John Terry and a mans handshake *

And so the weekend begins and another beer cracked open. It twas another freezing wet game of footy last night won by the last kick of the match with was a rebound of a penalty. Elizabeth who was sick earlier in the week decided to be sick again on Thursday night but this time she had what she describes as “The runners” to me and you its called “The Shites.” So it was another Friday off school for her and we did manage to get out to Speke retail to buy a new laptop as my spare PC that the kids use decided to finally pack up. Well it was 6 years old and had served us proud. Whilst in Currys deciding on the best lap top to buy Charlotte decided she needed a wee. Only one option and it was over to McDonalds to use the toilet. Just before we got into Mcdonalds Elizabeth got a smell from there, you know the smell of McDonalds chips. She then said ” I dont know if I can go in there and smell McDonalds without getting anything ! ” So daddy caved in rather easily and bought the kids small chips each, last of the big spenders eh. I got two plain big macs, large fries and a strawberry milkshake. I wish I just nicked a few of the kids chips. So back to currys and got a lap top for £350 and home to set it up and play a a few cheap games that we bought. As a Mac and Apple convert I wasnt going to shell out £800 on a Macbook just for the kids to go on cbeebies web site. The big decision will be in early summer as to do I get the new iphone model or the new ipad. I am sure there will be more blogging on that nearer the time.

Picked this up of the news. People who administer bone-crushing handshakes to prove the strength of their personalities should be charged with assault, says a Labour MP. Paul Flynn, 74, the MP for Newport West, used his blog to claim that shaking hands was getting less popular. “Good riddance. They are unnecessary, unhygienic, germ-spreading intrusions,” he wrote. He said some “oafs use them to prove the strength of their personalities with bone-crushers”. “They should be summoned for assault.” Mr Flynn wrote that eye-watering hand squeezes could be excruciatingly painful. “Grimacing in pain does not deter them. Even yelps of pain or sarcasm has no effect.” He said he had tried sarcasm on these “insensitive dolts” (Whats a fookin dolt ?) but the point was ever understood. Now I have to admit that I shake hands like a girl and it does my head in when I am on the receiving end of a tough handshake. Whats the need ? You wanna game of man top trumps. My car beats your car (I’d lose) next its zip lob and you can imagine the rest (I’ve lost again) and so I am down to my last trump card. Beer gut, at last a win, be gone with your tough guy handshake that most probably is hiding something about you and as he turned around I spotted a box of Viagra in his pocket.

Looking forward to getting my sunday papers this weekend and I think that John Terry might be involved somewhere. An order preventing the media from reporting details of England football captain John Terry’s private life has been lifted by the High Court. Mr Justice Tugendhat removed the injunction, taken out by Terry, which banned reports about the Chelsea star’s alleged affair with an unnamed woman. An interim order had been granted at a private hearing in London last Friday. It had banned publication of details of the alleged relationship and barred the use of photographs relating to it. However, the judge said the information was in “wide circulation amongst those involved in the sport in question, including agents and others, and not just amongst those directly engaged in the sport”. So what has JT been doing. Will this open doors to other dodgy goings on that have been blocked like a premiership football manager that has been to many brothels ? * Disclaimer from blog title John Terry and a mans handshake refers only to two different articles in this blog and does not in anyway suggest that John Terry hand been shaking the hands of men down Otterspool Prom (Although come Sunday who knows.)

Peace

Fay x x

The police get screwed.

So the recession is over. Bad news for me as my job relies on people claiming benefits !! But at least some happy economic news pushes the torture boys and the 17 year old boy from St Helens who was charged with rape but granted bail to go out and do it all again down the news pecking order. Does anybody actually believe in our justice system ? If you pull a knife when a burglar attempts to break in your home the police warn you for having a knife. Rest assured though sections of the law are very efficient, ask anybody who has been done for 36 mph in a 30 mph zone. When you cars and houses are getting screwed think of the poor police who are also getting screwed. A Metropolitan Police officer has pleaded guilty to misconduct after he had sex on duty with a woman he was meant to be helping. Pc James Formby, 31, and a colleague responded to a suspected domestic abuse incident in Bromley last September. He stayed with the woman while a man was taken to a police station. He engaged in sexual activity with the woman, who had been drinking. Formby, who has been suspended from the force, will be sentenced on 1 March. The officer, based at Bromley Police station, pleaded guilty to one charge of misconduct in public office at Southwark Crown Court on Tuesday. If you need a streaker apprehending then do not fear the police will be out in numbers, thats assuming he pulled his own pants up once he exits the cop car.

