A sausage roll overdraft into a holiday diet.

So it was just a short day in work on Monday and that bastard time of the year AKA the school summer holidays. With big sprog now old enough to do her own thing I was left with my other two daughters 9 & 5 and so having finished work at 1pm there was only one thing to have for lunch and a trip to The Bread Shop in Aigburth Vale en route for a nice walk down Otterspool Park and then an ice cream on the Promenade itself. So with three sausage rolls and a slush each ordered I thought it would be a good time to get rid of some of my Scottish notes left over from the weekends trip to Edinburgh. As its a local shop I wont risk the £20 and go for the £10 instead. With the kids eager to get down the park it was to my bemusement that the lady serving had to have a Stewards Enquiry and check if the shop could accept it. I said it was Sterling (Unlike the Isle of Man toy money to which my eldest still has a note I had left over) after consulting the head honcho it was declared that this Scottish money was not to be accepted. I had no other money and explained that I was always in here and would pop down later and pay the bill. I did attempt to give my phone number but the lack of a pen meant that they would trust me and lets face it who wouldn’t. Anyways I passed the £20 off when buying ice creams down Otterspool and so had some fine Queens English wedge to pass off in the republic of Aigburth Vale. One of my mottos’s in life is always pay your debts of and that way you can always obtain more drugs , booze and have another bet. So on the way home I went in and settled my £6 debt. I joked with the girls that I have been in debt for some things in my life but this was the first authorised sausage roll overdraft I entered into. Handy to know being a fat bastard and a lover of sausage rolls and expect Mrs Fay and kids to be homeless as The Bread Shop in Aigburth Vale repossess my house for unpaid sausage roll debts.

Staying in the world of food its our family holiday soon followed by a weekend in Ibiza so its that time of year when I think will my Speedo’s fit ? Guttingly (And my gut is big) I have some kind of tendon injury in my left foot so my normal games of footy and jogging have been replaced by walks. Being a fussy eater there is only one diet open to me and rest assured its the best one that works and that is consume less calories and burn off a few more. So time to count those calories and go nil by mouth with white bread aghhhhhhhhhh. Now I reckon I must go on about 15 diets a year. Most start on a Monday 25% have failed by Wednesday and 95% have failed by Friday as I end up having a bevy in the house and this then leads to the rash decision to have a Marks and Spencer’s food festival about 11:30pm in my house whilst listening to some dodgy choons from the eighties. The other 5% of diets are normally successful but the weight is back on sooner rather than later. I strangely normally drop a few pounds on holiday as I do loads of exercise and don’t eat as much due to the heat and lack of available sources for sausage rolls whilst abroad. I will deffo drop a few pounds in Ibiza once my auld disco shoes are back out for one final time (Now on 3rd trip to Ibiza) So here I am wiring this blog trying to work out how many calories in M&S Italian Rose and weighing out 25g of Tesco Onion Rings. What an utterly sad and pathetic existence. It hits you like a sledgehammer how little 2350 calories a day is for a man of luxury eating a drinking habits.

I have just checked with my online bookmaker Paddy Power an I am even money that I have demolished the other 125g of Tesco Onion Rings  by 12am. The cheeky bastards have also got me as 2/1 to go the chippy and 4/1 to get a cab to Berry Street and go my favourite post booze gaff The Botan. Not as much as surprise is 500,000/1 that I get down to my 13st fighting weight. Ahh well those extra few weeks I get out of like for my “healthy’ periods will be well with it when I am sitting in a nappy in a nursing home listening to Cream Classics on the only iPod left working in England. I mean who has iPods when its all downloaded straight into the chip they have put in your body. Speaking of chips that 2/1 is looking a good price.


