Birthday madness II.

So the start of a few days chaos and the birthday crazy weekend that is my daughters Elizabeth (6) and Charlotte (3) some dodgy family planning on one side of the coin. (Click here for last years birthday madness I ) On the other side they both sneaked into the school year thus saving a years nursery fees (Yes I am the ultimate mingebag.)  So back to birthday number one and that of Elizabeths on Friday. After coming into our room at around 5:30 am it was a straight red card from the referee and we managed to postpone getting up to around 6:30 am ! So Elizabeth opened her presents and the sheer excitement on her face is that you can only get from a child. It was then onto the more sinister side of her birthday. She had been given a CD that she wanted putting on her ipod touch (yes my kids are gadget kids) but that meant that the CD had to be put into MY itunes.

As the picture above shows my 7536 songs now had to be joined by an extra 13 songs by a bastard group called JLS. The days of my eclectic itunes library ranging from Seasick Steve to Jimi Hendrix,from Deacon Blue to The Christians and finally from M.C.Hammer to Boney M was now joined by Jack the Lad Swing (JLS) the popular x-factor runners up. I will now never be able to hold a dinner party (ok shite party food party with my eating habits) and be able to shuffle my itunes, not for the fear of “You cant touch this” or “Brown girl in the ring” coming on but for “Beat again” the number 1 hit from JLS booming from my speakers a sad day indeed RIP my itunes music library. So Elizabeth went bowling with her mates and then back for a party in ours. The disco lights were on and I was busting some cracking moves to “Beat again” in case you didnt know a number one hit for the popular x-factor runners up JLS. So the noise levels returned to normal and the house was covered with half eaten birthday cake and rogue Quavers on the floor but party number one was over and Elizabeth had a great birthday.

Saturday morning and the dawn of party day number two. This time for Charlotte whos birthday is on the 31st but we decided to have her party on the Saturday. So Charlotte came into our bed on Saturday morning and we noticed a few spots on her, yes it was chickenpox. So with quite a few of our friends having little ones they decided to give the part a miss to avoid catching the pox and so it was her friends from nursery who had already either had the pox or been in contact anyway that it didnt matter. So with lots of smaller kids running around the house I did right thing and bailed out with the father in law for a couple of pints in the Fullwood Arms. It was soon time to come back and the house was still a mad house. It was soon the end of the party and with the kids being younger there was a bigger selection of stuff on the floor and added to yesterdays bits of birthday cake and Quavers you can add bits of butties and pizza. Thankfully the sausage rolls didnt go down too well and I had myself a nice supper in the making. So it was time to settle down for an early night in bed. I had half a can of Magners but still got a touch of man flu so decided to lay off the ale again. So in bed for 10 and across the road it was the third party of the weekend with one of our neighbours holding a party for his sons 30th. So the choons were booming and I mean very loud indeed. The party kicked off with some classics early on from The Bee Gee’s, Wham and eternal party faves Abba. It was only about 8.30pm and I was thinking with such big tunes now were is this party heading ? Had they peaked to early ? I was waiting for my Magners and Lemsip extra chaser to kick in and I was going to head over there armed with my Dave Graham 051 cassette from 1994. The choons died down and I was thinking well thats that. Ahhh no it was time for Karaoke. Karaoke so loud that the entire street and further could hear it. Now I like Karaoke and indeed Singstar on the playstation but there is no need for the whole street to be able to hear it. On what seemed the climax of the karaoke it was a very special (sarcasm) version of “Hello” by Lionel Richie was performed at about 11.30 in the evening. That was the final straw I was about to go over and complain armed with my own prized possession yes my beloved life size Lionel Richie clay head as featured in the video and say how can you butcher such a song and so loud that half of fookin Garston can hear it and performed so badly that a tear has come out of one of the eyes of my prized Lionel Richie replica clay head you bunch of bastards. I decided to stay in bed however and stare at my Lionel clay head until I fell into dreamland.

So karaoke finished and I was awoken about 1am with a rendition of “The fields of Athenry” The group having the party are the same gang who start the lodge march of in our road every lodge day. I was going to get out my super woofer ghetto blaster and play my fave CD “Now thats what I call IRA classic songs volume II” but decided to turn over and go back asleep. For the record the noise didnt bother me as everybody is entitled to have a party now and again, not sure on the karaoke bit but hey I will have my revenge when I hold my 40th birthday bonanza ” Big Fay is 40 from the 051 to Garlands to Cream” and a 6 hour party on a Saturday night will seem like nothing compared to my 6 day bender complete with special guests the popular x-factor runners up JLS performing “Beat again.”

