10 films I was told to watch (1 – 5)

So chrimbo eve 2014 and a discussion over a pint (or four) with a few mates and we wandered across the topic of films. Much to their shock they discovered I had not watched many that weren’t part of a series E.G Star Wars, Lethal Weapon, Police Squad, Jaws and of course Swedish amateur lesbians volume 1 to 5 and 6 (The best of) On further discussion they found out I had watched a few classics such as One flew over the cuckoo’s nest and Shawshank Redemption. It was agreed that a 10 films you must watch list would be created. Fast forward to chrimbo eve 2015 and with the same set of lads the shortlist was hurriedly scribbled onto the back of a Merseyrail receipt and the 10 had been selected. So below in only the order I decided to watch them I now become Barry Norman or should that be Mark Kermode ? So sit back, grab some popcorn, dim the lights and if your watching Swedish amateur lesbians put on your false arm !! Here are films 1 to 5.

The Good, the bad and the ugly (1966)

So on a Saturday afternoon after a 12 mile jog I settled down on my bed to watch the first of these to “epic” films. First thing I have to do is to check how long the film is. Just under 3 hours. Ouch, not sure if my attention span will last that long oh and the fact I might well doze off after my run but I will give it a go. I don’t ever recall watching a western, though I seem to remember them being on the TV on a Sunday afternoon as my dad watched them after Weekend World which I recall had an amazing theme tune ? Anyway I digress. Not too keen on the idea of watching a western. Don’t get me wrong I liked to play cowboys and indians when I was younger  but 3 hours of it ? So first up I find out the good, the bad and the ugly are in fact three cowboys and its a tale of their shenanigans  that ends up looking for hidden treasure. Strikingly its the music that grabs you here with it’s recognisable theme tune running throughout the film and one I am still humming a day after. Also very striking is the way people dive when shot dead and indeed Ashley Young could well be a stunt double in this film. I always try and predict what goes on in a film and was thinking here that at the end the good, the bad and the ugly would shoot each other at the same time and nobody gets the treasure. It didn’t quite work out like that but somebody did bite the dust. So I did stay awake for the whole thing and I will be honest it did have me hooked after about half an hour and I was keen to find out what happened. There was no need for the film to be stretched out over nearly 3 hours. The story could have easily been told a bit quicker. But I did enjoy it and I do think I might have watched the extended version by mistake. So on the newly formed hot dog scale this film gets 7 hotdogs out of a possible 10 and I get the satisfaction that my old man would have been proud I have watched this film.

Some Like It Hot (1959)

So a black and white film. The last black and white film I watched was on Beta Max when the version of Swedish Amateur Lesbians Volume 1 that had been passed to me had a certain bit played so much the tape was now black and white (No more Swedish Amateur Lesbian gags I promise) It was the first film I had watched of the goddess that was Marilyn Monroe. This had been sold to me as a comedy. Hmmmmm it was like a very light version of a “Carry on” film and the corner of my mouth might have raised once during the film. I suppose it was cutting edge back in the day with its cross dressing characters but the film did nothing for me and gets a lowly 3 hotdogs out of 10.

Psycho (1960)

Another first I think as I dot ever recall watching a Hitchcock film though obviously I know about that scene and have seen a glimpse of it and of course the music. I was expecting good things of this film due to its iconic status and was judging it on the style of the day compared to modern day when there would be a lot more gratuitous violence and also a lot of nudity. As it was there was no nudity and the violence was subtle. It did have a ring of an episode of Scooby Doo for me and the ending just cemented that feeling for me even more. The film didn’t really get going for me and it was some what of a let down as I was expecting some edge of the seat tension that failed to materialise and so for that only gets 4 hotdogs out of 10.

On The Waterfront (1954)

Early Brando and only the second time I have seen Brando apart from Superman 1. First celebrity spot (If you can call it that) and a young Herman Munster is in the film. Now I admit I watched this film in three bits as I had fallen asleep twice watching it in bed. Not a cause of the film just all this bloody marathon training I am doing. The film is a sort of Dockworkers versus the mob and it lets you know when there is a “Moment” as musically it delivers a blast of brass stings somewhat reminding me of TV Batman from the 1960’s. With a story line with a hint of a political/Socialist context is is the power of the people that wins over in the end and that alone can’t be a bad thing. I was pleasantly surprised by this movie and it gets 6 hotdogs out of ten.

