Desert Island Discs (Dance version)

Devoid of ideas on what to blog about I follow-up my original desert island discs blog BLOG HERE This time we are focusing on dance music only. Dance music has played a big part in my life from the days when I was just that little bit too young for the Acid House explosion to when I eventually hit the clubbing scene all be it a bit late 1994 (Apart from one trip to the Hard Dock a few years before) It all started in the o-five one on one September night in 1994 just before I was 21 with Dave Graham and Si Edwards on the decks. I then moved onto early Garlands (before it went all big) and then the “super” club Cream. A few little dates around the country Sheffield and Stoke spring to mind and then onto the likes of “Fairies on the Mersey” and numerous Creamfields. Before retirement was upon me. But like all good pro’s a comeback (or two) was on. First up Hed Kandi in Amsterdam December 2008 (what goes on in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam) and Space in Ibiza (what goes on in Ibiza cant be remembered) tempted me out of retirement again in September 2009 some 15 years after it all started. Now truly settled into the domestic life of wife and two children (third on the way) I present my desert island discs (dance version)

So song one and in no particular order. Its one of the first choons I got to recognise in the 051. Kathy Brown feat Praxis and “Turn me out” Nothing can bring back those first few months clubbing in the 051. From the stairs down into the club (How hard was it coming back up the fuckers) to the echoing sound of the half empty club as we liked to get there early onto the smell of the smoke machine. This is a classic and I love a good female vocal on a dance track and remember my “Handbag Heaven” mixtape I used to blast out.

Song two and a track I loved before I got into clubbing. Passed on from a friends elder sister who was into going to the Quadrant Park. Gutted I missed out on going the Quad but also think had I gone there age 16/17 I might not be typing this today and gone down a completely different life path. Its the FPI Project and “Risky” The FPI Project were famous for a cover of “Going back to my roots” with the classic line sang “Hey you don’t be silly, put a condom on your willy” (not the actual lyrics) which hit the charts in 1990. They had a few underground dance tracks after that and this is one of them.

Track three and back to the 051 with memories of a Thursday night in “The Buzz” !!! Its De’Lacy and “Hideaway” This crossed over into the top 5 I think. I hated it when dance tracks I had heard made the charts. It was if I was in a select club that owned the choon but now the masses were onto it and soon it would be the backing music as the announcer read out what was coming up on BBC Grandstand for the day. But the full 10 min version of this is quality.

Track four and possibly the greatest ever breakdown in the history of dance music as noted on the youtube comments (starts at 3 mins 16) its a remix of a track from Mory Kante called “Yeke Yeke” Given the remix treatment by Hardfloor this took the roof of the club when the breakdown kicked in. I can close my eyes and imagine being back in the day. cant help but have a cheeky smile and tap my toe as the track kicks back in.

So Track five (gonna run out of tracks and so many to pick) is gonna be “Fairies on the Mersey” track. Fairies was a ferry that sailed up and down the Mersey on a Sunday night organised by Garlands that what literally a club on a boat and then we would stumble up towards the town hall for an after party. The track that sticks out here again eventually crossed over into the main charts its another slice of magic called “Sing it back” By Moloko. Whenever I see this video I am transported back onto that boat as it sailed by Otterspool prom in the summer evening thinking why am I on a boat in the middle of the Mersey by the prom dancing ??

Song six and back to the 051 and another track that hit the charts. This mix sounded great in the massive room that was the 051 with the smoke machine on full pelt and only the strobe on the go. Its Living Joy and “Dreamer” another slice of handbag girly vocal this time given a deeper mix by Rollo (Who went on to be part of Faithless) another great breakdown (not as good as Yeke Yeke though)

Song 7 and a track that reminds me of Cream. I could have picked from loads. How can I forget the night when the film Trainspotting was massive when they dropped Underworld’s “Born Slippy” only to be beaten later that night when Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” was played with lights on full blast and the whole club sang as one. Suc was the magic of Cream that crazy stuff like that went on. Alistair Whitehead was our fave DJ who played at Cream and the track I am going for is by Inner City and “Your Love” Again my love of a massive female vocal is obvious. Another Cream highlight was at an all nighter and we fell out the club at 6am and it had snowed. Cue massive random snow ball fight. Magic :0)

Last but not least shock horror no female vocal. Its Lionrock (Justin Robertson) who had a hit with “rude boy rock” but this is the less know “Carnival” With a speech that reminds me of Martin Luther King this track has more of a rave edge about it. The question is are you willing to testify ?

