Sky breaking news, a new low and another record attempt.

So woke up this morning or rather woken up by the kids and checked my mac and the earthquake widget revealed an 8.3 magnitude earthquake in Chile. Now I get excited by earthquakes and other natural disasters. No not in that way you filthy lot, but because of my liking of most things geographical (Apart from types of rock, but thats another story) So I have been glued to the TV watching mainly the same clip on BBC News, Sky news, CNN and Fox news. Still very early in this story but a lot more to come with a potential Tsunami hitting many areas later on today/tonight. Here is a list of UK earthquakes. (Gotta love Wikipedia)

June 7, 1931 Dogger Bank, North Sea 6.1 Strongest officially recorded. See 1931 Dogger Bank earthquake
December 12, 1940 North Wales 4.7 An elderly woman was killed after she fell down the stairs.[13]
December 30, 1944 Skipton 4.8 Felt throughout northern England
February 11, 1957 Derby 5.3 Felt across central England
February 9, 1958 North Sea 5.1 Felt throughout eastern England
9 August 1970 Kirkby Stephen 4.1
August 10, 1974 Kintail 4.4
December 26, 1979 Longtown, Cumbria 4.7 Felt throughout northern England and southern Scotland.
July 19, 1984 Llŷn Peninsula 5.4 Felt across Ireland and western Great Britain. See 1984 Llŷn Peninsula earthquake
September 29, 1986 Oban 4.1
April 2, 1990 Bishop’s Castle, Shropshire 5.1 Felt throughout most of England and Wales; numerous chimneys collapsed in Shrewsbury. See 1990 Bishop’s Castle earthquake
February 15, 1994 Norwich 4.0
March 4, 1999 Isle of Arran 4.0
September 23, 2000 Warwick 4.2 Felt across the Midlands
October 28, 2001 Melton Mowbray,Leicestershire 4.1 Felt across the East Midlands
September 23, 2002 Dudley 4.7 Felt between Liverpool and London. See 2002 Dudley earthquake
October 21, 2002 Manchester 3.9 Largest event in an earthquake swarm that occurred in the centre of Manchester during October and November 2002. Followed by a 3.5 magnitude event 22 seconds later.[14]
December 26, 2006 Dumfries 3.6
April 28, 2007 Folkestone, Kent 4.3 See 2007 Kent earthquake
February 27, 2008 Market Rasen, Lincolnshire 5.2 Felt widely in England and Wales. See 2008 Lincolnshire earthquake.
October 26, 2008 Bromyard, Herefordshire 3.6
15 January 2009 Shetland Isles, Scotland 3.3 [15]
3 March 2009 Folkestone, Kent 2.8 [16]
11 April 2009 Goxhill, North Lincolnshire 3.0 [17]
28 April 2009 Ulverston, Cumbria 3.7 Felt around Barrow, Kendal, Windermere, Fleetwood and the North Lancaster area.[18][19]
5 June 2009 Port Talbot, Wales 3.0 Felt at Nantyfyllon 10  km Northeast of Port Talbot.[20][21]

With being up early with the kids, and taking Elizabeth to her ballet lesson , which made me feel mature. Its only taken 36.5 years and I felt a little tired this morning. Quick story re trip to ballet (Yes I forgot her ballet shoes !!! ) As we drove behind out house there was a big digger being unloaded (To do some work on the freight railway line that runs by ours. All I ever see is very long lines of containers with chinese writing on and wonder what’s in them. If you believe the Daily Mail there will be 5,ooo immigrants in there.) I said to Elizabeth ” Thats a big digger I wonder what its going to dig” to which she replied ” A hole.” One nil to Elizabeth but soon to be made one – one when we noticed there were no ballet shoes. So Mrs Fay went out with other sprog and with the house all to myself I went back to bed for a snooze. When I woke up there was further breaking news on Sky News. Ooowww I thought so new footage of the earthquake or maybe of the impending Tsunami. Alas no it was as follows “John Terry doesnt shake hands with Wayne Bridge.” For fucks sake a massive earthquake has taken place most of the Pacific is on Tsunami alert and Sky News are breaking a handshake hasnt taken place. They were showing replays of the non handshake. I only wished I was watching on Sky Sports high definition and could see the close up slow motion replay in all its 1080p glory. I jest of course. Even the web site is running with this shite. If I was wayne Bridge I would of wiped my arse and cock all over my hand and shook the fookers hand. Mind you John Terry could of had Wayne Bridges bird on his hand…………ouch !!! The mascott cant take his eyes of the handshake of the day either.


