Glasto 2011 day 4

So after just over four hours sleep there was only one place to go in the glorious sunshine and we headed up to the stone circle area and where the Glastonbury sign was for a major chill out. Once up there (and it was hard work getting up that hill) you had a glorious view of the site and there was some actual grass to sit on. The rest of the site was now mostly flat dries mud making it much easier to get around the site. So despite the nice relax the aftermath of The Chemical Brothers performance and late night Saturday were catching up with me so it was time to head back the tent for another “Disco nap” After moaning about the rain and mud it was now too hot for the tents even with the doors wide open and I managed just an hours very sweaty sleep. There was only one thing to do and get back out there and get back on it and have one final effort, grab a cider and go and see Paul Simon who didn’t let the massive crowd watching by dropping “You can call me Al” for the last song (or near the last) A little very slow amble around the site picking up numerous ciders then led me to meet Colin and we watched Plan B. Then the bastard I-phones needed charging again so off to the Orange chill and charge tent (again) After that I was left on my own (Glasto’s previous hard night had caught up with Col) and I soaked up the final evening on my tod, which was the original plan for the whole festival before Colin luckily won a ticket. So up to the acoustic tent to catch the full set of Imelda May who was just like in 2010 excellent. After that it was a quick stop at the bar (again) and I wandered through West Holts to see a few Kool and The Gang songs and onto my final destination via yes you guessed it the bar onto The Glade to see the Stereo M.C’s. A great end musically to Glasto 2011 from Rob B and his band. The dome they were playing in was truly rocking. I had worked out that from Imelda May to Stereo M.C’s and onto the Chemical Brothers I was dancing virtually the same. I must just speed my dance up to the different styles of music. Fred Astaire eat you heart out.

So it was the final walk home and a last chance until 2013 (If I can get a ticket) to soak up some festival atmosphere. It was a lovely summers evening and in just my t-shirt and shorts (Wellies still a must for odd rouge bits of mud) It was at this point post cider munchies kicked in and I realised that I hadn’t had any festival chips yet !! So I sorted that out and next to the chip van was a wine bar sales van which had around 100 people outside it dancing and grabbing a last bit of Glasto. The choon they were all dancing too was by The Clash “Rock The Casbah” a slight change of lyric and the 100 folks were chanting “Rock The Wine Bar” I was to busy rocking my chips and tommy K. So I headed home which took me through the dance village and past “Cube Henge” first. Cube henge is a stone henge mock-up but made up of large plastic squares flashing with rainbow colours. In the sky was numerous chinese lanterns all heading in the direction I wanted to go. Was that a sign, well no it was just the way the wind was blowing. On I went and past a bubble on my right was busier than the wine bar. It was called the magic bubble, once again with people grabbing a last bit of Glasto magic. So through the temptation of the dance village and with the blisters thanks to my wellies now growing larger I popped over to the supermarket for a Twix for an energy boost and up into our camp (Bushy Fields) were once again everybody was shouting for a fourth night on the run and just like in 2010 for “Alan” maybe he will be found one day ? One last “Geoff Hurst” and as I came out the bogs I could see the many lasers from the dance village trying to tempt me for one last time. It was time for bed, four days of Glasto had beaten me. It was nice to soak up some real Glasto on the final evening after the two crazy night of U2 Friday and The Chemical Brothers on Saturday. We were heading home at 6am and it was now 12:45. As I was in my tent I managed to delete all my pictures from my camera (Must have been more pissed than I thought !!!! ) Luckily a quick Google and if you don’t take any more pics you can recover them with software as I did on Monday. Goodnight Glasto 2011, special as ever.


Toilet update, after 4 days I dont think I need to describe them in that heat !!!


Fay x x


Glasto 2011 Day 3

So day three and an early start and at 11am it was time for the London Afrobeat Collective. Just one word to describe them and it is “funktastic” We wandered back to the tent to finish the last of the beer and cider. At this point the sun shone through the clouds and spontanius cheering broke out. This rippled effect spread all over the camp. the last time I cheered the sun was when it set at Cafe Del Mar. don’t know why I cheered as it sets every bloody night.

A quick stop later on in the “Pussy Parlour” just cider on sale here ! A little daytime boogie at club henge was net with the yoof of today doing some kind of air drug out of a balloon. The lad who had it certainly looked ballooned and at a fiver a pop (same price as a sausage barm) I decided to in the words of Zammo “just say no” I was gonna go back later with my own pack of balloons and blow them up with the very air from my lungs and suck it back in to be getting down with the kids but I had a burger instead !

So after an hours disco nap it was around to the Pyramid stage and Elbow. Cracking set and it surprised me as I wasn’t quite sure how they would be live. Next up was the Chemical Brothers (no not me and Colin ;0) ) They were the closet thing I will get to going to a rave and they had us going until 12am. Into a bar/club it was and then after what seemed like hours walking to the late night section of Glasto called the Shangrila we got there and it was shut. We finally arrived back at camp with the sun rising around 4:30am. You know it’s time for bed when the sun comes up.

