My manifesto #VoteSausageRoll

So there we go the end of the last debate. I have put myself through all of them and I must admit by the last 28 mins of Nick Clegg I started playing a game on my phone as it was a waste of time. I switched over to Sky News to the “Spin Room” Bullshit room and could only take a few minutes of it before I grabbed my beer and headed off for some more bullshit and this blog. This week I received my first knock at the door from an election canvasser. It was the Green Party and their MP candidate Martin Dobson and some other fella. I got talking to them and declared I was most probably gonna spoil my paper for the general election but possibly vote Green for the council election just to try and save Sefton Park Meadows. It was then the side kick introduced himself as the council candidate. His name was Martin but I’ve forgotten his surname already. So how can I be thinking to vote for somebody who’s name I don’t even know ! Well lets face it, its all bullshit. Im hoping this election will be a game changer as I just can’t see anybody being able to form a government and next Friday will be like the slowie’s in the old Scotts nightclub in Liverpool during the early 90’s when it’s 1.55am and you still haven’t copped off and you grab anything you can in order to form a coalition. Anyway back to voting for swampie. I would normally vote Labour at the local level. I have voted Lib Dems as they have had some very good councillors in my ward but post Nick Clegg grabbing David Cameron as Boyz II Men played at 1.55 am I aint ever going down that route again. I really believe that The Meadows should not be built on for short term gain. On the national level well they are all bollocks so rather than not vote I will spoil my paper as I believe you should make the effort. Please have a look at this blog for the reason not to even do that

So what should you vote for rather than spoiling you paper or not even vote. Here is the grand unveiling of the Sausage Roll party’s manifesto.

(1) I would instantly ban the sale of all mens make up and other grooming products. Women have been shafted for years over this and now men are falling into the same trap. I will allow the sale deodorant, shower gel and talc but only if it is Insignia and Brut. I wince when I see Nivea official grooming products of Liverpool FC

(2) I would limit the time you can be logged into Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and blogs. We waste too much time on these things when we should be living life, and yes I am as bad as all of you.

(3) When concerts or other similar performances any mobile phone out for more than 30 seconds held in the air is liable to be shot by an air rifle. Chatter will also be kept to the bare minimum with offenders being escorted from the performance space to clean the toilets with a toothbrush.

(4) All makes of chocolate and other general such goodies shall be limited to one product. I love Twix’s. There is no need for me to eat Twix ice cream, Twix Mini’s, Twix biscuit bars, Twix milkshakes, Twix sausages. You get the gist. Just makes people fat.

(5) All reality TV would be banned don’t need to say anymore about that.

(6) I would ban bread bins. Mrs Fay bought one yesterday and today the bin has some half full loaves in and the new full loaves and some barms are sat behind it. There is no need for a bread bin. Why put an extra obstacle between you and the construction of a crisp butty after a few drinks in the house ?

(7) I will introduce a law that deems it unnecessary  for me to try and get a Glastonbury ticket.

Well off the top of my head (20 mins) thats the main points. There will be a lot more to be announced once I have formed a government with any bastard that is willing to let me bum them for my few seats. I mean why tell you all about it now whilst you still have the power to vote ?

Remember 7th of May vote Sausage Roll party building a better future for Britain, not shitting on the poor and ensuring I go to Glastonbury for the rest of my life.

The Sausage Roll Party



Fay x x x x x x


EDIT seems the major parties are shitting themselves as it won’t let me post the blog on Facebook !!



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Double EDIT. I have had my spinmasters and lawyers on the case and I can now publish to Facebook again. Power to the people. Together we shall fight censorship and eat sausage rolls all day long.