Fay x x x x x x x x x


Och aye Edinburgh II (Deacon Blue)

So a weekend away for our 14th wedding anniversary and a return to Edinburgh with Mrs Fay previous Edinburgh blog HERE

In previous years we have attempted to have the same number of pubs as years we have been married. It gets a bit tougher every year as Mrs Fay does not have the drinking capacity of me but we shall give it a go this year. First up my little packed lunch of a sausage roll from the local bakery Wilsons in Garston village which was closing the Saturday we were away. I had to have my final fix of the lovely hand crafted sausage roll. Serving Garston since 1963 it will be a sad loss to the local community and fat bastards like myself. Speaking of which time to grab some cider for the train and M&S finest crisps. After an hour it was a quick change at Wigan and onto the train for Edinburgh. Even though we have been married 14 years I was expecting a virgin for our wedding anniversary, train that is but sadly it was a trans-pennine express but we got into Edinburgh just on six and after 4 cans of cider I legged it to the toilets to spend a penny or in Edinburgh Waverley stations bogs it was spend 40 pennies. After a quick turnaround in our Travelodge it was out into the Edinburgh evening and first pub up was some new ground “The Jinglin Geordie” and we headed into the new town via a Wetherspoons a pop up bar on Princess Street Gardens. Having been to Edinburgh for a third time now it is still amazing the number of pubs that I still had not visited.  Having had a few down the old town we headed up to the Grassmarket area which was a lot quieter than when I visited the previous two times and we headed off down Cowgate and this seemed to be the new “lively” place with the roads now closed off. We got given some tickets and ended up in pub 9 “The Subway” which turned out to be more of a club that a pub playing some kind of noise and we were roughly double the age of everyone else in there but it was a cheap round. With a final drink in Bannermans making it 10 for the night and Mrs Fay headed for a scran at a pizza and burger gaff that didn’t even sell chips ?? Lucky enough the Travelodge had a machine and it was a biscuit boost and diet coke for bed about 1.30am as this was the quiet night before the big gig and Deacon Blue live at Edinburgh Castle on the Saturday night.

So I went for a nice stroll around Edinburgh whilst Mrs Fay was in bed though mainly to score some toothpaste. The weather had took a turn for the worse and it was raining. Once Mrs Fay had made herself beautiful we headed out and I knew a cracking little cafe which was very cheap and when in Scotland I said to myself Och Aye and had a square sausage on a barm and a can of Iron Bru. Just a shame I wasn’t 5ft 2 with red hair, pissed and wanting to fight (Can we do gags like that these days ? I suppose so if the thieving scouser jokes still get fired my way) I had woke up to the news that a fella I had shared a few pints with back in the day (Ray) who was around my age had died from cancer. Always had a smile whenever I had a bevy with him and tragic to die so young. I guess I am getting to that stage in life when the odd person around me pops their clogs. So after a bit of shopping (New orange Liverpool kit for the youngest) the rain wasn’t getting any better so nothing else to do apart from stay dry in a pub and pub number one of the 14 pub challenge was “The Last Drop'” though it was the first drop and in the words of Alanis Morissette isn’t that ironic. There were a few homages to pay to previous trips and a pub called “The Waverley” which last time was run by an eccentric old Scottsman called Ian. We did ask for some choons to be put on as we were the only people in the pub and he said no. We carried on asking him and he put the national anthem on at full bast ?? A couple later walked in the pub and we advised them there was no fun to be had in here whilst Ian is in charge. Anyway Ian had died and the pub was closed last year when other people I knew had tried to get a drink in there. It was now however open again and with Deacon Blue playing it was a sign of its new found levels of enjoyment. En route we stumbled across Deacon Blue doing their soundcheck and the weather was still wet with large drops of water coming down from the stage roof at times. We had also popped up to see Greyfriars Bobby’s grave and the final homage was to an Irish Pub we got told not to sing in when last time I was there. But it was closed and no chance of singing in their this time. A quick change of gear and we headed up to the gig via you guessed it another few pubs. The scores on the doors before the gig (No ale at the gig !! ) was drinks 12 but pubs 13.  The goal of 14 different boozers was on.

