So a bank holiday off and typical bank holiday rain. Only one thing to do and take the family for a day out. The venue this bank holiday was Clitheroe to see my dad and also go out for a nice meal at The Calf’s Head in Worston http://www.calfshead.com/ So only an hour in the car and with kids armed with ipod’s and ipads and with Mrs Fay given time off from the i-roning it was me who was driving listening to choons on my iphone. So we got to my dads and straight away the kids thought they had arrived in a theme park. My dad has had a newly fitted Stannah stairlift. Never have the kids wanted to go upstairs to the toilet on so many occasions. So after a quick visit to the kiosk to buy tokens so we could get on the ride it was Elizabeth who went on the Stannah ride first soon followed by Charlotte and we had created our own indoor theme park which was cheaper than Alton Towers and also dry. I couldnt resist and had to have a go myself. Not exactly the big one at Blackpool but it was quicker on the way down or was that gravity with my pie arse in the seat. One piece of advice for Stannah stairlift virgins if you need a wee give yourself good time to get up the stairs on the ride so you dont get caught short. Heres a pic of the kids on the way down. I did think it was a bit naughty for my dad to usher us through to were you could see the high speed shot of you on the ride and then sell us a picture for a fiver. He then got the key rings out and thats when I said your taking the piss now dad.
So onto the Calfs head and a lovely burger (plain) of course with chips and with the weather picking up we went outside in the lovely garden of the pub for a bit where there are a few wild ducks (quite big) one decided to have a snap at my youngest Charlotte who is 3 years 9 months (the months are massive to you at that age) Charlotte reacted as if she had been attacked by apterodactyl and started roaring away. The duck was not phased and waddled away realising there was no bread on the go. So we got back into Clitheroe and had a quick visit to Clitheroe Castle via Sainsburys where my girls nabbed me for some more Sylvanian Families this time the mouse family. I thought I was safe from toy buying as I knew the toy shop would be shut on a bank holiday in Clitheroe and was caught off guard as was my wallet. It was then back to my dads and his theme park had expanded. We had a few tokens left to go on rides that we had bought from him earlier on and out came the new mobility scooter. In a flash Elizabeth was up the road hitting speeds in excess of 5mph. She was good at driving it and even parked it into my dads shed and here was me thinking that women couldnt park. Mind you it was no reverse parking and with Elizabeth being only 6 years 9 months she isnt quite into the habit of checking her hair in the mirror and putting lipstick on thus neglecting the fact she is actually in charge of a moving vehicle. So yes I had to do it. It was my turn to go on the mobility scooter and away up the hill I went. Mrs Fay took a snapshot and it was then the vision appeared. It was like I had been in a Tardis and moved forward 30 years. It was 2041. Liverpool still hadnt won the league. I was still trying to be trendy by wearing Adidas tracksuit tops and here I was age 67 and 8 months now a proud owner of a mobility scooter. I could whizz around to Marks and Spencers simply food. Stock up on my munchies and wine and wizz back home. I could then pop down the chippy at 11 (Can you get done for drink driving on a mobility scooter on the pavement ? ) all on one battery cycle. My dad has bought the scooter second hand so the day will come when I inherit the title of King Fay and also the scooter. So here is the picture and its scary seeing a vision of the future.
So thats it for now. Will get my lazy arse to writing Fuengirola part II and spare a thought for my 95 year old nan who has been in and out of hospital over the last few weeks who lives at home with no stairlift or mobility scooter. Them ald ones are tough as old boots. Heres to the next visit to Clitheroe and hoping my dad has expanded to hook a duck and selling candy floss.
Fay x x