Tonight im gonna party like its 2010.

And so a few of my mates came around for beers and a gaming session on Friday which finished about 2am in the morning after a final defeat in xbox snooker. Taking advantage of no kids I had a lovely lie in on the Saturday and had some more beers on Saturday night once again enjoying the calm of no children in the house. Felt a bit tired on Saturday so did not make it over to the gym. I was listening to my itunes on shuffle when a Prince track came on. It was “1999” and I remember thinking when it came out in 1984 how far away 1999 actually was. Such a shame now I have the same feeling but in reverse as it fells like how far in the past was 1999. Another Prince thing that came to mind was that he was using text speak well before text speak was out. With song titles such as “I would die 4 u” and “U got the look” to name a few. There is also the urban myth (Or is it true ? ) that he had a rib removed so her could errrrr well lets just say be more flexible !!! Most probably up there with the Marc Almond urban myth. You would think that with prince being just over 3 ft 7 tall that he wouldnt need a rib removed unless his princely jewels are on the small side as well.

So another Sunday and after picking my dad up from Clitheroe and watching the derby with him I was then was very good and made it over the gym for 75 mins of cardio it was home to welcome the kids and Mrs Fay back from London. Nice to see the family again, although I did enjoy a nice chilled weekend as well. Back to the slog of work and the joys of commuting to Castleford. Gonna resist the temptation of finishing of the beers in the fridge and settle down nice and early in bed. Donations for the muzzi are coming on well and £32 has been donated already, so fingers crossed for more. Speaking of money poor old Mike Read the ex radio 1 DJ is now bankrupt and is being forced to sell his record collection. Now this isnt any normal record collection it is valued at around a cool £1,000,000 pounds and includes rare records from The Beatles and early Motown records. I must pop up into the loft and dust down my record collection which includes “Brothers In Arms” by Dire Straits (Who didnt buy that album ? ) and also some dodgy 7 inch singles by Timmy Mallet and “turtle power” by god knows who. In my defence I was a mobile DJ at the time and was buying for that for my punters but I will admit to having a Jimmy Nail CD “Aint no doubt” which was bought of my own accord. Back to Mike Read and when I was younger one chrimbo I was bought a board game called “Mike Read’s” pop quiz in which you had to form a band and get to number one. I think my family played a token game with me on chrimbo day and nobody ever played it with me again. Ahhhh Billy no mates. Top fact the fella on the front of the board game is the lead singer from Curiosity Killed The Cat and yes I have some of their songs in the loft as well !!!

So another blog and I end up delving in the past again. I do need to get out more dont I. Well I am out this Thursday to see few of my old workmates play in their band at the Cavern on Thursday night so I will review that. Also gonna go penguin hunting and on the scouse big wheel next Sunday. For now its early to bed and night night from me.


Fay x


The muzzi has landed.

Its here the muzzi has landed but you will have to read my boring blog first. A lovely Friday off and the kids and wife are packed off to London. The fridge is sporting a selection of Tyskie, Red Stripe and Corona and the games session has begun. Big weekend for all footy fans this week and I try my best not to blog on sport but you cant let a derby match go without comment. A game both teams need to win (nailed on draw) Both teams having a touch of bad press at the moment. Everton have had there plans for a new stadium  shelved and an extra cost that has not been mentioned much has been the waste of money the spent on the proposed new team bus as pictured below.

In the interest of fairness this web site has been set up dedicated to Liverpool end of season party. CLICK HERE FOR END OF SEASON PARTY So have fun on Sunday folks and remember its only footy. The derby has turned nastier over the last 25 years but I link it only to a decline in society in general and not footy related. If your thinking of having a scrap then cross your fingers you end up in this prison. A day out being offered as a raffle prize to prisoners at a Lancashire jail has been withdrawn after the governor revealed he knew nothing about it. Inmates at HMP Kirkham, an open prison, can enter the competition for £1 if they help make a Christmas lunch for elderly people at a nearby day centre. Earlier the Prison Service said the winner would get a “single town visit”. Well well well. Ive heard 2nd prize was a sawn of shotgun and 3rd prize a 30 second supermarket dash around the vaults of your nearest bank. Now this is one of your open prisons. Open , Prison am I missing something ? Nevermind just popping out to hold up the local poundland but my new muzzi might be a giveaway.

