. Join Hed Kandi, the world’s most glamorous clubbing brand as they bring the worlds sexiest dance floor to Liverpool for the biggest night of the year. Hed Kandi brings its funky house, deep electro and Balearic beats and a true carnival spirit to Studio for a series of spectacular parties. The club is fresh out of a £200k refurbishment, bringing it up to a standard to host the world’s biggest brand. Hed Kandi have gone from strength to strength during their tenth year, from hosting the VIP arena at Creamfields, to becoming Ibiza’s biggest Saturday night at the world’s most famous club, space. Launched in 1999, Hed Kandi is more than a party; it’s a lifestyle brand delivering various styles of dance of music, with a sense of humour and stylish get-up, with its catalogue spanning over 80 albums, and now the launch of their clothing range.
Join us as Ibiza’s biggest Saturday night moves home for the autumn months and officially becomes Liverpool’s biggest Saturday night.
So girls and boys, look out your glamorous outfits… grab your coats… get your keys… we´re ready to party… it´s Hed Kandi! Right thats your plug out of the way Col.

Hed Kandi

Peace

Fay x

5:49 pm Sunday, England rejoyces for X-factor , Jordan and Katona

5:49 pm and the moment I am proud to be English. No nothing to do with the ashes. I was just browsing my sunday papers and looking at the stories about Jordan and Kerry Katona. Still have not decided which side I am on Peter or Katie ? I am also gonna have to think about a boycott of Iceland sausage rolls as Ms Katona has lost her job there. A quick look at other news and it was the return of X-Factor. What three complete pieces of shite that clog up peoples brains. Now I know the papers I buy on a Sunday (News of the world and Sunday People) are rags but going on peoples facebook and tweets the three things mentioned are high on the agenda. The thought of x-factor mania pisses me right off. I hope the same people who vote for x-factor show the same passion for the next general election. Women you even had to fight for the vote but now you think of a vote as something that costs 25p and may vary on different networks. Voter apathy gave the BNP some coverage in the last euro elections (For the record I dont vote in the euro elections but have never missed a local or general election) If we all get out and vote in the next general election then the BNP’s vote will be so small it wont get a mention. So you think its all a waste of time, they are all the same and expense grabbing bastards. Do what I did in the last election and take the time to vote but spoil your paper. I have worked on election counts and you get some great messages scribbled on voting papers. Another thing about x-factor is that it has ruined the christmas number one single. Nailed on now whoever wins x-factor will be chrimbo number one. Now I know there has been some shite number ones but at least it was a contest. Here is a list of chrimbo number ones since ickle Fay was born in September 1973.

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1973 Slade Merry Xmas Everybody 5
1974 Mud Lonely This Christmas 4
1975 Queen Bohemian Rhapsody 9
1976 Johnny Mathis When A Child Is Born (Soleado) 3
1977 Wings Mull of Kintyre” / “Girls’ School” 9
1978 Boney M Mary’s Boy Child” / “Oh My Lord” 4
1979 Pink Floyd Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2) 5
1980 St Winifred’s School Choir There’s No One Quite Like Grandma 2
1981 The Human League Don’t You Want Me 5
1982 Renée and Renato Save Your Love 4
1983 The Flying Pickets Only You 5
1984 Band Aid Do They Know It’s Christmas? 5
1985 Shakin’ Stevens Merry Christmas Everyone 2
1986 Jackie Wilson Reet Petite 4
1987 Pet Shop Boys Always on My Mind 4
1988 Cliff Richard Mistletoe and Wine 4
1989 Band Aid II Do They Know It’s Christmas? 3
1990 Cliff Richard Saviour’s Day 1
1991 Queen Bohemian Rhapsody” / “These Are the Days of Our Lives 5
1992 Whitney Houston I Will Always Love You 10
1993 Mr Blobby Mr Blobby 2
1994 East 17 Stay Another Day 5
1995 Michael Jackson Earth Song 6
1996 Spice Girls 2 Become 1 3
1997 Spice Girls Too Much 2
1998 Spice Girls Goodbye 1
1999 Westlife I Have A Dream” / “Seasons in the Sun 4
2000 Bob The Builder Can We Fix It? 3
2001 Robbie WilliamsNicole Kidman Somethin’ Stupid 3
2002 Girls Aloud Sound Of The Underground 4
2003 Michael AndrewsGary Jules Mad World 3
2004 Band Aid 20 Do They Know It’s Christmas? 4
2005 Shayne Ward That’s My Goal 4
2006 Leona Lewis A Moment Like This 4
2007 Leon Jackson When You Believe 3
2008 Alexandra Burke Hallelujah 3