Onto the gig itself and the rain was now drizzle and a mist was starting to form around the iconic Edinburgh castle and at 8.25 Deacon Blue came on stage and no messing about and straight into it with “Wages Day” as the seats were wet once everybody was on their feet they stayed on their feet in the floor section where we had our tickets in. A couple more songs and then it was “Born In A Storm” into “Raintown” and ethis balmy summers evening was indeed a Raintown. It was soon apparent that as it was a 30 year celebration that the album Raintown was to be played in full. As the night darkened the rain stopped but the moist mist was hanging in the air. The final track of the album and one of my faves was a splendid rendition of “Town To Be Blamed” I am becoming more of a soft shite as I get older as that performance almost reduced me to tears as it so vividly takes me back 30 years to listening to it whilst doing my Liverpool Echo paper round. Fast forward 30 years from now and at 73 I might just be drawing my pension if I am still bloody alive and they haven’t extended it again like an extra year added last week !! Still time for “Real Gone Kid” and a sound issue plagued “Your Town” and it was on and off for an encore including “Fergus Sings The Blues’ and “Twist And Shout” Deacon Blue often finish on a random song and tonight it was “Sunshine On Leith” a cover of The Proclaimers song which as a scouser went right over my head but the Scottish crowd was lapping it up. Due to weather and some sound issues don’t get me wrong it wasn’t a bad gig but having seen Deacon Blue over 20 times now it wasn’t up there with the top performances I have seen but we still had a might fine evening and walked out into a dark Edinburgh summer night which was now that cold you could see your breath and a fog had formed. Scotland in July Eh ! Gig pic below taken from Deacon Blue Facebook and setlist (not mine) found on Twitter.

So only one thing left for the evening and the attempt at the 14 different pub crawl. We attempted to go back to the Irish Pub that wouldn’t let is sing last time and it was now open but once through the door they wanted a fiver to get in. I should have said I will pay a fiver if you let me sing but me and Mrs Fay could spend the tenner saved on more grog ! So we ended up in the Three Sisters were they played some decent choons and we had a dance in the courtyard surrounded by lots of young people and we ended up having 4 drinks in there with a highlight being “Apache” by The Sugarhill Gang and the low light “Robbie Williams” well it was nice to rest my feet for one song. We staggered onto The Pilgrim with the Dj again playing some good choons but by now we were seated and I was on double vodka red bulls to give me wings. Anyway that gaff shut about 1.30 and after taking bollocks to the DJ who was a young lad and a Liverpool fan we fell out The Pilgrim and headed back to the pizza burger gaff that didnt sell chips but this time I had a burger to soak some of the ale up all washed down with yes you guessed it an Irn Bru.

So final count was 20 drinks in yes 14 pubs (Waverley 2, Three Sisters 4 and The Pilgrim 2) That might explain why I was sweating ale out of my pores on the train home from Liverpool which left at a handy 10:12 and we were back in our house at 2.30 just in time to slouch on the coach and watch the final round of The Open Golf.  Another thoroughly good weekend in Edinburgh and easily one of my fave places to visit and I will be back again I promise though on my 4th visit after snow, cloud and rain this time a bit of sun would be a bonus and maybe I might get sunshine on Leith. Thanks Deacon Blue for another good gig and a final big up to the in-laws who had our sprogs and without them Deacon Blue at a misty Edinburgh castle would have just been a pipe dream.


Fay x x x x x x x x x

Happy 8th birthday Faymondo’s Blog (Grassendale & Cressington Park)

3rd July 2009 and I post a blog about the future of banking LINK HERE Todays birthday blog is the 542nd instalment of shite and thanks to all those who have read my musings and indeed signed up by email etc. As you can tell my spelling and English isn’t great but after writing a blog I can only ever be arsed giving it the once over and am often blind to the errors posted. Believe it or not I have had some great feedback over my random ramblings and the aim of the blog is to raise a laugh now and again and try not and go off on one too often and get too serious. So the blog gets a refreshing new look today and a ninth kiss is added to the signature as I enter my 9th year in the blogosphere. Once again many thanks for reading and here is post 542 for your pleasure. Its been a busy time since the blog started with numerous trips abroad (Too many to mention) a couple of deaths, a third child for me and Mrs Fay, becoming a great uncle and being the owner of two dogs and finding out about a whole dog related community as opposed the the dogging community for which I am saving that particular hobby until my 50’s. Oh and happy birthday to my eldest dog Benny who is three today. Wishing my eldest dog happy birthday what have I fucking become during the 8 years of this blog ? Well if truth be told I am definitely a more sensitive soul but most probably less tolerant. If it aint happening on whatever level I am not going to waste my precious time with it. Just pull a face to myself and move on. Oh as you might have heard me mention I have found the best place in the world (Glastonbury) and live blogged three general elections and no doubt a fourth will be along sooner rather than later.

