First hint of birds and the bees !!!

So Friday evening and we decided to let Elizabeth stay up with us and watch the first episode of “Frozen Planet” which is what high-definition TV is made for. Even David Attenborough made the effort in this one to go to the poles for some filming. Not bad at the age of 85. The only pole I will be seeing if I last to 85 will be the one in the Pen and Wig that the ladies are dancing around for me. So back to the story and Elizabeth was very interested in the programme and indeed the polar bears. The story was that the male polar bear was hunting down the female to mate with but had to fight another male polar bear to win the female polar bear over. This amazing sequence can also be seen on a saturday night here in Liverpool. (Puts on best David Attenborough voice) Amongst the vast sprawling nightlife of the city centre of Liverpool we centre in on the are called Mathew Street. Here we see a sequence that has never before been seen (except on numerous security cameras) We see the male of the species indicated by the way he is swaying from side to side and with a distinctive white mark around his nose which he has recently snorted. His attention is drawn to this orange glow in the distance. Yes he has spotted his mate. The female of the species is glowing radiantly orange to attract the male and is putting on a special mating show shedding her pyjamas of the day and transforming into a cat walk model. The mating ceremony is going to plan but then another male appears on the scene. He to swaying from side to side and with larger white marks around his nasal area confronts the other male. Battle commences soon to be broken up by the hierarchy of the species. Dressed in all black and with jackets that make them look bigger than they actually are the “bouncers” move in to separate the two ferocious males. After only a few minutes calm has been restored but by this time the female has moved onto a new pasture and a bar called “Flares” to seek a stronger male. But back to the polar bears and the male did indeed catch up with the female and after a scrap got to his prize also known as his mate. With my 7-year-old daughter watching was this to become my first uncomfortable moment with her as the two polar bears settled down on the ice for a good old shag ? Well the polar bears didn’t let me down and got straight into the action. Thankfully the sequence was only short but before it had finished Elizabeth was aware enough to make a comment. Shit here we go, how do I get away with this ? Do I leave it to Mrs Fay and I pretend to go the toilet. So I give you the words that came from her mouth which made nearly made me spit my cider out. “Look the polar bears are having a piggy back !!! ” Phewwwww innocence remains and the birds and the bees sermon is saved for another day. With Mrs Fay expecting our third child in April. The next question might be “Daddy where do babies come from?” to which my answer will be “Well some time last summer mummy gave daddy a piggy back”


Fay x x x

Boy “where do babies come from dad ?”

Dad “The stork”

Boy “who fucks the stork then ? “


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