1:16pm UK, Saturday February 27, 2010

So a quick pingback to my last blog Click Here and the 100 year old being stabbed by her 61 year old son. Well this story emerged hot on the heels. A 85-year-old man who stabbed a 74-year-old woman after she rejected his romantic advances has been jailed for two years and eight months. A court heard how loner Joseph McGorman became obsessed with Benedicta McLean, who had befriended him. But when Mrs McLean told him she was married and did not need his affections McGorman lay in wait at her Edinburgh home and stabbed her. Ms McLean was scarred for life in the knife attack. ( Note at her age it might only be 3 months) A cracking attempt at the combined age record for stabbing (101 + 61 = 161 years) this effort just fell a few years shy (85 + 74 = 159 years) So the challenge has been set. Can this blog find a stabbing with a combined age higher than 161 years. Group stabbings are not allowed and you cant be one of the two people invloved . I was looking for a 126 year old to stab but the nearest I could get is my 94 year old Nan. But it must have been about 1988 when I last stabbed somebody. OK it was in 6th form with a compass but still a stabbing in the eyes of the teachers. Here is our 2nd place at the moment Mr McGorman himself. I wonder if Sky News will go with breaking news if this blogs record gets beat. I will phone them up myself if we beat 161. Anyway think im off out tonight to wet a babies head so time for a bath and a tsunami alert for the taps end of the bath has been issued.

DISCLAIMER This blog in no way endorses the not shaking hands at the start of a football match. However elderly stabbings are fair game.


Fay x x


Chelsea scandal video and record breakers.

So Wayne Bridge decides not to play for Eng-er-land. So is he a big shithouse who cant face some stick. Has he not got the bottle to go head to head with JT (John Terry.) Well I prefer to take the view that he has done it for a few reasons. First if he did play the media scrum around the England team would be crazy and could damage their limited chances of actually winning the world cup. Also if he joined the squad team members might join sides and thus again limit the small chance of Eng-er-land bringing the cup home. I like England and love the big tournaments as im sure I have mentioned before in a previous blog. None of this im scouse not English malarky. I hope they win it and will ride a few boozy sessions this summer on their tales. Mr Bridge, shithouse or hero ? The media scrum will be crazy once the world cup comes and with the England manager Mr Capello saying no to a world cup song, maybe this one can be adopted and make the Chelski boys feel at home.

Sometimes you think you have seen it all but then something comes on the news and grabs your attention. A man believed to be the son of a 100-year-old woman found stabbed to death at her home in east London has been arrested by police. Hannah Fitzgibbon suffered a fatal knife wound to her neck at the property in Whitechapel on Wednesday morning. She was pronounced dead at the scene. A Metropolitan Police spokesman described the death as “a domestic incident”. A 61-year-old man arrested on suspicion of murder remains in custody. At 100 you would be feeling pretty invincible to most things even getting killed by your own son. Perhaps he was thinking is this bitch ever gonna die and leave me some dollar. Im 61 now and I might pop my clogs before her. Maybe he slipped when passing his mum the letter opener for her telegram of the Queen or perhaps it was a joint effort in a bid to get into the Guinness book of world records with the highest combined age for a murderer / victim and their murderer ? I reckon the BBC should bring back a special one off edition of record breakers with a digital version of Roy Castle and Norris McWhirter. None of this Cheryl Baker and Kris Akabusi shennanagins.

