So this weekend I settled down for what has now become a Christmas tradition though for some reason I had only actually got around to it on Friday January 13th (Not bad luck I hope) I decided not to go down the whole Christmas route and pour myself an extremely large (Near half pint) of Baileys and get the Jacobs Crackers out but I did have a double vodka and Ian Bru in hand. This is my new tipple of choice on the strange thinking you don’t see many vodka belly’s knocking around on men. I am though with this bizarre health kick not thinking of my newly pickled liver. Anyway back to Christmas and I banged the Sky Plus on and put the final of The Worlds Strongest Man on. First up this is actually held in August so I have been avoiding the result not that I visit weightlifting.com very often, in fact never. But I had managed to swerve the result and settled down for the final and remembering finals of years gone by and the mighty Geoff Capes. Thought he might have been pulled in by Operation Yew Tree. Geoff if your reading this I am only jesting though despite you being 67 I reckon you could still twat me.
The event was being held in Kasane in Botswana. Now the first thing that I noticed was the excellent presenter James Richardson was mentioning the heat yet in the background there were people with jackets (See below) on and one fella I spotted had it fully zipped up and covering the bottom of his face like I have been sporting this week as its been fucking freezing in that wind. Maybe its the Botswana chill I don’t know about. Rest assured though it deffo wasnt scoucers as they would have had the auld black north face on with hood fully up but in some Adidas Shorts and flip flops.
As the events kicked on the pain was harder to take for the contestants with some having to have oxygen once the event had finished such was the strength being used at times. Indeed I have a spare oxygen cylinder by the fridge as after several double vodkas and Irn Bru it can be a major effort to go and get some of Tesco’s finest onion ring crisps from the kitchen and refill my empty glass from Fay’s Bar. Like all good strongmen (And gym knob heads) given the chance the tops are off and they are parading their fine physiques off around in the African sunshine. The only time I get my top off is in the Spanish sunshine surrounded by several Englishmen as we give our moobs their annual summer outing. Englishman Eddie “The Beast” Hall (SPOLER ALERT though it was held in August he finished 3rd) was being interviewed and had his top off. In that African sun I hope he had his factor 50 on. Now don’t get me wrong he is a unit (I was once described as a unit by somebody who had met me for the first time after only knowing me from social media) but he had a gut to rival mine. OK he was finely crafted elsewhere but his beard was a bit shit. He might be able to lift a tank but I would beat him in a Worlds Greatest Beard competition. Take that Eddie.
So coming to the last few events and Brian Shaw was on course to win his 4th title and put him up there with my childhood strongman legend Brian Shaw and my in my prime going out to town strongman Magnús Ver Magnússon. The next event involved pulling an aeroplane. Not any aeroplane but a big fucking massive one from the Batswana Airforce. Is there even such a thing ? Thanks to the amazing wikipedia I can tell you The Botswana Defence Force (BDF) is the military of Botswana. It was formed in 1977. The commander in chief is the President of Botswana. Part of this is the Botswana Defence Force Air Wing (See picture below) Luckily enough my plane spotting skills think this is the CASA/IPTN CN-235 is a medium-range twin-engined transport aircraft of which Botswana own two aircraft. The crew is a pilot and co-pilot. From memory capacity is 51 passengers, 35 paratroops, 18 stretchers. But enough showing off these big bastards managed to pull this plane, amazing stuff.
So with the well known Atlas Balls for the final event (Big fuck off stone balls to me and you) Brian Shaw brought it home for this 4th title and needs one more to equal Mariusz Pudzianowski 5 titles. Despite being tall and as the years go by increasingly rotund the only balls I could manage to lift (Easy now) would be several malteesers into my mouth at any one time.
So that was that. I look forward to watching The Worlds Strongest Man 2017 (No spoilers please) I am in training myself and I promise to practice all year the event “Lifting my legs up whilst sitting on the couch as Mrs Fay hoovers below them” as all men know an event that pushes you right to the edge of your limits and its a good job I have oxygen on standby for after. Though not for my effort the fact Mrs Fay has knocked me out for being a lazy twat.
Oh yeah I might be a weather nerd but I aint no plane spotter !!
Fay x x x x x x x x