So onto the muzzi and it has landed. Give it a chance as thats only 5 days old. I have decided to so for an extended Paul Rutherford look from one of my fave bands from the 80’s Frankie Goes To Hollywood. I wonder if my parents were a bit worried with my liking of Frankie. I was only 10 when they burst on the scene and an innocent 10 year old at that. I could have been going through a confused stage of my young life. So lets remember the reason for the muzzi and its to raise funds for a prostrate cancer charity. Please spare a pound to have a laugh at me up to and including christmas by donating via my web page CLICK HERE FOR MY MUZZI PAGE I feel like Bob Geldolf at the moment “Jesus Christ just give us the fookin money.” So heres a shot of Mr Rutherford and Mr Fay.

I might pop into town tomorrow and see if I can get myself a leather vest. Hit me with those laser beams. So as I have mentioned all monies raised go to The Prostrate Cancer Charity. It’s easy for a man to get his prostate gland examined. It’s a walnut-sized organ at the base of the bladder. It can be felt with the tip of a finger inserted into the rectum. Its texture and firmness should be similar to that of the flesh between your thumb and the rest of the hand when you make a tight fist. If you feel anything that is as firm as the knuckle, then that needs to be brought to a physician’s attention. Oh shit I have just remembered Mrs Fay is away with the kids. I am gonna have to examine my own ewwwwwwwwww. On that bombshell I am signing off.

(Now I wonder what finger is best, maybe a thumb ??)


Fay x

Muzzi update and I need a new chrimbo prezzie.

So no systems in work on Wednesday as well and another day of watching TV, playing games and I made it over the gym again. I managed to watch 3 episodes of the gadget show. A quick update Blue Peter style and the totaliser is up to £12 for my muzzi. I have a decent stubble on my beard and I will trim it down next Thursday to my choice of design for my muzzi. Although I am tempted to start it over the weekend. Its then a case of just thickening it out for chrimbo day. Here is the link if you havent seen it and just £1 will do. Think of the laugh you can have at my expense. FAYMONDO”S MUZZI PAGE

So I even managed to do some Christmas shopping on Wednesday to beat the rush. Cant think of what I want for christmas but I think this is now out of the equation. Hair-replacement adverts featuring cricket legends Shane Warne and Graham Gooch have been banned by an advertising watchdog. The Australian spinner and former England captain have been featured prominently in advertising for the Advanced Hair Studio for several years, usually with close-ups of Gooch’s head in ‘before and after’ condition following strand-by-strand replacement.But a new advert that also featured the company’s laser hair treatment has fallen foul the Advertising Standards Agency, with the watchdog ruling that it is misleading.The advert – featuring a grinning Warne with the line “I stopped worrying about my hair when I heeded the Warne-ing signs and saw Advanced Hair Studio” – was deemed to imply that the laser procedure would produce the same hair replacement results as the strand-by-strand method. The shine was taken off the advert when an examination of the bald facts showed this not to be the case, and the advertisement – unlike Warne and Gooch – will need a bit of a trim before it can appear again. Looks like its the usual socks , boxies and lynx for chrimbo then.

So a full day in work to day and made it home just in time for footy. Just think if the traffic was 5 mins worse I could of went straight to the chippy instead. Oh well some you win some you lose. Mrs Fay and the kids are off to London tomorrow so a whole weekend to myself. Party time. Well maybe not now I am 36. Gonna have a few of the lads around on Friday and have a relaxing weekend and I aim to make it over the gym a couple of times and have a footy festival on Sunday. I am quite a fan of the past and I found this site whilst surfing the interweb. It has pictures from old times as well as pictures from parts of Liverpool you never get to see. Some good photo’s I thought. Click here for Liverpool pictures.