A company selling “Anyone but England” T-shirts for this year’s World Cup has rejected suggestions it is racist after police in Aberdeen visited its store. Police warned Slanj, which also has stores in Glasgow and Edinburgh, that a window display featuring the shirt could cause offence. Grampian officers advised a store worker to consider whether the display was appropriate and should be removed. The poor old Scotch eh, yes I know its Scotts but I know it winds them up. I suppose sales of Scotland world cup kits have been flagging over the last decade and if you get your hands on the world cup second round kit which is being offered by makers Diadora to come with a free live dodo. To be fair though its just  bit of fun and as ever its political correctness gone crazy and I am sure the police have paper work better things to do. If England get the world cup final I promise to buy and wear a tartan wig for the final and if they win if will buy a Krankies DVD to mark the occasion. Here is the offending t-shirt.


Fay x x

Turbo B Vs The Coles.

So the post Riga blues/hangover is over and I actually fancy a bevvy again, although not at 4.20 am in the morning. Well not unless I am coming in at that time. Swerving the news tonight as Cheryl and Ashley have split up. Ashley must have discovered that photo I sent Cheryl of my beer belly from Riga. Oh well all good things must come to and end and “Cashley” is now free to vomit on whatever bird he likes and send dodgy pictures to them. As for poor Cheryl she can now go back to being a part time racist. Note she wasnt actually convicted of racially aggravated assault but remember Jacko didnt fiddle with kids either. I reckon John Terry is made up with this breaking news along with Tiger and his apology last week. Ah well heres a lovely picture to remind us all that our lovely Cheryl isnt a racist but just a thug. Watch yer back Ashley. I wonder if the Ashley Cole bisexual slurs will now surface again, heres a link to the old ones

Just back from footy and I feel like i’ve been 10 rounds with Cheryl Cole in a toilet. tweaked some ankle ligaments took a bang on the knee and elbow and have a slight groin strain. Next Tuesday its sausage and chips and 6 cans. Might have a massive heart attack but at least I will be able to walk before it hits. Went all retro again today and listened to the best of “Snap.” Hard to believe “The Power” is just on 20 years old. The song that is not the darts player. Bopped to many a Snap record back in the day. I wonder what the lead singer Turbo B is doing these days. Is he still rapping one of the worst lyrics of all time  “I’m as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer” So when im older and the doctor says I have your results Mr Fay. ” I am afraid rhythm is a dancer” I start weeping and reply “Its as serious as cancer ?” The doctor replies “No just an ingrown toenail but can you believe its 50 years since “The power” was out, I wonder what Turbo B is doing these days ? ” Enjoy the megamix

So just a short blog tonight and I fell into the trap of the Cole saga. Still havent braved the news. But I will try the 10 o’clock news and catch up it all. Leave you with this little gem I come across. Its a Star Wars poster but with a difference. Its a mock WW2 style poster trying to get you to join the dark side. As Jabba The Hutt I preferred to stay neutral.


Fay x x

A cultural review of Riga

So it was Wednesday and the alarm went at 3.40am. Quick wash and grab of the bag and after being sorted out with a sausage butty from one of the lads it was upstairs in the bar at the airport. A pint at 4.15 am was a world record for me. Beating the previous best of 6.20 am for the Brazil v England world cup game in 2002. Which if my fuzzy memory serves me right I ended up waiting for Steves chippy to open at 4.30pm so I could go to bed but not after telling my nan I loved her loads when I fell in about 4.45pm. So three pints and a bottle down the hatch and it was time to get on the plane to Riga were we scored a goal with the wing emergency exit seats with extra leg room and another 2 cans (Rather expensive ones on Ryan Air) and before we knew it it was time to get off after landing on a snow covered runway. “Proper” snow over in Riga but life just went on as normal. Here is the view from my hotel room.

