A Darth Vader Valentine’s Day

So February the 14th and the lovers day of Valentines Day. First disappointment of Valentines Day is that there was no postal service with it being a Sunday. Guess Monday morning will have to be the excitement of cards from all my admirers though Mrs Fay did buy me a card and some heart shaped chocolates. The favour was returned with the ambassador coming in and giving Mrs Fay some Ferrero Rocher and in the process really spoiling her. That was the sum total of romance for Valentines Day as the females of the house kindly went to church and I hurriedly walked the dog to get back ASAP for some valuable man time. It is Valentines day after all. I had planned on jut plonking my fat arse (though getting thinner fat arse) onto the couch all day as a reward for running 18 miles yesterday which was better than the 17 I had planned. Such joy at being in a better position (So far) to attack marathon number two but then the utter dejection of knowing I still have to find another 8 miles. Well the marathon is 8 weeks today so its so far so good on that front. My planned day of laziness was not to be as I realised I had been double booked for my Nephew & Godson’s birthday. Not only that I was to be the surprise guest along with the father in law.

So we got to Childwall sports centre and it was the usual affair. Loads of sprogs, a bouncy castle and the balloons I had blown up now echoing around the sports hall like gunshots as the kids took great joy in bursting them. After trying to burn some of the energy from the kids by trying to wear them out by playing some party games in the guise of running the sweet little cherubs sat down for some food and that was the signal for me and the father in law to sneak off to the toilets and no before you start it wasn’t some kind of semi insestuous cruising Valentines Day meeting. We were the surprise guests to bring out Ethan’s birthday cake. Tonight Mathew we are going to be Darth Vader and a Clone Trooper. First up it was a bonus that I was being asked to portray Lord Darth Vader and not Jabba The Hutt and looking at my partner in crime he certainly looked a little small to be a stormtrooper. So fully dressed we marched out and presented Ethan with his Birthday cake and I was in fear of numerous kids deciding to attack the evil Lord Vader and me having to use the force on them (A quick kick to the shins) Luckily the kids were buying into it (Isn’t it a marvellous thing the mind of a young child) and they didn’t get onto the fact that Darth Vader had put a bit of beef on or the vertically challenged Clone Trooper. Before I knew it I was the focus of many an iPhone pointing at me to capture the moment Darth Fay Vader meet their kids or were they taking it as ammo to take the piss out of me on social media ? All of a sudden there was a disturbance in the force and I knew straight away that Arsenal had scored a late winner against Leicester. I needed to save the rest of my powers to get updates of the Liverpool game. The kids were happy enough playing with our props (Light sabre and blaster) and I only noticed one small girl who was a bit weary of this giant Lord Vader though in all honesty by this point my Darth Vader mask was misting up having not been built to be surrounded by a hooded top and I was trying my best not to trip over anything and go arse over tit. Before we knew it it was time for me to head back to the Death Star so we bid our farewell and I killed a few of the kids with my light sabre on the way out. Come on I had to didn’t I !!! But that wasn’t it we were back for an encore though charging double time for a Sunday. My gaffer isn’t Jeremy Cunt I wont let my contract be changed. It was at this alarming point that I noticed all the party food going and my senses focused in on the sausage rolls. Putting my hand out and reaching in the direction of aforementioned sausage rolls I summoned up the force to try and bring one to me through the air but it didn’t work. This time it was goodbye for real and I just about made it back to the toilets and removed my now fully condensed Darth Vader helmet and we quickly got dressed and sneaked out the back and slipped quietly back into the party and Ethan hadn’t suspected that Uncle Vader and Gan Gan Trooper had gone missing. Just a shame I didn’t have some leather gloves and big boots on. Replaced by my shiny work shoes and Thinsulate gloves. Perhaps when me and Dave go full time we will invest in the full correct gear as I am sure I spotted the Clone Trooper in some Adidas trabs ! So happy birthday 6th birthday to Ethan for tomorrow and hope you enjoyed your Star Wars party only next time tell me that Darth Vader is coming as I missed him this time ;0)

Darth Fay

Darth Fay and his crew

Darth Fay and his bitches

So Valentines evening and awaiting Mrs Fay to come in from Ethans after party (I legged it to watch the rest of the footy) and as I type the peace is shattered and team Fay are back with a report that Ethan said the best part of his of his party was when Darth Vader walked in ahhh bless. So all that remains is to lash the kids in bed and for me to get back in my Darth Vader costume and for me to whip out my big red light sabre and offer it to Mrs Fay saying the ambassador has sent me to spoil you who in turn will say behave yourself it is late and I am in work tomorrow and Darth Vader walks slowly off hunched over big red light sabre retracting.


Fay x x x x x x x


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