Sudley school penalties and Balamory exclusive.

In the words of the Michael Gray song ” I cant wait for the weekend to begin.” If only to crack open a bottle of Corona which I have done starting to write another installment of Faymondo’s blog. For all stat fans out there this is blog 190 ( Have I really typed 189 other pieces of shite ? ) Total hits so far is 12,994 although I do admit that some of them will be spam. So today I volunteered to be a goalie in Elizabeths school (Sudley infants) They were having a charity day and each class would come in and take 3 penalties each at the goalie. I have been a goalie in the past and yes even a goal scoring goalie (It was a pen) so after dropping Elizabeth off I went around to the office to meet the other goalies (parents) So we were given our visitor sticker (see below) and marched into the school hall. The very same school hall that 31 years earlier I wouldve been siting in my shorts as a 3rd year infant (or year two as its now called.) So in all that time here on planet earth I was after going through Sudley juniors, Calderstones and uni and now on my third proper job in the same school hall saving penalties no doubt as I was a much smaller and deffo much thinner little me was back in the late 1970’s. How far had I come ? Is it good or bad that in 37 years I had literally gone nowhere ? Makes you think if anything. So after a team photo with all the other parents taking part it was time for the penalties. I was allowed to go in goal for Elizabeths class and she was given the honour of going first. Now I dont let her win at anything so was I going to humiliate her in front of her class and pull of some stunning world class saves and deny her a goal ? First pen and up she runs in her Spain kit the keeper goes right and Elizabeth hits it left and wide 1-0 to me. Penalty number two and  up she runs. I go left after watching her first penalty (Yes I am taking it seriously) and she pulls it wide left again 2-0 to me. So Elizabeth is in the last chance saloon. The rest of her class are cheering her on, im thinking clean sheet here kid concentrate. She runs up and its on target. It was at this point the angel on my left shoulder knocked the devil out on my right one. I dive out the way and its a goal, the school hall erupts to a very high pitched noise. Elizabeth was happy and also very proud that her dad had came to be a goalie. So I completed my go in goal against the rest of the class and let many an easy goal past me but I have a confession to make. Whenever a child in an Everton top pulled up to take a pen I wanted to save them all and pump my fists like it was the world cup final. I didnt of course and let the goals in and can only hope my father will forgive me now he knows of this sin. So after an hour of being a goalie and ball boy it was the other parents turn and I got off to eat a well earned sayers cumberland barm. It was nice to put something if only very little back into the school that taught me and now my children. They gave me a nice thank you card with the team photo of us on the front and I also got to keep my visitor sticker.

So after picking up Charlotte she sat down to a well crafted lunch of ham butties, cucumber (who can forget the time I cut up a courgette and gave it her, well it was green and long !! ) and some Wotsits. She demanded that Balamory came on and thankfully we had an old DVD of Elizabeths which we watched when I had flashbacks to when Balamory was the Peppa Pig of its day in this household. Those of you who dont know what Balamory is can finish reading now. A quick Wikipedia and it seems Balamory was axed after just 4 series. I know you should never trust Wiki but one of them is now a bus driver (Spencer) and another is a comedian (Archie) I know that is deffo true. It seems however that Miss Hoolie (The nursery teacher) has fallen on hard times. After earning over 44k a year and would now be expecting to lose her child benefits (Little bit of politics for the dads) she is now fallen on hard times and as the exclusive photo below shows has reached the point that I reach about 7.30 pm every Friday night. It is alleged that after a drunken romp with Penny Pocket (at least you cant call her disablist ! ) she was sacked from Balamory nursery. The final straw was when P.C Plum arrested Miss Hoolie for shoplifting vodka and razor blades at the local Balamory Spar. Please note for legal reasons I once again use the word allegedly.


Fay x x


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