In the far distance is the Riga radio and TV tower. It was built between 1979 and 1986 by USSR. Its highest point reaches 368.5 m (1,209 ft), which makes it the third tallest tower in Europe. The tower is built on an island called Zaķusala in the middle of the River Daugava, and the base of the tower is located about 7 m above mean sea level. The tower is said to be able to withstand extreme winds up to 44 m/s (98 mph) without any noticeable vibration. There are two elevators, one in the north-east pillar and one in the south-west pillar. The third pillar contains a staircase. The tower started broadcasting in 1986. We didnt make it over there as there wasnt a boozer so instead we headed into the old town through a very Russian looking indoor and outdoor market. Temperatures were well below freezing and with slight snow falling it was easy to transport yourself back to the miserable times under the Soviets. The first winter olympics event of the day was the 15m stairs down hill which I managed to grab a photo of a competitor clambering up. He recorded a time of 5.64 seconds for his descent.

After what seemed like only a few bars but it was deffo more than that we settled down into an Irish Bar ( I know all the way to Riga to end up in an Irish bar ) but it was a decent boozer and had 4 dart boards although some of us were seeing 8 dart boards at that point. I claimed the Riga killer darts championship and when everybody thre they had an adopted song and mine was the darts music used going into the adverts on Sky. So despite very loud “Der der da der’s” I milked the crowd and brough the championship home with a set of darts that you find yourself throwing at cards on a wall in Southport trying to win a prize. 9.30pm had come and I was tucked into the hotel room ready for bed. UK time this was 7.30pm and I was in bed before coronation Street but considering I was on the ale at 4.15 am a 15 hour session on the grog was a good starter.

So day two and I was up very early after a major panic that I had lost my beloved iphone but it was under the bed side cabinet in my room. I went out for a walk to blow the cobwebs away and all the snow ploughs and even a tractor with a brush on clearing all the pavements for the pedestrians (And pissed up scousers) I took a picture of this classic style looking Russian Building. Its the Latvian Academy of sciences. The Academy of Sciences edifice was built after World War II, between 1953 and 1956, as a gift from the workers and peasants of the other Soviet republics to theLatvian people and also to mark the borders of Stalin‘s empire, and is appropriately decorated with several hammers and sickles as well as Latvian folk ornaments . Most Latvians consider themselves lucky that the giant portrait of Stalin that was supposed to be a part of the facade never came to fruition. Being 108 metres (353 ft) tall, it was the first skyscraper in the republic and was the tallest building until the construction of the Hansabanka Central Office (121m or 396ft), and at the time, one of the highest reinforced concrete buildings in the world. The building, designed by Lev Rudnev, is a cousin to similar Stalin-era skyscrapers, which were representative of what became known as Stalinist architecture(sometimes referred to as Stalin’s Empire style or Socialist Classicism). The architecture of the skyscraper resembles many others built in the Soviet Union at the time, most notably the main building of Moscow State University. Local nicknames for this building include Stalin’s birthday cake and the Kremlin. One can enjoy a magnificent view of Riga from the 17th-floor balcony (height of 65m) which is open to the public apart from boozed up Liverpudlians.

Culture was next on the list (Well for the ones who didnt head straight the bar) and a visit to the Museum of the Occupation of Latvia 1940-1991 (LatvianLatvijas okupācijas muzejs) is an historic educational institution located in RigaLatvia. It was established in 1993 to exhibit artifacts, archive documents, and educate the public about the 51-year period in the 20th century when Latvia was successively occupied by the USSR in 1940, then by Nazi Germany in 1941, and then again by the USSR in 1944. The museum’s stated mission is to:

  • “Show what happened in Latvia, its land and people under two occupying totalitarian regimes from 1940 to 1991;
  • “Remind the world of the crimes committed by foreign powers against the state and people of Latvia;
  • “Remember the victims of the occupation: those who perished, were persecuted, forcefully deported or fled the terror of the occupation regimes.”[1]

Official programs for visits to Latvia of top level representatives of other countries normally include a visit to the Museum of the Occupation  so it was only apt that we went there during our program of two days heavy boozing. Some more culture and a group photo by The Freedom Monument which is a memorial located in RigaLatvia honoring soldiers killed during the Latvian War of Independence (1918-1920). It is considered an important symbol of the freedom, independence, and sovereignty of Latvia.[1] Unveiled in 1935, the 42-metre (138 ft) high monument of granite,travertine, and copper often serves as the focal point of public gatherings and official ceremonies in Riga. We asked a couple to take a picture and the lady was rather nice looking and a few comments were thrown here way after all she was Latvian so that was fair game and her fella wouldnt of understood a word. So we said thank you and do you speak English. The man replied yes so we said are you English to which he replied no Irish !!! Ooops and to think of what was said but fair game to him he took in in good humour and his bird was still decent looking as well.

