The Fay Medrew advent calendar days 13-24

Day 12 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Selfie sticks.

Now unless your under 16 there is no reason to have a selfie stick. If your gonna be a twat at least be a twat with style and get a Go-Pro. Spotted a selfie stick at the match yesterday. I should have asked a steward to eject the twat spoiling my view or rammed it up his arse (Sideways)

Day 13 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

City planners. Its the year 2016 and they still havent got a “Scooby Doo” what to do. Still some many great buildings biting the dust in this city and a legacy of student accommodation being left (Empty) for future generations as student numbers will fall. What the Germans didn’t manage to get during the blitz the post war city planners made sure they finished the job. Buildings and even worse communities wiped out and nobody has learned since.

The Fay Meldrew advent calendar day 14.

Can’t have seven moans on the run so I give you the Peppa Pig House prank. Is the days of just one young child when I had a lot of spare time to make videos. I was sat in the house for about 20 mins to get the magic shot

Day 15 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Aled Jones.

Now I remember Natalie Cole making a song with her late dad Nat King Cole. Ok I can see the emotional attachment to that and other similar projects have been done.

But today I heard an advert for Aled Jones sings with a 15 year old Aled Jones. Upon some research this is from the period just after Aled’s bollocks dropped almost as quick as his record label then dropped him upon hearing the news.

Years later Aled’s bollocks will be swinging even lower and he now duets with himself. I look forward to 25 years time when Aled is 70 and his bollocks will be touching the floor and a trio of Aled’s in some kind of Aled supergroup and the peaceful harmonies of Aled in various states of sack droopage and a re-image called “Swinging in the air”

Day 16 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

The proposed sugar tax.

Just because some fat kids can’t lay off the cola cubes. There is gonna be a sugar tax. Nothing better than after having several pints a few Desperados a bottle of Magners topped of with a couple of gins than having a curer of full fat Cherry Coke in the morning to sort me out and now they wanna bloody tax that !

Day 17 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Chatting at gigs. I nearly always get the gaggle of females by me at a gig who just chat away through most of the gig but are quiet for the couple of songs they have came for.

I am there for the music mannnnnnnnn

Day 18 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Litter. I walked down a small terraced road last night (Chermside Rd for the record) the amount of litter was unbelievable. I seen a ket wig bastard drop his food paper bag just 2 meters away from a bin down Otterspool yesterday. Is it that fucking hard to just bang it in your pocket until the next bin.

Don’t even have the argument of it keeps people in jobs now as I don’t think the council employ anybody to clean up the litter. Always remember as a kid some old fella with a grey coloured mini bin wagon keeping the streets clean.

Don’t be a twat, put it in the bin !

Day 19 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

“Mersey Monday” I mean come on. Don’t need to say much more about this. If you havent come across “Mersey Monday” you could well by this evening.

If you don’t it’s Sky Sports modern football bollocks of a brand name for the game AKA “The Derby”

Which non LFC/EFC is gonna now say “My god I must switch on for Mersey Monday”

Enough to drive me to drink, oh I will be anyway for the match.

And remember folks its just a game of footy so whatever happens dont take it too bad. It really doesn’t matter that much.

Day 20 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Back to chrimbo lights and noticed quite a lot of disco lights and LED dots swirling around the houses of Aigburth. Chrimbo lights if you must but disco lights and crappy dots makes your house look like the outside of some shite nightclub in Blackpool.

Day 21 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

End of week three and no moan today but I present…….

South Park Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo

Day 22 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Bread Bins.

Life is complicated enough so why put a barrier between me and my bread. We have a bread bin but common sense prevails and as you can see in the picture it doesn’t get used, well most of the time. The time it does is when Claire Jayne Fay bangs some crumpets or something in there, the kids have toast instead and some extremely mouldy crumpets are found some time later when Mrs Fay thinks I better use this bread barrier to justify it.

Bread Bin

Day 23 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Bouncers with buckets poorly wrapped with poundland wrapping paper.

Random Tuesday before chrimbo and we went for a post Star Wars pint. Pub on Mathew St with bouncers and buckets. Am I meant to tip you for your great service and thank the Lord you haven’t filled my fat face in during 2016 ?

Now I did give the postie and milkman a fiver each. The bin men can do one as I have to drag the bin 30m to the end of the enog. Might as well phone me when the truck comes around to load it and finish the job !

Anyway I didnt put anything in but when I go out for my Chrimbo drink I have a load of old Pesatas and Francs doing nothing in the house.

