So Sunday morning and having stayed off the grog last night it was the big run of the week to go towards my attempt at the Liverpool half marathon in March, Liverpool marathon in May and Liverpool tunnel 10k in June. The plan this chilly Sunday morning was a gentle 8 miles ! So having got just past Tesco’s on Mather Ave heading towards Garston I noticed a car slow down and caught the last word “Fat” being hurled towards me. I had my earphones in and could not be arsed debating what had been said. So over the next bit of my run I worked out that one of Liverpools finest citizens had actually said “You’ll always be fat” Now what I should have done is stopped and said “Do you know why I am so fat” and before he could reply say “because every time I fuck your wife/bird/mum (use any) she gives me a biscuit” but to be honest if the knob head was hurling insults I have a feeling he wouldn’t of taken to kindly to my riposte. Little did our witty scouser know but he actually helped me on my run as I always find the first few miles of a run the hardest (A) because I don’t really want to be running and (B) I haven’t settled into my pace for that run so working out what he said and then thinking of ideas for this here blog helped me through the next few miles and I actually ended up doing 8.5 miles in the end. Perhaps on race day I need random people who follow me through my weather account @liverpoolweath on Twitter to hurl insults at me at strategic places along the routes of my races.
So lets deconstruct these sunday words of wisdom “You’ll always be fat” Now having reached 40 and having a middle age spread not helped by my addiction to Desperado’s and sausage rolls I think it’s fair to say that I will never be in a 32″ pair of jeans like I was when I was 18. So in fact I should be congratulating this random heckle. Perhaps I have taken it the wrong way and it wasn’t the insult of some prick but a Doctor who having seen my 18 stone bulk trying my very best to train for a marathon challenge that my late dad threw down to me just giving me some helpful health advice. So having been dealt the killer blow that “You’ll always be fat” I will store that away with other nuggets such as bears do shit in woods and the Pope is a catholic.
So what should I do with the 1492 calories that my running app says I have burned off ? Well I am gonna have a sausage butty for brunch then go out and have a few pints for the match and most probably hit a chippy on the way home thus rendering the calories earned today null and void and my waist size the same. But I am one and a half miles extra on towards my goal of doing that marathon and onto 9 miles next week we go. When my portly and rotund frame crosses the line after 26 and a bit miles I will think of my first supporter and think of the achievement of matching my old fella and how proud he would have been and hopefully raised a few bob for Christies hospital in the process. Right where is that tomato sauce.
Fay x x x x x
So with a comment left on this blog the identity of the heckler has been revealed and my faith restored in humanity. It was a mate Freddie who heckled me and the actual heckle was “too fat and too old” which I am happy to say I am neither when it come to my marathon attempt (I hope) The latest comparison made with my now rather long beard was Henry VIIIth which was suggested by a family member. With friends and family like that who needs enemies eh ! The phantom heckler has now also added that as well as being too fat and too old I must be blind and partially deaf as well after not noticing him on Sunday. All good fun though and I will still always be fat !!