So many more bars and many more gambling games later (Some of which were next goal scorer in Ice Hockey. Last number of time in speed skating and iphone virtual horse racing) and after I had managed to secure a plain hamburger in the McDonalds we ended up in the Irish bar again and settling down for the Liverpool match which was uneventful apart from the owner of the bar being the most drunken bar owner I had ever seen. (He must have been pissed if we thought he was as we had been on the grog for two solid days !)  After wanting to fight a couple of us he had a pop at me and I hadnt said anything to him but my father in law stepped into save me (If thats what it was called) and we decided it was bed time and the hotel bar was closed so it was bed time around 12.30am.

So plane home and so much drink that I havent had a further drop this weekend and a great trip to Riga. Well worth a visit, especially in the summer when the weather gets nice. Thanks again to the group of teachers I gegg in with for the trip (The name of the school is withheld to protect the guilty) and after Gdansk 2008 Belfast 2009, Riga 2010 was a classic. I look forward to Feb 2011 for the next adventure.


Fay x x

Liverpool Direct darts surprise.

So Friday was a trip to town with Charlotte. I had to get some bits for my trip to Riga on Wednesday. I had to order some Latvian Lats but did manage to get myself a nice warm hat as temps are forecast to be well below zero and snowy as well. I also got my dad some presents for his birthday and was lucky enough that Charlotte wanted some sausage rolls as well. So that led us to a trip to Clitheroe on Friday evening and it was father fecks 65th birthday. So he can now officially be a grumpy bastard. I went with my sister and family to The Calfs Head in Worston and we had a nice family meal and then back to my dads for some birthday cake. A little clip below of the kids bringing out his cake. Note the cigarette burning away, not very advisable for somebody who has had one lung out and a brain tumour. But there you go. So my dad is officially a pensioner, makes me kind of feel old as well. I am looking forward to being a pensioner, popping out for a pint at leisure and playing on my playstation 6. I cant even begin to imagine what things we will have then but I bet you I have stuff made by Apple.

Saturday was started with me doing extra hours in work to make up for the lost hours due to the Riga trip. A few hours chilling and then it was onto the venue for the 2009 darts premiership. This is a tournament between friends that was enjoying its 10th year and is taken very seriously by ourselves. A few quick beers to get me in the zone for playing but only after a crisis. Mrs Fay has managed to lose my 10 year old darts so I rushed out to JJB to buy some new ones. In the practice session before the tournament started my new darts were to put it honestly rather shit. There was a spare set and after a little go with them I decided to play with them. So we had 7 people playing this year after 2 late drop outs and it was decided that we would have a league format with the top 4 going into the semis. So I played well in the group stages winning 5 and losing 1. In the semi finals I drew Scott Turner and won 3 legs to nil. So the big final and I was up against Colin Airey 2007 champion. An epic final went to one set each and one leg each. I had managed to leave myself on double 1 and yes I nailed it. The cup was coming home and my 5th championship. Colins spare set of darts had come back to haunt him. So the cup is mine until July when the 2010 championships will be played. Whilst we were playing Colin’s neighbour came to complain about the noise of the darts. He said it had been going on from 12 in the afternoon. Colin didnt land back in the country until 3pm ! We were playing on the lower floor of Colins crib and a long way from this fellas place. He knocked again later on but we just fucked him off again. God help him if we ever decide to have a party there ! I actually knew who his neighbour was. For all my ex council mates it was none other than David McElhinney himself. Leader of Liverpool Direct Limited. He said he was gonna speak to the landlord so I can only assume he renting his place and I wonder who is paying for that ? The good news is that we finished darts about 12.30am. I reckon he wouldve ordered some earplugs through LDL and charged the council a couple of hundred thousand pounds for them. Google “Liverpool cabal” and you can read about some of the things that have gone on and then you will be wishing we played darts all night. Heres the piece of history anyway.

