Aigburth Zoo.

First up congratulations to Mr & Mrs Mcguffie on the birth of Charlotte on Saturday 26th September. As it goes it wasnt like shelling pea’s but everything is OK now and mother and baby are doing well. Well I was going to blog Sunday night but was in bed for 7:50 and asleep by 8:10. That was a catch up from a 2 am sleep on Friday and 1:45 am sleep on Saturday. Saturday afternoon I went to my nans to put a new door bell in. I think I was wasting my time because she could not hear it despite it being right by her. The rest of my time I spent weeding her back yard. Now I know she is 94 in November but you think she could climb down those dangerous steps in the back yard and do it herself. I jest of course. Her fire was on the customary two bars that its on all year around despite what the outdoor temperature is and as ever her cable TV was on UK gold. Saturday night chippy tea for my nan so me and the family and my mate John who came down for a few beers decided a chance to go to Steves chippy in Aigburth Vale was too good a chance to turn down. Me and John then decided to demolish about 8 cans of Tyskie (that beer has hidden powers I am convinced) and after a quick go on the xbox 360 we settled down for match of the day and watched the Bo Selecta Michael Jackson tribute. it was just as funny second time for me.

Ot was a lazy sunday for me and we popped around to my sisters to see the twins as it was their birthday on Saturday. I ended up in my sisters back garden once she had put her Saint Bernard dog out of the way. I only ever see that dog through glass. Its is about 16 stone worth of dog and one giant bundle of hair. This is one serious bit of dog but is also one giant shitting machine. So past the dog and into the next part of Aigburth zoo, sorry I mean my sisters garden and its chicken time. My sister has 4 chickens. Now they all lay eggs so thats a plus but the minus is once again the shit all over the garden. Now Jimmy her fella was in the middle of making a chicken run to keep them off the new lovely lawn which was only laid in late summer. I assume it was a chicken run he was building. Knowing my sister it could well be the footprint for a new ark and will we be seeing more animals coming in two by two.  I will be keeping a close eye out for them marching down Mossley Hill road from the church at the top which she attends.


So Monday and just a shortish day in work and a nice 3:30 finish. Up past 9 tonight which is a late night now for me on a school night. I even managed to get over the gym and do an hours cardio to try and burn off some of the Rose and Tyskie from the weekend. Nothing much in the news to blog about. A last word though and I am thinking why does Roman Polanski get sympathy yet Garry Glitter gets hounded by the press ? Answers on a postcard.


Fay x


Chamonnne I am a french fancy loving mo fo.

So week one in work done and just the one bad thing a two hour journey home on Friday but you cant have it all your way. Driving on the motorway more this week just opens my eyes even more to the shite driving that takes place. All lane hoggers should be made to walk to work. The dole finally paid me my benefit for the time I was unemployed and a nice £177.54 has been put into my bank account. A nice little present there. I wonder what I can treat myself to ? I would love to blog more about my first week in work but obviously I have to be aware of what I say so best saying nowt (Is that the Yorkshire influence on me ?) and I will refrain from saying too much about Castlefield the place as you should not bite the hand that feeds you.

So a little snooze after work and then dropped Mrs Fay off and also no kids tonight. So I am writing this with a well earned glass of rose and a french fancy. Not very sophisticated but nice indeed. Now that Mr Kipling geezer makes some exceedingly good cakes doesnt he. There is no such person as Mr Kipling as he was just invented 40 years ago. Shame that would of liked to share a cake and a drink with him. For information French fancy’s get demolished in this order. Pink, brown then yellow.


Decided to finish the blog off on Saturday morning and the glass of Rose turned into 2 bottles. Hello my name is Neil and I am an alcoholic. There you go I am on the way to beating it now. Ended up watching the Bo Selecta Michael Jackson tribute on my sky plus. I forgot how funny that was back in the day. But it was one of those shows you either loved or hated. Well it made me laugh but also made me think how off his head he must have been all the time. Now thats no excuse for sleeping with kids. I dont think he done anything more but he must have been so off his tits most the time that he would be left open to allegations and it looks like the people around him were not looking after him but themselves. He made some cracking choons as well early on. I still miss you Michael x x x. Well maybe not come to think of it.