Day 24 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Can’t finish on a moan. Not a great fan of Chrimbo have to get into it for the kids. But if you are may I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. So I leave you with Bill Fay

At the end of the day
Ain’t nobody else
Gonna walk, In your shoes
Quite the way, You do
So be at Peace with yourself
And keep a spring in your heel
And keep climbing that hill
And be at Peace
With yourself


Fay x x x x x x x x

The Fay Medrew advent calendar days 1-12.

December 1st and the first window of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. 

Portion sizes !!

Crisps have shrunk that much I need two multi pack bags now to touch the sides (Admittedly big sides)

Diet Coke is now 1.75 litres instead of 2 litres.

But taking the piss is Hovis Brown Bread which barely fits on a Breville toastie machine. Next up will be a new smaller Breville toastie machine will be needed to fit the small bread.

Robbing bastards the lot of them.

23 days of this left and I am just building up the fewwwwwmmmmm.

Behind window one is a young Stefan Dennis with a ket wig.

Stefan Dennis with a ketwig

Day two of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. 

So Mrs Fay Claire Jayne Fay and kids. Look at this recloseable pack. Everything you do in life has a consequence so just take time out to think before your act. That tip is for free my friends. Oh and if you think there were many left after you opened it like this and the chocolate orange waft was like the Bisto advert to me every time I walked past them.


Day 3 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Away kits.

In the modern game there are some shite away kits but that’s not it. When teams don’t need to wear their away kit but then do just for commercial purposes and put their pink, lime green or Stars and stripes with purple hearts dodgy 3rd strip in the shop window.

Yet here I am watching a team in sky blue play a team in blue and my old eyes can’t keep up.

This is the Norwich 3rd kit for 15/16 don’t they play in green and yellow anyway ? Oh and their away kit was green ???!

Modern footy eh !

Norwich City Away kit

Day 4 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. 

Bar etiquette. You know the fuckers who just waltz to the bar and get served before you and the other people waiting. Now we can all be a bit pissed and mix up the order but generally things work (A good bar maid or bar man helps) But these rude fuckers are generally the same people doing “Lemmo” on a Sunday afternoon !!

Day 5 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Chrimbo lights.

I remember the gag in what must have been the dying days of Brookside that he had some mad chrimbo lights and the rare person who had them in the neighbourhood it was said that “They have chrimbo lights like Jimmy Corkhill” it was a sly dig and a chuckle at them. Now it seems that nearly everybody has lights like Jimmy Corkhill and we are seeing levels of lights going to extreme Corkhill level.

Sort it out !

Day 6 of The Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

The Liverpool Echo website. It wants me to watch a full on 30 second advert to watch a 10 second clip of a dog dancing on Breck Road or some other shite.

Nah yer alright.

The Fay Meldrew advent calendar day 7

I can’t post 7 moans on the run so today a band I watched support Soul II Soul the other Saturday. A gang go Geordies with some great choons. This is “Beggerman” by Smoove & Turrell. Dont worry back to moaning tomorrow.

Day 8 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Clothes sizes.

Now having a bit of a beer belly I find myself being anything from a XL to XXXL depending on what make things are. It can’t be that hard to make a XL the same size can it. Sods law that when I see a nice tshirt online I think better go XXXL just in case and when the thing arrives its a fucking tent. Needless to say when I am in a shop and think nice XL t-shirt I try it on and its like a belly top. Oh and whilst I am at it who needs XXL slim fit ? Normally trying to hide my paunch (With the colour black) not fancying a lovely slim fit top ??? Now pass me a pint and some Quality Street please and all my clobber will be slim fit.

The Fay Meldrew calendar day 9.

School Chrimbo Fayres

Now I know they are for a good cause but I have had cheaper all weekend benders. I was the proud winner of some alcohol free punch on the tombola. The kids bought an amazing amount of shite toys that will be broke by tomorrow morning. The place was chokka and full of kids !! Normally come home with cakes and sweets we don’t need. Time you throw in a visit to Santa and some craft thingies it will deffo work out cheaper next year to bang the school £20 have five shots of Baileys (£2 a pop) and I would still be well up from what I spent this evening.

Day 10 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Music at sporting events.

The music In between rounds at the boxing is grim. No need.

Cricket plays music now for “events” like wickets, fours and sixes etc ZZZZZZzzzz

Some footy teams play music for goals and have knobheads with flags strategically placed around the ground.

For music go to a music event. It’s not needed at sport. If the atmosphere needs it then it’s gonna be shite whatever.

Day 11 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

An old one but getting worse each year. Its the internet.

