So I think around 11am on September 18th 1973 Neil George Fay came into this world with the number one song of the time being “Angel Fingers” By Wizzard which I can safely say I have never heard in my life until I just banged it on Spotify which confirmed I had never heard it before. Things were looking up by the time I was ten and Culture Club “Karma Chameleon” must have been played at my tenth birthday party assuming I had one because normally if my mum said do you want a party or £20 in cash I would take the cash gamble. Moving onto my 20th birthday and now we really are having it with “Mr Vain” by Culture Beat rocking The Buzz Club in Liverpool at the time. Semi maturity hitting me by my 30th birthday and The Black Eyed Peas with ‘Where Is The Love?” claiming the 30th birthday number one a song of no significance or particular greatness. So to the big day and number one this week for my 40th birthday is “Roar” By Katie Perry. I had a feeling my 40th birthday number one would be shite. All stats courtesy of http://everyhit.com/dates/
So going to bed on the 17th it was a bit weird. God knows why as it is just a number and I will still wake up 40 with a beer gut and balding the same as when I was 39. So I woke up and come downstairs where the kids were excited to give me my prezzies. I always think birthday’s are better quality wise for presents. Must be because it’s an individual day for an adult rather than the chaos of chrimbo were as an adult you normally get palmed off with a Lynx box set some socks and the odd voucher. Main prezzies this year were my Nike Fuel band Blog Here a paper from the day I was born (Just 5p) and a limited vinyl edition of “Raintown” by Deacon Blue, just need to get my record player back now. So with the Nike fuel band inspiring me I managed a 3.25 mile jog as the fat thirties try and be replaced by the fit forties no doubt to be followed by the fucked fifties ! Had a lovely tea with the family at Damon’s and the evening was spent watching a bit of footy and playing Grand Theft Auto V (I’m still down with the kids) I will have to admit the day was overshadowed by what was coming today (19th) but I tried to hide it as best as possible and strangely enough this morning I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. May I wish everybody who has wished me a happy birthday many thanks and I even went on my old Facebook account for a rare log on to see all the birthday wishes and left this message
“As some of you may or may not have noticed but I do not come on here much now. May I thank each and everyone of you for your birthday well wishes. Already been to Benidorm at the start of the month. Had a lovely meal in Damon’s with the family tonight and going to Edinburgh next Friday for another weekend away with the lads.
Peace, health and love to you all. You don’t need loads of money as if you have them three it should see you right.
Wise words from the 40 year old !!”
So onto September 19th 2013 or should we say September 19th 2012. Not quite in the same league as 15th April once again a twat of a day but it is now one year since my dad died John Fay 12.02.45 to 19.09.12 So where do we start ? Well the first few months were not too bad. Looking back that period was a period of pure denial which started with me seeing the name plate on my dad’s coffin as it pulled up outside my sister’s house. Once I had seen that and the grief was heading right towards me I went into a trance like state in the following car and then in the funeral place itself. Looking down at the floor for the entire service and not wanting to see the coffin head in through the curtains for that last time. This particular stunt worked on the day as once that inconvenience was out of the way it was time to head to the pub and free ale for my mates just as my dad would have wanted it. So the denial got me through until chrimbo. Now I am on the record many times as hating chrimbo and generally become Victor Meldrew but post chrimbo this year was when the loss of my dad hit me the hardest. Several times a day I would think about him and those post chrimbo days were a particular dark period only snapping out of it by around the end of March. Things eased as the spring and summer came but it was often the daftest things that hit you unexpectedly like a hammer and thankfully the letters tidying up my dads estate stopped coming and eternal thanks goes to my sister who took on most of the case load. I have had a year now of not having to go up and pick my dad up from Clitheroe on a Sunday. A chore that despite being about a 3 hour round trip was the focal point of any Sunday. In the year I have had free of these trips I have done jack shit every Sunday. Oh how I would cherish the chance to drive up to Clitheroe to pick the silly old sod up one more time ! It is truly a strange feeling when you lose your second parent. All of a sudden there is nobody to look up to for advice and a huge void above you slowly closes over as time is a healer but it never heals in full. So my birthday will always have this giant shadow over it now. Last year with it being my birthday I decided to have a day off from the daily travel to Blackburn hospital to see my dad. Little did I know I would never see him again a decision I some what regret but in truth I needed that day for me whatever was to happen. So after what had quite frankly been a year on the piss it really is time to reflect but not forget and look forward to what life has to offer me. They say life begins at 40. Not so much of a beginning but possibly a re-evaluating for the better. I am writing this the Sunday before posting this as I gotta feeling the anniversary will be bad enough without having to delve deep into my conscience to put some words together. The old lip has wobbled a few times just putting this rambling together but with another bottle of beer and The Clash on Spotify things are looking up. I love you dad and I miss you every day x x x
Fay x x x x x
May I just add thanks to all my family and friends for putting up with me and being there not just for the last difficult year but for 40 years and if you dont know me thanks for reading this shite and I will be in Edinburgh 27th to 29th September if you wanna by me a decent scotch ;0) I leave you with a track that I was listening to a year ago. A beautiful song that I will now always remember my dad when I hear it (No relation by the way)