Take two 5:49 pm and the moment I am proud to be English. What a great win in the cricket. A great sporting occasion in beating the Aussies. once again I hope more kids will be playing cricket in the park next summer instead of football, football and more football. Freddie’s last match and I fear his last ever in an England shirt. Ricky Ponting’s last test on English soil and the crowd finally clapped him instead of booing him (More football influence on cricket) I wasnt not going to have a beverage tonight but cracked open a can at 5:49 in celebration. On my third now and any more and my golden rule of dont drink and blog would have had to come into play. Who can forget Ricky Ponting being hit by a cricket ball in the mouth and he just shook his head and spat out a large spit of blood. I am thinking if that had happened to Drogba the only ashes we would be talking about is the cremated body of Drogba and he was certified dead on the pitch only for it to be found out too late that he was actually acting. RIP Drogba and RIP TV until x-factor is off our screens. RIP christmas number one. RIP Katie and Peters relationship. RIP the last line of coke Katona has snorted up her nose (I hope she racked them up on a box of Iceland mini chicken kievs .) RIP Australian cricket , until the next ashes down under. As if by comedy gold Mrs Fays x-factor sky plus recording failed (not guilty your honour) The bad news its on ITV whatever all day today grrrrrrr. Ashes cricket on the PS3 in the conservatory it is then.

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Peace

Fay x

Why do women get excited over kitchens ?

Well lunch on the 3rd day and unless Australia make history at the oval and chase the target set then the Ashes are coming home. England V Australia is one of my 4 sporting gems. The other three are anything to do with Liverpool FC, the Ryder cup in golf. Who doesnt like sticking it up the yanks and finally and Euro or World Cup footy with England in. There is a theory amongst Liverpool fans that we are not English we are scouse. I nail my colours to the mast here and I am a England fan. Nothing better than a hot summer and England playing in a tournament. The nation pulls together and if England ever win the world cup then the country will go into party overdrive. Of course Liverpool city centre will be relatively quiet as all the Liverpool fans who are scouse and not English will be in watching CSI on channel five. Back to the Ashes and if England do win the ashes then my mate Adrian Duggan , better known as Kanga will be making a trip down to the post office and posting our own ashes urn which we have. I had to send the urn down under after the 5-0 white wash. I will post a picture of the urn should it make its way back here. Ricky Ponting just got one in the face. Now I enjoyed that but dont enjoy the booing he gets when he comes into bat. Its not football this is cricket !

So the father in law is in the middle of doing our kitchen. Mrs Fay is highly excited at the prospect of a new kitchen. I frankly dont take much notice of where I put my chippy chips on a plate or beans and sausage in the microwave but I suppose its a woman thing (like shoes). Dave (The father in law) is the scouse Bob the builder. We have previously put up a conservatory. I say we but all I did was pass him the pieces and managed to put an uneven floor down !!! I am allowing him an afternoon off today so he can cook me some burgers in his as more of in laws come around. Doug and Lynne are up from London and we havent had our annual trip down to theirs this year. I like London, lots to do when you go down there and I have a strange fascination with the tube. I think its a wonder of the world and have even bought a book on it.

So an early blog today due to this afternoons BBQ. Last week in work next week. Not planning on doing much, no change there then I hear you cry. So I have found a book below for Mrs Fay next valentines day. Why do women get excited over kitchens ?

