A Christmas Tradition (But in January) Worlds Strongest Man

So this weekend I settled down for what has now become a Christmas tradition though for some reason I had only actually got around to it on Friday January 13th (Not bad luck I hope) I decided not to go down the whole Christmas route and pour myself an extremely large (Near half pint) of Baileys and get the Jacobs Crackers out but I did have a double vodka and Ian Bru in hand. This is my new tipple of choice on the strange thinking you don’t see many vodka belly’s knocking around on men. I am though with this bizarre health kick not thinking of my newly pickled liver. Anyway back to Christmas and I banged the Sky Plus on and put the final of The Worlds Strongest Man on. First up this is actually held in August so I have been avoiding the result not that I visit weightlifting.com very often, in fact never. But I had managed to swerve the result and settled down for the final and remembering finals of years gone by and the mighty Geoff Capes. Thought he might have been pulled in by Operation Yew Tree. Geoff if your reading this I am only jesting though despite you being 67 I reckon you could still twat me.

The event was being held in Kasane in Botswana. Now the first thing that I noticed was the excellent presenter James Richardson was mentioning the heat yet in the background there were people with jackets  (See below) on and one fella I spotted had it fully zipped up and covering the bottom of his face like I have been sporting this week as its been fucking freezing in that wind. Maybe its the Botswana chill I don’t know about. Rest assured though it deffo wasnt scoucers as they would have had the auld black north face on with hood fully up but in some Adidas Shorts and flip flops.

Worlds Strongest Man 2016 people in coats

As the events kicked on the pain was harder to take for the contestants with some having to have oxygen once the event had finished such was the strength being used at times. Indeed I have a spare oxygen cylinder by the fridge as after several double vodkas and Irn Bru it can be a major effort to go and get some of Tesco’s finest onion ring crisps from the kitchen and refill my empty glass from Fay’s Bar. Like all good strongmen (And gym knob heads) given the chance the tops are off and they are parading their fine physiques off around in the African sunshine. The only time I get my top off is in the Spanish sunshine surrounded by several Englishmen as we give our moobs their annual summer outing. Englishman Eddie “The Beast” Hall (SPOLER ALERT though it was held in August he finished 3rd) was being interviewed and had his top off. In that African sun I hope he had his factor 50 on. Now don’t get me wrong he is a unit (I was once described as a unit by somebody who had met me for the first time after only knowing me from social media) but he had a gut to rival mine. OK he was finely crafted elsewhere but his beard was a bit shit. He might be able to lift a tank but I would beat him in a Worlds Greatest Beard competition. Take that Eddie.

Eddie 'The Beast" Hall

So coming to the last few events and Brian Shaw was on course to win his 4th title and put him up there with my childhood strongman legend Brian Shaw and my in my prime going out to town strongman Magnús Ver Magnússon. The next event involved pulling an aeroplane. Not any aeroplane but a big fucking massive one from the Batswana Airforce. Is there even such a thing ? Thanks to the amazing wikipedia I can tell you The Botswana Defence Force (BDF) is the military of Botswana. It was formed in 1977. The commander in chief is the President of Botswana. Part of this is the Botswana Defence Force Air Wing (See picture below) Luckily enough my plane spotting skills think this is the CASA/IPTN CN-235 is a medium-range twin-engined transport aircraft of which Botswana own two aircraft. The crew is a pilot and co-pilot. From memory capacity is 51 passengers, 35 paratroops, 18 stretchers. But enough showing off these big bastards managed to pull this plane, amazing stuff.

 Botswana Defence Force Air Wing

So with the well known Atlas Balls for the final event (Big fuck off stone balls to me and you) Brian Shaw brought it home for this 4th title and needs one more to equal Mariusz Pudzianowski 5 titles. Despite being tall and as the years go by increasingly rotund the only balls I could manage to lift (Easy now) would be several malteesers into my mouth at any one time.

So that was that. I look forward to watching The Worlds Strongest Man 2017 (No spoilers please) I am in training myself and I promise to practice all year the event “Lifting my legs up whilst sitting on the couch as Mrs Fay hoovers below them” as all men know an event that pushes you right to the edge of your limits and its a good job I have oxygen on standby for after. Though not for my effort the fact Mrs Fay has knocked me out for being a lazy twat.

Oh yeah I might be a weather nerd but I aint no plane spotter !!