So Sunday brought the hangover of death but was worth it to bring the cup home. Not much valentine love going on as I was in bed for 7.30 and slept from 8pm to 8am and was nice and refreshed for work. This morning brought the good news that my sister in law Emma gave birth to a little boy (Ethan) and im glad to report that her husband Geoff has come through the ordeal of a long drawn out labour but as you will understand is a bit tired. Will Mrs Fay get broody, will I win the darts in July. How crazy will Riga be ? All this and more in the next episode of Faymondo’s blog to be posted on Friday when I get back from Riga.


Fay x x

Merseyside Police toys, n-power girls and Darden Smith.

So it was back to Castleford on Wednesday for a days training. That meant escaping from my conservatory and getting some fresh air and meeting other people. This was going to be scary after being in self exile in my conservatory for the best part of 8 weeks. So it was off with the jogging bottoms and footy top and quickly into a phone box to turn into respected benefits assessor and shirt and tie with pants time. Such a shame that my pants seemed to of shrunk a bit since I last went to Castleford before Christmas. I will have to get onto Mrs Fay to not put them on such a warm wash next time, I mean what do I employ her to do. I have bought her a lovely bag and belt for valentines day and I am sure the hoover will be looking brand spanking new when its fixed. To keep up my caveman persona a lovely looking lady come to sell electricity to me today. I explained that my wife looks after all the bills and I hadnt a clue what goes on with them. She looked at me as if I just said get in here and do my dishes bitch. She then asked when Mrs Fay would be in. I said she would be back from work about 7pm. Now she looked at me as if I asked her to give birth to twins and then get back on the streets selling “leckie” to us as its just like shelling peas. (More pea shelling later) Granted I was in my Mr T slippers and retro Adidas top looking like I was on the dole. I explained to her I was working from home in the conservatory but this didnt wash and she said she might come back later if she was in the area. So another woman who thinks I am a sexist pig and doesnt just act that way for comedy value. Anyway if you want my custom npower send the cricket girls around.

So Merseyside police have a new weapon for fighting crime. In the words of the great batfink “My super sonic sonar will help me.” Merseyside police made the first ever arrest in the UK using a flying drone to catch a suspected car thief in thick fog. It swooped into action in Litherland to find a suspect who was hiding at night in poor visibility. The unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) acts as a flying CCTV and thermal imaging camera. It was deployed on January 26 when it was reported that two men had stolen a Renault Clio in Bootle. After a police car chase the suspects bailed out of the Clio. Officers were able to detain one of the suspects, but struggled to find the second man in the dark. But using the UAV’s onboard thermal imaging technology, its operator was able to use live images of the suspect’s body-heat to direct patrols to the spot by the canal where he was lying. Nice catch, shame the little rat will be let off with a caution and be on the streets to just carry on offending. What ever happened to banging people away. So they say prison doesnt work. Well it does for us because these runts are off our streets. This new UAV (Seen below) is just a toy helicopter. I can only begin to imagine the fun the police have with this back at the station. I wonder if they bought it here ? I doubt that Batfink’s arch enemy Hugo A-Go-Go will be quaking in his boots. Well you have to relax in between doing paperwork after nicking another poor old motorist.

Speaking of relaxing the final bit of todays blog is a youtube clip from an artists I watched support Mcintosh/Ross last year @ Pacific Rd Birkenhead. His name is Darden Smith and I got one of his albums for chrimbo (“Ojo”) The track that stands out for me is “Stronger” Cracking version here on you tube and I can imagine myself sitting on the rocks at Cafe Del Mar in Ibiza chilling to this one watching the sunset. Unfortunately for me I listened to the album today whilst working in the conservatory but its a lovely tune.


