12:00am So two hours into the election coverage and the exit polls look like a load of shite. Speaking of which I’ve just dropped a few votes off down the toilet. All this moaning about missing the chance to vote. It was open for 15 hours and you could send your vote in by post. Some daft bat saying she came to queue at 6,7,8 and then 9:30. Stay in the queue first time bitch and jobs a goodun. So sticking with BBC so far, good graphics, Paxman and a celeb party. Labour pissing it 3-0 so far. I haven’t hit the emergency Easter egg yet. Gonna be a long night.
1:00am The no voting fuss grows with polling station lockouts and running out of voting slips. I reckon every household does hands in the bucket and then texts the result in for the next election. The BBC informed us that the Queen won’t be seeing anybody until after lunch tomorrow in terms of accepting a Prime Minister, lazy bitch. Been giving Sky News a go but Adam Boulton in high definition is a bit scary at this time of night. Scores on the doors Lab 5 Lib 1 Con 0 Oth 5. Easter egg still in one piece.
2:00am So results starting to trickle in a bit faster now but the larger than expected turnout catching people out. Gordon Brown keeps his seat and the first comedy candidate was Derek Jackson of the land is power party who got 57 votes despite his men in black look. He kept his arm up for all the result and I seen Gordon Brown walk past him earlier in the evening and yes he did have his hand up. (Pic below) We have also had a very narky returning officer at Tooting telling cheering Labour fans to be quiet. So nobody still very clear on whats going to happen. Could be up past five here and yes ive hit some of the emergency easter egg. Just looked in the fridge and there is 6 cans of bud and half a bottle of rose. Scores on the doors Lab 31 Con 15 Lib 4 Oth 12
3:00am And still nobody is any the wiser. At this rate I am on for 24 hours with no sleep. Gonna look rough as for the school run. Much joy at Lembit Opik losing his seat and cheers were heard from The Cheeky Girls house and fireworks were seen firing from the rooftops of ITV weathergirl (well more of a woman) Sian Lloyd. Ive been fully interactive this election on Twitter and Facebook with the more die hard nerds on Twitter but some good insight with people tweeting from local counts and below is a picture from the Liverpool count which is at the tennis centre in Picton. I counted votes once in a local election based in Speke and the Tories got about 23 votes and we had to sit through all the winners speeches before we got our pay ticket. On the bright side it was a very low turnout and I was in bed for about 1am. Still no Liverpool results as yet, will have to get on Twitter and see if there is any inside info. No more easter egg I think. Dreaming of a breakfast sausage barm. Smarmy Cameron wins his seat lets hope thats the only thing he fucking wins. Latest scores on the doors Lab 76 Con 71 Lib 9 Oth 21
04:00am Well its becoming more clear that no matter what time I stay up until then we sill wont know whats going on. Its looking like the most hung of hung parliaments. Still no Liverpool results and the Lib Dem candidate for my constituency tweeted that the count was underway and that was at 03:36am. More tweets fom the plane that Gordon Brown was getting from Scotland down to Labour HQ and this time an insider shot from one of the Sky News team. Lets hope the plane has a better journey than the UKIP plane yesterday. Its nice to see how lovely some of the UK leisure centres are as election night provides you with many shots from various gym floors. Damn you posh ones who have it in the civic hall. No news on Labour taking control of Liverpool City Council. My insider at the Liverpool count is informing me that Luciana Berger (Labour Wavertree) is eating a burger. A headline writers dream. To latest results and the Blue Peter totalizer at the moment is Lab 120 Con 148 Lib 23 Oth 25 Will I make it to 05:00 ?? Have to be up at 8 !!!