So fresh on the back of neglecting the kids so much that they have turned to worship the chuckle brothers (See previous blog) I regret I have to report more family neglect. It was Saturday afternoon and Mrs Fay and the kids went to the in-laws for the evening. I decided to take a chance of a little snooze on the couch to recover lost energy from the gym. Whilst snoozing the phone went a couple of times which I ignored thinking if its for me they will phone my mobile. So it was around 6.30 and the phone went again, this time waking me up for good. I got up an dialed 1471. The number was my nan’s. It was then I realised with my sister being away it was my duty to feed my nan. That meant her traditional Saturday treat from Steves chippy in Aigburth Vale. How could I let a 94 year old starve to death ? We normally get her chippy tea at 5.30 so she had been ringing for an hour whilst I was snoozing. Poor nan she must be on the edge of starvation. She had lived through two world wars but god forbid if anybody doesnt bring her a chippy tea on Saturday they would be no better than Hitler. I was stuck in ours with no car, how could I explain that I had forgot her chippy tea ? Forgive me father for I have sinned. There was only one option, lie. So I phoned my nan from my mobile and said ” I’ve been trying to ring you but you have been engaged. We have been on a family day out but got stuck in traffic. Mrs Fay will be along in a few mins with your chippy tea” So before Bob Geldolf had time to release a charity single in aid of my nan’s famine Mrs Fay went around and got her a chippy tea. Every cloud has a silver lining because she dropped a portion of for my tea as well. So unless my nan has bought a new ipad and is reading this blog (very unlikely as it took her over 10 years to get used to the numbers on the cable TV box) I think I got away with that one ;0) But can you ever trust a word from my lying sinning lips again ?
So Saturday night and the Eurovision song contest was on. Yes I know its shite but I am drawn to watch it every year. In fact Grand Prix motor racing is just as shite but I end up watching that as well. I think it goes back to being a child and getting my first erotic tingle when Bucks Fizz took their dresses off. All those countries seemed so far away then when they rung through their votes and I have always had a strange fetish for scoreboards (pre computer graphics days) Spent many a year watching Eurovision with my mum settled down with a can of Irn Bru and some crisps and a twix. So I marked every song and my two top tips after the performances were Romania 33/1 and Albania 150/1. There was only one thing to do and have £1 each way on them with my online bookies. So with a new level of sadness in my life I had sat through all 26 songs (Spain had to perform twice after a pitch invasion which I thought was part of the show at first) and tweeted through them all with other like minded saddo’s. So the UK came and went and it was a piss poor performance. I wish the London Boys were still alive so they could sing “London Nights” on our behalf. Next year I am going to get together with my DJ/Producer/Fellow drunk Colin Airey and write an entry for 2011. As the songs were performed I suddenly realised that there was a little bit of BNP coming out in me (my initials are NF after all) I just didnt like any song which wasnt performed in English. My god, a closet racist, I will be buying the Daily Mail next and saying “send them all home.” So the Spanish got a chance to sing again after the Spanish Invasion (poor pun, must be running out of gags for my blog) He was still shite and all the crowd should have invaded the stage this time. So time for the best bit and the scoring. Is it traditional if your a member of a band you must wave a flag like a twat ? Germany won easily in the end and Romania got me a place to win some beer tokens. During the last couple of votes the family came back from the in-laws and Elizabeth sat with me and cheered any points for Romania. It brought memories back of me watching Eurovision with my late mother and was quite a poignant moment soon replaced with I wonder when im expecting a chippy tea when im in my 90’s would Elizabeth lie when she forgot ? Time will only tell. So no neglecting of the family today, off to more in-laws with the family, wish me luck. I jest of course, or am I lying. Who knows ?
Fay x x
See you in Germany for Eurovision 2011.