Worst scouse thief ever !!

So friday morning was as normal as ever. Up just after 6 then the commute listening to a podcast heading to Ashton-Under-Lyne. So I arrived at 7.15 and got out the car. No lights were on in the main entrance  but this is quite a green office as when I go for a piss quite often the toilet light has been switched off by a wanna be “swampy” forgetting how many monitors and other computer gear is on in the whole office but I digress. So I thought if I put the code in the door and it opens the office must be open but the corridor light off as if the office wasn’t open it would have a mortice lock on or something.  So I input the code and then the door clicked to show its open. In I waltzed and then after three steps I heard the “beep beep beep” Fuck me the alarm had been tripped and I had about 45 seconds to turn it off. So its my 4th week in the office (time flies) and I had one small problem and that was where was the light switch ? Quick brain wave was I could use my iPhone torch, sorted. Problem number two where was the alarm box and added to this I didnt know the code. It was time to bail out. Because I was only doing a few hours on Friday morning I had dispensed with the usual shirt and tie combo for the traditional jeans and Adidas trackie top and trabs. Here I was a scouser in a dark office in greater Manchester not really knowing the place. Apart from wearing a shellsuit and having a muzzy, which I would have the next week for “movember” (more of which soon) I couldn’t of fitted the stereotype any more. So having made it back the car the alarm kicked in and loud it was. Should I drive to the local cafe around the corner and grab some breakfast and come back acting all innocent ? By now the nice flats situated by the canal would have just been woken up a bit and maybe the would see me beating a hasty retreat to the cafe and grab my reg for the bizzies to put out an all points bulletin ? Even worse a photo-fit showing an overweight middle age man balding in Adidas clobber being posted in the Manchester Evening News and on Crimewatch ! Also what if a member of staff came afterwards they could think the place was really being had off and shit themselves. So I sat tight and prepared for any consequences. After about five mins another member of staff came in their car and I jumped out and explained what had gone on. She put the light on and code into the alarm and after unlocking numerous doors we were into the office. I got to my desk and the phone went. Trying to make up for my first error of the day I grabbed it and it was an automatic alarm call from ADT. It asked me to press 1 to say everything was OK. So I duly pressed one. What if I had been an actual thief. Is all you have to do is press one ? Or was it a cunning trick so having avoided the local Ashton-Under-Lyne constabulary turning up on mass after switching the alarm off I had fell for the booby trap and they would soon be all over the office as I had first feared. Well they didn’t turn up and pressing one was good enough. Next time the light is off I will wait for somebody to come first and even if a “swampy” climate change bastard has banged the lights off I will just lose a few mins of time instead of fearing arrest at 7:15 am in a strange office out of town !!

Remember dickheads setting off office alarms early in the morning are very rare. Please don’t have nightmares.


Fay x x x


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