So I rounded off last night going all retro once again. Scary how after I have a bevvy I always delve into the past. This time it was a musical trip to the past. Ended up listening to some dance classics from the 051 days. I had some magical times in that club around 1994/95. Hard to believe that it was 15 years ago. There is a reunion club 051 night coming up and there will be a room dedicated to that era. I am tempted to go but wont as I will keep the great memories alive. You can never recapture them days and I bowed out at the top a few weeks back in Ibiza. So a lazy Saturday planned. A little trip to see my nan and then a mate is coming around for a few beers and play on the games consoles. Still waiting on Mrs Mcguffie to drop this baby so we can wet the babies head. Just like shelling peas eh ;0)


Fay x

Liverpool dust storm prediction

So another long day in the bag and not as bad as I thought things would be. Got a lovely welcome in off the kids when I got home tonight and its nice to know I am missed although it did send them into instant hyper active mode just before bed. Nothing much to report from Castleford and its nice in a way to be back in work because I can have that Friday feeling again. I think that signals a drink tomorrow night. So with not much going on in my ickle life apart from driving, work and sleep not much to blog on from a personal point of view. Have to dive into the news instead,

From the BBC web site : A large stretch of Australia’s east coast, including the largest city Sydney, has been shrouded in red dust blown in from the desert outback. Visibility in Sydney was so bad that flights were diverted and harbour ferry traffic disrupted. Landmarks such as the Opera House were obscured, and many residents took to wearing masks. Imagine if this had happened in Liverpool. First up you know the council cleaners would instantly go on strike and Liverpool would be orange for weeks. I estimate that about 15 – 20 % of the population would go missing. This would be in the age range of 16 – 30 and female. The last reported sightings from worried parents would be ” Our Mercedes went to the sun bed shop love and we have not seen here since.” Police would be out looking for the white eyes of these young girls as they have blended into the dust storm like a chameleon. The economy would receive a boost as hundreds of pairs of pyjama’s would have to be replaced. Thats assuming these young ladies wear a pair for going out and a pair to sleep in otherwise there are going to be a lot of sweaty orange “boxes” roaming the streets. I was gonna use minge there but do not wish to offend anybody. Anyway after the dust was finally cleaned 6 months on by the street cleaners who in the end received bonuses bigger than the bankers received in years gone by. Martial law was rescinded and Liverpool was back to normal. Lets hope that the dunes at Freshfields dont get whipped up by a storm or I will be getting called Nostradamus.


Now I know there are some fat bastard kids about. I blame king size Twix’s myself but Indonesian doctors came cross what I would term a “docker” baby this week. Indonesian doctors say the baby on the right, weighing in at 8.7kg (19.2lb), is the heaviest newborn recorded in the country. The unnamed boy was delivered in Kisaran, North Sumatra, by Caesarean on Monday. Could be another Tsunami on the way in the Sumatra region when this chunk goes swimming. His neighbour is a standard-sized newborn. Now I am glad I read the word caesarean there as surely that is impossible (anybody know sticky Vickys number ? ) Straight to Burger King for that cherub below. Double whopper, fries and a strawberry milkshake please oh make it super size. by the way have you got a baby seat !!!


So thats the news because I have had a boring few days in Castleford. Will have to get out over the weekend and get some blog material. Might see you down Garston job centre and the “old man” boozers in town.


Fay x

First day in work review.

So it was 6:30 in the morning and the first commute to work for Wakefield MDC which is situated in Castleford. First thing that I noticed was how many cars are on the roads that early. After a bit of congestion by Leeds we arrived on time around 8:15. We went into the office building to wait for our new manager to meet us. The office was your stereotypical 60’s office block, just like a concrete jungle. So before we knew it we (Me and Dave) were back in the world of assessing. Lots of different working practices to get used to but it should not take that long. We are in a room with the other agency workers so its very laid back and I spotted one of the other agency workers with an ipod and headphones on his desk so its a big thumbs up for ipod usage. Had a late lunch today (1:30) and it was off into Castleford to see what shops were there to but lunch. We found a small shopping centre and as if it was a sign when we walked in “you’ll never walk alone” was playing as the background music. Now I was thinking is this a tester from the security guards of West Yorkshire to smoke the two scousers out on their first lunch trip so they could speck us to see if we are on the rob ! Lots of pastry style shops on the go and we also walked past the Castleford Tigers Rugby league club shop where judging on the size of some of the tops in the window they cater for the pastry consuming fans of the tigers. So a 6pm finish and home just on 7.30. I am now a commuter and joined the rat race. Back in time to settle down for the match with a nice plate of oven chips.


