All change for moi, new iphone and Jacko trial.

So after just over two years working for Wakefield council my contract ends on Friday. One last visit up to Castleford and that will be that. Not only the end of that contract but also the end of home working. I cant moan as it was my first job since leaving Liverpool council to go freelance and set up Faymondo Benefits limited and to get two years out of a contract is very good going indeed. So hopefully a new contract is sorted for me working in Ashton Under Lyne which is in Greater Manchester so even though it’s a drive it isn’t too far away and no need to stay overnight. There is a chance of working from home after a bit so fingers crossed for that. After seeing my financial adviser on Monday night (get me) hopefully funds will be released for me to do some work on my nan’s house which I owned with the aim of moving in within the next 12 months. So all change on the job and home front in what looks like being an interesting 12 months. So with this unseasonal weather I might use this as an excuse to have a few ciders tonight (yes on a school night) and watch some footy and play on the PS3. The excuses I use to have a drink in the house have been pretty weak of late with the last one being in case that rouge satellite fell on me the other Friday !! I am even tempted to have a final BBQ of the season on Saturday in what will be October !! Post Derby result it will be either a celebratory BBQ or one to cheer me up after the match. To be honest whatever the result I have normally forgotten it after five mins as how can you get worked up about it when bastards on £200,000 a week wont come on a sub and other players are raping women and have class a drugs on them (Allegedly) So it will be a quiet Sunday night in readiness for a new job and an early start on the M62 and M60 which will be Ok for the first few days but I will be soon be longing for my conservatory with unlimited diet coke and munchies sitting in my jogging bottoms and Liverpool top instead of being suited and booted. Wish me luck.

So whats gone on in the world since my last blog ? Well Ed Miliband was as nasal as ever despite his nose job at the labour party conference in this here Liverpool. Just in mid flow of his speech all TV broadcasts were lost. This was just after he had said that people were scared to stand up to Rupert Murdoch. Does Murdoch have such powers that he pulled the entire TV feed to all channels ? I was more thinking that some kidda’s from my home town had been thieving cables thus creating the media blackout. BBC were first back with pictures and Sky a slow second place but then again we all know about Murdoch and Sky Eh !

All eyes move forward now (well they do for the nerds amongst us) as next Tuesday, October 4th in the good old U S of A there is an certain thing going on at an event to be held next Tuesday, October 4th at the Apple’s Town Hall auditorium at its headquarters in Cupertino, California. The event is scheduled to begin at 10:00 AM Pacific Time. I have not received an invite but us Apple bods amongst us await the announcement of the new iphone. So will it be super duper iphone 5 or a slightly more disappointing iphone 4s. Whatever knowing the Apple slag that I am I will be buying it when it comes out on possibly October 14th. So after Apples announcement next Tuesday I promise to follow up with a Faymondo announcement on Wednesday October 5th.

So in the news yesterday and no doubt over the next few weeks will be the trial of the Michael Jackson doctor. Already released was a picture of a dead Jacko and him mumbling after being pumped full of drugs. I feel sorry for Jacko post his death. I never thought he was a kiddy fiddler and as more time passes by I think he was just off his head on drugs and being controlled by other people. I was looking forward to him coming back in style in his concerts in London but it was never to be. Lets see what madness comes out over the course of the trial and no doubt another spike in his album sales. Chommmme on mucker fucker in true Bo Selecta style. Always makes me smile that.

Peace

Fay x x x

My 38th birthday and a rogue satellite

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. So a proud moment on Sunday and my 38th birthday. Not only did I have this to celebrate I also had reached a milestone I had been waiting for a long time. I am finally the same age as my waist size (fat bastard) With the increasing inevitability of my waist size never shrinking it was nice to draw level and I look forward to taking the lead next September. So sunday was spent with a few of the lads on a small pub crawl around Allerton Road and the surrounding areas taking in Penny Lane and finishing in the Rose OF Mossley. For a tactical stop we visited a quaint little chippy on Penny Lane just for a chip barm and was somewhat disappointed to find that it was just a few oven chips lashed in the fryer. After that tactical for the first time in my life I entered The Dovedale Towers. When I were a lad back in the early 90’s “the towers” was one of the places to be but I never went there. I can’t think why and no I wasnt being a nerd studying for my A levels. I was obviously to cool to hang out with all the cool kids !!! So after 11 drinks I headed home at the reasonable hour of 7.30. There was not a taxi in sight and I ended up walking home from The Rose of Mossley to by the matchworks with a stop off at a proper chippy near the end. This was despite needing a piss from very early on. From being a Twitter and Facebook stalker I knew I was walking past a girl I went to school with’s house. Jackie was most probably one of the cool kids who went to “the towers” Having only spoken to her through the medium of social networking I decided it was far too cheeky to turn up after 20 years pissed saying “Hi Jackie I spotted your house from the pics you posted on Facebook of your extension and was desperate for a piss so can I use your bog !! ” Option 2 was to sneak into Garston park for a slash as it was now dark. I was pretty desperate by now and again decided against that option as I just had visions of getting caught and or being accused of flashing !! I was a good boy and held it in until I got home but had to speed up near the end and must have looked like a drunken olympic walker the speed I was going !! A great day out wasnt to be ruined by the footy and I was asleep for 9.30 with no hangover for work.