So another short blog as its 10pm and I havent had my tea yet,


Fay x

Its muzzi time and classic Viz letters

So Monday and a strange day in work with limited systems and I ended up going home at 6.10 as the systems had died. I passed my number to I.T just in case there was going to be trouble again on Tuesday (Dont want to drive 80 miles at 5:45 am to be told to go home) So I was in bed early when I got a call saying no systems and not worth coming in on Tuesday. So it was up from bed and football manager until 11.30 pm. Now I dont get paid if I dont work but to be honest I was glad of an extra day off as all work and no play isnt very good and a chance to recharge my batteries. So a great lie in Tuesday morning and a lazy day playing games and also made it over the gym. It was late Tuesday afternoon when I got the call to say no systems again on Wednesday so it will be games and gym again. Because of no work I took advantage and am having a beer watching the game. It was watching the game I seen Graeme Souness with a muzzi that took me back to 1984. I remember my dad and all his mates having a muzzi and also sporting perms as well. My dads mates used to come around to ours and my mum would perm their hair. Seen many a grown man with a skullcap on getting a perm. Is that how you do them ?? So back to the muzzi’s and its all for charity,. I have seen a few old footy players (Paul Merson and Alan McInally) and despite it being for November I have decided to grow one for chrimbo. All in the name of charity. I used to give direct to Roy Castles foundation (thats dedication for you, ouch) from my wages but now I am director of Faymondo Benefits Limited that has stopped so I thought what a good way to raise some money. So this is my donation page and I will blog photos of my muzzi and I promise it will be a good one. Just £1 is all I ask and if many people give an alan whicker (nicker) then I will raise a few bob. Here is the link to my page Faymondo’s Muzzi page I will also keep you posted of how much I am raising. Its all for prostrate cancer and in the new year I will do something on the blog for a female charity. Feel free to suggest in the comments section of my blog. So go one spare a pound for my christmas day muzzi. I hope I dont get any of my chrimbo burger and chips in it.

Short blog tonight so I will leave you with some snippets from an email I got which was classic letters from Viz. Enjoy.

What’s all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world’s oldest mum? My mum’s 77. Beat that.

Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call, Yours

I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.

If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we’d all be calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blow things up all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success, make them at least sound like they were good at bombing.

I’m beginning to think there may be something in this climate change after all. Four months ago it was very cold and now it’s quite warm.

I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while.

This new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully handed all my knives in and now I’ve got nothing to eat my dinner with.

I’M A terrorist, and when ID cards come into force I will probably employ great cunning and not declare that as my job. I’ll probably say I’m a grocer or something.

‘Alton Towers – Where the magic never ends’, or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.


Fay x


The scouse big wheel.

Where did that weekend go  ? Sunday night already. Decided to treat myself to a few beers but must be tucked up in bed for 10.30. So a nice lie in on Saturday and got up at 10am. I watched the footy and then even made it over to the gym for the second time this week. Quick shower and change and then it was off to Gourmet Burger with Mrs Fay and it was there I caught glimpse of the scouse big wheel. Situated on top of Liverpool 1 car park by Chavasse Park it is Liverpools version of the London eye. I didnt bother going on as it was dark and all you would see is light but I will be popping down there with the family. Just £6 for adults on a nice clear day the view will be like that of St Johns Tower and I should be able to grab some nice photos. The wheel looked great lit up in the dark. The wheel is 82m high and each trip lasts about 13 mins. Hopefully have a blog on this in the future but for now a lovely picture of the wheel at night will have to suffice.

