One funeral, one christening and a wedding. (Matalan suit on tour)

So I havent blogged for a whilst for numerous reasons some being the aftermath of my nans death, I have also had a touch of man flu and also just plain couldn’t be arsed. But here I am. “Back once again like a renegade master, D4 damager power to the people. Back once again like a renegade master, D4 damage with the ill behaviour.”  So with a quick slip into a classic 90’s dance choon lyric I am already swerving off what I wanted to blog with a question to pose. What the hell is a “D4” ?Answers on a postcard to Saturday Superstore or call on 01 811 8055. Amazing how I can still remember that number along with Maincrest car and van hire 7 double 3, 3 201. So onto the main course of this blog and event one the funeral.

Dressed in my new dapper suit bought from Matalan it was Thursday 1st September and time to go to my nans funeral. As expected it was a sad occasion despite being 95 it was still a loss to me losing “granny grunt” as we had called her (not to her face mind) I did shed a few tears but strangely enough it was when my mum was mentioned who for those who didn’t know died in 2006. I have felt more sadness over my nan passing away as my mum as it was a relief after mum died battling cancer so bravely for 10 years. With me being called to nan after she had fallen in the house and then following her into hospital and eventually taking the call about her death I was much more involved in this and somebody who was seemingly there for eternity had gone within the space of two days. I ended up going out on the ale with some mates and that involved a mini pub crawl from The Otterspool through to a last pint in The Kingsman where I still hold the mighty achievement of being karaoke champion there on a few occasions as one half of the famous “Phil & Fay” If only we had x-factor back then we might have gone on to be multi Brit award winners. Vague memories of the night was a debate between John and Joel who were now 10,000m athletics experts after Mo Farah was beaten into second in the world athletics championships. Both involved in-depth varying tactics on how to run the race. I was thinking half pissed “he just needed to run a faster time” So we had a toast to my nan and I staggered into ours only having woken Mrs Fay up as I had forgotten my key.

Event two of the Matalan suit on tour was Sunday 4th September. This time the christening of Evie Isabella Wignell. Fact of the day here is that Isabella is Spanish for Elizabeth. I had never heard this myself but being told from the father or vicar or whatever the geezer is called it must be true coming from the spokesman of god. I myself am still not christened and if my mates and family are in desperate need of a piss up I could get christened although it would have to be one big vicar to carry me and cover me in holy water. Speaking of which I am currently enjoying holy water called “Brahma” from Brazil. So back to the pub for a party (I am sure in 94.3% of all christenings this is the real reason for putting up with the church bit) Me and the family had a lovely time and after a few ciders it was time to go and I hope John, Clare and Evie had a lovely day.

The third and final leg of the Matalan suit on tour was the wedding of David Morgan and Natalie Shields. Both of whom who I used to work with at Liverpool City Council and with Dave started doing agency work just over two years ago (and hopefully will still be for a few months yet or Christmas is cancelled in the Fay household for 2011) The wedding was at Christ The King Church in Childwall. A lovely spacious and light church (Never knew I was a church reviewer did you) and the happy couple tied the knot. It was a catholic service and me being the heathen I am could only come up with the summary that some of it seemed like witchcraft to me. Religion is not for me but if you like it and it gives you solace then I am happy for you. I was thinking I would love to sit off with I think it’s a father in this case and just ask him a few questions about religion. This would of course have to be over a few glasses of holy wine which tastes more like Aussie Whites and a pack of salt and vinegar Disco’s (I am assuming that’s what the white that is eaten ? ) But religion rant over and congratulations to Dave and Natalie. The reception was at The Atlantic tower hotel and after a few beers it was time for the wedding breakfast and just like at my own wedding breakfast I was served with a lovely burger and chips. The chips were fries and came in a beautiful miniature chip pan which of course in true scouse style I robbed ! I was being all posh and decided to eat my fries with a fork. I didn’t realise how hard it was to eat fries with a fork or was the free ale I was drinking for two (Mrs Fay was driving) kicking in ? Luckily the people on my table were ex work colleagues and I excused myself and went back to caveman fingers to demolish the burger.  More free white wine and I polished of desserts of strawberry cheesecake much to the surprise of Mrs Fay who had her eye on mine. So I am assuming that cheesecake is made of cheese so does that mean I like cheese ? Onto the evening and meeting more ex-council friends the party was in full swing. Helped along with an amazing amount of smuggled contraband ale that was being disguised in gift bags and was somewhat being given away by people carrying trays loaded with 6 glasses of diet coke and a few cans of redbull. After a semi drunken discussion I had put a start to the revolution I am going to start and had found my leader in Ellis Williams ;0) it was soon time to say goodbye as me and Mrs Fay were both knackered (48 and a half hours I worked this week. I work to live not live to work)  We said our goodbyes and despite being told to take a doggy bag of the sumptuous sausage rolls on offer I declined. A choice that was to be regretted as I got the post ale munchies on the way home. So I leave you with a lovely little photo of the mini chip pan I have “borrowed” from the Atlantic Tower hotel.


Fay x x x

This blog is brought to you in association with Matalan who make belter cheap suits for emergency replacements for chubby men who’s original suit pants didnt fit and depsite a mingebag attempt to match my suit jacket (that proved impossible) saved the day.


3 thoughts on “One funeral, one christening and a wedding. (Matalan suit on tour)

  1. Blast from the past! I went to Mabel Fletcher College in Liverpool 38years ago! We always listened to Radio City. Mai crest car & van hire tune still comes into my head almost daily! Never forget that number 7double 3 3201!
    Do you remember “it’s discount time at ER Hughes,to save you money on all you choose da da da da da da da da so hurry, there’s no time to lose”

      1. It was a butchers shops throughout Liverpool(think there was one on Picton Rd near maincrest!)hope yor getting over the loss of yor Nan,it’s so difficult many thanks for the radio city link ( miss billy &walley wiv hold yor plumbs lol) (R A bill gives us a clue!) love to you and yor wonderful city!

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