So A dead spacecraft that is tumbling to Earth will re-enter the atmosphere on Friday evening or Saturday morning UK time, according to Nasa’s latest analysis. Most of the bus-sized Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite (UARS) will burn up in the atmosphere, but more than half a tonne of debris is predicted to get through. The falling spacecraft is expected to begin its final descent to Earth sometime between the hours of noon and midnight US Eastern time on Friday (between 5pm Friday and 5am Saturday British Summer Time), according to an update released by the US space agency on Wednesday. The spacecraft’s orbit puts a great swathe of the planet in its path between the latitudes of 57 degrees north and south. Mainland Britain lies between 50 and 60 degrees north. The satellite spends more time at higher latitudes, so there is a slightly higher risk in those regions. Now I don’t need much of an excuse to have a bevvy in the house but I might have to have one Friday night as it might land on me and I have denied myself a last bevvy. The odds of it hitting any human are 3200/1 so the odds on it being me are very high indeed and much more chance of winning the euro millions. But danger is danger and I have weighed up the risks and I think it is worth having a drink just in case oh and an idiot abroad two is on Sky always better accompanied by a small beverage.

Peace

Fay x x x

And remember it could be you !!

My jarg attempt at photography.

So just armed with my iphone and the Instagram application I present to you my attempt at photography. Now I am no David Bailey. I could get into photography given the right equipment and editing tools. So here is a selection of my pics over the last few months and a few old ones edited using the application. Granted not going to get me any displays anywhere and also not good enough to get me into some glamour model shooting but here they are with added artistic titles if you hover your mouse over them. I am off to dream of finding the next Samantha Fox, Suzanne Mizzi, Maria Whittaker, Holly Mcguire ……………….. wow in attempting to perv I mean research the above it seems Suzanne Mizzi died this year age just 43 !!


So in other news my big 38th birthday approaches on Sunday and I am going out for beers on the day so more about that next week. With the youngest not starting school infants school until Monday as the playground is being resurfaced I had to take a half day off work on Thursday to look after her. So I asked Charlotte what she wanted to do. It was pretty much free reign within reason. Her answer she wanted to play a game of Sylvanian families. Now for those of you who dont know the old Sylvanian families are a collection of cute animals normally in a family of four and houses etc for them to live in. Sylvanian website HERE Not the cheapest of toys but they are very cute ( The Hedgehog family is my fave at the moment) So with out houses set out and over 10 families of 4 in size we set up our party. So this is where my super imagination came into use. Josh (the boy pig) was sat down at his piano (quite posh these bastard toys eh) so with my Spotify app on the iphone I banged on some classical piano music and put my phone in the house to recreate Josh the pig playing the piano. Now this was a bit too high brow for me so I decided that one of the penguins would start a conga, cue Black Lace “Do The Conga” on my phone. Soon over 40 figures were lined up on the living room floor doing a giant sylvanian families conga !! Before we knew it all the classics were out including “Agadoo”, “Music man” and a mighty fine rendition of “Hokey Cokey” I went to put some of the figures on the balcony of the house but was sharply knocked back by young Charlotte who said they couldn’t go up there and exclaimed “My party, my rules” in a half-baked American accent picked up from watching far too much Disney channel on Sky (lax parenting) So the party was over and the toys back in the box it left me thinking was I the first person on earth to actually do a conga with music with these Sylvanian families ? I should treasure these moments with my kids as soon they grow up and get daddy booking JLS tickets and before I know it will be lifts into town and back on a Saturday night (Jesus the fear that holds for me) So as ever with bloody kids toys you can’t re-create what they show on boxes and web sites but frankly the softly lighted scene of Sylvanian joy below gets pissed on by a good old scouse conga.

Peace

Fay x x x

One funeral, one christening and a wedding. (Matalan suit on tour)

So I havent blogged for a whilst for numerous reasons some being the aftermath of my nans death, I have also had a touch of man flu and also just plain couldn’t be arsed. But here I am. “Back once again like a renegade master, D4 damager power to the people. Back once again like a renegade master, D4 damage with the ill behaviour.”  So with a quick slip into a classic 90’s dance choon lyric I am already swerving off what I wanted to blog with a question to pose. What the hell is a “D4” ?Answers on a postcard to Saturday Superstore or call on 01 811 8055. Amazing how I can still remember that number along with Maincrest car and van hire 7 double 3, 3 201. So onto the main course of this blog and event one the funeral.