My turn to drive tomorrow so I will be shouting to the people that hog lanes when they dont need to. Long day tomorrow with a planned 5:45 leaving time and plan to work 7am – 6:20pm. Long days indeed but that should allow us to do a shorter day on Friday and head home handy for a well earned drink. I must admit in the car this morning I thought what have I let myself in for doing this and even during parts of the day but I know it will work out for the best and its just a case of getting used the change in work times and practices. With having limited use of my iphone in work I have noticed that I can live without Twitter and Facebook all day. If I can do it you can do it !!!

Some late breaking news as we were going home is that Chas and Dave are splitting up. This has to bigger than the death of Jacko for the music industry. Just checked on Spotify and the best of Chas and Dave is on there so I think it might be a good old cockney knees up on the way to work tomorrow. Imagine the looks we would get a 6am on the motorway with rabbit, rabbit, rabbit booming out of the speakers. Here is a list of Chas and Dave’s hits. A bonus point if you know which one Chas is.

Gertcha – No 20 in May 1979

Rabbit – No 8 in Nov 1980

Ossie’s Dream (with Spurs squad) – No 5 in May 1981

Stars Over 45 – No 21 in Dec 1981

Ain’t No Pleasing You – No 2 in March 1982

Tottenham Tottenham – No 19 in May 1982 (with Spurs squad)

Snooker Loopy (with Matchroom Mob) – No 6 in May 1986


Right I am off to bed up the “apples and pairs” to watch an episode of Shine On Harvey Moon in bed and look at my naked Ray Winstone poster whilst playing with my “Cobblers Awls” I am a right dirty “Berkshire Hunt”. Got my “whistle and flute” ready for work to drive my “china plate” Dave to the office. What will Spurs do for a cup final song should they get to one. I sense a Chas & Dave comeback.


Fay x

Off the dole, off to Wakefield

So I had a few bonus Sunday beers last night after our start date was pushed back to tomorrow. I ended up taking the plunge and getting Spotify premium. This means I now have thousands of albums at my fingertips on my iphone for just £10 a month. As my musical tastes are generally older music anyway most of these albums are on Spotify. The reason I listen to older music is because I try and learn a little music history and see how bands of today came about. I will most probably get around to The Killers, Artic Monkeys etc in about 10 years !!! Spotify premium lets you sync your playlists to your iphone so music on the move. If you have not tried the free version of Spotify and you like music please have a look, you wont be disappointed. I wonder if Wakefield council will let us listen to our ipod when working like Liverpool ? It does help the day go by a bit quicker and I guess I will find out tomorrow.

Monday morning and the pleasure of dropping off Mrs Fay in work again and it was off to the gym again (5 times in 8 days now.) Such a shame that work will now get in the way and I cant see myself going on any weekday work night now as I wont be home until about 7.30pm. Will have to make the most of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Spent the afternoon ironing all my new work shirts and then it was off to pick Elizabeth up from school and Charlotte from nursery. I then had the pleasure of phoning Garston job centre and signing off the dole. the extra day on the dole nets me about £9 so thats my booze and munchies for one night this weekend. No more visits to Garston jobby wich will be a big loss to the blog as it always threw up some decent material. A quick visit to Next to buy some new work shoes and then Boots to get some clippers and I will be looking dapper tomorrow on my first day in Wakefield council (based in Castleford.) A far cry from shorts and trainers for Liverpool city council. I have an impression to make now so its smart all the way and hopefully more work for Faymondo Benefits Limited. So its early to bed today and a 6:30am start for a trip to Castleford and the second phase of my benefits career.


Short but sweet blog tonight. Hopefully have some stuff to blog about my first day in work and Castleford tomorrow.



I spotted a snot walrus today.

