More Aigburth crime and my cunning kids.


Well more crime to report in the leafy suburb of Aigburth and a horrible incident over the road were Joan had parked her car partly over Albert’s disability space in Lugard Road. I could hear the commotion from my back office. Before I knew it Albert’s wife Marigold was having a right old go at Joan using industrial language from the 40’s. Then Sid (Joan’s husband) came bolting out of the house like Usain Bolt at around the speed of 2mph and he had come out to back his wife up over the parking tooled up with his walking stick. Anyway after a few minutes and all the dirt being dished up about a bingo win in The Aigburth Peoples Hall back in 1973 that was never split correctly between the two couples it had calmed down enough for Sid to fix his combover which had flew off in the barney. I popped over and we laughed about the incident and all retired into the parlour for some tea and Battenberg cake twitching at the curtains awaiting the next murder to hit L17.

I knew the kids were up to something with the I love you Daddy talk and sure as hell I was right. I was invited into the living room to watch a powerpoint presentation which was all about why they should be allowed to buy a hamster. Wow I just cozied up to my mum to ask my dad if I could have a packet of footy stickers. Here was I (And Mrs Fay) with a five minute presentation including a 7 bullet point slide on “Why we should be allowed” ha ha ha. Have to give them full marks for trying. Anyway after a bit of time being on best behaviour I allowed them to buy little “Toffee” and it was pointed out to me that it was an Everton name to which my reply was I dislike rodents anyway so “Toffee” is a spot on name. I might pluck up the courage to hold Toffee one day as I am scared of them types of things. The only hamster for me is X-Hamster but don’t look at that on your works computer. The hamster is a boy though to that now makes the score willies 4 (ME, Banny the dog, Zuma the dog and Toffee the hamster) vs “Narnies” 4 Mrs Fay and the three kids. After a mention on Twitter of the kids cunning plan I got a Tweet back of the official Microsoft Office Twitter account “What a great use of PowerPoint! The question on everyone’s mind is……did it work?” Well it did in the end.

Fay kids powerpoint presentation

Two final musings of their short blog is that in the Iraq town on Mosul IS, ISIS, Isil, Deash or whatever you call it have been overthrown and there were jubilant footage of Iraqis jumping around in celebration of the fact that IS. ISIS, Isil or Deash had been overthrown and that they could now smoke again as it was banned under the rule of IS, ISIS….. (You get the point) Grown men leaping around waving boxes of 200 cigarettes around with almost tears in their eyes acting like they had just had a free supermarket sweep at a mega supermarket in Calais. Do we not spend millions of pounds a year trying to keep the good people of Great Britain (Not Europe) off the old cancer sticks and yet here is the news proudly showing us that all you need in your country is the freedom to have a fag and this is best way to convey this to us on the evening news after years of oppression ? Just needed one Iraqi like the fella below to truly take the piss.

screen-shot-2016-10-29-at-18-32-23

And finally whilst waling the dog up Mersey Road today it was half time in an amateur football match and the team nearest the fence were obviously getting beat. There was an inquest going on and one lad said    ” For fucks sake a couple of them are still carrying last years chrimbo dinner” ha ha. I wonder if towards the end of my non illustrious career when the kits seemed to shrink on me if I was ever described as that ?

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x

 

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One thought on “More Aigburth crime and my cunning kids.

  1. Love the blog! You have a brilliant sense of humour! I’m a student journalist at John Moores University and a community contributor for the Liverpool Echo, and I would love to write up a story on your kids PowerPoint presentation for a hamster, if you are interested feel free to drop me an email: p.h.freshwater@2014.ljmu.ac.uk

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