So a slow news day I see and the chance to bang a blog out there to my one billion plus followers from around the world. Having been awake in the night with baby troubles once again after work with the rest of the family out I decided to have a snooze and catch up on some ZZZ’s. As if by divine intervention when I turned over mid snooze Sky News was still on the iPad and I could see some white smoke coming out of a certain chimney in Rome. A new pope, now I am a sucker for breaking news and moments of importance (you can argue amongst yourself on the importance of this news) so there I was glued to the ipad awaiting who the new pope would be and what his new name was. Sky news were by now in waffle mode. I have fond memories of visiting the Vatican on my honeymoon (holiday snap below) ahh the days when I were younger (not young enough for the Vatican) and no school run or babies waking up for an hour at 3am in the morning. Now here was the same place full of pomp and ceremony with thousands congregating to see the new Pope and have a chance to wave like a tit to the world when we see ourselves on the Vatican giant screen. Now there is not one religious bone in my body and being a betting man I would actually put my last fiver on what David Icke says being true rather than their being a god. Now with betting tactics like that its fair to say the first two days of the Cheltenham festival have not been kind to me. So as mentioned in a previous blog I still feel very hard done by that the old pope didn’t die. I mean its sort of like changing the rules. Who would do that ? I mean what kind of country would let a coalition change parliament to a five-year fixed term and plan to change the amount of votes needed to call a vote of no confidence in a government to a higher amount ? So the white smoke stopped, presumably the new pope had burned all his dodgy porn collection and there was a fair wait until we found out who the new pope was. I was thinking imagine if he had keeled over in the excitement of being voted new pope and we had to do it all over again. A whole new conclave. What goes on in the conclave stays in the conclave, a rule adopted by men who go on lads holidays translated to “what goes on, on tour stays on tour”
So next up a load of guards playing some choons. These guards must have been sitting off for two days eagerly looking at the chimney like the rest of the world and panic set in for once the white smoke appeared it was time to get our daft hats on and go and play to the crowd that was growing by the minute. Evil thoughts then entered my mind as I thought imagine when the new pope comes out the crowd just boo’d and the revolution started there and then. Soon we had the announcement that the new pope was indeed Argentinian Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio. Cue tabloid headlines of an Argie pope, surely nobody would stoop so low to grab a cheap headline or blog title ? Even before the pope had came out his papal name had been revealed as Pope Francis I that got me thinking what papal name I would have. I have opted for my middle name and would therefore be known as Pope George I. Just checking on wikipedia and you would also have to add me to the list of sexually active popes ??? Link Here Although it is fair to say these days not as often as when I was in Rome on my honeymoon !!!!!! So the red curtains were drawn and tonight Mathew I am going to be Pope Francis I and the curtains were open and there he was. First impressions were he looked like a Pope and he was also knocking on a bit and he didn’t seem to happy about being pope. maybe he is saving all his better material for later gigs ? I couldn’t speck if he had the red papal shoes on, a tradition which pope Benedict restored after pope John Paul II decided he was to cool to wear them. Soon he was into the old prayer routine and having had a snooze after work I was now hungry and prayed along with the new pope. I was praying that Tesco Metro on Holmefield Road still had some sausage rolls left.
So this is the fifth pope of my lifetime and pope John Paul II is still my favourite pope. Benedict let me down big time not allowing me to chase him along Aigburth road on a BMX a tradition started by Pope John Paul II. I am hoping Franny pops over here sometime and like the reintroduction of the red papal shoes I can chase him down the same stretch of Aigburth road on a BMX. I dont own a BMX at present but I will worry about that once Franny is over here and at 76 the chances of re-enacting the BMX chase like a phenoix from the flames is slim.
In true papal style I leave you with a short speech in Latin
“Meo imitatores frui blog. Ego sum off ut consumat aliqui sancti farciminis rotulis pro parte vestra”
“To my followers enjoy the blog. I am off to consume some holy sausage rolls on your behalf”
Fay x x x x