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OK on a birthday cake or a spare one in the draw in case of a power cut. But loads dotted around the house each one a mini fire hazard. Your more likely to die in a house fire caused by a candle than be killed by a terrorist. Yet I don’t see the government raising the candle fire alert or people kicking off over foreign candles coming over here taking our candles jobs. Some of these candles are fookin expensive as well just because they have a scent of summer lavender with a hint of hay. There is no need for them. if yer living room smells get down to pound land and get the Shake n’ Vac out.
Well after last nights great gig Henry Priestman and Les Glover and got to chat to them both followed by a nice 9 miles run as part of my Greater Manchester marathon training this morning all is good so no moaning today and time for a chrimbo choon and Jose Feliciano with Feliz Navidad. Don’t worry window 14 is a moan !
Stuff on fridges. Yes our fridge Mrs Fay. Now I don’t mind a nice and tidy collection of fridge magnets showing all the places I have been on the piss over the years (Stuttgart 2016 awaits) but ours has letters and notices on, enough artwork that Holly has made to fill a small gallery, random pictures of babies I don’t recognise (Christ hope its not one of ours) and a whole host of other tat on. I just want to be able to walk past the fridge without having a fight with a letter from the nursery or open the fridge without then spending time picking up shite that has fell off when opening the fridge thus reducing valuable beer consumption time. Because of this beer thing I will allow one magnetic bottle opener.
iTunes yes bloody iTunes. Back in the day when the iPod was king the joy of it all was that any idiot could use iTunes and the iPod and iTunes went hand in hand. Now with all kids of i-gadgets iTunes has become a nightmare to use. Even worse on my phone, show downloaded music, iCloud, Apple music, radio, show all music ahhhhh where does it end ? I am lost and confused and that deffo isn’t the way Jobs wanted it when he wanted me to have access to the whole of my Boney M collection.
Lights, lights and more lights. It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here said my dad in the 70’s when 1 room generally meant one bulb and maybe a lamp in the posh room. Well here are the results of the jury of Aigburth in The Eurovision Light Contest.
Number of rooms 9
Number of lights 24
Number of lamps 12
Thats 36 things to be on over 9 rooms at an average of 4 per room.
Add on around 8 sets of fairy lights at the moment and that is indeed not as my late dad would say Blackpool illuminations but Aigburth’s very own Las Vegas strip with the carbon footprint of Robert Pershing Wadlow.
Three moans on the run deserves some light relief in the form of panto and who doesn’t want to see a half naked Pete Price with two tubs of Haribo and a Biscuit Boost down the front of his tights.
Back to driving. It seems as well as many broken indicators people have lost the skill of how to turn a corner. It is quite simple, stick to the left and inside any lines in the middle. One day I am gonna go for it and stand my ground and I will be straight onto Hampson Hughes for a quick cash injection.
Chrimbo jumpers. Often mocked it was funny for about a year when it came back and now in the words of Jegsy Dodd describing jesters hats at festivals “You are neither funny, ironic or wacky. You are Twats and when judgement day comes you will be punished for crimes against humanity and taste”
Updates. phone update, laptop update. As a casual gamer I think go I will have a go on the PS4, only gayer an update. Even the TV asks for an update now and again. The price of modern life eh. Well I have an update. Get all updates to be done at 1am on a Sunday. The nice guy I am I have been updating some presents for others so that on chrimbo day they won’t be sat there for over an hour updating things but at which point by the time its updated the excitement has gone from your new prezzie and you most probably are now having a Bailey’s and some chocolate orange instead.
Gig Twats ! Part one camera and phone knob heads at gigs. By all means grab a little photo for the memory. No need to film a whole song right in my view. We have all done it but only the wise man or wise woman does it once. Part Two people who chat at gigs. Couldn’t give a flying fuck if you have only come to listen to the two top 10 hits of a certain band. I want to listen to a quiet obscure b-side without you chattering away and killing that moment.
Must stop moaning. Here is me in a soft porn shoot in a santa suit and the answer to your question is yes I always keep my white sports socks on !!!
Pub etiquette. It’s nice to get served in order and I take great pride in saying no they are before me and then getting a thank you back. Sadly sometimes it becomes each to their own and being a 6 foot three pie arse will in most cases get me served before you so overall the queue system is best for all.
No moan today just to wish you all thats family, friends, readers of the blog, Twitter bods, Facebook bods, Instagram bods and the one person who searched for sex style pictures today and stumbled over my blog a very Merry Christmas
Fay x x x x x x x