So there we go the end of the last debate. I have put myself through all of them and I must admit by the last 28 mins of Nick Clegg I started playing a game on my phone as it was a waste of time. I switched over to Sky News to the
“Spin Room” Bullshit room and could only take a few minutes of it before I grabbed my beer and headed off for some more bullshit and this blog. This week I received my first knock at the door from an election canvasser. It was the Green Party and their MP candidate Martin Dobson and some other fella. I got talking to them and declared I was most probably gonna spoil my paper for the general election but possibly vote Green for the council election just to try and save Sefton Park Meadows. It was then the side kick introduced himself as the council candidate. His name was Martin but I’ve forgotten his surname already. So how can I be thinking to vote for somebody who’s name I don’t even know ! Well lets face it, its all bullshit. Im hoping this election will be a game changer as I just can’t see anybody being able to form a government and next Friday will be like the slowie’s in the old Scotts nightclub in Liverpool during the early 90’s when it’s 1.55am and you still haven’t copped off and you grab anything you can in order to form a coalition. Anyway back to voting for swampie. I would normally vote Labour at the local level. I have voted Lib Dems as they have had some very good councillors in my ward but post Nick Clegg grabbing David Cameron as Boyz II Men played at 1.55 am I aint ever going down that route again. I really believe that The Meadows should not be built on for short term gain. On the national level well they are all bollocks so rather than not vote I will spoil my paper as I believe you should make the effort. Please have a look at this blog for the reason not to even do that https://tomvine.wordpress.com/2015/04/30/why-i-am-not-voting-on-7th-may/
So what should you vote for rather than spoiling you paper or not even vote. Here is the grand unveiling of the Sausage Roll party’s manifesto.
(1) I would instantly ban the sale of all mens make up and other grooming products. Women have been shafted for years over this and now men are falling into the same trap. I will allow the sale deodorant, shower gel and talc but only if it is Insignia and Brut. I wince when I see Nivea official grooming products of Liverpool FC
(2) I would limit the time you can be logged into Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and blogs. We waste too much time on these things when we should be living life, and yes I am as bad as all of you.
(3) When concerts or other similar performances any mobile phone out for more than 30 seconds held in the air is liable to be shot by an air rifle. Chatter will also be kept to the bare minimum with offenders being escorted from the performance space to clean the toilets with a toothbrush.
(4) All makes of chocolate and other general such goodies shall be limited to one product. I love Twix’s. There is no need for me to eat Twix ice cream, Twix Mini’s, Twix biscuit bars, Twix milkshakes, Twix sausages. You get the gist. Just makes people fat.
(5) All reality TV would be banned don’t need to say anymore about that.
(6) I would ban bread bins. Mrs Fay bought one yesterday and today the bin has some half full loaves in and the new full loaves and some barms are sat behind it. There is no need for a bread bin. Why put an extra obstacle between you and the construction of a crisp butty after a few drinks in the house ?
(7) I will introduce a law that deems it unnecessary for me to try and get a Glastonbury ticket.
Well off the top of my head (20 mins) thats the main points. There will be a lot more to be announced once I have formed a government with any bastard that is willing to let me bum them for my few seats. I mean why tell you all about it now whilst you still have the power to vote ?
Remember 7th of May vote Sausage Roll party building a better future for Britain, not shitting on the poor and ensuring I go to Glastonbury for the rest of my life.
Fay x x x x x x
EDIT seems the major parties are shitting themselves as it won’t let me post the blog on Facebook !!
Double EDIT. I have had my spinmasters and lawyers on the case and I can now publish to Facebook again. Power to the people. Together we shall fight censorship and eat sausage rolls all day long.