So those of you who know me know I am a bit of an Apple fiend with my iphone, mac and numerous ipods. Next on the Apple list is the next rumour doing the rounds. This is from macrumors. Over the years, there have always been those rumored Apple products and announcements that seem to take on a life of their own. Products that have been rumored for so long that you never actually think they will ever arrive, and when they finally do, it seems surreal. We can remember three other moments like this:

PowerMac G5 (2003)
Macintosh Moving to Intel Processors (2005)
The iPhone (2007)

The Tablet easily falls into that category. Apple fans have been demanding a tablet-sized device from Apple as far back as the Newton days (15 years ago). Later interest in such a device morphed into a Mac version which we were convinced was poised to be released in 2003 but killed at the last minute. But over the past year, the Apple tablet has once again become the focus of the rumor community — and this time it seems certain.  The device, itself, has been pegged at around 10″ in size according to multiple reports with an appearance very similar to the current iPhone. A front facing camera may also be included with the device which would open the door to video conferencing. Optional 3Gwireless connectivity in addition to built-in Wi-Fi is expected, though through which carrier remains uncertain. Apple has applied for trademarks for both iSlate and iPad. While it’s possible Apple may have ultimately decided to go a different direction, the iPad application process remains ongoing with filings as recent as this month, making this seem to be the most likely candidate. Finally, the interface remains one of the most important pieces of the puzzle, but little has leaked about this. Patent applications over the years have provided hints at what might be possible, but the best reports simply describe it as “a good bit of new sexy” and that people will be surprised at how you interact with it.  Steve Jobs seems to be very excited about the new product with second hand quotes describing it as the most important thing he’s ever done. The last time we’d heard that Steve Jobs was excited about a product launch it was immediately prior to the launch of the iPhone in 2007.
MacRumors will provide consolidated coverage of the event which takes place Wednesday, January 27th at 10 am Pacific, 1 pm Eastern. Live Twitter updates can be followed at
@MacRumors, with news stories appearing on @MacRumorsRSS. We also offer a Spoiler Free page if you prefer to watch a time-delay of the video feed.

So looks like I will be waiting to see what Apple come out with. I dont get excited over christmas but I do over an Apple media event. Sad I know but I am an Apple slag when it comes to their products. Is this picture anywhere near what is due to be released ? Who Knows.

Peace

Fay x

From robbing bastard to Robin Hood

So Thursday was the return of footy on the all weather pitch at Liverpool College, well all weather but snow. That reminds me of the first meeting at the U.K’s new all weather horse racing track, well all weather apart from Fog. The good old days of me being a Ladbrokes betting manager. Endless hours in a shop with only countdown and Emmerdale to keep me company. Every Friday men would come in the shop with their pay packets and get more drunk as the evening wore on and by closing time were drunk, in a mood and not one penny left and a daunting trip home to bullshit the missus on where the wages have gone. Spent a fair few years working for Ladbrokes in the shops and even at Liverpool and Everton footy grounds. The weirdest bet I ever took was at an Everton game. I was in the Park end when a punter asked me for the odds on Earl Barrett to score first and Everton to win 6-3. Now the chance of Earl Barrett scoring a goal was pretty slim never mind the first one and Everton were not the best team in them days (though they did win the F.A.Cup) so 6-3 was a pretty crazy scoreline. The chart we had to work out the odds didnt have such a weird bet on. I replied to the punter “I’m sorry we dont have the odds on that but when it wins you can pick it up with Elvis” The bluenose didnt see the funny side of it, but still handed over his one pound to Ladbrokes. So the first part of my life was spent taking money and generally being a robbing bastard, like all bookies are in the end. The next career move was into the world of benefits and instead of taking money I was now paying money out to the needy and no doubt making some disposable income available for the needy so they can then spend all day in the local Ladbrokes knowing they have no rent and council tax to pay. So I am a sort of Robin Hood  now (Friar Tuck I hear you all shout)  who has found his maid Marion, just dont tell Mrs Fay about her. It was that cold last night in the sleety rain that by the end of the match (We won) I had lost some feeling in my arms and my beer belly was like a large wobbly iceberg. I finally warmed up about 11.30 in the evening after some crumpets. Now being on a bit of a health kick it wasnt chunky Warburton’s with lashings of butter. It was Tesco’s own with flora light. I could only dream of some Lurpak spreadable with a salty blend.