So there we have it. To be honest I could have picked 18 songs not 8. I have not included Ruby Turners “Never ever gonna give you up” as that was on my previous Desert Island Discs blog. What great memories from each track and a whole lot more that I cant even dream of blogging about. In true desert island discs fashion I am given the entire works of Shakespeare to take with me and I get to take a book and a luxury item. The book will be Trainspotting to remind me of that great night in Cream. My luxury item will be an unlimited supply of ecstasy tablets. I jest of course as Kirsty Young would not allow that. It will have to be an ipod packed with dance choons so in the moonlight on the beach on my own I can dance my little socks off with nobody to see me.

Now the choice of what track with me. Overall I most probably have tracks I prefer and no doubt would change my mind on a daily basis given the choice. I have avoided my love of a female “handbag” vocal and gone for Mory Kante “Yeke Yeke” just for that breakdown alone. Happy days (ish) stuck on my tod on a desert island.

This blog is dedicated to Colin Airey who invited me to go the 051 on that fateful night in September 1994. He liked it so much he went on to become a DJ travelling the world spinning dics. On the coattails of him I went into clubs around the world on guestlists and in VIP areas necking free booze and having a belter of a time. “I will if you will”


Fay x x x


Its 1985 in the Fay household.

So another gap in blogging. Nowt much going on in my life to report on. Well the small matter of picking between three jobs ! I was all set for a return to work for the council for 6 months when late last Friday Wakefield (were I worked for 2 years) said they had done my reference but would I be interested in going back there for 8 weeks starting in December. My head had already been frazzled deciding if I should go back to the council but having made my mind up this was a late twist in the tale. Anyway to cut a long story short I shall return to work for Wakefield a week on Monday for 8 weeks and hopefully longer. Just need to keep myself in work until late March and then when bambino numero tres pops out (or sliced out as it will be) I can then take a month off to go the gym loads and go on the ale, sorry I mean help Mrs Fay and ickle one out. I am sure that after a month off Mrs Fay will be driving me to my next job. So I was looking forward to seeing some old council faces on my return. I felt a bit guilty in turning them down, especially after haggling a wage increase from them but such is life and I have to look after number one in the same way that they would have when my six month contract was up. You never know I might end up back there sometime but after leaving them once and then turning them down at the last minute I dont think my name will be on any chrimbo card lists.

Still waiting on finance to start the process of doing my nans house (when will I start calling it ours) I was cleaning a few things out today to make a start and come to the conclusion that my nan must have been given a handbag for every year she lived as I have never seen so many handbags apart from of the dodgy Africans in Spain but at least they also sell dodgy 1970’s porno cards. Alas I haven’t found any in my nans house yet. If I do they will be mine anyway as I am sure I lost a pack in about 1998 but I couldn’t exactly ask my nan if she had found my cards !!

I love retro and the memory of waiting for the “Shoot” football magazine to come out in the mid 80’s with the league tables. The weekly magazine was well known for its annual free gift of “Shoot League Ladders”. This consisted of a thin card sheet on which were printed blank league tables for each division of The Football League, with a slit in the card alongside each position on the tables. Also given away were T-shaped “tabs” for each club in the league (printed in the appropriate team colours) which could be fitted into the slits to indicate where each team currently stood in the league table. As the season progressed and teams moved up and down the table, their tabs could be moved to new slits accordingly. Old league ladders are still regularly sold on eBay as seen below.

So it was with great excitement the other week in a toy shop in Conway I located the new modern version. OK maybe not modern as that would be electrical but where would the fun be in that ? It was a step up from cardboard a magnetic football league chart. The 10 year old in me wanted to buy this straight away but the 38 year old in me said I aint paying £20. So with the age of the internet I snapped up the chart for a bargain £9. The delivery driver from Amazon came and there were the tables in all there glory. It was 1985 again. Liverpool were great (So were Everton but you cant have it all) Man Utd were shite, Man City average and Chelsea most probably in Division 2 (Championship in new money kids) So I waited for my eldest Elizabeth (7) to come in as I always involve her in my trips back to my childhood for example collecting the whole album last year of the World Cup sticker album from panini the first time I have ever completed an album. Said album is now on the top shelf and can only be handled by me wearing white gloves to protect the sacred album. So the league tables are all up to date and the relegation and promotion explained to Elizabeth. To be fair she had great fun setting up the tables and we await sunday morning as we can do the movers and losers after this weekends results.