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x

2016 a review, twas alright la (death, death, Brexit, death, death, Trump, death, death )

 

2016 death, death, Brexit, death, death, Trump, death, death

So lets nail this. OK loads of “celeb” deaths. I now measure years not in numbers but just by the taken for granted points of (A) I have my own health (B) My friends and family have good health and (C) Nobody close to me has died. So on that level 2016 was a success. Ok so Princess Leia died and the very talented Colin Vearncombe (AKA Black of “Wonderful Life” fame) were a couple of the numerous people to die in 2016 but apart from a glancing “Awwwwwwww” in the grand scheme of things it means fuck all to me however sad it is. Onto Brexit and I voted leave. No I am not some closet racist (Despite my initials being NF) Too complex to go into on here (And its getting a bit boring) but happy to discuss it over a pint with anybody who wants to as long as it’s good old English Ale served by a white man (I jest of course) and finally The Donald (Trump) well all I can say about that is I made a few bob by betting on him and should have piled on when he went to 8/1 about 1am UK time. If only Obi Wan Kenobi had said to me “let go your conscious self and act on instinct.” I wish I had as chrimbo would have been paid for.

So here is the review of 2016 as seen through the eyes of this music, Desperados, Sausage roll and now Vodka & Irn Bru loving rogue. Click on some links to read the blogs mentioned if like most the people in the world you havent read them.

January

So the year started off with me watching 10 films I must see as picked over a pint on Chrimbo Eve 2015. Most were shite but two I liked were ‘The good, the bad and the ugly” and “On The Waterfront” beat that Barry Norman (Did he die in 2016 ? ) Despite being on peak marathon training mode I end up staying up past midnight on the grog watching Ping Pong on Sky Sports ?? One of my fave bands The Christians released their new single “mother” and my late mother appeared in the video below (at 1:37) and a young me gegged in on her posthumous fame. I also decided to run the Manchester marathon for Down Syndrome Liverpool and marathon training took over my life.

February

The month started off with my 28th annual music awards quickly followed by the first trip away of the year to Stuttgart in Germany. Beers a plenty and laughs even more and remembered for the home made Top Trumps I made of the lads going. I turned to the dark side this month playing Darth Vader for my nephews birthday. I also recalled a 15 year old me 

Darth Fay

March

More looking back and to times of endless viewing of QVC Marathon training was entering its serious phase of 22 miles ughhhhh but another medal earned in the Liverpool Half marathon. It was also the month we said goodbye to Cream in Liverpool. All the memories within those walls shattered but thankfully not captured on social media or in picture form. Just upstairs in our heads where frankly they are the safest. I was already blogging about “The Great Euro Conundrum” what a boring bastard.

Cream club demolition 3

April

April started with the as ever excellent Threshold Festival in Liverpool but was quickly followed up by the big event of the year and the Greater Manchester Marathon I finished in a time of 04:48:31 which was under my five hour target. I can’t say how pleased I was with that and easily up there with the admittedly few achievements I have done in life. I also managed to raise £478.15 for Down Syndrome Liverpool which I was equally chuffed with as I wasnt going to bother with raising money but was glad I was persuaded to. As with every year April 15th is once again a twat of a day the anniversary of Hillsborough and my mum passing away. More medals at the port Sunlight 10k and my own tribute to Prince

Scouse purple bin tribute to Prince

May

Not content with a wife, three daughters, five fish and a dog we got another puppy called Zuma and so May was spent in puddles of piss and small poo’s dotted around the house and that was just me after 8 Desperados. The rock and roll marathon was completed but this time I helped Mrs Fay’s sister (Emma) around the course and it was nice to enjoy a race for once instead of headphones in running like a twat looking for a personal best.

June

June was of course dominated by the referendum and Brexit aftermath Glastonbury 2016. How can I forget waking up and the person in the tent next door going “Fucking hell we voted to leave and cameron has resigned” My cunning post Brexit plan was going like a dream that was until the Labour party turned on itself. As ever I blogged daily from the farm and it wasnt a vintage year due to the mud but highlights included Underworld, Stereo Mc’s and Earth Wind & Fire. Oh and like the tit I am I left £600 quids worth of camera gear on a gate post by some bins on the way home only to be happily reunited with it the next day as a few hours later a friend of ours walked past the same gatepost and checked for me and it was still there !! The month eneded in sadness as one of my best mates dad died and I posted the blog “I cried today for the first time since I don’t know when” RIP Joe Lawler.

July

July went all The Southbank Show as I visited the cracking ADP Riot tour at The Florrie in Liverpool pic below. The Speedo challenge was also set AKA holiday diet and if I lost enough weight I would sport some Speedo’s on our family holiday. Highlight of the month was a trip to London with the family and a gig at The Royal Opera house to see The Pet Shop Boys and it was fucking ace.

