So Thursday morning and our puppy Benny the Morkie was on his way down the vets. Full of the joys of puppyhood little did he know what we had in store for him. He had spent the night before living his last life a full puppy. I let him have his favourite soft football to give some loving to and one that has had the kids saying “Benny has got his lipstick out” Not content with that I let him have a last night on the tiles though it was all too much for him as pictured below.
So Thursday afternoon and the return of Benny. Everything had gone fine and he was lifted back into ours from the car now the proud supporter of the cone of shame ! Middle sprog Charlotte (7) asked what has the dog had done. I explained that he had had his little furry balls cut off to which she replied “Why don’t you get yours cut off” ouch ! She then asked why had the dog had it done. To which I put my “dad” head on and clearly explained it was to calm him down. This was met with “You need yours cutting off” I wonder if she had read my Hamburg blog ? So Benny as expected wasn’t quite himself and I posted a few tweets with the hashtag #RIPBennysballs The next morning Benny had picked up a bit but more worrying was the fact that Charlotte again repeated that I should get my balls cut off !! Oh dear was this to turn into a family campaign against me. Thankfully when Mrs Fay had her third c-section which I readily admit in the day of equal opportunities is just as painful as getting a footy in the bollocks. I hear the collective outcry. Well women you have never had a footy in the bollocks just like I have never given birth so we will leave it at that. Anyway back to C-Section III and as I was explaining Mrs Fay had her thing done, whatever that is, something to do with tubes I think thus preserving my crown jewels forever. So kids you can campaign all you want but #Faysballsarestaying A few days has passed now and Benny is as mad as ever but with the added bonus of having a big cone on his head thus causing more trouble than ever. I can’t even take him on walks but I continued the habit of walking but minus the dog and therefore becoming the weird middle aged man in the park walking on his own ! The rascal even managed to get his cone off today and luckily enough our near 3 year old was on the ball (or lack of balls) and informed us he had escaped. After an impromptu game of The Crystal Maze me and the eldest managed to get the cone back on before the three minute game finished with an automatic lock in and Benny licked his balls. The cone of shame got me thinking that you know all these identikit kiddas decked out all in black with one or two hands down the front of their pants. Well we could have the scrotum police and after getting caught with your hand down your pants for the third time you have to wear cones on your hand making it impractical to put yer hands down yer trackies.
So tonight is the eve of the Port Sunlight 10k. Mrs Fay is out on the ale and all three kids are out of the house. It was just too good an opportunity not to have a beer in the house. I only have four in, the race is at 11am and it not like its the olympics. It also might relax me the night before the race. Them four excuses are enough reason to crack a bottle open so Corona it is then. I will report back on the race tomorrow. Wish me luck and if I get a PB I have revolutionised the training routine of
athletes well overweight middle aged men.
Fay x x x x x x