Cambridge land of the tourist, toff and 1am curfew

So Friday afternoon and a half day in work and me and Mrs Fay head off for a dirty weekend cultural visit to the city of Cambridge. A jarg city without a cathedral and if you want one we’ve got one to spare. So the journey down wasn’t the best with roadworks, delays and Mrs Fay at one point sending me down the M42 despite having two phones on with satnav. At this point divorce proceedings were about to be served and we wouldn’t make it to Cambridge instead our marriage would be ending in the place where the M42 ends which for the record is Bromsgrove but luckily I turned around and we eventually ended up in Cambridge by early evening. So a quick turnaround in the Premier Inn where I was half expecting Lenny Henry to be lying on my bed. A quick check of the room and he was nowhere to be seen and we headed off towards the centre of Cambridge. Now I have a little habit of finding it very hard to walk past a pub I have not been in so some five pubs later we eventually made it into the city centre encountering some locals on the way who all seemed friendly with some northerners in pubs on the outskirts of town then it was a bit more posh in the city centre or toffsville as it could be called. Some of the toffs where mighty impressed with my beard and here was me thinking my matching grey and red Adidas matching combo of trabs and trackie top would do down a storm with the Cambridge massive. Another thing about Cambridge was the sheer number of bicycles. and I checked my Paddy Power betting account and I was 4/5 on getting run over by one whilst pissed. At one point I got a ring and an excuse me whilst I was on the pavement as he was behind me despite there being a cycle lane right next to me but there are some many cyclists that bike power rules the day. We then met Mrs Fay’s cousin Anna who is studying at Cambridge. Clever bastard I hear you say. You could well be right and coming from a state school in Tottenham makes the achievement even better. Sort of puts my blagging into Liverpool John Moores university back in 1992 because my dads mate worked there in it’s place.  Anyway next up was Wetherspoons but not any ordinary Wetherspoons the biggest in Europe. I must say it was bloody massive though the DJ was stealing a living playing music that I could only describe as a noise and reminded me of the Buzz Club in Liverpool but with shite music and not as many fights. By now I was a bit tipsy and Cambridge made sure that was that with most places shut by 1am and The Revolution wanting a fiver to get in to buy an expensive drink I kindly declined their offer. Oh for the Lobster Pot and last train home now eh. As it happens we got a cab by a roundabout which was £3.80 to start and by the time we had gone around the roundabout had gone up 20p. The night was rounded off with Mrs Fay reading me an extract from the bible as I was scoffing my vastly overpriced pack of salt and vinegar Walkers crisps in bed that Lenny Henry’s rip off vending machine had shafted me for. End of day one and Cambridge is posh and expensive.

Cambridge University

Cambridge punting

So day two and we headed off for breakfast only slightly the worse for wear. How fortunate to find an Apple Shop en route where I had a play on the new watch and later a full demo and my opinion changed from why do you need one, to its an expensive luxury and then to actually I would like one of these. Now you might think I am just a piss head but whilst away I do like to sample some of the local culture  and we met Claire’s cousin who gave us a guided tour and access all areas of bits of Cambridge University which included a posh library and a dining room that was like something out of Harry Potter even though I have never see a Harry Potter film although I did once know a pot head called Harry. The building we seen were decked out in splendour and the man hours that must have went into some of the stone work must have been a mind-blowing amount. We headed into the private zone for university members and as I cruised in in my shorts and Adidas a few toffs in the distance had the look of is he bunking in about them. I should have jumped in the exclusive punt for the university and asked them in a posh voice “Would you mind helping me punt, you cunt” but we decided to head into the city centre. Here we came across a fudge shop, no pick and mix in Cambridge just fudge or if we are being honest I prefer a Twix. Though we did time it right to see the fudge being cooked and poured out. They gave away a free sample but I much prefer a Cadburys fudge. Enough of culture we hit a new few pubs for an afternoon drink who’s names I recognised from replies received to a request I put out via Twitter on my Liverpool Weather account. Time to head back up to the palace of Lenny Henry via Burger King and get ready for the night which was the main reason for coming down here and a gig by Public Service Broadcasting.