From the heights of me being a 35 year old back when I decided to put things into words, yesterday as I hurtle towards the ripe old age of 44 the family were all out so I decided to go out for a very middle aged thing to do and a lovely walk around the streets and promenade of South Liverpool on Sunday. The sunshine was out and the best things in life are free I ended up walking through the lovely Grassendale & Cressington Parks. I say parks they are residential parks. The beauty of this place are most of the houses are individual and beautiful time pieces of when they were built. Grassendale Park is just slightly older than Cressington Park. Both are conservation areas and Cressington was finished by 1851 per sign erected. Despite there being a railway at Cressington there is a notice up that states “This is a private park and access to the station is granted by the trustees and does not constitute a public right of way” Well having mates who lived in the parks when I was in school I have been blagging my way in there for nearly 35 years so had my excuse ready as I walked around the parks and onto the splendid esplanade down by the River Mersey “Sorry la I am looking for the station but I just can’t seem to find it” On a more disappointing note with parks definitely seem to be losing some of its grand old houses and being replaced by modern looking “boxes” Whilst the old houses must be a bastard to heat etc I think there might be something more sinister taking place and on the footprint of one giant stunningly beautiful Victorian or Edwardian house you can bang in two super efficient trendy boxes and still charge a fortune fore them. There will come a time when Grassendale and Cressington park will have no character left and be a space where modern boxes line up next to each other  stripping the parks of the Victorian feel which can be felt when waling down there, especially if you walk down there on a misty winters night and the old style street lights can take you right back. I wish I had the £750,000 pounds to get a house down there. I fancy the first 8 bedroom one. Even the dogs could have there own bedrooms !!



On leaving the splendour of Grassendale and Cressington Park I headed towards Otterspool Prom where thankfully I don’t need any permission from trustees to walk. A final walk up Mersey Road and I needed to pop into the local shop for a drink after my five plus miles walk and I had £1.50 in my pocket for a bottle of diet coke. It was then I spotted the Apple Pay logo. My debut blog was the future of banking and I end up on the birthday blog mentioning the future of payment. I no longer have an excuse to walk past my local shop and think well thankfully I have no money so will resist the temptation of Desperados and numerous packs of KP Transform-A-Snacks. With Apple Pay at the corner shop I walked out a happy man with one of those traditional very environmental unfriendly blue plastic bags rustling away armed with 4 Desperados and munchies. With this devastating news a future birthday blog might be “The future of my waistline” Any way back in work today after a few extra days off with post Glastonbury illnesses and our family holiday is on the horizon so its “Start today” for the holiday diet.

See you in Steve Chippy on Wednesday ha ha ha and again many thanks for reading.


Fay x x x x x x x x x


Glastonbury 2017 – Fay’s Coming Out

So Monday morning 7am and its time to take the tent down and the last long hike down to the car and farewell Glastonbury. Never fun taking the tent down but at least it was dry and all packed up we headed out of the gate for the final time this year and the realisation that it will be 2019 when I next return to the farm. Very slow movement getting out of the car park but after about 40 mins we were on the road and no other hitches on the way home. This time I managed to get my £600 worth of camera gear safety into the car unlike last year READ HERE FOR 2016 CAMERA TALE With a stop off and a quick change over for Mrs Fay to drive the last hour as I was feeling the pace and better to be safe than sorry when driving tired we made it back in Liverpool for 14:30 and back into the urban metropolis and red bricked terrace housing that is Liverpool and Aigburth. First up that lovely first shower when you find out that mud and grass reach unknown crevasses in your body and then that post shower lie down on your own bed and that mmmmmmmm sound.

Having limited signal at Glastonbury it was actually nice to be off the grid but as soon as I was connected back onto the house wifi I became a social media slag. Like a crack addict I was feverishly posting here there and every fucking where on various social media platforms. Sad, very sad indeed and I hope to cure myself in some way before the end of 2017. I was going to have a drink on Monday evening to stop myself falling off a cliff but I was just too tired. The expected gorgeous sleep didn’t materialise and I instead has a restless sleep and some “Trippy’ dreams. Tuesday morning and a last day off before work smacks you firmly on the arse and me and Mrs Fay drove down to Otterspool due a combination of still being knackered and the grey rainy day in Liverpool. As we walked into the cafe “Can you feel it” by The Jacksons was playing. How much of a sign was that. A reminder that just a few days before we were in a farmers field dancing to The Jacksons and in answer to their question “Yes I was still feeling it, feeling knackered” Post breakfast and time to create my Glastonbury 2017 playlist to get me through work on Wednesday and as I listened to “One Day Like This” by Elbow I has a slight tear in my eye recalling the moment it was performed on Friday night and the crushing blow that it was indeed all over and all that was left were the beautiful memories.