So Friday night was spent at a mates new apartment and very nice it was as well. Ended up playing darts and got some practice in for our own tournament which will take place this year on the 13th Feb. Its the 10th year of our tournament and I hope the trophy will be coming home to me for a 5th time. Ended up falling in at 2am and was feeling the pace a bit today and my proposed trip to the gym fell through. Spent the day lounging in front of the T.V watching all kinds of shite and come to the following conclusions. The red interactive dot that appears on sky sports channels gets right on my tits. Garth Crooks is a bell end of the largest variety. Ski jumping is the closes thing man has to actually flying. Police Academy 3 is not funny now I am 36 and not 12. At one point I found myself engrossed in the world indoor bowls championship. I wonder if in my 60’s I will end up playing crown green bowls or will we still all be wobbling and hobbling around playing footy at a very slow pace on the astro turf  and how long after that we wont be able to get 10 for five a side as some of us have popped our clogs ? Quite apt that one of the world bowls tours major sponsors is Co-Operative funeral care. Ive just decided I want my ashes spread in jungle world in town. Sounds a bit dodgy that wanting your ashes spread in a childrens play area. Before you all think im Gary Glitter it used to be the o-five-one back in the day.

Peace

Fay x x

Wii fit plus and album of the week, Jesse Dee

So midweek and settling down for the next episode of the new horror series that is Liverpool F.C’s season. Managed to get on the new Wii Fit plus game I bought over the weekend. When I played it up popped a message saying it was over 600 days since I first went on the original Wii Fit. In that time I have put on 5 pounds. That means that sometime in my 60’s I will burst !!! Some new exercises on the Wii Fit Plus and I even used the step that Mrs Fays dad built for me, the one that had been doubling up as a table for my booze at the weekend. So lets see how Wii Fit Plus does for my fitness eh.

The government of South Korea have come up with a way to burn a few extra calories. South Korean government workers are being given an unusual instruction – go home and multiply. At 1900 on Wednesday, officials at the Ministry of Health will turn off all the lights in the building. They want to encourage staff to go home to their families and, well, make bigger ones. They plan to repeat the experiment every month. The Ministry of Health, now sometimes jokingly referred to as the Ministry of Matchmaking, is in charge of spearheading this drive, and it clearly believes its staff should lead by example. Generous gift vouchers are on offer for officials who have more than one child, and the department organises social gatherings in the hope of fostering love amongst its bureaucrats. I will have to email my old workmates at Liverpool City Council (Or Liverpool Direct Limited robbing you and me out of our council tax) to see if there are any plans to implement it there. I am often turning light off in the Fay household but this is strictly me being a mingebag and saving the lekky.

Decided to download at least one album a week on Spotify. If you havent heard of this and like music visit http://www.spotify.com/en/ I have seven passes for the free version if anybody is interested leave a message below this blog. This weeks album I have downloaded is “Bittersweet Batch” by Jesse Dee. A mixture of soul, funk and blues and reminds me of a male Amy Winehouse  minus the crack, beehive, fag in mouth as strange boobs plopping out a vest. Jesse has opened for Al Green and Etta James. Well worth a listen.