Cambridge fudge shop

So I had planned my revenge on the Revolution Bar in Cambridge by getting a drink without having to pay a fiver to get in and we had a few more bevies before we headed off to the Cambridge Corn Exchange for the gig by Public Service Broadcasting (PSB) Been a few gigs in the past few weeks so not much of a review this time but there was an excellent pre gig cartoon of asking people not to be tit’s with their mobile phones which involved a man called Geoffrey and how he ended up not very popular because he always had his phone out. It was great to see PSB play live and how they construct their songs as a lot of it is based on samples. Whilst at the gig there was some more major beard love as a young chap wanted to stroke it, the beard that is. Im polite and let him. So before you knew it the excellent gig was over and we headed off into the now wet Cambridge evening. We had a a drink and bid farewell to the youngsters but ended up staying out late on our own until the 1am Cambridge curfew kicked in.  I hailed a cab and took a deep breath and checked my overdraft was OK. Back to Lenny towers and some more S&V crisps and the land of nod.

So a great journey back in about 3 and a half hours and the lasting impression of Cambridge that it is a bit too posh for me, too many tourists and too expensive. So far up its own arse in fact that if you get a degree from Cambridge after a few years it turns into a masters. No such entitlement from my LMJU Human Geography degree of 1992-1996. Lot’s of bods walking around in cloaks and lots of Japanese tourists taking pictures such to the extent that when Claire’s cousin pops put for a pint of milk she gets papped. Don’t get me wrong we had a cracking time down there but unlike my first visit to a place like Edinburgh I won’t be rushing back there. Only one thing to do on the way home and climb up and bang a vote Labour sign on a window in Anna’s residential block. Thanks to Anna for the tour, thanks to her boyfriend Tom putting up with my drunken ramblings for two nights and also nice to meet you Pretti. Thank you Cambridge for the beard love and happy 40th birthday to Mrs Fay who’s belated present this was.

Vote Labour in Cambridge


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The Labour sign was there already and anyway I think I’m spoiling my paper next week.


Villagers 1 v Aston Villa 0

So after the morning fun of the run for the 96 (Run for the 96 blog)  it was time to head out for a few well earned beers and I headed into town to meet the lads for what on paper looked like a win for Liverpool and another FA Cup final but what just before kick off felt like a tough match. So anyway the less said about the result the better. But as I was going up the stairs to the toilet at half time two lads walked past me down the stairs and let off a vocal “Oooooohhhhhhwwaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr” Strange I thought they didn’t look like pirates to me and I didn’t see no hooks or large black hats. Come to think of it they didn’t have any beards either ? Oh hang on a min I have to strange long growth at the moment hanging down from my chin chin chin they must have been taking the piss the bastards. Anyway we went to another boozer after the match which had a sign saying “Pirate Friendly” one of the lads was put in his place by a female pool player and our own Steve Davis just about hung on for victory in the next game. Well the time had come to bid farewell to the lads as I had a gig to go to. So I put my best gold pirate earring in and jumped into the good ship Jolly Roger and headed down to The Epstein Theatre to watch Villagers live in concert.

With already having a skin full it was time for a last couple of drinks in The Epstein which I must say is one of my fave musical venues in Liverpool and indeed arts venue. Just the right size with great acoustics and a cozy atmosphere. It was sit where you want and there were five seats spare in the middle of row 2 so thats were we plonked ourselves for the night. We got talking to a girl who’s ex was an Everton fan and she was a Aston Villa fan. Not the best start to a conversation after the earlier result but to be honest after a few swigs of my beer post semi final the result quickly fades away and I have long since worried about football defeats. I recall she wanted a “Selfie” with me and my mate ?? Not sure why she wanted a giant (my mate) and a Pirate on a photo with herself but hey ho we obliged.

So first up the support act and the beautiful voice of a female artist called Sobi Thurairatnam just up on stage with only an electric guitar for company. Only a short set as ever with support acts but her voice pierced the hushed Epstein theatre. She goes by the name of just Sobi if you are gonna check her out on Spotify. Highlight of the set was the haunting vocal on “Just Like You” and how could I forget the Spice Girls cover “Wannabe”