My sister had sent me a picture saying I had been spotted on the BBC coverage at Chic. Time to have a look and indeed there I was in full glorious HD in my home designed glitter ball Glastonbury hat getting a groove on and belting out “I’m coming out” (Clip Below) not only am I coming out I am sliding my hand suggestively up and down the flag pole ha ha. I had actually ordered a rainbow Adidas badge for my hat but it didn’t arrive in time for Glastonbury. The seller sent his apologies and said he would sent a surprise gift by way of an apology. Picture below and after being called “Gay Fay” from about the age of 6 to 16 it has all come full circle.

So by Tuesday night my guts have given up so Wednesday off work and added to that on Thursday some heavy manflu I have not actually made it back into work yet and that delight is now in store for Monday. So now some extra tales from Glastonbury 2017 and first up the amazing story of what could have been for my 18 year old nephew James. His mate could get him behind the pyramid stage for Barry Gibb but he declined and his other mate took his place. To cut a long story short his replacement mate ended up being one of the random people selected to go on stage for the final song of the Chic performance and possibly got the best selfie of Glastonbury 2017. Tuesday afternoon and the postcard we posted to ourselves from Glastonbury had arrived.

No wonder I was fucked after Glastonbury as on the final Sunday my Garmin watch told me I had walked/danced for 21.56 miles and just under 40,000 steps. For the five days of the festival my mileage was Weds 9.32 miles Thurs 15.74 miles Fri 19.4 miles Sat 20.23 miles. Adding Sunday on and that is a whopping 86.25 miles over the festival period. Add to that gallons of cider and Desperados and a diet of sausages barms for breakfast and crisps for supper its no wonder my body gave up this week.

This years festival was a varying one starting off with the madness of Weds/Thurs meeting some old clubbing mates and then with Mrs Fay and the eldest daughter (Elizabeth 12) landing in the early hours of Friday morning as the festival kicked off for real on Friday so my festival switched into a much more mellow gear. Highlights have to be The Jacksons, Chic, meeting my old mate from school after 27 years, walking up the top of the hill at night and then seeing the look on Elizabeths face as she turned around to look over the whole site and Metronomy. Not many low lights but the walk from the coach and putting the tents up on Wednesday in heat that was the equivalent of being on holiday in Spain and Elizabeth losing her phone on the hill on Saturday but this then turned into a highlight as it was returned.

Other highlights seeing a young lad about 9 crowdsurfing at Barry Gibb. Ruby Turners powerful vocals at Jools Holland going full circle as she had a club hit in Liverpool in 1994 that we used to dance to. The Jeremy Corbyn moment. It’s gonna happen folks and one final big up to the good weather (Makes the world of difference) with just some light drizzle on Saturday morning that actually kept the dust down !!

Go Glastonbury 2017 will go down as one of the best ones. Something my 12 year old daughter will never forget. I am a bit gutted I wasn’t there for her moment when Ed Sheeran came on and she just burst into tears. Don’t worry Elizabeth even your “macho” dad has his tearful Glastonbury moments. A big gap to fill next year but we are already looking to fill it with a family type festival. So thanks to Scott, Moe and their boys. Mrs Fay, Alison, Helen, Elizabeth, Robert, Sasha, James, Lily, Phil and his wife and all the random people I met who helped my Glastonbury experience including the scousers who’s flag pole had broke and asked would they mind if they could put their Jeremy Corbyn flag up with out Tyskie one ? Errrrr only one answer there la (See pic below taken from The Jacksons performance)

And one final big thank you (again) to Alan who got my ticket but didn’t get his own. Forever in your debt and I met him for a pint last night to bore him senseless with tales from ye Glastonbury 2017. Birthday blog next post. Yep entering its 9th year of shite and I leave you with some of my best pics from 2017 (Click on for a larger image)


Fay x x x x x x x x

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