Europe eh. My first experience of Europe was a holiday to Ostend in the late 70’s but I was too young to remember anything. There are pictures of me by a plane. My dad must have done a bank job that year because the first holidays I can remember were in a caravan in Cockerham Sands (On the Lancashire coast) in 1980. But then I ventured onto European soil again in the mid 80’s and a trip to the south of France by car. Not just any car but a white Cortina. It took about three days to get there and I got the mumps on the way down ! I do remember a great beach, massive waves and as I had a very basic grasp of French I got sent up to ask for “Trois portions de frites s’il vous plait” sorted. Oh and I remember spending a lot of Francs on Pacman. Since then I have been to Europe on many occasions and most recently last week. So now we know there is gonna be euro referendum in June (Postal vote for me as I will be at Glastonbury) Now I like a bit of politics. I have cured myself of my Question Time addiction. I realised the TV can’t actually hear me when I am speaking to it. I do love a good election as well but not the Euro’s. But I will have to be honest I haven’t a fucking Scooby Doo what way to vote in this referendum. I am not a great fan of referendums as I think if you vote a government in all be it a shite one then they should make the decisions. I scares me that Mercedes from the midlands who’s brother is her dad and she has more children by different men than has teeth gets a vote. It was only the other day I found out what a “Brexit” was I thought it was an exit from Brussels being all Europe and that. It is actually a British exit from Europe ha ha ha and to think I get a fucking vote as well.
So over the next few months we are gonna get a lot of headlines but not much information. The bullshitometer will be at record levels not seen since at least a few days ago and Dame Janet Smith’s report into Jimmy Savile and the BBC (Topical gag alert) so who so we believe ? Does it even matter ? So let’s split it into the simple two choices you have yes or no, oui or non, ja or nein or fuck off or hell yes (Did Miliband really say that !!! )
So the yes campaign. Now my gut instincts tell me that anything that Darth Cameron and Darth Osborne line up for I must immediately vote against. Never normally lets me down but see the no vote section later. So mostly based about not giving those pesky foreigners any benefits and keeping the pound. Now I am all for keeping the pound. I can’t get my head around how many Euro’s things cost but thats because quite often when I am now in Europe I am pissed. Oh for 10 Francs to the pound 200 pesetas to the pound and about 2 Marks to the pound off my mum and dad to spend on some Fanta and any spare change for the Track and Field arcade game. It seems that on a daily basis so far we are getting a letter of a group of people saying we need to stay in Europe. I will only be swayed if the band Europe of “Final Countdown” fame issue a letter saying we should stay in Europe and for the record if the BBC don’t call their referendum night coverage “The final countdown” they have missed a trick.
So the no campaign. If Darth Cameron and Darth Osborne are a yes then a no vote it is then. That is until you see Farage (Above) with Phil Collins with a hat on. Even worse than Phil Collins (Phil’s alright really) its George Galloway and not only is it Galloway you can add the twats commonly known as the channel 4 puppet Pob AKA Michael Gove and also the daftest man in politics covering up his cunning disguise as a tory worse than you could possibly imagine Boris Johnson. So at this point all normal references are as pissed as you would be once you get home from a booze cruise to that der beautiful Europe. So according to the above gang of 4 there are many reasons to vote no, but a big one is that some people believe Britain is being held back by the EU, which they say forces too many rules on the UK. They also want Britain to limit the number of people coming here to work from other European countries.
So we have left joining right on the yes campaign. On the no campaign its the new Euro Beatles of Nigel, Boris, Michael and George. I am still unclear as to what the great Obi Wan Corbyn has to say on the matter but the scruffy non national anthem singing bastard has more important things to sort out according to Darth Cameron but I think it’s a yes.
So the upshot of it is after 882 words I am still no clearer as to what way to vote. Maybe I will form an opinion over the few months and swing one way. For the record I think yes will win due to the fact nobody has a clue so if in doubt stay with what we know. If I am being honest by the time the results are in I won’t give a flying fuck as I will be in the peoples republic of Glastonbury and by the time I get home the only exit that normally occurs is via my toilet as five days worth of ale and biscuit boosts comes out of my system.
Fay x x x x x x x