So Thursday evening an after recovering from a few (11) drinks on Tuesday for my 13th wedding anniversary to Mrs Fay it was time to head off to dat der London with the family for a long weekend. Originally just a quick one night in and out for me and Mrs Fay to go and see The Pet Shop Boys at the Royal Opera House we decided to make a trip of it and take the sprogs with us as well. So we boarded the train to London and just three hours later we were in Claire’s aunty’s house who was kindly putting us up. The joy with getting the train was I could hit M&S food in Lime Street for some tea and grab some grog for a few ciders on the train. Being back in London reminded me with my all time boring fascination that being the London Tube. Already the proud owner of a history of the tube book and having made Mrs Fay watch a fly on the wall TV thing a few years back I am now a proud owner of my very own Oyster card. Though I would actually prefer that people sold the tickets to me and who knows it might be driverless trains by the next time I get down to London. So the first “sticky” night in London was spent with a few cans of Tyskie bought from the local shop. it was then the nightmare of the trip appeared. I had to sleep with Mrs Fay in a bed that wasn’t out own super king size effort. This was a small double at best and with the added pain of just one double duvet (Me and Mrs Fay both have our own single duvets at home. Its the future, trust me) So we spent a very close night together with the three kids on an arrangement of mattresses on the floor it was a scouse version of The Waltons !
So Friday was designated tourist day and after prizing myself off Mrs Fay, no no not that we were just stuck together due to the stifling heat of London. So we headed off on the tube towards Madame Tussauds (Apostrophe no longer used grammar Nazi’s) Have I ever told you how interesting the tube is ? Thankfully we had pre booked tickets as the queues were crazy and there is some serious dosh being raked in from this gaff ! So first up entertainment and the kids were straight over to Mr & Mrs West AKA Kenny West and Kim Kardashian. I think that is the happiest I have ever seen Kenny West and the most clothes I have seen Kardashian have on.
I will have to be honest after walking past Russell Brand I was thinking well after you have seen one waxwork you have seen them all. Fashion was up next and the kids enjoyed that and soon we were in Sport, Entertainment and world figures. Next to the Muhammed Ali were some scales to tell you what boxing weight you would be. On I got and it said “One at a time please” Only joking though it did have me comfortably as a super heavyweight. Well that camera bag I had did have loads of gear in ?
Next up the royals and despite temptation I did not behead them (There were more unsavoury characters later on to be worth my Tussauds lifetime ban) and the family had a group photo with the parasites.
Me well I took time to reflect on that tragic period when the whole of the country when fucking bizarre and had a pose with England’s rose and I am still fully to get over the events as a well after she died I got a rare as rocking horse shit Saturday off working for Ladbrokes due to her funeral. Promptly went to Garlands and came home and my house had been broken into. Even when the royals gave me something in one hand in the other hand I was losing all my electrical gear.
Just one last set of wax dummies left before Tussauds takes a different direction and dummies being the operative word though I think an acceptable use of the c-bomb and cunts could be used. The cunt on the right will soon be melted into birthday candles as Darth May will be created.
Next up a queue and eventually into a Sherlock Holmes section with some actors taking you on a small story through different rooms. Don’t really so Sherlock so it went over my head that bit. Super hero’s next and then into the 4d cinema. Now this was very good with a cracking 3d superhero visual story and the 4th dimension being various effects via the chair you were in and stuff firing from the chair in front of you. Finally having paid an extra £3 it was into the star wars section and it was good for us nerds and some interaction things to do as well as middle sprig Charlotte battled Darth Vader. “I am your father, errrr no I thought my old man was Jabba The Hutt according to the boxing scales”
So having got stung for a BB8 cuddly toy on the way out (Tip to my kids ask for anything Star Wars related and it increases your chance of getting anything by about 250%) It was time to do some London Shopping. This mainly involved me standing outside various shops as my hard earned money was spent. The lowlight was standing outside Lush for 25 mins “But daddy its got three floors” to which I should have said “I know a car park with 10 floors but I wouldn’t make you stand outside for 25 mins as I looked around the extra floors” So I watched the Oxford Street world pass by. Lush is an amazing shop. Like the old Bisto advert it lures females in. Two ladies (Around 60) were virtually past the shop when they got a whiff of them Lush Products and quickly done a 180 turn and walked in the shop coming out 5 mins later with a big smile and a small bag each which I assume held some kind of bath bomb bollocks in them. If I was 18 I would go to town smelling like a Lush shop. You would be a pure fanny magnet !! So we got the tube home. Did I ever tell you the interesting story that one of the early tube lines as well as the traditional marble signs which make the name of the station on each platform also has a different colour marble so that the many people who could read knew which stop to get off ? Interesting that tube yer know.
So Friday night spent having some beers with the in-laws and I have waffled on so much that the second part of our London Trip will make another blog. Stay tuned tube fans. Oh and Tussauds well worth a visit if you pre book and get a time slot to avoid the queues.
Also as we enter the 8th year of the blog its time for another new look.
Fay x x x x x x x x