Fay x x

Sausage Roll or Cheryl Cole ? Super Bowl XLIV

So another weekend and another load of grog down my neck. Ended up watching two films on Friday on my Apple T.V (Yes I have Apple everything) First one was “Bronson” which was about the UK’s notorious prisoner Charles Bronson. Barry Norman here gives that 2 out of 5. Not much to tell about a pyscho fucker who beats everybody up and has spent the large majority in solitary confinement. The second file of the evening was “Moon” was about a man who had been on a moon base for three years and due to go home but it was designed he never went home. That gets 1 1/2 starts out of five. Thankfully that was in high definition so at least the moon shots looked nice. So a few beers and munchies later it was off to bed and I was left thinking maybe this is why I dont normally watch films.

Saturday was derby day and what a derby day it was. I shouldve seen my first ever double red card for one tackle. Great result for Liverpool and that set me up for a few beers on Saturday night again and match of the day. I ended up joining one of those silly Facebook groups. those of you who know me will know I have a certain weak spot for sausage rolls. The Facebook group is called “Can this sausage roll get more fans than Cheryl Cole” The aim is to get 1.5 million fans of the sausage roll. Currently the sausage roll has 769,618 fans. So its half way there. Please join the crusade by clicking HERE The fan page has many joke pictures of Ms Cole and sausage rolls and reminds you of the beating she gave to a black toilet attendant and what she looked like before she had all the work done. So remember when you hold her up as the media darling and think of her as lovely that what you see is not always what you get. Where as a sausage roll has and always will be a thing of natural beauty and the only thing it assaults is your waste line.

So Sunday night and after a couple of hours kip I have decided to do something I havent done for years. I am going to watch Super Bowl XLIV or 44 to you thick people. I am fully loaded up with Budweiser and have my half time munchies of popcorn and hotdogs ready. I never watch the regular season but enjoy the spectacle of the Super Bowl. Is it really an excuse to crack open a can of beer at 9.50pm on a Sunday evening ? I am rooting for New Orleans due to my liking of rhythm and blues music and the odd bit of Jazz. Well I have been to see Dr John in concert and you can get anymore Nawlinz than him. Would love to go there one day especially for Mardis Gras. If only to see the tradition of women getting their boobs out in exchange for some beads. Im thinking I would go through a lot of beads on that trip. As Baldrick would say though “I have a cunning plan”  and ” Its as cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed professor of cunning at Oxford” (Guess who got a Blackadder box set for chrimbo) I would ship over a whole load of beads from China to Liverpool at a cost of pennies. Then sell some over there, assuming they are a bit pricey. This would cover my beer bill. The rest I can throw at ladies who get their baps out at the Mardis Gras and encourage Mrs Fay to get hers out so we can take some home and have some currency out for next year.

So gonna be a late finish tonight. I will deffo make it to the half time show who I think is “The Who” this year. Dont think we will be getting any nipple slips from them but might be worth checking the internet history on Pete Townsend’s laptop. All this blogging about sausage rolls (Another sausage roll blog HERE ) has me pining for them but its hot dogs and pop corn tonight “U S A, U S A” I chant. Just off for a quick blast of Born In the USA and then checking my healthcare is in order and off to drive my gas guzzling Dodge and check my gun is handy. I love America, well no I dont but I do love Cheryl Cole after she’s been on the sausage roll diet.


Fay x x

Derby preview and tubular breasts

Warning this blog contains a naked picture.

So another working week done and I didnt have to go to Castleford after all, its next Wednesday instead. So its derby weekend and Liverpool V Everton on Saturday. The once what seemed friendly derby now spoilt by a minority of fans from both side who seem intent on singing vile songs and have what seems general hatred for each other and the level of bitterness seems to increase as each derby passes. As my dad worked with Peter Reid’s old man we quite often got tickets for the Everton end. I was in the Everton end at Anfield when Graham Sharpe scored that wonder goal and also in the Everton end for the 1986 F.A Cup final. Wouldnt feel too keen on doing that these days. Can you imagine fans of both side putting up a picture in their window containing members of both squads in a mixed team photo ? Tried to find that picture online but alas I couldnt find it. I still enjoy the derby but as mentioned on previous blogs my passion for footy isnt what it used to be. So anyway I hope Liverpool win but whatever the result I will still be having merry drink come saturday night.