In the news over the weekend An 81-year-old Australian man became lost on an early morning drive to the shops and ended up almost 600km (370 miles) away from his starting point. Eric Steward told police he failed to stop because he “liked to drive”. “I just went out on the road to have a drive, a nice peaceful quiet drive.”I didn’t know where I was going but I knew it was somewhere, and with a bit of luck I would eventually find my wife again,” he said. Now I would not be very impressed if Mrs Fay went out to get the Sunday newspapers and some sausages and ended up past Calais in France. On the other hand though she could stock up on booze and ciggies and bring one of those giant Toblerones back with her. This old fella must of put some juice into his car to get that far and that was when he found out his error. Victoria state policeman Clayton Smith said Mr Steward had come up to him at a service station and told him he was lost. “Although we had to laugh. When we asked him why he hadn’t stopped earlier he replied, ‘I just like to drive’,” he said.  He left at 7:30 am and finally asked the policeman at 16:00 !!! Imagine Mrs fay asking the local French gendarme ” Excuse me luv do you know where Garston Summerfield is ?” The  French gerndarme then replies in his best ello ello accent ” Gid moaning I have a good nose for you. You are in France”

So saturday night was spent having a small pub crawl around town. I took the visiting family to Alma De Cuba and very impressed they were as well. I had the pleasure of getting up at 7:30 am on Sunday with the kids although I did sneak back to bed for a couple of hours later on. Made the gym for a 3rd time this week but grabbed some Budweiser on the way home which I am enjoying typing this blog.  Winding down listening to Norah Jones new album “The Fall.”  Here is the first single from the album live on Jools Holland once again.


Fay x

Children In Need

Another Friday, another blog and another beer. A day stuck in the house as Elizabeth was of with a cough and tummy ache. So a day with lots of kids TV and I managed to play on my iphone on my new addiction to Bejeweled blitz. Had a nice siesta when Mrs Fay came in as I was up several times in the night with Elizabeth. So looks like a night in front of the TV watching children in need. It is in HD this year so Terrys wig is showing up in true glory and Tess Daly’s mouth looks even bigger as well. It will be interesting to see in these hard economic times how much children in need raises. Mrs Fay will donate on our behalf. Chico has just been on and he raised £1300. Tempted to pledge that myself if I never see him on TV again. Just watching Diversity versus The BBC news readers. Come on the news readers. Shame that Diversity made it into a plug at the end. Little Tess Daly fact is that she appears in the video for The Beloved’s “Sweet Harmony” Now once I see this video on TV I am hooked. What a lucky fella he is. Lovely chill out tune as well. Can you spot Tess ? I just want them all to bloody stand up. Well apart from him.

If you hear a rumble tonight it could be the LHC. The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment has been re-started after a hiatus of 14 months. Engineers working on the machine achieved a stable, circulating proton beam just after 2100 GMT on Friday. The LHC is housed in a 27km-long circular tunnel about 100m beneath the French-Swiss border. The experiment is designed to smash together beams of protons in a bid to shed light on the nature of the Universe. Some people are saying this could cause the end of the earth. Critics have previously raised concerns that the production of weird hypothetical particles called strangelets in the LHC could trigger the mass conversion of nuclei in ordinary atoms into more strange matter – transforming the Earth into a hot, dead lump. Lets hope it doesnt go wrong eh otherwise those sausages I got for the morning were a waste of money.

It seems that all this food and booze I eat might be worth it after all. Four people have been arrested in Peru on suspicion of killing dozens of people in order to sell their fat and tissue for cosmetic uses in Europe. The gang allegedly targeted people on remote roads, luring them with fake job offers before killing them and extracting their fat. The liquidised product fetched $15,000 (£9,000) a litre and police suspect it was sold on to companies in Europe. One of those arrested told police the ringleader had been killing people for their fat for more than three decades. So when Mrs Fay suggests an extra beer and I should get a half pounder and chips instead of a quarter pounder I will raise my eye brows in suspicion. The only problem is that she might of made me that fat for profit that I cant run away. Deffo going the gym now tomorrow and will not be going on any family holidays in Peru. Anyway off to watch more children in need and if anybody could tell me how Pudsey bear lost his eye I will be very grateful. I reckon its Nick Griffin in disguise.


Fay x

I am falling out of love with her.