Peace

Fay x x

A Bergerac investigation.

So another blog and one last day in work and good news on the work front is that my contract has been extended until at least September which means that will be 1 year at Wakefield council and the decision to leave the comforts of Liverpool City council seems to of been a good one. As ive worked for a year without a break I think I will reward myself and the Fay clan to a week away in September and might as well go for my 37th birthday as birthdays are generally shite these days. So its the bank holiday weekend or as its better known now to me the girls birthday weekend with Elizabeth turning 6 on the 27th and Charlotte turning 3 on the 31st. So a very busy weekend indeed with various party’s on the go and numerous kids in the vicinity. No doubt by the end of both birthdays that the house will look like a toy store and the two girls will be spoilt beyond belief. Mrs Fay is a firm believer of party’s but im from the school of thought were my mum would offer me an extra £20 instead of a party and I always went for that option. I didnt have any mates to invite for a party anyway. So here is last years girls birthday blog Birthday madness. and no doubt I will have more musing to post after the bank holiday weekend.

So on twitter this week I noticed a copy of the advert below has been posted by @paulsaltysalt It was from the Liverpool Echo on Monday night. I unfortunately havent come across this watch so cant claim the finders fee. The thing is though why put an advert for a watch you lost in 1987 in the echo now ? I might be tempted to put in a similar advert saying lost 1 pair of Farah pants in Calderstones school swimming pool changies in 1987 although id be lucky if they fitted on one leg these days. So its obviously a code for something but what and who is William Ross. I was tweeting paulsaltysalt and he has phoned the number but it went straight to leaving a message and thats as far as my new found Twitter Bergerac friend had got with his investigations although I think he wanted to be Charlie Hungerford from Bergarac for all you Bergerac fans out there im afraid I dont have any more Bergerac related comments. I have to admit I was much more of a Taggart fan if only for liking to say “Chief inspector Taggert” in a very poor scotch (yes I  know its Scottish but I like to wind them up) accent. I’m talking proper Taggert here with Mark Mcmanus as the man himself. So is the advert for some lovers secretly communicating through the Echo or is it more sinister like a drug deal ready to go ? Very old skool to put such an advert in the papers these days as due to the technology we have. Ive seen stuff on the TV about when ransoms are going to be paid the police put strange adverts in the paper. I guess we will never know the true story or if indeed the watch was ever found.

So just a few snippets from the news and a few questions I raise on stuff in the news today.

  1. What size sports bag do you have to have to put a dead MI6 agent in or was he a midget ?
  2. When I had my daughters I told my friends and family their names. Why does David Cameron get to reveal his daughters name ?
  3. Would Wendy Lewis (The tart who pissed on the Blackpool war memorial then felt the need to perform a sex act) got a lower sentence if she had gone for a piss in the sea and gave a blowjob under the tower ?
  4. Why would you have personal CCTV on your bins ? To catch people throwing cats in them ?

Answers on a post card please, entries close 12pm Friday 27th August. Once again re point 4 will people stop worrying about fucking animals (thats not literally zoophillia) but worry about humans first and once we have our house in order we can start concentrating on the animals. I seen at least two cats pissing on the war memorial in Blackpool and a Labrador mounting a Jack Russell on the same memorial but nothing was said at all.

Peace

Fay x x

Its official I am an athlete and jarg Twix.