I remember waiting hours to download a file on 56k dial up and a £80 first monthly phone bill for dial up !! Then came the boost in speed and things got a whole lot better but now the internet is taken over by adverts. Cant seem to go on many pages now without some random advert playing in the background (No I don’t want xmas songs playing when reading an article on a man who was 23 times over the drug-drive limit) If its not that you leave your mouse in the wrong position and a giant advert takes over your page. I remember the pre advert youtube days. So much for progress eh !

Day 12 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Selfie sticks.

Now unless your under 16 there is no reason to have a selfie stick. If your gonna be a twat at least be a twat with style and get a Go-Pro. Spotted a selfie stick at the match yesterday. I should have asked a steward to eject the twat spoiling my view or rammed it up his arse (Sideways)

Half way to “Lynx deodorant & Shower Gel” day ho fucking ho !


Fay x x x x x x x x

My First Trip To Anfield

So Sunday 11th of December 2016 and my first trip to Anfield. Oh OK not my first. Had many a year on the old standing Kop as a season ticket holder and been to many matches since but over recent years on a much more dwindling basis. Modern footy eh. Today though was my first trip to sit in the new main stand at Anfield. So we headed up to Anfield via the train with my mate Phil who has the spare ticket (Cheers Guff) and we got off at Sandhills Station and walking up the hill from the station a strange gravitational pull lured us into a pub after about 4 mins of walking. Anyway it was called The Lighthouse and we ended up having four pints and watching the United match before a quick dash up to the ground. The new main stand is an imposing figure on the skyline of North Liverpool and looking back to the Mersey was one of the best sunsets I have ever seen (See picture below and Credit to Pete Byrne @Peter_J_Byrne on Twitter) Such are my infrequent visits to Anfield over the last few years every time I visited it seemed another local street around the ground had bit the dust. A few more have made way for new “Big Stand” and surrounding area. Entering the ground it was up several escalators reminding me of how modern I thought Goodison was as a child having escalators up to their top balcony.  It felt like I was on of out European lads trips away and I was entering a ground for the first time. Impressed with the concourse underneath the stadium it was time for what seemed like a luxurious piss for Anfield Standards and into our seat high up in the new “Big Stand”  Wow its very high up and at first I was more interested in the views offered of the city from such a vantage point but sadly as it was dark all I could see were the twinkling orange and white streetlights of Walton below.

Peter Byrne Anfield sunset

First up what a privilege to have some leg room at a match and the view even though high up was fantastic offering a more tactical view of the match as you could see gaps for players to aim/run into for and how play would develop. Secondly though matches under the floodlights always seem better such was the amount of floodlights now used at Anfield the pitch really did look illuminated just a pity some of the play wasn’t quite as illuminating. Now having last had a share of a season ticket in the main stand in the Rafa era. A ticket I gave up partly due to the twats who sat in front of me who at one point in a match were cheering each pass from Liverpool. Not in support but cheering the fact that the ball had not gone out of play so Lucas Leiva couldn’t come on as a substitute. That was the old main stand. This new main stand had pockets of people getting songs going and there was actually some kind of atmosphere in the upper main stand much to my surprise. Well done indeed. Now the match itself was a disappointing 2-2 draw but pull the moans in this season is going great and a top 4 finish will do me. I am lucky enough to have seen us win everything in my time. Indeed I only need to see a UEFA/Europe League win “live” and I will have the full set of trophies. Its still amazing though that back in 1990 as a 17 year old I came out of the old Spion Kop and bought several bottles of Merrydown Cider from a corner shop opposite the Kop for the lads to neck whilst getting the 25 bus home. It is now the holy grail of my footballing watching life that I just want to have a legal bevy bought in a boozer to celebrate a league title and Mrs Fay knows that should this happen that there will be a lost weekend in my life.

There was a twat in front of me with a “Selfie Stick” modern footy eh. I allowed myself one photograph and left the rest to the day trippers. Many of whom seem to be on The Kop as I noticed several of the older songs being sung by a small pocket of fans but the songs never take hold, such a shame. That era has gone but I least I was stood on the famous Kop when we were indeed “Famous Kopites” So a pint at half time though authorities wont trust me to take my plastic pint to my seat and the luxury of seeing the first half action. Modern footy isn’t all bad just most of it. So full time and down many many flights of stairs we headed for a pint in “The Dark House” AKA The Barlow Arms.

View from Liverpool's main stand

So an enjoyable day out and a few pints early to bed and fresh for work on a Monday morning. Impressed with the new main stand and Liverpool Football Club heading in the right direction. Now if you can just win this bloody league one more time before I die it will be much appreciated.

Fay x x x x x x x x


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