So a love affair which has gone on longer than I care to remember. One that has taken me all over the UK even to Greece and Turkey and its nearly all over. I have been falling out of love with her for some time now but over the last few weeks I have to admit it has got worse. It is coming to the point were I am gonna walk away from her forever and I dont take this step lightly. It was last night it got too much. It was about 10.20 in the evening and I was in bed. I was nice and snug under the covers and then she went and done it one more time. I watched her cheat on me one more time. There is only so much a man can take. Too many times she has cheated on me and every time it get worse. it still shocks me and I linger for her to be honest once again but the point of no return has come. I try to remember the balmy night in Turkey and the night of my life we had together but no, I wont let her cheat on me much longer. She is taking the piss now and as nobody else is doing anything I must put my foot down and am on the verge of walking out of the relationship. So as I recovered in bed last night still reeling from another betrayal right before my very eyes. Tears where shed over what happened and a lifetime of golden memories are being tarnished. Just how the fuck did Thierry Henry get away with that handball against Ireland ? It my my own clubs David N’gog only a week before and its getting worse all the time. My love has one last chance in South Africa in the summer. Maybe that trip away can patch up our relationship and the cheating will stop. If it doesnt then its time for divorce and farewell football. I love you so much please lets have one more try and make it work. We are so good together. All the times we have a drink and fun. How can I live without you ? Remember Istanbul.

And in other news get on this fella win £250,000. Rugby fan Stuart Tinner shows his delight last night after winning £250,000 by booting a ball against the crossbar from 30 metres at Wembley. To the delight of fans at the Saracens versus Springboks game Stuart managed to crash the ball into the post to scoop the cash prize – in his socks. Watch the video below.

Another working week over and some good news on the work front but I have to keep stum until next week. What a tease, I know. My Auntie and cousins are up this weekend so will be going out on a rare date with Mrs Fay on Saturday. Its also my nans 94th birthday today. Still living at home on her own and still plonked infront of the cable TV (She hasnt quite moved onto sky HD yet) watching repeats of The Bill and Dynasty. Just gave her her presents and my sister had taken her out for a carvery where she enjoyed two large whiskies. Maybe thats the secret of living to 94 oh yeah and the cold liver oil tablets she takes. With all the benefits she gets now she can spend loads of money on scratchcards and lotto tickets, yet when she had four kids to bring up she did not have two pennies to rub together. Life is backwards. She spent time in Llandudno during the war when my grandad fought. You just cant begin to imagine the changes she has seen over her life. She always has a special place in my heart as I lived with her for 10 years and I knew her as the bank of nan. I soon cottoned onto the fact that no matter what amount I borrowed of her she would moan the same. So instead of going to her for 5 lots of £20 and getting nagged 5 times I soon realised just get in there and get the £100 straight away. Enjoy your birthday and 6 to go to the big 100.


Fay x

Secret toast and handy wine opening tip.

So a nice Monday at home and no more staying over in Castleford. Still got a contract there but working on my own from next week so will be doing hours that suit me. Just like old Liverpool council times today with a cheeky 7-1 and I even managed to go the gym for a workout for the first time in weeks. Bloody hard work as well. So back to Saturday night and it was down to Colins for a few beers to watch some footy and rugby league. Even managed to sneak a chip barm in from Steve’s chippy in Aigburth Vale. We sank that many beers we had to go out for more and I did not leave until 2am. The main culprit of the night being Tiger Woods Golf 2010 on the Wii. Mr Airey was crowned champion. He was also champion toast maker with his secret recipe . Below is Mr Wignell in full swing and Gordon “Airey” Ramsay preparing his secret toast.

IMG_0579 IMG_0580

So I managed to drag myself out of my pit on Sunday morning as did not feel to bad considering the number of bottles we sunk. Went to sunny Clitheroe to pick my dad up and spent the rest of Sunday in ours having a very lazy day indeed. So with going solo from next Monday I need to get myself a car. Not really into cars so havent a clue what to buy. More into my gadgets so the car must be able to play an ipod, speaking of which I can now get all the sky sports channels on my iphone which is very handy for watching in bed. How technology has moved on from black and white TV’s for which would you believe  30,000 people still have a black and white TV licence.

