The hell that is Ikea, Windstorm “Christian” & my Lou Reed moment.

So just a mere 15 years since I last visited Ikea I headed up the M62 to give it another go as I needed a computer chair and chair for my “Wingate Arms” room. I braved Ikea as you can actually sit on the chairs etc rather than buy something from looking at it only from Argos and then getting it home to realise it is complete shite. So I eventually decided on the two chairs I was going to purchase and my first gripe about Ikea is that despite having a trolly you can’t put what you want to buy direct into the trolly, oh no you have to note the number down etc and get it later. So 15 mins later it was time for a game of The Crystal Maze and try to locate the chairs that I wanted to buy. Richard O’Brien was in my ear informing me that this was a 2 minute game with an automatic lock in. 45 seconds and the first chair was located (much easier having it where you first seen it) the clock was ticking. I was getting a little flustered now with the automatic lock in looming. 1 mins 30 and the second chair was located. So where would the crystal pop up. Oh hang on a fucking minute chair two is boxed in separate parts (as you do, much easier having it where you first see it) 1 mins 54 and I locate the second part of chair two (much easier having it where you first see the chair) crystal pops up and I am out safely and onto the crystal dome AKA hot dogs on the way out.  What a palaver. Check out next and Mrs Fay annoyed me by using the self service check out. I like to use a human and keep people in jobs. So onto the only thing that kept me going and the lure of a hot dog and a drink. Except they didn’t have any drinks on !! Luckily normal service was resumed and they actually served me my hot dog when I ordered it and did not send me back to the start for another round of The Crystal Maze looking for aisle 34 number 237. Have I mentioned its easier having things where you see them ? Another 15 years before I encounter the hell that is Ikea. Mrs Fay remarked on my grumpiness on her Facebook “Remind me never to ever take Neil Fay ever again, he has moaned the entire time, took the fun out of buying a candle! ” and here was me thinking we had gone for Fork Handles, boom !!


So Britain braces itself for a storm or should I day down South does. Even at this late stage of the day there is still some uncertainty about what will happen but a quick look on Sky News and they are in full mode. So in readiness for the event which in Liverpool will be a bit of heavy rain and a breeze I have stocked up on Desperado’s so have enough to let me and also got some emergency rations which came in the form of a Twix. It will be interesting to see what happens overnight as a weather nerd. The storm goes by the name windstorm Christian or the St Jude storm. Just doesn’t have the same gravitas as say Hurricane Katrina. Damage already being reported here in Liverpool as this picture from earlier on shows. I wonder if Sky News will use it if I tweet them ?

Storm Damage

So as I type this the breaking news comes in that Lou Reed has died and so in time-honoured tradition when an artist dies I rush onto Spotify and play their best of. My own particular Lou Reed moment comes from 1996. It was around March and the film Trainspotting was doing the business. It was the normal Saturday night in Cream when as the night was in full flow the lights came on full brightness in the main room and the masses of sweaty and wide-eyed folk could be seen. The DJ whose name I can’t remember a bit like large chunks of the mid 90’s I have lost dropped “Perfect Day” by Lou Reed and as I hugged and linked complete strangers the whole club were in one singing along having this moment.


Fay x x x x x


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