So last night about 9.30 in the evening I stumbled upon embarrassing bodies on Ch 4. Never watched this before and dont think I will again but it did have me hooked for 30 mins. The embarrassing bits on show this week were a woman with tubular breasts and man with a crooked willy and a woman who broke wind a lot. Well tubular breasts woman had to have an operation to sort her boobs out and the no longer looked like two droopy pieces of Toblerone, that chocolate that you only ever seem to but in an airport or on a ferry when going to France. She was very happy with the results. Crooked willy man also had to have operation but would lose some length ! He was happy with his new willy but the new willy was a virgin, I think the old one might have been judging by the bend on it originally. One side effect though was he now couldnt piss straight but could with the bendy willy. I cant get my head around that one. Finally farty woman had irritable bowel syndrome but to be honest the excess farting was the last of her problems judging by the muzzi she had on top of her lip. So I will never waste another 30 mins of my life like that but am safe in the knowledge that I will never need to go on as I am very happy with my tubular shaped man boobs, walnut whip size willy and I really dont give a damn where I fart. In the interests of being a blog that educates bendy willy is known as Peyronie’s disease. In 1994, when Paula Jones filed a sexual harassment suit against the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton, she described a distinct curvature of his erect penis, which she cited as a distinguishing feature of his genitals that would prove her accusation. What became known (in some quarters) as the ‘Clinton Kink’ was believed by many experts to have been caused by the condition known as Peyronie’s disease, which affects one in 100 men – though few have heard of it. Usually appearing in middle age (although, younger and older men can also develop it), a plaque, or hard lump, forms on the upper or lower side of the penis in the layers containing erectile tissue, causing it to bend. Whilst many penises have a natural curve they don’t always point towards Peyronie’s disease which in its worst cases will see an afflicted penis bend almost horizontally to the side making urination difficult and sex impossible. So there you go and here is the mans bendy willy.

Personally I think its funny rather than educational and just wanted to get a picture of a bendy willy on my blog.


Fay x

Exclusive John Terry picture

So all thats on the front page and the back page is John Terry, England and Chelsea captain and his alleged affair with a team mates ex girlfriend. So can John Terry or JT as he likes to be known hold onto the captaincy of England ? I think he should be more worried about holding onto his marriage. So Faymondo’s blog can reveal this training ground photo of John Terry and Frank Lampard. Now to be fair John Terry might just be an innocent party in the photo from an England training camp but with allegations flying around Frank Lampard seems in the thick of the action here and a picture paints a thousand words. Keeping on the sports theme is was transfer deadline day today. Sky sports new try and make an event of this with their countdown clock and they even went over for the chimes of big ben at five o’clock when the transfer window closed shut. I can confirm that Neil fay (Age 36, previous clubs Aigburth Peoples Hall (APH) and Sudley F.C) who was available on a free transfer has not secured a club. There was late interest from Pie Arse F.C but Mr Fay failed the fitness test. But as Sky Sports can reveal the transfer window in Scotland doesnt close until 12am. So still a chance to move to Battered Mars Bars F.C of Glasgow. As footballers would say “I have been a fan of Battered Mars Bars F.C since I was a child. There is nothing better in life than pulling a drunken 4ft 6 inches bird with ginger hair and then going back to hers for some Irn Bru and then having post sex a fight” (How many more Scottish stereotypes can you fit in one sentence?) I can confirm that if I sign for a new team then this Sundays News Of the World has managed to overturn an injunction I had against them and will reveal all about my sex life. It will be in the small print on the back of the paper !

So this week bring a return to Castleford for one day only as I have a training session. So it will be up for 5.15am and leaving Castleford at 7pm. This will serve as a nice reminder to me how lucky I am to be working from home and dont have to do that commute on a regular basis. The new Rugby League season starts soon and I have adopted Castleford as my team now, the way Liverpool are playing at the moment things might be better watching rugby league. So just a short blog tonight as I must go the gym and burn off the weekends excess. Spare a thought for poor old JT (Below) nah I didnt think you would.


Fay x

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