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963)

This was actually bought on DVD for me by one of the lads on chrimbo eve whilst he was doing his chrimbo shopping. It was nearly left in the back of a cab but for my inbuilt check to see that my beloved iPhone hasn’t fallen out I spotted the DVD on the back seat of the cab. That must be an omen. Again I think it’s my first Spencer Tracey film having only previously known him for being in the Deacon Blue song “He looks like Spencer Tracey Now” Not long after the start and the initial plot is set this film just turns into a version of Wacky Races but with no added bonus of Muttley. Again it has a hint of a “Carry On” film about it but without any smut. I thought my copy of the film had broke as the screen went blank but it was an interval. Something I had never seen before in a film whilst watching on TV. Sadly no old lady selling ice creams came past my bed as I watched the black space of the interval. The interval was unfortunately only a few minutes long and the film came back on. Celebrity spot number two was a young Colombo in the film. This was the film that never ended running at around 200 mins. Talk about stretching it out and all for one of the most bizarre and unfunny ends I have ever seen to a film involving a ladder and most of the cast falling of the ladder and landing safely in a number of ways that were meant to be funny but I just sat there thinking is this really happening. This was truly a sad, sad, sad, sad film and gets just 2 hotdogs out of 10.

So five down and five to go. Two decent films, one middle and two shite so far and my expectations aren’t too high now for the last five films based on the first five. So expect part two of 10 films I was told to watch in about two weeks.

Oscar trophy


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Midnight Ping Pong and Everton’s new number 11 Osborne.

So I don’t know if it is all the running I am doing (Successfully nailed a 13.5 mile run on Thursday, thats the easy half of a marathon) but I have been having some weird dreams recently. Perhaps it is because I have cut down on the diet coke after finally admitting it is not working and actually having some deep sleep instead of caffeine fuelled naps ! Anyway the other night I had a dream but unlike most that drift off into the clouds that the sheep are in I woke up in the morning and remembered a lot of this one. There was a company that had shut a building down as part of an austerity drive and several people were made redundant with no pay offs. This had pissed me off so I decided to go around local businesses and try and get some things free to help these people in their hour of need. Anyway it worked and the people were made up. Word spread around and as more people lost their jobs I looked out over the city and it was like a trail of ants all heading to my “food bank” Anyway to cut a long dream short Everton’s new number 11 Gideon Osborne was pretty pissed off and decided enough was enough and that I was spoiling his fun watching people struggle. So he personally wanted me dead and would do the job himself. So after what seemed like a Blues Brothers style car chase he finally cornered me and just as he was about to drown me in a large tank of something I woke up !! So here I am the saviour of the common man ha ha. Maybe joining the Labour Party and backing Jeremy Corbyn has gone to my head. Perhaps its because I have cured myself from watching the shite that is BBC Question time my anger which was taken out muttering at the television every Thursday night is not getting out and the release is crazy political dreams. Or maybe I just need to get out more ?

George Osborn Everton's new number 11

On Saturday night I caught a bit of ping pong on Sky Sports five. They were taking it pretty seriously whoever was playing but I left it at that. Fast forward to Sunday evening and I again caught the same channel and it was the quarter finals of the world championship of ping pong. The very excitable Gavin Rumgay of Scotland got knocked out. Not only did he have that surname to put up with (And I thought the Gay Fay taunts of the 1980’s were bad) he was your stereotypical scotsman being small with ginger hair though I don’t think he was pissed. So the next match and this seemed to be ping pong with the jazz of other sporting events. A quick google and indeed Barry Hearn has his hands all over it hence the flashing lights, walk on girls etc. Now what is the difference between table tennis and ping pong ?