To keep on a mid 80’s theme I was again snatching my childhood back and watched the third Star Wars Film “revenge of the sith” I was a tad jealous of Elizabeth as I of course had to watch the film backwards so to speak but Elizabeth had the joy of seeing Anakin turn in Lord Vader in human form and then into the machine version of Darth Vader.  Anyway I am off to continue thinking its the mid 80’s and going to listen to my Howard Jones and Nik Kershaw collection and don my “Frankie Says” tshirt whilst sipping on a soda stream. I leave you with the updated league tables and the link if you want to buy some LINK HERE


Fay x x x

Its Christmas time !!

Now those of you that know me will know that when it comes to chrimbo I am a full on bah humbug. One of my main reasons is that I hate organised fun. So to be told on the 25th December I must have fun all day which includes acting like I have won the world cup when I get my 5th pair of socks and 8th Lynx deodorant and shower gel set. It also includes I must sit down and have chrimbo dinner (burger and chips in my case) and drink lots and have lots of chocolate things that I do on a regular basis anyway. You are forced to sit with the family, which now includes a rota of my family one year and the in-laws the next. Now I like both families but again I like to see them off the cuff or in a semi organised fashion, not this definitive moment where we all put hats on and pull crackers that 65% of the time go off and 12% of the time contain a gift of any use (* This information has been based on data collected on the 25th December from 1984 to 2010) I much prefer a random fun day of food, booze and festivities that occurs at random on say Feb 11th or June 4th. These are much better days than when we are all focused on this one day and one point for a scran. You get my drift now anyway. Since I now have two beautiful girls (88.7% of the time based on data collected from August 2004 to October 2011) and another bump on the way I have to buy into chrimbo for their sake. I still feel pain on their behalf as they get a boss toy and then get asked by an adult ” So do you like it then ?” of course I do. Kill the questions and just let me get on with enjoying the damn toy. So I let Mrs Fay buy a chrimbo tree which every year is far too big for the living room and normally dies before chrimbo due to the heating being on all the time (have you seen the bloody gas bill Mrs Fay ?) Golden rule number one enforced by Emperor Fay II (Emperor Fay I being my dad) is it must be at least the 1st of December before any tree goes up. Golden rule number two is that my chocolate advent calendar is of high quality chocolate and no cheap shite. So it was with great horror when I drove down the bottom of our road a few nights ago to see what looked like decorations in somebody’s window. As I drew closer my worst fears were confirmed. I nearly crashed the car I was in such shock. Here we were the 14th of November. Then to add insult to injury there was a fooking chrimbo tree up with lights on. I assume it was a fake one as they have not actually chopped any bastard real ones down yet as they are still in the forest. By my reckoning that is a full 41 days before chrimbo. Does that mean the tree comes down 41 days later on the 4th of Feb giving us a festive period of 82 days or 22.4% of the entire year (loving my percentages in this blog eh ! ) Even Santa Claus does not put his tree up until the first Sunday of December !! (Just made that up)

Soon it will be silly season and the cunning plan hatched many years ago by the unscrupulous energy companies will see cunts (apologies for the use of the c word) all over the country turn the houses into giant grotto’s. I demand the “lecky” companies check each of these houses out to make sure the meter is still spinning around and not wedged still by inserting a negative from last years holiday snaps into the small gap in the meter to stop said meter from spinning. Those 1980’s electricity meters were boss werent they. You would climb over broken glass to have your meter spin at them rates now eh !

So bah humbug to the lot of you and roll on a random day next year when I can have lots and lots of random unorganised fun. I will however smile for a small moment on chrimbo day if anybody buys me an iphone 4s or ipad2. The only thing possibly worse than early chrimbo is “desperate scousewives” but I feel thats another blog entirely

Peace and ho bloody ho

Fay x x x

First hint of birds and the bees !!!

