The Fay Medrew advent calendar days 1-12.

December 1st and the first window of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. 

Portion sizes !!

Crisps have shrunk that much I need two multi pack bags now to touch the sides (Admittedly big sides)

Diet Coke is now 1.75 litres instead of 2 litres.

But taking the piss is Hovis Brown Bread which barely fits on a Breville toastie machine. Next up will be a new smaller Breville toastie machine will be needed to fit the small bread.

Robbing bastards the lot of them.

23 days of this left and I am just building up the fewwwwwmmmmm.

Behind window one is a young Stefan Dennis with a ket wig.

Stefan Dennis with a ketwig

Day two of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. 

So Mrs Fay Claire Jayne Fay and kids. Look at this recloseable pack. Everything you do in life has a consequence so just take time out to think before your act. That tip is for free my friends. Oh and if you think there were many left after you opened it like this and the chocolate orange waft was like the Bisto advert to me every time I walked past them.


Day 3 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Away kits.

In the modern game there are some shite away kits but that’s not it. When teams don’t need to wear their away kit but then do just for commercial purposes and put their pink, lime green or Stars and stripes with purple hearts dodgy 3rd strip in the shop window.

Yet here I am watching a team in sky blue play a team in blue and my old eyes can’t keep up.

This is the Norwich 3rd kit for 15/16 don’t they play in green and yellow anyway ? Oh and their away kit was green ???!

Modern footy eh !

Norwich City Away kit

Day 4 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. 

Bar etiquette. You know the fuckers who just waltz to the bar and get served before you and the other people waiting. Now we can all be a bit pissed and mix up the order but generally things work (A good bar maid or bar man helps) But these rude fuckers are generally the same people doing “Lemmo” on a Sunday afternoon !!

Day 5 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Chrimbo lights.

I remember the gag in what must have been the dying days of Brookside that he had some mad chrimbo lights and the rare person who had them in the neighbourhood it was said that “They have chrimbo lights like Jimmy Corkhill” it was a sly dig and a chuckle at them. Now it seems that nearly everybody has lights like Jimmy Corkhill and we are seeing levels of lights going to extreme Corkhill level.

Sort it out !

Day 6 of The Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

The Liverpool Echo website. It wants me to watch a full on 30 second advert to watch a 10 second clip of a dog dancing on Breck Road or some other shite.

Nah yer alright.

The Fay Meldrew advent calendar day 7

I can’t post 7 moans on the run so today a band I watched support Soul II Soul the other Saturday. A gang go Geordies with some great choons. This is “Beggerman” by Smoove & Turrell. Dont worry back to moaning tomorrow.

Day 8 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Clothes sizes.

Now having a bit of a beer belly I find myself being anything from a XL to XXXL depending on what make things are. It can’t be that hard to make a XL the same size can it. Sods law that when I see a nice tshirt online I think better go XXXL just in case and when the thing arrives its a fucking tent. Needless to say when I am in a shop and think nice XL t-shirt I try it on and its like a belly top. Oh and whilst I am at it who needs XXL slim fit ? Normally trying to hide my paunch (With the colour black) not fancying a lovely slim fit top ??? Now pass me a pint and some Quality Street please and all my clobber will be slim fit.

The Fay Meldrew calendar day 9.

School Chrimbo Fayres

Now I know they are for a good cause but I have had cheaper all weekend benders. I was the proud winner of some alcohol free punch on the tombola. The kids bought an amazing amount of shite toys that will be broke by tomorrow morning. The place was chokka and full of kids !! Normally come home with cakes and sweets we don’t need. Time you throw in a visit to Santa and some craft thingies it will deffo work out cheaper next year to bang the school £20 have five shots of Baileys (£2 a pop) and I would still be well up from what I spent this evening.

Day 10 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Music at sporting events.

The music In between rounds at the boxing is grim. No need.

Cricket plays music now for “events” like wickets, fours and sixes etc ZZZZZZzzzz

Some footy teams play music for goals and have knobheads with flags strategically placed around the ground.

For music go to a music event. It’s not needed at sport. If the atmosphere needs it then it’s gonna be shite whatever.

Day 11 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

An old one but getting worse each year. Its the internet.

I remember waiting hours to download a file on 56k dial up and a £80 first monthly phone bill for dial up !! Then came the boost in speed and things got a whole lot better but now the internet is taken over by adverts. Cant seem to go on many pages now without some random advert playing in the background (No I don’t want xmas songs playing when reading an article on a man who was 23 times over the drug-drive limit) If its not that you leave your mouse in the wrong position and a giant advert takes over your page. I remember the pre advert youtube days. So much for progress eh !

Day 12 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar.

Selfie sticks.

Now unless your under 16 there is no reason to have a selfie stick. If your gonna be a twat at least be a twat with style and get a Go-Pro. Spotted a selfie stick at the match yesterday. I should have asked a steward to eject the twat spoiling my view or rammed it up his arse (Sideways)

Half way to “Lynx deodorant & Shower Gel” day ho fucking ho !


Fay x x x x x x x x


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