The ADP Riot tour The Florrie Liverpool

August

The Liverpool massive was out to see the last great hope in Jeremy Corbyn and his visit to Liverpool. It was holiday month and a trip to Albufeira with the family and Clampett’s The In-Laws. It was a cracking holiday and the Speedo’s make a surprise appearance despite me not losing the weight I wanted to. Such was the Speedo success I took numerous pictures of me in various poses and created a calendar and sent it to the mother in law as a surprise gift. The calendar hangs on their kitchen wall and the blog to celebrate it marked my 500th blog. (Marathon running legs them)

Faymondo Speedo Calendar Feb 2017

September

Craig David (Minus Kes) was blasting around the streets of Aigburth as there was a festival down the prom who’s name I have already forgot. I turned 43 and was more Deep Heat 2016 than Deep Heat 1990 I got some cracking birthday prezzies though and your only as old as the woman you feel (What kind of saying is that) so than makes me 41.

October 

Well I felt like Judith Chalmers (Is she dead ? ) as first up was an amazing trip to Iceland (Technically end of Sept but for blog purposes October) for my nephews 30th birthday and twin niece and nephew’s 18th birthday. I have always wanted to go to Iceland and it was one deffo ticked off the list. We even nailed the northern lights on numerous occasions oh and I nearly got squashed to death by a building crane ! Blogs here Part 1 Part 2 On that trip I also got the great news that I was going to become a Great Uncle AKA great Uncle knobhead. More of that to come in May this year. Trip two was to Lisbon with the lads (See how I avoided cheap Iceland Shopping and Lisbon pub gags) again it was such a funny and drunken trip with some football thrown in and undoubtedly one of the highlights of the year finding some house party about 3am in the suburbs of Lisbon. The picture paints a thousand words and despite being on the ale for god knows how many hours and it being about 5am we were still loving life.

Portugal house party DJ.

November 

A review of the up and coming Louis Berry from Halloween was posted. I hope he goes onto massive things in 2017. There was a supermoon and I took some arty pictures but after the month of October with trips away it was a clam before the storm that is December and Chrimbo ho ho ho. Oh yeah nice one for the winnings Mr Trump.

December

I got to see the mighty new stand at Liverpool and very impressive it is. The rest of December was spent moaning as its now traditional for Meldrew fay to have an advent calendar on which for 24 days I get to moan about something. Ok so every 7 days I give you a treat as I don’t moan all the time just most of the time. 1-12 here 13-24 here 

So there we have it 2016 trips to Stuttgart, Glastonbury, Albufeira, Reykjavik and Lisbon. Kids growing up fast and another year married to Mrs Fay x. Numerous gigs and other events and when you look back on it life isn’t too bad. Ups and down kidda’s ups and downs. I turned model and released my very own Faymondo Speedo calendar and at the second attempt I nailed a sub five hour marathon and raised a few bob for “Charidee” at the same time.

Thanks for reading this bollocks and hopefully many more posts to come for 2017 and we will enter the 9th year of blogging come July. Glastonbury 2017 is booked but as yet I might be going on my own. Wish us luck in the great ticket hunt in April.

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x

 

Back to life. Back to reality.

Back to life, back to reality. No not me still enjoying the Soul II Soul gig I went to in December but the madness of the holiday period is over. So here we are in 2017 and after a busy chrimbo of doing fuck all followed along with loads to eat and drink (Though I did have one night off the ale during the holiday period) feeling (And possibly looking like) Jabba The Hutt I dragged myself into 2017 with our traditional New Years Eve party. The kids as ever were spoilt rotten. Well me I got some nice vinyl records but my best present was some Breaking Bad socks. On first look I thought ahh boss some Blues Brothers socks but apparently its some geezer from Breaking Bad. Who I don’t know as I have never watched an episode in my life. Thanks to the mother in law for them and I await my random 2017 socks. Well it all started on Chrimbo Eve as I headed into town for the traditional last minute shop and bevy. Luckily I only had chrimbo cards to get and I met The Fay’s (No relation !) in the Carnarfon Castle. It was then onto some friends we know from the school run and I was served up a mighty bit of homemade sausage roll. No better way to start the holidays. As if my magic my last can of Lynx deodorant ran out on Chrimbo Eve morning and stocks were replenished on Chrimbo day and enough to last me until early spring. Tucked up for 21:40 I awaited santa to visit. I love chrimbo me !

