So how can I blog without no mention of the first Conservative budget for years ! It really is a close call between who is the biggest cunt, Gideon or Duncan Smith. The cynic in me says what a coincidence that the cameras were on Duncan Smith just as he acted like a prized prick ! All the talk before the budget was that Gideon was gonna be so kind and not attack welfare benefits as quickly as he was. That’s alright Gideon you have gone from being a massive cunt to just a cunt. Apologies for the c-bombs but sometimes it is needed. Anyway to has been confirmed that 13 million families will be £260 worse off and up to 3 million families £1000 worse off. Were all in this together eh. Better stop now before I go off on one and print that picture of IDS off and do some practice on my dart board. 5 more years of this. Imagine the joy on IDS’s face once Universal Credit comes in. He already looks as if it is his orgasm face whilst being spanked by some high class hookers, clenching his fists (and most probably arse) as he says hit me harder, hit me harder just like me and Gideon hit the poor as Gideon sits off on the sideline racking another line up the staring into space like it’s Prime Ministers Question time and he is on another planet !
So the youngest Holly (age 3) was keeping me amused the other day. I was enjoying a laze on the couch flicking between sport when I put the womens tennis on and she asked “Can we go and play tennis on the field” It brought back fond memories of being young and playing whatever sport was on the TV in the summer in the days when football wasn’t the beast it now is and actually had a rest over the summer from the news etc. Next up I banged the end of the stage of the tour de France on. Straight away she asked “Was Gan Gan in the lead ? ” That being her 62 year old grandad who has recently got into bike riding. He isn’t quite up to that standard yet and finally we booked a family holiday for August and were off to Benidorm as we have won the postcode lottery ! Sadly we haven’t and luckily enough we have decided on Cyprus rather than Benidorm funded by the great other funder of events Barclaycard ! I told Holly as she was lying in bed that we had booked somewhere (She new we were looking) and she said “Are we going tomorrow” awwwwwww I will have to show her the clip of Iain Duncan Smith and get her three year old views on that, hope she doesn’t use the C-Bomb !
Major alert in the Fay household the other day as at 5:45am the house alarm went off. I jumped straight up and grabbed my handily placed baseball bat and legged it downstairs and switched the alarm off. Zone 4 was showing on the alarm box. I manoeuvred through the house like Bodie from The Professionals checking the front room pushing the door open, pausing then jumping into the room. A repeat of this in the kitchen followed by a quick surveillance of the back yard through a minimal twitch of the blinds to avoid detection. All clear, by this time I had back up from Doyle (Mrs Fay) It was time to go into zone 4 AKA my office. Baseball bat at the ready I kicked the door open and like ninja manoeuvred into the room. There was nothing there apart from a large bluebottle buzzing around and I can only assume it had landed on my Tyskie Glastonbury flag which is now back on the wall but located near the sensor and caused it to move and set the alarm off ! Phewwwww I imagined the theme tune from The Professionals and jumped in my imaginary Capri and drove up the stairs and then jumped back into my bed like James Bond. One quick glance at Miss Moneypenny AKA Mrs Fay and getting ready for some hero action but she was already half asleep and my CI5 fantasy was over. For the record any prospective “tea leafs” I would have no hesitation in knocking you down and then breaking both your legs to pieces as I then made some breakfast caught up with the news and then phoned the bizzies in my own time.
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