Dressed in my new dapper suit bought from Matalan it was Thursday 1st September and time to go to my nans funeral. As expected it was a sad occasion despite being 95 it was still a loss to me losing “granny grunt” as we had called her (not to her face mind) I did shed a few tears but strangely enough it was when my mum was mentioned who for those who didn’t know died in 2006. I have felt more sadness over my nan passing away as my mum as it was a relief after mum died battling cancer so bravely for 10 years. With me being called to nan after she had fallen in the house and then following her into hospital and eventually taking the call about her death I was much more involved in this and somebody who was seemingly there for eternity had gone within the space of two days. I ended up going out on the ale with some mates and that involved a mini pub crawl from The Otterspool through to a last pint in The Kingsman where I still hold the mighty achievement of being karaoke champion there on a few occasions as one half of the famous “Phil & Fay” If only we had x-factor back then we might have gone on to be multi Brit award winners. Vague memories of the night was a debate between John and Joel who were now 10,000m athletics experts after Mo Farah was beaten into second in the world athletics championships. Both involved in-depth varying tactics on how to run the race. I was thinking half pissed “he just needed to run a faster time” So we had a toast to my nan and I staggered into ours only having woken Mrs Fay up as I had forgotten my key.

Event two of the Matalan suit on tour was Sunday 4th September. This time the christening of Evie Isabella Wignell. Fact of the day here is that Isabella is Spanish for Elizabeth. I had never heard this myself but being told from the father or vicar or whatever the geezer is called it must be true coming from the spokesman of god. I myself am still not christened and if my mates and family are in desperate need of a piss up I could get christened although it would have to be one big vicar to carry me and cover me in holy water. Speaking of which I am currently enjoying holy water called “Brahma” from Brazil. So back to the pub for a party (I am sure in 94.3% of all christenings this is the real reason for putting up with the church bit) Me and the family had a lovely time and after a few ciders it was time to go and I hope John, Clare and Evie had a lovely day.

The third and final leg of the Matalan suit on tour was the wedding of David Morgan and Natalie Shields. Both of whom who I used to work with at Liverpool City Council and with Dave started doing agency work just over two years ago (and hopefully will still be for a few months yet or Christmas is cancelled in the Fay household for 2011) The wedding was at Christ The King Church in Childwall. A lovely spacious and light church (Never knew I was a church reviewer did you) and the happy couple tied the knot. It was a catholic service and me being the heathen I am could only come up with the summary that some of it seemed like witchcraft to me. Religion is not for me but if you like it and it gives you solace then I am happy for you. I was thinking I would love to sit off with I think it’s a father in this case and just ask him a few questions about religion. This would of course have to be over a few glasses of holy wine which tastes more like Aussie Whites and a pack of salt and vinegar Disco’s (I am assuming that’s what the white that is eaten ? ) But religion rant over and congratulations to Dave and Natalie. The reception was at The Atlantic tower hotel and after a few beers it was time for the wedding breakfast and just like at my own wedding breakfast I was served with a lovely burger and chips. The chips were fries and came in a beautiful miniature chip pan which of course in true scouse style I robbed ! I was being all posh and decided to eat my fries with a fork. I didn’t realise how hard it was to eat fries with a fork or was the free ale I was drinking for two (Mrs Fay was driving) kicking in ? Luckily the people on my table were ex work colleagues and I excused myself and went back to caveman fingers to demolish the burger.  More free white wine and I polished of desserts of strawberry cheesecake much to the surprise of Mrs Fay who had her eye on mine. So I am assuming that cheesecake is made of cheese so does that mean I like cheese ? Onto the evening and meeting more ex-council friends the party was in full swing. Helped along with an amazing amount of smuggled contraband ale that was being disguised in gift bags and was somewhat being given away by people carrying trays loaded with 6 glasses of diet coke and a few cans of redbull. After a semi drunken discussion I had put a start to the revolution I am going to start and had found my leader in Ellis Williams ;0) it was soon time to say goodbye as me and Mrs Fay were both knackered (48 and a half hours I worked this week. I work to live not live to work)  We said our goodbyes and despite being told to take a doggy bag of the sumptuous sausage rolls on offer I declined. A choice that was to be regretted as I got the post ale munchies on the way home. So I leave you with a lovely little photo of the mini chip pan I have “borrowed” from the Atlantic Tower hotel.

Peace

Fay x x x

This blog is brought to you in association with Matalan who make belter cheap suits for emergency replacements for chubby men who’s original suit pants didnt fit and depsite a mingebag attempt to match my suit jacket (that proved impossible) saved the day.