Onto the main act now I had caught a few songs by Villagers in the John Peel tent at Glastonbury a few years ago and a full gig at the East Village Arts Centre. Tonight though sitting down was actually better and the middle of the 2nd row was feeling like it was gonna be like sitting in my living room watching them. The Villagers are described as an indie folk band, coming from Dun Laoghaire in Ireland. They have a new album out called “Darling Arithmetic” which I have on a belter limited edition gold coloured vinyl. Criminally the have not had a top 40 single but hey I am 41 now and not 16 so stick your charts where the sun don’t shine. So playing a mixture of tracks from their three albums the lead vocalist Conor O’Brien was superbly backed by a harpist, keyboard player, double bassist and drummer. The band just seemed to sound so tight, or was this a full day on the ale kicking in ? No they were deffo great. One thing I will say is that at a gig I can hear a moth break wind at over 50 yards away and after Fridays shambles at the Casa Gig READ HERE I have never heard such hush at a concert for many years. Everybody was totally absorbed in the music. So my highlight of the night was a song called “The Waves” It was a five star gig with a great band, in a great venue. I couldn’t ask for more. The latest Villagers single is below.

So with only one thing left after a day on the pop and a gig it was time for a scran at The Lobster Pot and the 82 bus home with the melodic mellow choons of the Villagers floating with me in the spring nighttime air as I packed my fat pirate arse home and my mates as well (which makes a change) Football what football. Final Score Villagers 1 v Aston Villa 0.

The Villagers Live At The Epstein Theatre


Fay x x x x x x

Run For The 96

So early Sunday morning and after just one training run of once around Sevvy Park it was time to head off up to Stanley Park in Liverpool and me and the eldest Elizabeth (10) were taking part in the Run For The 96 5k. The run was set up to raise some money for charities and also in memory of the 96 people who lost their lives at Hillsborough. It was the first education of my middle child Charlotte (7) who did not fully understand what “The 96” was. Part of me thought hmmmm she should really know about it but the part of me was happy that she was innocent enough not to have known. Life is full of horribleness so perhaps it is best to keep your childhood as long as you can. Anyway she now knows about the 96 and hopefully by the time my youngest Holly (3) is old enough I will be able to tell her the full tale including the end when justice was served.

So we picked up our race t-shirts and no XL left but not a problem as I have never fitted in an XL race top yet and is my last ambition in the running world to achieve and I was sporting my red Adidas tracksuit top to represent Liverpool. We bumped into an old friend at the start and I used to work with her dad and had a pre race chat. Then me and Elizabeth lined up at the start and we eventually made it to the start line as there was a good turn out for the event. Heading up towards and past Anfield first and then down towards Goodison was a fella on crutches, a woman with a baby on her front and families of all ages running. Every now and again I would spot a t-shirt on with somebody who had died at Hillsborough and it brings it all back home what happened that day and how I take it for granted I can just turn up with my daughter to run the race. So with just two stops for some slight hills Elizabeth was doing well and we were soon past the 2.3 miles we had run around Sevvy Park. but then the finish line was in sight and on a nice downhill stretch. Elizabeth kicked for home and left me trailing and she took the gold medal for the Fay family. Collecting out medals at the end I noticed Margaret Aspinall giving some out and she said thank you to Elizabeth for running. The thank you’s should be going the other way for what that woman has done.

So post race pictures and the kids were demolishing what was in my race goody bag. We spotted Carl Hunter and Steve Grimes from the Liverpool band The Farm who had finished the race after only watching them on Friday at The Casa gig. So today wasn’t about times or anything but about remembering the 96 people who went to an FA Cup semi final just like the one later today and never came home. Can you just imagine that and then the insult of being lied to and an over 20 year fight for the truth and justice. The truth is now out there and we await the justice. Sadly I can’t ever see the second coming but we will fight on.

Run for the 96 finish


Run for the 96 race




Fay x x x x x x

The @CASALiverpool Solidarity Show

So Friday night and a night out at the Liverpool Philharmonic Hall. After a few pre show bevvies in The Roscoe Head we trooped up the hill to go and watch The Casa Solidarity Show. So this show was being put on by Daily Mirror columnist Brian Reade to raise money for The Casa. So what is The Casa some of you might say or indeed you might just think it’s just a boozer on Hope Street. Well The Casa is part of the Initiative Factory, a charitable trust set up by the sacked men of the dockers dispute to further the hopes and aspirations of the people and alleviate poverty in the city of Liverpool. It gives out advice on welfare (Lets face it thats much needed with this shower of shite in charge of the country) and also legal advice and many other things too long list on here. Anyway to cut a long story short it needed a few bob to keep going and this fundraising night was set up to help that cause.