So Saturday night and no kids and no Mrs Fay, it could mean only one thing. Loads of beer and munchies with lots of gaming and catching up on sky plus followed by a nice lie in on Sunday then get the papers and have some sausage barms. Well errrr no. I was in bed for 10 pm again and the alarm clock was set as I had to be up for 6am to go and do our triathlon. So the alarm went and we headed up to Clitheroe in Colins van to set ourselves up for the Clitheroe triathlon. So first up would be me in the swim of 400m (16 lengths) with a start time of 8.45am handing over to Colin for the bike ride of 30km and Scott to finish off with a 9km run. So with some top bombin I entered the pool and off I set. I made the fatal mistake of setting off too fast and after 3 lengths thought I was going to drown. I did nearly drown after my first length. I had been training in the pool at David Lloyd which is all the same depth so when I went to turn around I went to stand up and push off. One snag there is a deep end in Clitheroe pool and down I went like the Titanic. Not the best of starts. I found a ledge at the end of my 3rd length wich helped. So the 2 lengths to go sign was produced and it was then a quick jump out the pool and the jog to the changeover point outside so the lucky lasses of Clitheroe got to see me jogging some what out of breath over the grass in just my shorts. Speaking of which I was the only male with swimming shorts the rest of the competitors were sporting the latest lycra fashions. Couldve been worse I might have turned up in full scouse mode with my Liverpool shorts on. So I passed the ankle strap onto Colin and away he headed on his bike. So back to the changies to cover my man boobs up and I overheard a couple of fellow athletes saying how they were members of swimming clubs blah blah blah no wonder they looked like fish in the pool. So Colin came back out of breath and handed over to Scott for the run. Colins bike ride at one point was so steep that all the people on the ride had to get off their bikes and walk with them. Me and Colin took advantage of Scott being on his run and popped over to the catering van. Hard work being a pro athlete. So in the distance we seen Scott headed towards us and he was over the finish line and that was that we would have to wait for the results to be published later on in the evening. There were 17 teams in the relay so where would we finish ? It was nice being an athlete for a day and I am going to try and do a full triathlon on my own next  year once the new season starts, yes they have seasons. So onto the results. In training in the gym I had been doing about 10 mins 20. So including getting out of the pool and also around a 30 second jog my time was 10 mins 22 seconds. I couldve overtaken a woman on the run and give it the bifters on the run but it was a bit of fun for me and didnt want to look like a knob head ( The fact I was running around a field in Clitheroe wet and semi naked was enough for one day) Colin done his bike in 1 hour 11 mins and 19 seconds and Scotts 9km run was measured at 43 mins 37 seconds. So a total time of 2 hours 5 mins and 18 seconds which gave us 9th place out of 17. Including all the people doing the triathlon on their own we finished 104th out of 209. So after a quick stop to see my dad we headed back home to Liverpool and the first step to London 2012 has been taken and for one day ( 10 mins 22 seconds) today I was an athlete.

So its important for an athlete to refuel and Sunday night I had 6 bottles on Brahma beer and I noticed in the shop a new Twix. Now Twix is my fave chocolate treat and how excited was I to see a new Twix called a Twix Fino. So on checking the net the blurb on the fino is as follows. Twix Fino has a wafer base rather than a biscuit base and each finger contains less than 100 calories, compared to the normal Twix biscuit fingers which contain 130 calories per finger. The product is looking to be marketed towards the female, health conscious market, competing with other brands lower calorie chocolate products, such as KitKat Senses. A twin-pack Twix Fino will retail at 52p. Straight away the alarm bells were ringing. A Twix with no biscuit this cant be true and its deffo not a diet Twix. So I soon scoffed the new Fino and it was as shite as I thought it would be. How can they bring the lord of chocolates name into such disrepute ? To make up for my sins the next Twix I buy will be a king size one. So Sunday evening and another night on my own and it was at this point I was feeling the gap left by Mrs Fay and the kids. Or should I say Mrs Fay. I was down to no plates left and would have to actually wash the dishes in order for me to eat. Well the good news is that Mrs Fay and the kids are back from London and if I dont blog for a few days it will be because Mrs Fay has read this and twatted me with the frying pan. I love her really x x

Peace

Fay x x

Bath salts, did they make me ill ?

Blog time and another big gap in between. My blogs are rarer than a student who fails A levels in this modern age. This break was caused by a bout of bacterial tonsillitis which knocked me for 6 early this week and I even had to take two days off work. No sick pay now I am my own boss and I had to catch hours up on Friday and Saturday. So pre illness and last Saturday I went out for a few scoops with the lads up Lark Lane and then headed towards Aigburth Vale. On the way we popped into St Charles social club on Aiggy Rd. One of the lads dads ran the place back in the day and another lad was the Jack Duckworth of the place. Nothing had changed since I was last in there in the 1990’s. I wonder if me and my mates will have a social club to go to or will we be in our houses/nursing homes playing the Playstation 5 ? Seems an age since my A level results and I remember the day for all the wrong reasons with my uncle dying the night before results day on his 50th birthday. Sorts of makes exams meaningless but my 2 d’s and one E got me into Liverpool John Moores and the chance to have a 4 year party. Them marks are most probably worth b’s and c’s these days. I noticed this on twitter and it is indeed Sam Cookes A level results (think about it !!! )