So Saturday morning and I managed what was my 4th gym session of the week. Thought I would do it early and get it out of the way. Been getting a slight reaction in my knee but hopefully nothing too serious. Mrs Fay ordered me a load of new shirts and ties from next ready for my job which now starts on Tuesday after some contract negotiation problems. How fookin smart will I look. I will look like a tramp who has won a supermarket sweep in Next !!!! But starting work and thats what the aim was and job done. I will have to phone the dole tomorrow and sign off. A success story for the government there as I was only unemployed for a few weeks. I can be the poster boy for the labour election campaign. Might see there arse when the find out I left work of my own free will. Anyway take one off that 2.47 million jobless total.

Saturday evening I watched the match with the father in law and then the mother in law flew in on her stick (I jest of course) Had a bit to eat and about 12 beers and played Beatles rock band and also the new Singstar Motown I got. Wasnt too good on the Motown front as with most songs you tend to know the chorus but nothing else. It also has some very tough notes to hit and the hardest one on there was “papa was a rolling stone” by The Temptations. Soon back on track with Singstar 80’s and some great renditions of classics by Wham, Tears For Fears and Frankie Goes to Hollywood. It was just about 2am when I finished off the M&S crisps and I said a little prayer that the kids would not be up at 6.30am otherwise Sunday might be a very long day indeed.


So my prayers were answered and I got up with the kids at 8am. Wasnt feeling too bad considering the number of beers I had. On opening the fridge to make Charlotte’s bottle I noticed there were 8 bottles of Sol left. You could see the lightbulb above my head. No work Monday now so they will be meeting my lips on Sunday night me thinks. Looks like all that hard work at the gym is going to be pissed up against the wall again. Got a text from a friend this morning to say he and his wife have had their twins. A boy and a girl (Sam & Mia.) Should be a good excuse for a drink and congratulations to Neil & Jen. Could be more babies this week as well. The thought of twins sends shivers down my spine. Imagine the work you have to put into bringing up twins, but on the bright side the reward will be more than double the fun. Just imagine all the poo, sick and snot two babies make. Charlotte has a slight cold and she sneezed this morning turning her into a snot walrus awwww bless.


It was another trip to the gym Sunday morning but this time just for a swim and this time taking Elizabeth. Not a cloud head in sight this time and we were able to play in the big pool. We did manage the outside pool for about 1 min but it was a bit chilly so we legged it back inside to the warm fell of the urine filled childrens pool. Had a lazy Sunday afternoon watching the footy and some more “Fergie” time winners. So another weekend slips by. Another one filled with booze, food, computer games and sport and back to the slog of work Tuesday. I shall make the most of what will be hopefully my last day on the dole on Monday. So to sum up my unemployment I have cleared by personal sky plus backlog. Managed a cheeky trip to Ibiza. Been doing well at the gym (that just about cancels the booze out.) My limited company is all set up and ready to go and I look forward to drawing my first dividend on Friday 2nd October. Its been fun being on the dole. I will miss you but £64.30 a week doesnt cover my alcohol and sausage roll expenses.

A weekend blog without a mention of “strictly”, x-factor or Jordan. Magic eh. Pass me a Sol please Mrs Fay.


Fay x

My birthday blog : Cloud heads, the change and Sam Fox

So Friday morning I decided to take Charlotte over the gym for a swim. She loves swimming and I love sitting in the baby pool with the other mothers, only there were not any yesterday. There was some action in the big pool though. It was the over 60’s water aerobics. Some big choons from the 60’s playing and whole host of fluffy cloud heads could be seen bopping up and down from my view in the baby pool. Now I look forward to my old age. Wandering into town, starting around Slater St. Working my way around to the blob and those boozers by Clayton Square. You know the ones that are rockin at 12pm. I would most probably get the bus back more local then for a few before heading back home and Mrs Fay would have my tea on the table. Sounds like a plan to me. If all you women have to look forward to is “cloud head” water aerobics and some flower arranging then I think we men are onto a winner. Another advantage for men is that the main down side to getting old is that our hair falls out. Mine has been anyway so the quicker the better. The more bald you go the more time you spend on keeping it neat and short. Its like a perverse law that one. Back to women though. Two words “The change.”  Open that window, close that window, open that window I am hot again etc etc etc. No wonder I will be bailing down to town for a pint to get out of the way. I wonder if the change sets off hormones that will turn many womens hair grey and then develop in to that fluffy grey hair which I term “cloud head” ? Time to get some money and do a university study on it. Who doesnt know a cloud head ?