So John Bishop was the compare and as ever was funny in his hosting of the night and what a meteoric rise that fella has had. I remember listening to his radio show on City Talk and then the next thing he is at the top table of comedy well in la. First up was Ricky Tomlinson who came on and told a few stories and gags and was impeccably dressed a million miles from his Jim Royle character but noted were his tales of Cilla Black. Ricky is man who’s union struggles are well documented. Next up was local comedian Chris Cairns who I had seen perform before at a sportsmans dinner at what was then called Shorfields school. Having gone to that school he knew some of the teachers at that school and had some fun at their expense and I was out with a few of them tonight. Chris carried on the laughter that had been going on from the start of the night which then led us into John Power coming on and doing a few songs. Sadly there were three women behind who were chatting constantly throughout the gig, so much that the people in front of me turned around a few times to give a few glares. I am far to polite (shithouse) to say anything so abandoned the end of the John Power set to get the bar early. The highlight lowlight of the gig chattering was when a John Power song came on the woman said I love this one, then proceeded to chat all through the acoustic song then cheered at the end !! Anyway I wasn’t gonna let this ruin a good night for a good cause.

The CASA Liverpool

Post interval seen Neil Fitzmaurice come on and do a set and by this time the audience were well warmed up and laughter was heard for the entirety of his set. A honorary scouser for the night was on next Mr Mark Steel who has helped many times for causes linked to Liverpool. First time I have heard Mark Steel and again the laughter levels were high. Next up a few serious words from Brian Reade who organised the gig and a fella from The Casa who’s name escaped me. The night was rounded up with a small set from a band from my youth Liverpool’s very own The Farm. Always great to hear their songs. I had a tiny hope that Mick Jones from The Clash might pop up to due his previous support around the don’t buy The Sun and Justice Tonight band gigs but alas it did not happen though we were treated to a great version of “Bankrobber” So the night was ended with the whole of The Phil up on their feet singing The Farm’s anthem “All Together Now” and a great night finished for a great cause. The women behind me continued their chatting throughout all of the second half and were tucking into their smuggled in ale though I am sure they will be happy with the smuggle it in inside a tube of Pringles tip one of the comedians gave out.

So the main things is a decent amount of money was raised for the Casa and as Peter Hooton pointed out it’s a great place that gives out so much help and advice oh and the ale is slightly cheaper than anywhere else ! I will drink to that next time I am in there and if you see any fundraising activities please help. You never know when you might need the advice and help from The Casa. A few more post show beers on Hardman Street and the traditional scran from the Botan rounded off a great night. Thanks to all those who helped set up the show and to those who gave their time to perform. Together we can be strong.


The Farm Casa Liverpool gig


Fay x x x x x x

15th April once again a TWAT of a day

So the 15th of April comes around yet again and its a day I dont look forward to. 15/04/1989 and its now 26 years since Liverpool fans went to Hillsborough for a F.A.Cup semi final and 96 of them died. I didnt go the match that day but had friends who did and I still remember making the phone calls that evening wondering what I would do if I heard any bad news. All my close friends made it back. There was however one lad who I played football with who did not. His name was Philip Hammond. He was only 14 and I has played in teams with him from Sudley juniors through to APH. He was a good player, that good that he was in the year below us but often played with my year. Hid dad Philip Hammond Senior has been a tireless campaigner for justice for those fans. It’s nice to see Calderstones school name their sports hall after Phil and I have had a bit of contact with his younger brother Graeme on Twitter and my thoughts are with him and his family and the other families today. What a shocking waste of a life and as I get older both as a person and a parent I can feel the pain that the families have suffered both of the tragedy and the 26 years fight for justice. But sadly still many people need educating about the facts of Hillsborough though with the ever increasing fight for justice many people have learned the truth and taking place this year is the Hillsborough inquest in Warrington which has already some emotional moments with the individual tributes to all the victims and hopefully by next year justice might be being served. Just remember don’t buy the sun.