So one last effort today. The sun is out, although the downside to that is being sweated out of your tent at 8am. I think another disco nap might be on the cards.

Toilet update now stinking of poo and piss and a bit messy.


Fay x x

Glasto 2011 day 2

So the festival starts and after coughing up a fiver for a sausage barm first up was Beardyman in the dance east tent. Not a conventional DJ he has no decks but instead makes all the samples himself and singing. He was very talented and would deffo go and see him again. after another visit to the chill and charge tent (I phone batteries aren’t very festival friendly ) Next up was the legend that is BB King. The rain had started to fall by now and was pretty much on for the rest of the day and night.

Acoustic tent was next and some Newton Falkner who finished with a crowd pleasing “Bohemian Rhapsody” A long walk was up next over to the park to see Big Audio Dynamite. My feet were feeling the pace by now so we decided to have a rest and go back the dance tent (and it was dry) I missed out on seeing Eric Bibb and only caught a bit of Mumford and Sons as we made a move to get our speck for U2.

Now Bono is a dickhead of the highest order and even on stage he comes across as a prick but him and his Irish bum chums make some belter choons and a few special moments were had. So rather wet we made the sensible decision to come home for 12 and that’s paid dividends as I’m feeling OK this morning.

Toilet update stinking more off piss and you have to decipher what’s mud and what’s poo !!


Fay x x

Glasto 2011 day 1.

So the coach left Liverpool bang on 9.30 and I arrived at Glasto at 15:30. The coach dropped me off right at the gate but is was still a nightmare with my case and cool bag as the site had turned into one giant mudbath. Luckily Colin had set up camp and I soon had a can of cider in my hand. We went for a quick walk around and what was a dustbowl in 2010 is now a muddy sticky mess. This is not even a bad year mud wise, thank fuck for that. So we dived back the tent to pick more ale up and headed out to catch “A Guy Called Gerald” do a DJ set. Helping him was a woman playing a violin. I don’t know why she was bollocks. We Left dissapointed as he didn’t drop “Vodoo Ray” Next up we stumbled into an acid house tent. Thankfully we made it out alive and Colin made me be sensible and were home in the tent by 12. I missed Scouse blues singer Connie Lush. let’s hope today’s plans are better. Last update on the toilets “just stinking of piss” It starts for real today at 11. Bring it on. Suns going in and rain forecast. Once your muddy here that’s it so not worth stressing over.


Fay x x

1982 Cassette player excitement = Glastonbury 2011

So lets rewind and its December 24th 1982, indeed christmas eve and a nine year old me is going to bed in our house on Woodlands Road. Unable to sleep due to the pure excitement that the next day brings. Will I get that cassette recorder I wanted ? Have I been good enough all year for santa to bring me what I want ? Just think I will be able to hold it up against the speaker of our record player and tape my sisters 7″ singles and my mums old albums or even better, songs off the radio. I can record my voice in between songs and pretend to be a Radio City DJ. Fast forward to Tuesday 21st June 2011 and just two more sleeps until Glastonbury and I havent felt this excited since that very christmas eve way back in 1982. Everything is sorted and the weather looks like its going to do its bit. I have a rough plan of what I want to see but god knows what will happen when I enter the site of a certain Worthy Farm in Pilton. I will be blogging from Friday through to Monday if I am in any fit state and you can follow me on twitter @faymondo73 or click here or check the side of this blog. Some advice posted today was “Too much alcohol, drugs, and sex, coupled with poor hygiene, can be a health risk at festivals” an expert is warning. Good job Mrs Fay had packed enough Lynx deodorant for the few days away then. So I leave at 9.30 from Liverpool on the coach to Glasto and I wont bore you with anymore Glasto talk for now but just hope it’s as good as that cassette recorder I got in 1982 was.

Previous Glasto blogs from 2010 Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Review

So whats being going on in the big wide world this week. Well  the government fresh from deciding to ditch its do a crime but pay half jail term offer (still get 33% off though !!! )  it is instead going to make prisoners work 40 hours a week. Last time I looked unemployment wasnt at 0% and we had a thriving economy ? Indeed Cameron has said the current prison system was “failing and badly needs reform” – with half of prisoners reoffending within a year of release, many on drugs and many spending up to 23 hours a day in their cells. To be fair if they are on drugs they most probably wont want to move out of their cell as the lure of just monging out in their cells watching c-beebies on TV all day will keep them occupied. As for reoffending if you get 33% off your sentence a quick bit of maths means that for every 3 crimes you do you get one free. Not quite the buy one get one free offer that Kenneth Clarke was proposing but still a deal up there with any supermarket. Who says crime doesn’t pay. Wanna save money, stop bombing Libya !