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Brick up the mersey tunnels

So a near 10 hour day in work on Wednesday to get me in practice for when I go freelance. Was meeting in Lloyds bar before I went to see brick up the mersey tunnels @ The Royal Court. I decided that a trip to the new Lobster Pot chippy was in order to soak up the ale I was due to have so a nice chip barm was consumed before I hit the ale. Had a quick three pints and off the the Royal Court it was. We were seated at a table on the side but right in front of the stage so it was a cracking view (more of that later) You could drink during the play as long as you bought the booze before the play started. This made the decison to have a cheeky chip barm before pay off as by the time we left I had had 7 drinks. The play is based on three people who form the Kingsway 3 and plan to brick up the Mersey tunnel. The jist of the play is about how snobby people are on the Wirral are and their views of scousers. The play was very funny in parts and I was very impressed with the actors. See cast list below

Cast

  • Dennis Twacky – Roy Brandon
  • Ann Twacky – Eithne Browne
  • Nick Walton – Carl Chase
  • Maggie – Suzanne Collins
  • Gerard Gardener – David Edge
  • Elliott Neston – Adam Keast
  • Dickie Lewis/Dee Estuary – Andrew Schofield
  • Miss Liz Card – Francis Tucker

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Dont wish to give too much more away than the play is based in a cafe on the dock road and also a house on the Wirral. I remember Andrew Schoefield from Scully in the early 80’s and will have to dig that out on DVD and watch it again. Former Brookside star Suzanne Collins was in the play and had a rather short skirt on which with the view I had left very little to the imagination. Who needs lap dancing bars with a view that we had. If the play comes on for another run it is deffo worth going to see (the play that is but Suzanne Collins is a nice bonus.)  I love the Royal Court and have been to see a few gigs there before it has moved to its current style of productions.

Built in the 12th Century, the site of the current Royal Court Theatre was originally a water well. The turning point was in 1826 when a circus owner, John Cooke, bought the site for his circus shows, plays, operas and concerts, and it became known as ‘Cooke’s Royal Amphitheatre of Arts’. In 1881, the building was redesigned by Henry Sumner as a regular theatre and it was re-opened as the Royal Court.

Unfortunately, A fire destroyed the building in 1933 during the opera and drama that Howard and Wyndhams Ltd were staging, After a small delay, construction works began in March 1938 to ensure the theatre was rebuilt and reopened in October of the same year.

The Royal Court Theatre we know now was opened on 17 October 1938. It had been totally rebuilt with a new Art Deco style, making it Liverpool’s number one theatre with all its splendour and grandeur. The interior of the building holds a nautical theme, which is in line with Liverpool’s seafaring traditions. The basement lounge has its design based on the Queen Mary Liner. There are three viewing levels within the main auditorium: the Stalls, the Grand Circle and the Balcony.

When I went the toilet after the show I noticed it still had the original toilet system in place and so with nobody in there I managed to grab a photo before I went cottaging. Just dont make toilets like they used to eh, oh and it was quiet on the cottaging front as well !!

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So afterwards it was back to Lloyds bar for a few more drinks and I noticed it sold Tyskie in 500ml bottles. Good job I did not spot this before I went in. Decided to be a fat bastard and  go for the original Lobster Pot after Lloyds to complete the Lobster Pot collection in one session but alas it was closed. So it was The Botana on Berry Street instead mmmmmmm. So a good night out with the in laws and I actually enjoyed a live play and appreciated the performances of the cast. Will try and see “our day out” the musical I think. Getting culturl in my old age.

Managed to do five hours in work today. Had a bit of a sweat on in the morning due to the ale but was not as bad as I thought. Went to see a friends dad to get some information about setting up my limited company so all should be done in the next few days. Just need to find a name. Faymondo Benefits Limited is one or Fay Benefits Assessing Limited is another. Any suggestions feel free to post them.

Peace

Fay x