Colin The Caterpillar versus The Human Centipede

So the fight of the year so far and in the blue corner is Colin The Caterpillar the well known chocolate cake from Marks and Spencer’s. In the red corner is the Human Centipede film from 2009 about errrr a human centipede. More about this later. But first the tale of the tape.

So Colin The Caterpillar and a yummy tasty chocolate cake (Even tastier after six Desperados) that come in mini sizes the size of a Cadburys mini roll and also a larger version for a birthday treat and yes I do have one each birthday. With the added bonus of a white chocolate face and ickle feet Colin should be able to take some punches on his solid chocolate face and the smattering of smarties on his back will help deflect punches. Not sure Colin’s training has been 100% as M&S recently announced he was getting married !! In news that will warm your heart, Colin The Caterpillar is getting married. Marks & Spencer have finally cottoned on to the fact that everyone who’s anyone wants a Colin The Caterpillar cake at: their birthday, office celebration, anniversary party and any other kind of celebration and have made the wedding cake(s) of our dreams. You can now buy getting married Colin the Caterpillar – who comes with a cute hat and smart boots – for your big day. Or, you know, just because. Rock ‘N Roll Bride posted a snap of the new wedding cakes from M&S and yes, Colin’s lady friend Connie who will also be available to buy, too. These are £50 a pop !! Though how tasty will they be. Almost worth getting divorced and married again just to have Mr & Mrs Caterpillar as a cake for my big day mark II. But beware of imitations as Tesco do a Curly The Caterpillar which believe me is jarg. So congratulations to Colin and his missus and good luck in the fight. For the record Colin was born in 1990. In August 2015, Marks and Spencer marked the 25th anniversary of the dessert with a limited edition “Colin the Caterpillar” featuring a party hat and multicoloured feet, and additional candy spots.According to Marks and Spencer, it takes 38 people to assemble each cake from start to finish, and 8.4 tonnes (7,600+ kg) of sugar coating are used each year for the decorative spots. You don’t know how hungry I am now doing the research on this !!

Colin the Caterpillar gets married

Colin’s worthy opponent is The Human Centipede. Only made in 2009 so at the tender age of 8 is much younger than the caterpillar. So where do we start with the centipede !! In case you don’t know The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is a 2009 Dutch film written, directed, and co-produced by Tom Six. The film tells the story of a German surgeon who kidnaps three tourists and joins them surgically, mouth to anus, forming a “human centipede”, a conjoined triplet. It was brought to my attention in a Richard Herring podcast where he asks his guests if you were the middle of a human centipede who would you have in front and who would you have behind. Having thought about this I decided that I would have Kylie Minogue in front of me (tasty) and my mate Joel behind me (humiliation) I watched this film this week stunned at what I was seeing and even more stunned that there is a Human Centipede 2 & 3 !! So The Human Centipede would have the power of three people all be it with limited movement due to the stitching of the three people together and speed wise they would have to be skilled to move forward in sync but they did manage this in the film. No more spoilers but it is on Netflix if you can put yourself through it.

The Human Centipede

So its fight time and there is only one result and despite the centipede having limited movement it would still beat a chocolate cake any day of the week. The thing is though the front of the centipede could not resist the chocolatty goodness of Colin The Caterpillar once beaten. Or in my case Kylie Minogue would have to consume some Colin. That would mean only one thing though and I would end up getting a second hand Colin fed to me. But on the bright side it was from Kylie and things could be worse as my mate Joel would get a third hand Colin from me. On that bombshell its been enough to put me eating a Colin The Caterpillar for at least an hour so I might as well have another Desperados and all hail the new champion of the world The Human Centipede and best wishes to Colin and Connie The Caterpillar on their wedding day.


Fay x x x x x x x x


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