The main differences are ;

  • All players used the same sandpaper bats which they are given at the start of the match.
  • Standard table tennis rules apply.
  • Except, players can use a double point ball once a match. If they win the point with the ball they score an extra point.

Next up was a fella called Christopher Doran who shall we put it politely was about the size of me and possibly bigger. Didn’t matter how big he was as he was a very good ping pong player but despite going one set up he lost 2-1. So hope for us fatty’s yet to make a quarter final of a world championships (Darts and Sumo apart) So the advertised finish was 10:30 so I thought I would watch the climax of the world championship as it was very entertaining and I was having a quiet beer seeing out the last of the weekend. To cut a long Ping Pong story short it was just before midnight when Andrew Baggaley retained his world championship beating three times champion the Russian Maxim Shmyrev and my quiet beer had turned into a bit of a session. During the final I spotted one fan asleep though after the nail biting fourth set the noise woke him up and he must have realised it was late and he legged it out of the arena. So the final was a match worthy of the event (Scores below) and I am now a converted Ping Pong fan. Jib yer table tennis with your machine like Chinese dominating this was ping pong for the masses. Remember where you heard it first.

World Championship Ping Pong fan asleep

World Championship Ping Pong result 2016

One final thing, Cecil Parkinson died today. You can make your own mind up if he was a cunt. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/conservative/12120477/The-only-promise-Cecil-Parkinson-ever-kept-never-to-see-his-daughter.html


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I’m in a music video and marathon pain but it will be worth it.

Happy new year and all that bollocks ! Just a short blog and an update on things.

So for those who might not know one of my fave bands are Liverpool’s very own The Christians who coincidently popped around to my house last year (Blog here   Dear Jim Can You Fix It For Me To Meet The Christians)  Anyway not content with being number one stalker and not kidnaping them on their visit to my abode they have just released a second single and video called “Mother” from their latest album “We” (Do check it out) The song was written by lead singer Garry after the death of his mother. On Facebook the band asked for pictures of late mothers to use in a video for a single. So fast forward a couple of months and the video was released and at 1:37 there is a cheeky young me and my late mum in the video. It was quite emotional watching it for the first time. My mum took me twice to the Liverpool Empire to see the band back in around 1990 and 1992. Just a damn shame she never got to see herself in a Christians video. I wonder what she would have made of that  ? Anyway the video is below for you to watch and who would have thought as a 13 year old buying the bands first single in 1987 I would end up in a video. its a funny old world !

So with the new year comes the annual fitness kick and no booze attempt. Well the no booze lasted about 9 days when I decided to limit myself to one session a week. So I’m my madness I have decided to do a marathon again on 10th April The Greater Manchester Marathon. So the scales of injustice weighed in at 18 stone 3 in the new year and the hard task of losing weight and training starts. Now I had been running towards the end of 2015 so imagine what the scales of in justice would have said if it wasn’t for that !! The aim of this years marathon is to break that 5 hours barrier. Last time it was around 5 hours 10  (Blog Here  Emotional Liverpool RNR Marathon Review )  I was not going to chase people for money after last time raising £638.96 for Christies cancer hospital a cause close to my heart and a place that gave my mum some unexpected extra years. But whilst out nailing 6 miles tonight I thought fuck it I will set up a page and not harass people too much and if I can raise £300 then that will go to a good cause. What cause could I run for ? I remembered a lad I knew as a kid and have played footy with since a few times and so I have decided to raise money this time for Down Syndrome Liverpool as his daughter has down syndrome (Website here) DSL aims to support parents, carers and families who are affected by Down’s syndrome and seeks to enhance the lives of people with the condition who live in the City of Liverpool and surrounding area. So if you want to help me on those long 20 mile training runs and also keep away from the sausage rolls any donations will inspire me. There is a link at the bottom of this blog if you wish to donate.

So a 10k race on Sunday in Liverpool as part of my training and next weekend its an attempt at a half marathon training run. Half way there but thats the easy half !! With some dedication, perseverance, hard work and a few donations I will nail this sub five hour marathon and raise a few bob on the way. Then enjoy banging all the weight back on !!!!!

Down Syndrome Liverpool



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