So Mrs Fay and the kids have left me again and this time a weekend trip to London. So party time this weekend, well errr maybe not. In bed for about 9.30 last night as it was a 7am start in work and then tomorrow its the triathlon I am taking part in. I am on the swim leg and that starts at 8.45am. So we will be leaving Liverpool about 6.30 am !!!! I havent managed to do any swimming training this week due to my illness so god knows what time I will do. So the Clitheroe triathlon awaits my belly flop into the pool tomorrow and then 16 lengths of the pool. So a busy weekend next weekend with my daughters birthdays on the horizon. 6 and 3 were did that time go eh and a nice bank holiday weekend to celebrate it. Fingers crossed for some decent weather. Just a bit of sun would be nice. So whats been going on in this great big world of ours ? Well drugs are back in the news I see and calls for the decriminalising of drugs from some quarters and other saying we need harder rules and the new craze is “Ivory Wave” bath salts. The government are even looking at cutting benefits for people on drugs. So this weeks news just drugs crazy. So lets go back to the bath salts. Ive blogged about meow meow  and oh look how last week that kids. Snorting that is like being in school and having a pair of Gola trainers on. So its in the bin with the plant food and bath salts here we come. Me being a mingebag wont pay £15 for a bit of Ivory Wave so I had a line of Radox instead. Wow all it done was made my eyes water and I sneezed about 5 times. For info it was the muscle soak variety and costs £1.25. I wonder what is next ? Stopping benefits for drug users will save the government a few bob and they (the government that is) continue cuts left right and centre but have found £67 million to give to Pakistan and thats more than the whole of Europe had given. Wasnt Mr Cameron saying that Pakistan funds terrorists the other week ?? So with all this in mind the Faymondo political party suggests that to kick start the economy and increase taxes and income for the government we can legalise all drugs. Think of the cash that would bring in and the huge boost to the economy. Free drugs also means less crime. All the pot heads would push the shares in chocolate companies through the roof and think of all the advertising for the new products. Its just money money money all the way. What would the drug lords do though ? A lot to think about with that policy. As for me im just thinking about my triathlon swim and getting home Sunday afternoon and having a nice relaxing bath to ease my aching muscles with my fave bath salt Ivory Wave. Just say no kids.

Peace

Fay x x

Tonight Matthew I am going to be Patrick Moore and 1990 flashback.

So along with a lot of the nation I turned into an astronomer last night as I headed outside to view the Perseid meteor shower.  So in homage to Sir Patrick Moore I dusted down my trusty monocle and struck up a choon on my xylophone. So I looked up to the sky and was met by a wall of cloud not to mention a few flickers of curtains to see who the madman was playing oh when the saints on the xylophone at 11.30 pm. When there was a gap in the clouds the light pollution was such that I could see just an orange glow. That glow was from the local constellation knows as The Speke Retail park. So not a glimpse of a meteor and the only shower I could see were the local cranks who live on Vineyard Street. I had to take the xylophone in as it was raining a bit and didnt want it to get rusty. A rusty xylophone is as good as flute with no holes. So another celestial let down and it brought back memories of my last one in 1999. The date was August 11th 1999 and the UK was going to see a total eclipse. This was a once in a lifetime chance. So armed with my solar eclipse glasses, you had to wear them because you didnt want to end up blind I headed of to my sneaky vantage point to see the event. So off to Everton Park it was and a lovely view down over the city, I plonked my glasses on and waited for this great event. Well as you might of guessed that too was a let down. The sky and light went a funny tint for a bit and that was that. So its September 23rd 2090 for the next one. I will have just celebrated my 117th birthday. The only eclipse that I got to see in 1999 was that of my junior beer belly eclipsing the view of my feet for the first time, a special moment indeed.

First blog this week as our phone line has been down and our internet speed was as fast as it was back in the golden age of eclipses 1999. I being the nerd I am being one of the first of my mates etc to be on the next and at a whopping speed of 56k and a cost of 1p per min I was shocked to get my first internet bill of around £80 for a month. Surely it was still more economical to stay with porn magazines in the early days of the internet. I jest of course as I didnt need the internet or magazines as I had a pack of rude playing cards from a holiday to Spain which were shot in the 1970’s. I was out drinking on a Wednesday night , second week on the run. Bit of a naughty school night habit there and I met an old school chum and we had a beer and talked about old times blah blah blah. Then another blast from the past via Facebook and a quick chat with a girl I used to hang around with back in 1990 (Pippa Davis.)  She paid a nice compliment to this here blog and we chatted about the days of getting drunk down Otterspool prom and the fashion and music crimes that occurred. Then the moment I have dreaded, new unseen pictures of me in 1990 existed. So being game for a laugh and its something to ramble on about on here. I present N.G.Fay 1990 age 16.