So its time for I am a celebrity get me out of here and even less time for me to watch TV as Mrs Fay flitters more of her life away. It got me thinking though who I would like to see in the jungle, so here are my 10 people.

Russell Brand, Ricky Gervais, Noel Gallagher, Seasick Steve, Jan Molby, Holly Willoughby, Suzanne Collins, Sheryl Crow, Richard Herring and Nick Griffin.

Dont think I would last long in the jungle considering my dodgy diet and food phobia I aint got no chance of eating no kangaroo bollocks or any other of the shennanagins they get up to. Now them people would get me tuning in every night. But as it is I will be tucked up in bed before it starts tonight. Finally back to one of my fave subjects one again and its booze. Now if you are ever caught short and dont have a bottle opener for your bottle of wine this fella shows the way its done. Just need to have the nerve to have a go myself now.

What do you call a man with three trees on his head. Head wood wood wood, RIP …………….boom boom.


Fay x

V the remake and modern day cavemen.

So Oprah’s monkey woman got my blog stats through the roof. It was my most popular blog so far. So as mentioned at the end of the last blog this one is the Swedish lesbians fighting with sausage rolls blog. So its off to Sayers in Stockholm we go. If only eh. So Friday was another day with Charlotte and we went swimming again. Just a few beers in the evening and I watched the second episode of the remake of V which I have downloaded. I loved the original mini series back in the 1980’s. Who can forget the bit when the baby was born and it had a tongue like a lizard. Although the TV series afterwards was no were near as good. I am very impressed with the remake and look forward to the next two episodes before it takes a break for the winter olympics. It keeps to a rough storyline of the original but has a modern slant on things and the special effects are so much better. It also moves along at a faster pace for modern TV viewers. For those interested it is going to be on the sci fi channel in the UK in early 2010 and hopefully in HD. Here is a little taster clip.


So another lazy saturday as well. I had all good intentions of going to the gym today and jog around Sefton park tomorrow but a groin strain during footy has put that plan to rest. I am a doubt for the Man City game next weekend and Rafa’s injury crisis deepens. I was about to have a nice double brandy (a toast of celebration) when I heard some news yesterday but it wasnt true in the end. A misconstrued text message announcing the passing of a beloved pet has sparked a flurry of diplomatic activity in Canada. Transport Minister John Baird sent a message reading: “Thatcher has died”. Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper was soon informed that 84-year-old former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher had passed away. But it was actually Mr Baird’s beloved cat, named after his political heroine, who had died. Oh well never mind. That story reminded me of a friends father who when Mrs Thatcher resigned framed the front page of the echo and hung it in his toilet so that every time we went for a shit he could have a smile.

So I am expecting the ratings for x-factor to plummet tonight after all you die hard fans have said you are gonna boycott it as it if fixed and unreal (Ahem !!!!)  On the plus side though when you watch it you can have an extra treat. The calorie counts used as the foundation for diet plans and healthy-eating guidance for the past 18 years may be wrong, a report suggests. The recommended daily intake of calories could be increased by up to 16%, a draft report by the Scientific Advisory Committee on Nutrition said. A 16% increase would mean that adults could safely consume an extra 400 calories a day, equivalent to an average sized cheeseburger. Just need the recommended number of alcohol units that can be consumed to be increased and its a happy christmas all around. This could kick start the economy out of recession as we all grab some extra food and have a few extra bevvies. Oh come to think of it I have been doing that for the last 10 years.

Down to a mates tonight for some beers, sport and gaming. Its the modern day equivalent of cavemen going hunting. So instead of my fur and club its a purple Adidas trackie top and some wii remotes and off to Colins I go. Captain cavvvvvvvvvee mannnnnnnnnnn. Some of my views have been classed as being from the caveman era. I might one day publish my thesis entitled “The rise of women and the drop in standards of society”  its a complicated theory and not as sexist as you think.



Fay x

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