Friday tea time and a trip to Damons after my sister had popped around and given me my cards etc. As soon as we get in Damons the kids and wife set of to the free chicken wings on offer. With the credit crunch and all that we might just walk in next time. Let them 3 stock up on a load of free chicken and then walk out. Enjoyed a nice birthday burger, chips and beans and washed it down with a nice pint of cider. I think Mrs Fay saved a few pennies as the kids eat free and she took my passport to get a free meal for me and also a free birthday cake (That will be in place of the cake she did not get me anyway !! ) So just ended up staying in last night and after Charlotte was in bed I had a few beers and played Beatles rock band again.

Mrs Fay had gone with Elizabeth to her cousins (Peter) 18th birthday party. This made me feel my 36 years of age because Peter wasnt even born when I was 18. Part two of feeling 36 was when I was pottering about on the internet as noticed on the Sheryl Crow web site that she had taken part in a “divas” concert with Miley Cyrus. Now I am a fan of Sheryl Crow and have seen her a couple of times live. My eldest daughter is a fan of Miley Cyrus. It would have been the equlivent for my mother seeing Billy Fury do a duet with Samantha Fox. How can I ever forget Ms Fox singing touch me back in the 80’s. Getting flashbacks of Sabrina and her video for “boys” as well now. You cant believe how much fun I had googling for a picture of Samantha Fox’s “touch me” cover ;0)


Thanks for all birthday well wishes, cards and prezzies. Next birthday I hope my age will overtake my waist size !!!


Fay x

Another NHS marathon and a history lesson.

So Thursday morning was back to the normal pleasure of dropping Mrs Fay off at work. Then the hassle of sorting a contract in work kicked in which was going to drag through the day. I thought I would be good and so went over the gym for a quick 45 mins cardio. A quick bite to eat and I was leaving for Clitheroe to pick my dad up and take him to and from hospital (Aintree and The Walton Centre) So first drive up and down went OK and it was onto the first appointment for 2:45. Ah the joys of the NHS and 2 hours later and we finally got into see the specialist. This meant we were late for my dads second appointment. This was running late as well so it was about 5:45 when we finally left the hospitals. Now I know the NHS does a great job but you should not really have to wait 2 hours for your appointment. The delay started at one hour as soon as we got there and the scoreboard was being updated on a regular basis until it went to 2 hours delay. Then it was a last run to Clitheroe and back for me via the chippy for my dads tea. The main thing is that my dad got 2 cleans bills of health. He has been discharged over his lung (time to pack in the smokes again pops) and has to go back in December for his brain, should that scan be clear then no more scans after that. So he has been very lucky in his recovery and if it was not for a rouge woman driver who broke his leg he would be doing very well indeed. So my 8 hour NHS day out (I seem to remember having similar fun going to Blackburn to see my dad in July, what is it with me and NHS visits ?) ended when I got home at 8.15. Too late for Thursday footy so went to the opposite end of the spectrum and had a chippy tea from The Ko Sing and was tucked up in bed for just on 9.

Friday September 18th 1973 and ickle Fay was being brought into this world. Time for a little history lesson now. First up famous birthdays.

1905 Greta Garbo
1930 Ray Alan
1935 John Spencer
1940 Frankie Avalon
1947 Russ Abbott
1949 Peter Shilton
1967 Tara Fitzgerald
1970 Darren Gough
1974 Sol Campbell

I remember my dad got me a signed program of Peter Shilton for my birthday as a kid. It was also signed by Peter Reid and my old man worked with his old man (thanks for the 1986 cup final tickets Mr Reid.) I seem to recall the cricketer Derek Pringle has the same birthday as me and John Aldridge as well. Best one has to be Russ Abbott. You cant imagine how disappointed I was this morning when I came down to see the wife and kids to collect my presents and I was greeted by silence. Here was me expecting a fanfare of Russ Abbots “Atmosphere” surrounded by balloons and party popers ala top of the pops in the 1980’s. I think I would have been brought to tears if Russ Abbott was singing it himself, but then again I think he will be having his own birthday party. I reckon he well sings it to himself today !!


Part two of todays history lesson is what went occurred on previous September 18th’s.