As if by some cruel twist of fate 15/04/2006 came around and after battling cancer for the best part of 10 years my mum finally died after some time in a hospice. She was brave to the end and went through so much in those 10 years and I grab the positives that she seen me get married, and have our eldest Elizabeth. It pains me that she never got to see Charlotte, and time does heal things a bit but certain dates stick out. Both my daughters have Lillian as a middle name after my mum so they will always remember nana. In 2012 we had another daughter born in early April called Holly who never got to see nana and also my mums mum is no longer here as well and Holly has her name Eillen (poor girl) as a middle name. Added to the misery is that my dad has now joined the great Fay/Roper party in the sky. Nobody prepares you for losing a parent and when the second one bites the dust it made me re-evaluate my life, a process which is still happening. No longer anybody to look up to and ask questions. All of a sudden you become technically an orphan. I had been giving Thatcher stick in an old blog but her daughter hit the nail on the head by saying  “It is a deeply sad and rather thought-provoking landmark in life.” Talking about losing a second parent. Now I am leader of the pack with a massive hole in the family make up.  Just a short blog today to remember my mum and those footy fans who went to see a match but never returned.

Sudley Field Hillsborough Memorial

This Sunday me and my eldest daughter Elizabeth (10) will be running the first Run For The 96 around Stanley park. It’s only 5k and we have been on one training run and we are looking forward to the race and will be thinking of the 96 and my mum as we take part and will blog about it on Sunday.


Fay x x x x x x

Electric Swing Circus live @CampandFurnace

So Friday night and time to go to a gig. A quick change of venue first as the gig was meant to be at the Blade Factory but got moved to be part of The Camp and Furnaces food slam night. I was a bit worried as I would prefer a gig rather than an event where people had not necessarily gone to see the band. Well we got a decent speck on one of the tables and the waft of food from the food slam was tempting but I am more of a post bevy fat bastard than during drinking. So we were in for a treat of three warm up artists and then the main event The Electric Swing Circus. So it was very busy in the Camp and Furnace when the opening act Helena Johnson came on and soon captivated us with her fine voice and her keyboard player seemed to be having the time of life. Although from North Yorkshire Helena is now based in Liverpool and is just about to leave LIPA. Next up was Chanel Samson again now based in Liverpool but ending up here all the way from LA. I am safe to say that Chanel had an eccentric persona on stage. Described as circus rock on her Facebook page her performance had hints of punk about it but then also hints of folk and never stood still including a song called Fuck You Matthew. Last up before the main act was a band called Highfields with Robert Mulder on vocals. Again a hint of folk here but with a twist and by the end of their set Highfields had the crowd dancing. So three bands in and three good performances. I love discovering new music and especially watching it live. Below are some clips from the three bands I have mentioned and I will deffo be looking out to try to watch them again on the Liverpool circuit.

So onto the main event and The Electric Swing Circus which a friend had discovered and told us we must go and see live. I can only use their description from their Facebook page as it hits the nail on the head “Electro-Swing – vintage sounds rewound, pumped up and performed live” the dance floor had cleared after Highfields and a few people had left The Camp and Furnace and the band played the first few songs and it seemed for a moment that possibly Highfields the band before might upstage the main act but fear not a few from our gang soon got up to boogie and the masses followed including me (Im far too cool embarresed to dance first) there was no stopping the band and the crowd then as the party was in full swing. Who doesn’t like to hear “Minnie The Moocher” live and with top tracks like “Bella Bella” and “Valentine” everybody was having fun. I have a good feeling that we will be meeting Electric Swing Circus on a certain farm at the end of June and I can’t wait for that one.

Please take some time to watch the videos above and check out any of the bands who are on all the usual social media outlets. Once again another cracking night at The Camp and Furnace a place that never fails to deliver every time I have been there. So a busy fortnight music wise with the Casa support gig at the Philharmonic this Saturday and then The Villagers at the Epstein theatre on Sunday followed by Public Service Broadcasting in Cambridge the weekend after. So thats it pop pickers I am off to play my three new LP’s I have just bought from The Lucid Dream, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds and The Villagers all well worth a listen.

Electric Swing Circus


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