So where do we start ? Well it was nice to see such a radiant young smile on my face. The young Meldrew was obviously starting to surface even then and to think this was a party as well. Such a lovely head of hair as well but we can go no further without the mention of two of the largest crimes to mankind. I expect to be appearing in The Hague next week and sit in the very seat that Naomi Campbell has been giving evidence in this week. The charges I am accused of are as follows. Charge one is relating to crimes against fashion in 1990 and the wearing of a paisley shirt. Little did I know that the making and selling of such paisley shirts contributed towards funding of African war lords but to be honest that is nothing compared to looking like a twat. I honestly have no recollection of owning that shirt. When news of the fashion crime pictures broke on Facebook I had a few things I expected to see but that was not one. As I type I am on the phone to Max Clifford to make a call to Pippa to stop any further publication of pictures from 1990. I plead guilty to that charge against me. The second and more serious charge is of sporting what can only be described as a “spammy” or love bite. Having such a great memory I plead the defence of being hit by a squash ball earlier that day and rumours of me putting toothpaste on my neck that night (did that really work ??) and sporting a polar neck jumper the next day to hide it from my mum and dad are not true and I am found not gulity on a technicality. Read More

Council depot blues

So Wednesday night and me and my mate Colin decided to go and see the play Council Depot Blues. How times have changed. In our 20’s we would have a lads night out and see Roy “Chubby” Brown and onto Cream for the night and a lot of Sunday ! Now heading very fast towards our 40’s we go for a nice quiet night out to watch a play and grab a scran from the Lobster Pot on the way home. So I was surprised when the play started and the penny finally dropped that the “Blues” part of the title meant that there was blues music. I was thinking it was the pain of working for the council, which it was in some way. The play was based on a fella finally retiring from the council and how the rest of the house cleaning crew were lazy shits working for the council. As somebody who has managed to escape the clutches of the “corpy” and made it out the other side I could see things in the play that do go on in the council. Your typical scouse actors were performing, Andrew Schofield (Scully to me) and Paul Broughton (Eddie Banks from Brookside) and a few more known names. The performance was of the highest quality and the music was good as well, a bit biased as I like the blues. Where they actually playing the instruments ? I think some were. Some funny lines in the play, some you could see coming a mile off but overall a decent play and worth going to see. Strange going to Royal Court for a play. I still remember it fondly as a venue for music seeing bands such as The Christians, Deacon Blue and the Fun Lovin Criminals play there. So Afterwards we had a bevvy downstairs as our tickets were in seats on level one. We got speaking to Paul Broughton afterwards as Colin knew him and I was dying to ask him if Rosie Banks had kicked the scratchcards yet but knew better as not to make a knobhead of myself. So our sneaky night out on a school night came to an end and up at 7 it was the next morning. Well I lie but I did start work at 8 !

A US appeals court has ruled a couple who gave their children Nazi-inspired names should not regain custody, citing the risk of serious injury to them. Adolf Hitler Campbell, 4, and his sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, 3, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie, 2, were taken from their New Jersey home in 2009. The case first came to public attention in December 2008 after a shop refused to decorate a birthday cake for Adolf. A family court had earlier found there was insufficient evidence of abuse. But on Thursday, the appeals panel determined that social workers had proved the need for protective services for the three children. Working in benefits ive seen some belter names on claims for housing and council tax benefits. You have your typical footballers names and even seen about 4 Manchester City players names as middle names once. Then there was a Prince Henry Poaty Poaty and ive even seen a claim for for Purple Aki thats in his real name not Mr P.Aki !!! We had an old dear once called Eileen Over. I think in the UK its illegal to give a child certain names. Ive heard of a child being named Eva Toni Anne !!! Rules below.

It is impossible to pronounce,

Does not include at least one forename and one surname

Includes numbers or symbols

Includes punctuation marks – although you can have a hyphen to link forenames or surnames (for example, if you want a double-barrelled surname) and an apostrophe in the case of surnames like O’Brien

We consider vulgar, offensive, blasphemous or unsuitable

May result in others believing you have a conferred or inherited honour, title, rank or academic award, for example, a change of first name to Sir, Lord, Laird, Lady, Prince, Princess, Viscount, Baron, Baroness, General, Captain, Professor or Doctor etc.