1961: UN Secretary General killed in air crash

The body of UN Secretary General Dag Hammarskjold is identified among the wreckage of a plane which crashed last night outside the Northern Rhodesian town of Ndola.

1978: Arab-Israeli breakthrough in US
The leaders of Israel and Egypt reach a settlement for the Middle East at Camp David in the US.

1970: Rock legend Hendrix dies after party
Rock guitarist Jimi Hendrix dies after collapsing at a party in London.

1972: Expelled Ugandans arrive in UK
The first Ugandan refugees fleeing the persecution of the country’s military dictatorship arrive in Britain.

1987: Superpower treaty to scrap warheads
The United States and the USSR are to sign an agreement later this year to reduce the number of nuclear missiles.

2000: Crash survivors attack Railtrack
Survivors of the Southall and Ladbroke Grove rail crashes accuse Railtrack of putting costs before safety.

Well a mixed bag there all lifted from The main event was clearly the birth of ickle Fay. Big 36 today. The scary part is that my 18th birthday was half my life away. I seem to remember I went to Kicks and Scotts under the Adelphi hotel with a big gang of people. Getting a birthday mention of the DJ and no doubt getting down to some great dance choons of the day with my British Rail whistle supplied by Guffy which I recall having on a pink shoelace. Thankfully I dont think there are any pictures from the occasion. So off swimming now with Charlotte and a birthday meal today with the family. Burger, chips and beans with a pint. Does it get any better ? Swedish lesbians jumps into my mind but I only thought that and not typed it, phewwwwwww.

Oh yeah any famous events from today or other birthdays please post em.


Fay x

Lets get physical, press the spacebar

So an epic 8-8 draw in footy last night. Indoor now so a better work out and I came out looking as red as a tomato. It took me some time to cool down after that match but no pain no gain and a shame it will be the last time I play due to the hours I will be working from next week. So the fitness regime was going well with two days out of two on the exercise front. Me and Mrs Fay have decided to take advantage of Elizabeths new Nintendo DS by buying ourselves a game each for it. I bought Subutteo and Mrs Fay got a game which has 42 different games on EG card games , darts  and bowling etc. So I can see the fighting starting now once Elizabeth has gone to bed to see who gets DS rights. Snookered on a Fri & Sat as Elizabeth is allowed to go to bed with the DS bah !!!

Wednesday meant a lie in until 8.30. Bit of a bummer that as I did not have the pleasure of dropping Mrs Fay off at work as I had let her have the car, so I had an unlimited lie in and it was wasted. So I was proud I motivated myself and walked over the gym in my gear complete with my purple retro Adidas top on. I must have looked like a right tit walking over there and was only missing the John Mcenroe style headband to look like an extra from the Olivia Newton John “physical” video. Done an hours cardio and must have looked even worse on the way home with a sweat on and slightly red faced. By that time I was not arsed and just needed a Lucozade Sport from my fridge.


Had a load of shennanagins re the agency work we are due to do. We have had a better offer for a start on Monday so we have gone with that but it has caused all kind of politics in the background between agencies. So hopefully by the end of today I will know where I am deffo starting on Monday. The one thing of all the hassle in the morning that it did give me the push to go the gym and sweat out some frustration caused by the events. It will be nice to be driving somewhere on Monday knowing that I am going to receive a wage at some point as I am still awaiting my first payment of benefit. On which note I see unemployment has reached 2.47 million. Thats the figure without all the people on incapacity etc. A new generation of young people will be getting to know what it was like back in the 80’s. They will have a lot of time on their hands and hopefully wont spend it rioting but instead playing this game I got of The Gadget Show this afternoon on my sky plus. PRESS THE SPACEBAR 2000. Click that link there and post your record in the comments section of my blog. No cheating now.

Just got off the phone after 40 mins with the HSBC bank trying to organise some sickness cover for when I start my new job. Knowing my luck with football injuries I thought it would be worth getting a quote. Seems reasonable so I think I will go with it and now I know I can go in hard in tackles in footy without thinking how is the mortgage going to be paid. So I will try and resist the temptation of a drink tonight watching the match but I am thinking this is the last chance I will get to do some school night drinking this side of chrimbo so I can see a little visit to the offy about 7.30. Might as well get a Twix whilst I am there.


Fay x

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