So Friday evening and we decided to let Elizabeth stay up with us and watch the first episode of “Frozen Planet” which is what high-definition TV is made for. Even David Attenborough made the effort in this one to go to the poles for some filming. Not bad at the age of 85. The only pole I will be seeing if I last to 85 will be the one in the Pen and Wig that the ladies are dancing around for me. So back to the story and Elizabeth was very interested in the programme and indeed the polar bears. The story was that the male polar bear was hunting down the female to mate with but had to fight another male polar bear to win the female polar bear over. This amazing sequence can also be seen on a saturday night here in Liverpool. (Puts on best David Attenborough voice) Amongst the vast sprawling nightlife of the city centre of Liverpool we centre in on the are called Mathew Street. Here we see a sequence that has never before been seen (except on numerous security cameras) We see the male of the species indicated by the way he is swaying from side to side and with a distinctive white mark around his nose which he has recently snorted. His attention is drawn to this orange glow in the distance. Yes he has spotted his mate. The female of the species is glowing radiantly orange to attract the male and is putting on a special mating show shedding her pyjamas of the day and transforming into a cat walk model. The mating ceremony is going to plan but then another male appears on the scene. He to swaying from side to side and with larger white marks around his nasal area confronts the other male. Battle commences soon to be broken up by the hierarchy of the species. Dressed in all black and with jackets that make them look bigger than they actually are the “bouncers” move in to separate the two ferocious males. After only a few minutes calm has been restored but by this time the female has moved onto a new pasture and a bar called “Flares” to seek a stronger male. But back to the polar bears and the male did indeed catch up with the female and after a scrap got to his prize also known as his mate. With my 7-year-old daughter watching was this to become my first uncomfortable moment with her as the two polar bears settled down on the ice for a good old shag ? Well the polar bears didn’t let me down and got straight into the action. Thankfully the sequence was only short but before it had finished Elizabeth was aware enough to make a comment. Shit here we go, how do I get away with this ? Do I leave it to Mrs Fay and I pretend to go the toilet. So I give you the words that came from her mouth which made nearly made me spit my cider out. “Look the polar bears are having a piggy back !!! ” Phewwwww innocence remains and the birds and the bees sermon is saved for another day. With Mrs Fay expecting our third child in April. The next question might be “Daddy where do babies come from?” to which my answer will be “Well some time last summer mummy gave daddy a piggy back”


Fay x x x

Boy “where do babies come from dad ?”

Dad “The stork”

Boy “who fucks the stork then ? “

Spot the pussy.

Cheap headline grabber but can you spot the pussy ? Thats pussy cat I might add. Its deffo in there.

In other news with my advancing years I have decided to admit defeat give in to the current trend and I am going to purchase some Botox injections. My sister-in-law (Emma) is getting trained up to give the injections and hopefully she will give me some family discount. Lets clear things up here the botox isn’t for me, yeah right. No its as Baldrick would say “A cunning plan my lord” I plan to purchase some of my favourite sausage rolls from Wilsons bakery in Garston village and then get Emma to inject the sausage rolls with botox and I reckon I can on average increase the size of the sausage roll by at least 33% in size.  Yes I am a genius.

So how am I gonna pay for all this botox in my sausage rolls? A cunning plan my lord part II. Over the weekend me and the kids went to North Wales and met the in laws at a caravan and went to Conway. Here as we all know is the smallest house in Great Britain.  The Smallest House in Great Britain, also known as the Quay House, is a tourist attraction on the quay in Conwy, Wales. The 3.05 metre by 1.8 metre (10 feet by 6 feet) structure was used as a residence from the 16th century until 1900; as its name indicates, it is reputed to be Britain’s smallest house. The house was lived in until 1900, when the owner was a 6ft 3 inch (1.9 meters) fisherman named Robert Jones. The rooms were too small for him to stand up in fully and he was eventually forced to move out when the council declared the house unfit for human habitation. The house is still owned by his descendants.  This house is currently red. It stands nearby the Conwy Castle walls and people can enter for £1.00 (or 50p for children). There is information about the house inside. A Welsh lady stands outside most days. The upstairs is so minute that there is room only for one bed and a bedside cabinet. Visitors can’t walk about on the 2nd floor, but can view it from the step-ladder. There’s just about enough room for one stove, a water tap, a bedside cabinet and a bed. So nanny paid the money and went in with my kids. I did go to pay but the little old lady said to me in a strong Welsh accent ” You have had for too many botoxed sausage rolls to fit in here boyo” Cheeky bint. So I am going to purchase some of the land next to her crib and build a smaller house to claim the title of Britain’s smallest house. My house will be all mod cons with ipod docks and chargers. Free super fast wifi and of course the biggest 3DTV that can possibly fit in the house. Speaking with the father in law about our venture he was going to sneak outside and deface the sign of the smallest house in Britain’s sign with a big “EX” in black marker pen. I will of course undercut her prices with 90p for Adults and 40p for kids and like all good cons conveniently not have any change and slot the difference anyway. So enjoy the title whilst it lasts ickle old lady as the picture below will be a relic soon.

Did you spot the pussy ?


Fay x x x

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