John Fay 12.02.45 to 19.09.12

So haven’t had the time to blog as the big push to move into our new house was well and truly on. I was hoping my first blog back would be a triumphant account of how we turned an old decrepit three bedroom terraced house into a modern four bedroom terraced house. Well maybe I will bore you with that tale another time. Well we moved in as planned on Friday 14th September. On the Thursday before we received the news that my dad had gone into hospital with breathing problems. No alarm bells were ringing as my dad has been in a few times over the years as to cut a very long story short he has had his lung out in 2001 and a brain tumour in 2007 both of which he had  defied the odds and overcome but being with one lung and back on the old cigarettes he wasn’t running any marathons anymore. As the weekend passed he deteriorated and it soon became apparent that there was a significant chance that he wouldn’t make it out this time. With him living up in Clitheroe he was in Blackburn hospital and with it now a matter of playing the waiting game for the inevitable moment it was like being back in 2006 when my mum was in a hospice in Blackburn and the daily trek up there began. No offence Blackburn but I really do hate you.The odd footy match apart the only reasons to visit have been hospital , hospice or to register a death. Will still have to visit bastard Blackburn again one last time to register my dads death. So with it being the 18th September I decided to have a day of from visiting as it was my birthday and I had the best birthday possible in the circumstances. Every time my phone rang or received a text my heart was in my mouth. From a truly selfish perspective I did not want my dad to die on my birthday. Anyways we made it to yesterday (19th) and I was planning to go up around 12 when my sister received a call from my dad who could barely speak or breath but the phone went dead and she rushed up to the hospital. She got there and my dad was struggling to tell her something. Just like in a film on his deathbed he was trying to get words out to her. She finally deciphered what he said and it was that he had stashed money in the “puffy” foot rest he used !!! From that moment on my sister said he just relaxed and just over an hour later he passed away very peacefully. I was on my way up and missed the moment by just five mins but I was happy with that as just as with my mum I didn’t want to be there for the moment and also was not interested in seeing him at rest. So we headed back to his house to clear of any valuables and of course check in the “puffy” where there was indeed a stash of money !! Enough to keep me in sausage rolls and beers for a few weeks. We had also found out that at some point the cancer he had and had been clear off for a good few years had come back but he had decided not to tell me and my sister to protect us. I can’t explain what a brave decision that was deciding to deal with that all on his own. In truth my dad was never the same man after my mum died, never have I ever seen anybody so heartbroken by the death of a partner. Once my mum died we enjoyed just 8 months free of cancer before my dad developed his brain tumour but that was treated successfully although with regular fits due to the tumour he was never the same again . So in one way I am feeling a sense of relief this morning as the battles with illness from 1996 to date with both parents are finally gone and both are at peace. Of course on the other hand I am truly gutted my dad had died.

I am just happy that he unlike my mum got to see all three of my daughters though strangely gutted that he never got to see our new house done up. The house where 50 years earlier he would have knocked for my mum to take her out on a date. The eldest daughter (8) was a bit upset that “gaga” had died. Holly at coming up to 6 months was more interested in her new-found food she has started and Charlotte (5) just asked me this morning “When is gaga’s christening” ha ha.

So some tough times ahead but you have really got to try to get on with things as best as you can especially when you have family around you. I am indeed now King Neil Fay the first and Elizabeth becomes first in line to the throne. Might have to have a coronation party in Damon’s diner at some point. So its goodbye to a great father , great grandfather and possibly the most devoted husband to somebody there has ever been. I will miss you dad x x x.


Fay x x x x

Just one last thing folks you know them warnings on adverts and cigarettes about smoking killing. It really fucking does !!!!


9 thoughts on “John Fay 12.02.45 to 19.09.12

  1. My goodness Neil, how eloquently written. Humour & sadness in the same posting. Funny that I only know you as a virtual mate but I found myself thinking about you this morning, & all the life changing events that have happened to you this year – a proper rollercoaster that would dwarf the one in Blackpool . Enjoy those sausage rolls King Fay I’m sure your dad will approve that the secret stash is going to be well invested 🙂 RIP John Fay.

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