So that got me thinking if I was ever crazy enough to have a third child, what could I call him or her ? Well going on the above rules was Prince Henry Poaty Poaty a real prince and now I know Captain sensible wasnt his real name. As many people call me “Fay” rather than Neil I couldnt change my name to just “Fay” like a Brazillian footballer. Gone is doing a Prince style trick and naming a child a symbol. I quite like @.  No numbers as well so there goes my dream of having twin boys R2D2 and C3PO. Nothing vulgar, offensive or unsuitable. So annoying bastard is out of the running. Oh well I will just have to stick with my original names, “Cartman” for a boy and “Jordan” for a girl, ive always had class.

Peace

Fay x x

Darts round up and Mrs Fay back at her mums.

So onto the important news from the weekend and on Saturday it was our 11th annual darts championship. Just the five of us this year due to late drop outs and declined invitations. So to make a night of it we decided to have a round robin league to lose a player and semi’s and a final. This year the competition went outside Liverpool for the first time to sunny Whiston. So with one league game left the reigning champion, that being me needed to win to scrape through in 4th place. I held my nerve for the win. So semi final time and Moses beat John Wignell and I was up against number one in the league Colin Airey. A victory for me and into the final it was and could I claim my 6th victory ? It couldnt of started any worse and I lost the first five legs meaning I was 2 sets down and 1 leg down in the third set. I had to win the leg or that was it. I won the next two legs and was only 2-1 down in sets. Soon I had made it 2-2 and we went down to the last set. As a great sporting drama unfolded it was one leg each in the 5th set and it was down to a sudden death leg. Under the bright kitchen spotlights I managed to somehow nail the final double and from the edge of disaster came my greatest victory and a 6th world title. Soon it was 1am and my 12 cans of Magners had been necked and it was time to go home on the open top bus I had booked just in case I had won. Not many people on the streets at that time of night and I think the fireworks when I got into our road pissed the neighbours of but you dont get many world champions living in your road do you ? So we have decided to start of a second tournament to be held in a few months and I look forward to getting my name on the new trophy, whatever we decide on.

Like all good darts players I decided to keep my fitness regime up and went for a jog around Sefton Park on Saturday morning. It was about 20 mins 45 which isnt to bad for a lardy like myself. Between 2 other lads who played darts we have decided to do the Clitheroe triathlon. I am on the swim, just 400 metres and I bought some goggles today and need to get in the pool as the triathlon is on Sunday 22nd August. For the record Colin is on the 40km bike ride and Scott on the 9km run. I hope to do my first swim attempt on Wednesday and will be looking for around 8 mins on the day. Its 16 lengths of the pool and my trainer is going to put a sausage roll on a stick and hold it just in front of me when I swim. So I will post on here how the training is going and also news from the event itself. Just been the gym tonight and the aim is to play footy twice a week, go the gym twice a week and do a run once a week along with swimming training. Hopefully if I can cut the booze and munchies out (or down at least, gotta have some fun in your life) the planned knocking down of one side of the house so I can be lifted by a crane so I can do my weekly munchie shop at Marks and Spencers food wont be needed. The shape is coming on but I think I have over done it with the fake bake !!

So its with a heavy heart that I tell you that Mrs Fay moved back to her mums on Sunday night. The even worse news is that its only on a temporary basis to look after the in-laws mutt as they cocked up the dogs injections and the vet wouldnt take the fucking thing. Mrs Fay did come here with it on Saturday afternoon and as you can imagine the last word of my reply ended in off. So the dog was put straight in the garden and after 40 mins was on the way back to her mums, not after the fucker had left a big shit on my lawn !!! The dog cant be left on its own because it would wreck something in the house so there was no chance the smelly thing was wrecking any of my house whilst I was in bed and covering the place in hairs and leaving eau de dog lingering for weeks after. So Mrs Fay and the kids have left me and gone back to the in laws until they are back from their jollies. So Tuesday im having a back to the 051 rave night. Wednesday will be a chill out massive weed smoking session (Joke, drugs are bad unless your a student). Thursday is amateur pole dancing night. Friday is the usual beers and gaming night and hopefully the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud will kick off thus delaying the return home of the in laws and prolonging the dog sitting duties. I can then party into a second week. Failing that my lovely wife and kids will be back this weekend and I miss you all and my heart aches every moment all three of you beautiful girls arent here (cough, cough, ahemmm) x x x Im in mourning of this tragic event and I have put my facebook status as single until the wife is back ;0)

Peace

Fay x x