Daddy Pig Fay

6.30am and we are up. Kids spoilt rotten and having chocolate for breakfast. No white christmas and not far off shorts temperatures ! Lucky it was chrimbo as when settling down for my world record early in bed Chrimbo eve one of my little bastard children darling cherubs had snapped an earphone socket in my iPad this rendering it in permanent earphone mode. Even I couldn’t bollock them on chrimbo morning. Walking the dog just before 8am and a woman was out jogging. Obviously she must have got a Garmin watch for chrimbo. Well me I have already got one and have a strict no exercise period over chrimbo though you do acquire quite a few steps gong the fridge and back. It was my sisters this year for a mighty fine burger and chips and walking up to hers I noticed the police helicopter out over the south end of Liverpool. It seems the good residents of Liverpool wanted to tale their brand new scrambler bikes out for a ride. lets hope the fucking things have been crushed by Easter. So it was about 18:26 that I estimated I was going to burst on chrimbo day and that full and tired I laid off the grog and ended up driving home letting Mrs Fay enjoy christmas in full.

Boxing Day started with Mrs Fay in floods of tears (Ok I might have stretched that point a tiny bit) as we were met with the bombshell death of George Michael. Even sadder news was that I could not find my “Make It Big” vinyl which proudly had Neil Fay on to make sure I got it back from the school and play scheme disco’s it went to. News also that the Queen was “Pat and Mick” she couldnt could she (No) After claiming the Frozen Junior Monopoly titles to the two games of Uno I had already won. Daddy Fay was doing great in the Chrimbo games olympics. Boxing Day Ended with me Tweeting “Anybody died for the Christmas hat-trick” Sadly Nana Royle made it 3 in 3.

27th and all over with, thank fuck for that and out for a bevy with the lads at Ghetto Golf in the old Cains Brewery. Cracking place and nailed a few beers as 9 of us played and it went to a play off with my mate Colin winning the inaugural Christmas Crazy Golf tournament and he walked away with the new trophy. The rest of the day was a blur and hazy memories of dancing with Japanese tourists in Flares on Mathew Street sums up what kind of day and night it was.

So New Years Eve and a party in ours. The newly opened Fay’s bar was doing great business and you had to have your official Fay’s bar wristband to get served. My new trio of shorts optics had been taking some hammering over the festive period with a choice of Bombay Gin, London Gin or Smirnoff Vodka. Just for the purpose of documenting this on record the Smirnoff Vodka won easily having to be replaced.

New Fay's Bar

So the party fizzled out about 3am. There was the normal “Ooops up side your head” , singing in the street and ever had a robot as a special guest and some neighbours came in for a bevy and a selection of great choons as picked by myself though the kids did get 30 mins for what seemed like a Little Mix mega-mix. Dare I say it I even woke up with a slight hangover in 2017. Those pesky double vodka’s and Irn Bru !!

Ooops up side your head

So a couple of days to gear up for getting back to life and back to reality and I had decided to hit the wagon until I go away with the lads to the Isle of Man on 17th Feb. The day was improved by the official Micheal Jackson (Blue tick and all) Twitter account wishing me a happy new year. I am assuming George Michael is still getting to grips with tweeting from the dead but next year George I expect a pick me up “Happy new year” tweet from you. One reply to MJ’s tweet was “Thanks King” and another “The world is BAD we miss you King” one can only assume these people are still pissed from the new year celebrations. I could go on all day with the replies but I will leave you with “Hey MJ how is Prince (Not your son) doing?” funny enough the official MJ Twitter account did not give us an update on (A) Prince or (B) Prince son of MJ. I was going to tweet “How are my Mum, Dad and Nan oh king of pop” but due to the sheer number of replies MJ got I worked out it would be about March until he replied and I couldnt be arsed waiting that long.

New year, new me and new adverts and that time of year when you start a magazine subscription that ends up costing you £6000 to make a scale model of the Titanic or other shite. Me I was saving my money and ploughing through watching Prisoner Cell Block H on youtube (Now on Episode 272) and it was time for work on Tuesday. Don’t know what’s more depressing being back at work or standing on the scales !! I spotted a great meme that went along the lines of “Don’t be using christmas as an excuse you have always been a fat cunt” Work eve was rounded off with me thinking If you think footballers are overpaid some fat bald fella has just won £350,000 for playing darts. Hope for me yet.

So work hitting me like a sledgehammer and the holidays now seem like a lifetime away as you soon get into the groove of bastard life. The usual diet isn’t going great and the on the wagon crashed as I poured myself a double vodka and diet Irn Bru (Note the diet) to help me craft this fine bit of writing. I seem to be doing a lot of poo’s in 2017. Wonder if its the switch to brown bread ?

So 2017 and not a mention of Brexit or Trump though I did venture into the world of celebrity death that at the end of the day means jack shit to us and a chance to bang a greatest hits on Spotify or watch and old film/tv series. As for my 2016 well I will review that in my next blog.

I wont wish you happy new year as 2017 is flying past la and it’s nearly February.

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x