Short blog tonight

Peace

Fay x x

Doomsday clock and naughty Peppa Pig

And so the doomsday clock moves one minute away from midnight. Good news for all. The Doomsday Clock – a barometer of nuclear danger for the past 55 years – has been moved one minute further away from the “midnight hour”. The concept timepiece, devised by the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (BAS) now stands at six minutes to the hour. The group said it made the decision to move the clock back because of a more “hopeful state of world affairs”. The clock was first featured by the magazine in 1947, shortly after the US dropped its A-bombs on Japan. The clock had been adjusted 18 times before today since its initial start at seven minutes to midnight. I have a strange fascination with this clock ever since I was young. I think it was the fact that it was at 3 minutes to midnight then due to the cold war and the nuclear threat. As a young teenager in the 80’s we lived with the threat of the three minute warning and being tuned into dust by a nuclear bomb from our arch rivals the Russians. The question was “what would you do with your last three minutes ?” Being a hormonal teenager I just wanted to get my end away and lose my virginity. If the three minute warning went now I could still get my end away and have 2 minutes to spare (Im thinking food and drink now ! ) We were influenced by the “Two Tribes” video by Frankie Goes to Hollywood which showed the U.S and U.S.S.R leaders fighting and the cover had details on about how many bombs each side held. The 12 inch mix also had snippets from Protect and Survive which was a public information series on civil defence produced by the British government during the early 1980s. It was intended to inform British citizens on how to protect themselves during a nuclear attack, and consisted of a mixture of pamphlets, radio broadcasts, and public information films. The series had originally been intended for distribution only in the event of dire national emergency, but provoked such intense public interest that the pamphlets were authorised for general release. If a nuclear bomb wasnt gonna blow you up before you lost your virginity in the 80’s then if you dare had sex you were gonna catch AIDS and die. Together with recession and a degradation of Liverpool itself the 80’s were not the best times to be growing up as a teenager. Thank god for the 1990’s. Italia world cup, Cream, The 051 and Garlands. Dont remember much of the 90’s its a blur mannnnnn but I think it was good.

So today I have Charlotte and that means Peppa Pig and swimming, but what a naughty pig Peppa is. TV character Peppa Pig will be seen wearing a seatbelt in future episodes, after parents raised concerns over children following her example. British animation company Astley Baker Davies said it would also re-animate scenes from the first and second series to reflect the change. “We were very naive when we started making Peppa,” co-founder Mark Baker told Broadcast magazine. “If we could turn the clock back, we would,” he said. Aimed at children aged two and above, Peppa Pig won a children’s Bafta in 2005 for best pre-school animation. Shown on Five and children’s channel Nick Jr, it follows a five-year-old pig named Peppa, her family and friends. Astley Baker Davies had initially considered including seatbelts and child seats in the show but felt it might limit the characters’ range of expressions. But it reversed its stance after a parent complained that her daughter had refused to wear a seatbelt because Peppa did not. I wonder who the parent addressed the letter to ? Dear Peppa could you please put a seatbelt on because as a responsible adult and parent I am unable to control my child and she wont put a seatbelt on because you dont you naughty pig. Also could you tell grandpa pig to drive his boat in a correct  manor and stop crashing it because my father (child’s grandfather) is now crashing his boat on a regular basis because he watched and episode of yours. Things have gone too far now as my postman has turned into a Zebra, my optician has changed his name by deed poll to Mr pony and finally my daughters best friends are now sheep, who also dont use seatbelts. Yours faithfully, stupid parent who must teach their kids that cartoons arent real othewise I would think that men live with human sized bears, pink hippo’s and a naughty bastard with a zip for a mouth. P.S on the plus side I am glad that mummy and daddy pig have known each other since play group and have formed a nice nuclear family and are not single parent pigs renting a sty from a housing association claiming swine benefits.

Peace (oink oink)

Fay x

Haiti and Greggs or Sayers ?