Thats yer lot


Fay x x

A cultural review of Newcastle and York

So time for another one of my blogs cultural reviews. In other words I have been outside Liverpool on the piss for a couple of days. This weekend break involved Newcastle on Friday night and then onto York on Saturday for the races and a few more pints down the hatch. First up was meeting at the rocket where the over 20 of us met to get the coach. Without wanting to start off on a negative it was quite clearly a bus and not a coach and a mini bus at that. The lack of toilet was to take its toll with numerous stops en route to Newcastle. The organiser was spot on for the rest of the trip with two cracking hotels and the coach , sorry I mean bus driver was on time and spot on. So well done to the best man for boxing the trip off and being in charge of the “Walter” (Walter Mitty = Kitty) for the two days. I even ended up with the VIP seats at the back of the bus with extra legroom so I shouldnt moan. So loaded with several cans of Budweiser on the bus and a nice stop at an M&S services for some luxury crisps we needed to have an extra stop for the driver. So we landed in The Lane End pub in Cumbria. The few locals who had ventured out must have got a shock as all 20 plus of us bailed into the pub. The younger element of the party (named the creche) were well on their way hitting the heights of Bacardi Breezers and a drink that could only be described as looking like seamen with a citrus taste, or “lemon cum” as it was christened. So we eventually landed in Newcastle around 9.45 and it was a quick change and off into Newcastle centre. The Hotel was right below the famous Tyne bridge and the predictable singing of “Fog on the tyne” was being sung at regular intervals. So after a quick bit of karaoke with the highlights being a belter version of ‘Chocolate Salty Balls” and Jenko’s fine rendition of “Thats Amore” It was then a group “You’ll Never Walk Alone” to which I just swayed along to (Ask me why I dont sing it if your curious) Next up was Flares and the twins who were on the trip where tearing it up on the multi coloured lighted dance floor with some cutting edge breakdancing. Me and the best man swayed home via a chippy and down the hill back to the quayside and night one was over and done with. Dont think we made it to the big market or if we did I was at memory loss stage ! I fell into the Premier Inn a bit worse for wear. Good hotel and location and Lennie Henry wasnt anywhere to be seen.

So Saturday morning and a quick dive downstairs for breakfast. I wasnt paying £8 for all you could eat when all I wanted was sausage on toast. So a slip a £4 to the father in law and sausage on toast and a drink of orange was all mine. Back on board the coach with just a slight headache and it was down to York with a lot less piss stops than on the way up to Newcastle. We arrived at the hotel Ibis in York around 12ish and once again another nice hotel and I claimed the double bed for the second night on the run and it was straight to the bar to start all over again. It was a 25 min walk to the races where I ended up about £30 down but a few of the lads had some nice touches and the rain held off and thr sun even came out towards the end. We just lumped ourselves in the small terrace type stand we nicknamed “The Kop” but we were to save our singing for later on and what singing it was ! The first post race drink was in the Trafalgar Bay where our first attempt of singing was quickly told off as we were in a residential area. So what other caveman things can we do instead of sing ? So arm wrestling it was. I do have the full near 7 minute version on my phone but the reigning champion Dave was beaten by Jenko. Although the stweards have since declared that as we were in the UK it was only his British title that was up for grabs and Dave looks forward to defending his European championship in February 2012. Next up was the highlight of the whole weekend and once again we were singing and once again we were being told by the bar manager to stop being so noisy. So we all reigned it in and sang in a hushed noise acapella style if sounding like a very quiet drunken barbershop quartet ( or 23 as our numbers were at by then) Joined in by a local with a rendition of “Two Little Boys” it was onto the big finish and that meant “I am the music man” But we had decided to do a remix version and started off with the classic “I play the piano” which lead to the best man swiveling 90 degrees to play such an authentic Liberace style piano piece on the bar table. So we stopped at piano and stooped a bit lower and then made our own chants (with actions generally taking the piss out of one of the lads who was on the trip) which involved “Hair Lip” “Cleft tongue” “Eddies Muzzy” “John Chins” “Freddies Nose” ‘Benno’s Belly’ “John Terry’s Ma” “Fiery Head” “Rainbow Felching” (dont ask ! ) and “Crusty Minge”  all made much better as we refused to raise our voice and sang at just above a whisper.

So onto the more busier spots in York centre and a place called “The Mansion” which like a house with several different rooms and a nightclub downstairs, which was the scene of an “Ooops up side your head” and more breakdancing or in the case of Tony what could only be described as a roll across the floor but the disco lights made this basic roll look better than it was. We finally decifered it wasnt a gay bar as eventually a few ladies came in. The one that stood out was Terry who had her name tattooed on her back like a football kit name. That will look fooking ace when shes 60, classy eh ! Last memory was “The reflex” bar and onto another chippy on the way back to the hotel which was described as having the best fish ever by a few of the lads. Just one more picture to post from “The Reflex” and the ****** *********** and stag enjoying a defaced  “Cock night every day” poster

**** A super injunction had stopped me from showing the left side if this picture. I am at the courts in the morning fighting for my free speech ******


So no doubt I have missed big chunks out of the blog (do post any in the comments section)  The celeb doubles on the coach “John Terry” and “Jesus” I have vague memories of Eddie once blu-tacking his hair on his head and the final note that there was one Fay on the trip who revealed his fetish for robbing breakfasts and it wasnt Neil George Fay. Another ace trip and Glastonbury on the radar soon followed by rehab until February 2012 when it will be just about time for another cultral review of somewhere else.


Fay x x

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