Must start of this blog with a mention of the events in Haiti. Mother nature strikes again. Not quite on the scale of the boxing day Tsunami but a reminder non the less of the destruction that planet earth can unleash and the misery it inflicts on the human race. We are only just getting the picture coming through from Haiti and I fear over the next few months things will get a lot worse before they get better. I will be making a donation to one of the appeals. For all those moans about the snow and how icy the pavements are how shit Liverpool F.C have become just look at some of the pictures coming out of Haiti and it puts it all into perspective. One easy answer to the problems over there. It would be to move everybody out of there and start a new country if needs be. Its been hit by numerous hurricanes and now this. It will be hit by more natural disasters in the future so why do people live there ? Unfortunately the human race is not advanced enough to move people out and give them a quality of life they deserve, we will give a token gesture (Like I am) and then return to our comfortable lives and start moaning again (Like I do) Rant over my thoughts are with the people of Haiti.

A little quote from my last blog “Now I am trying to start a new years regime and all I keep on seeing is massive amounts of cadburys chocolate. I only hope Sayers or Gregg’s dont get taken over or I will have to stop watching the news all together.” Well you guessed what happened when I was watching the news on Wednesday morning, yep Greggs reporting improved profits. Now I know I over done it during the festive period but the companies of my munchies habit cant be making that much profit from me ? So look out for news in the next few days that Seabrooks crisps have also made bumper profits for the last quarter of 2009. Here is a screenshot from the Greggs report on sky news just to show I aint making it up.

So lets get down to the big issue of the day, Greggs or Sayers. I have put a poll underneath so please vote and I will publish the results in a week.

Just a small blog tonight and cant really be light hearted with whats gone on in Haiti.

Peace

Fay x

Cadburys torture and horse sex.

So the sex theme continues in 2010 and after gspots and steel pipes the next story involves a horse. Lifted this from the BBC web site. An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court. Joseph Squires, of Overpark Avenue, is charged with a serious sexual offence against a donkey between February and April 1999 and a horse in March 2004. He is also accused of criminal damage to the animals during the same dates. The 66-year-old was due to appear at Leicester Crown Court earlier for a plea and case management hearing. Mr Squires did not attend court and it was heard he had lost touch with his solicitors. Judge Michael Pert QC issued a bench warrant for his arrest. I wonder what the difference is between a horse and a donkey ? I suppose the donkey has bigger ears to grab hold of ! I see he has done a runner and I hope the police are searching all the local stables, although he could just be holed up in a hotel watching grand national dvd’s with extras on Red Rum on. Almost as bad as those loons in America who marry horses. Mind you Mrs Van Nistleroy married one.

Also in the news a lot lately is the proposed takeover of Cadbury’s. Now I am not too bothered about this but every time the story is on the news they cut to footage of the cadburys factory and massive slabs of chocolate and melted chocolate pouring to make the slabs. Now I am trying to start a new years regime and all I keep on seeing is massive amounts of cadburys chocolate. I only hope Sayers or Gregg’s dont get taken over or I will have to stop watching the news all together. Here is a list of all the cadburys chocolate and when they came out and also a link to the wikipedia page I lifted the list from.

And so if you eat too much chocolate this news might help. Carrying extra weight on your hips, bum and thighs is good for your health, protecting against heart and metabolic problems, UK experts have said. Hip fat mops up harmful fatty acids and contains an anti-inflammatory agent that stops arteries clogging, they say. Big behinds are preferable to extra fat around the waistline, which gives no such protection, the Oxford team said. Science could look to deliberately increase hip fat, they told the International Journal of Obesity. And in the future, doctors might prescribe ways to redistribute body fat to the hips to protect against cardiovascular and metabolic diseases such as diabetes. The researchers said having too little fat around the hips can lead to serious metabolic problems, as occurs in Cushing’s syndrome. So my new fitness regime is to get a batty like J-Lo although knowing me I will end up more like Bella Emburg who was blunder woman on the Russ Abbott show.

Peace

Fay x