Ibiza III (The Retirement)

So after being up at 5.30 am the night before for a flight home from Majorca it was up at 3:30am on Friday morning for a trip to Ibiza. The event an old mate who I went clubbing with back in the day was having his stag weekend. I was a late addition to the trip and only had to get my flight over. Amazed Mrs Fay said yes when I asked her but it was on. After Ibiza 1 (My Stag week) in 2003 and Ibiza II (My mate Dj’ing in Space) 2009 (Click previous link for blog) it was time for Ibiza III (The Retirement) 2017 though in all honesty I have had so many retirements they call me Sugar Ray Fay. So a nice chilled flight and I tried my best to catch up on some sleep I was made up to be sitting next to two pensioners and that there was a booze ban on the 6am flight though there were Police on the flight before we left giving a few people a stern lecture. Anyway at one point the female old biddy was practically leaning on me and later on my arm fell of the table it was leaning on and I ended up virtually on her lap ! Any way the gang met once we were off the plane and an extra body met us in Ibiza Airport coming from Spain to meet us. Indeed the night before I was only 100 miles away on Majorca but had a nice 2000 mile round trip to get to Ibiza. As a few of us were not on the original package we managed in scouse style to blag on the Jet 2 shuttle coach to the hotel. En route we were stuck not far away from our hotel due to a badly parked white van. Different country but same white van man. Anyway some of the lads jumped off the coach one into the open drivers side and others using the van out of the way leaving the way clear for the happy coach driver and they came back onto the bus to cheers and applause. How scouse was this trip gonna be ??  The bus turned the corner and dropped us off 20 meters up the road !!! (They can only drop off in official coach bays) So we entered our hotel the very quiet or not so quiet Ibiza Rocks Hotel. Click on any images for larger version.

So with a quick freshen up and my beach gear on we headed out for a quick few pints and some scran and headed of to venue one for Friday and The Ocean Beach Club. Ocean Beach Ibiza is dedicated to creating a unique and lavish lifestyle experience for those looking for the ideal daytime destination under the Mediterranean sun. Located on the west coast of Ibiza in San Antonio, Ocean Beach is situated along the beautiful S’Arenal waterfront, complete with ocean views by day and the iconic Balearic sunset at night. As we walked towards the beach club we spotted two of the lads billboard AKA Son Of 8.

Into Ocean Beach we headed and as was the story for all the weekend it was VIP all the way and we had our own VIP table booked in the pool and a selection of very expensive bevvies including a massive bottle of vodka of which I ended up having too much. It was a cracking bunch of lads of which half I had not met and the stags dad who I had a good chat to and god knows what he made of the weekend as I was blown away and amazed by it. Lots of beautiful people at Ocean Beach and it was a struggle to breath in all of the time and I was thankful that I had previously shaved my “Missing link” hairy gorilla back ! Time for a group photo and as the day merged into evening a few off us decided we would have a quick turnaround at the hotel and head down to watch the glorious Ibizan sunset.


So we headed first to Cafe Del Mar and what is my spiritual home in Ibiza. Having collected many of their early compilation CD’s and their choons aiding many a post club recovery in the 1990’s it’s always nice to be back home in Ibiza and the sunset was looking like being a very good one. We then headed next door to Cafe Mambo. The ale was taking its toll and when the theme to the Godfather was played perfectly to match a stunning sunset that last flicker of the sun went under the distant ocean and we awaited the last light of the evening to pass and it was time for Ibiza night number one. I say night number one this was just the warm up to the main event on Saturday so when feeling suitably pissed I headed home on my own for the 10 min walk back to the hotel. What can go wrong. Well using GPS on my phone after about 30 mins I ended up at some other Ibiza Rocks building. Jesus Christ how have I managed that. I decided to do a Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars film and when Obi Wan says switch his target off and “Trust Your Feelings” I did just that and made it home in about another 20 mins. I was that tired from my previous two early starts for travel and pissed that I failed to hear my roommate knock when he come home and even when he eventually got a key he still didnt wake me up bringing another lad back for a bevy. I must have needed that beauty sleep.

Day 2 and up early but with no time for breakfast it was a taxi down to the harbour to get on our super yacht. It was much better than I expected. With a couple of nice bedrooms and a nice living room and space outdoors to chill. We headed off and I took a seasick tablet just in case to help settle the copious amount of free ale again. Yeah yeah tablets and Ibiza I know !! A first stop and a chance to swim in the deep sea. Straight in no messing even though there was a rouge jellyfish about but the captain was keeping an eye out. Being a fitness freak (ha ha) there was a small island not too far away and the captain said it was Ok to swim out to so off I went. I felt a slight shaving rash half way and thought it was the saltwater and after a small walk on the island I headed back to the boat and this time felt a sharp sting on my upper left arm. Oh yes not one but two jellyfish stings. So who was I gonna nominate out of the lads to urinate on me to relive the sting ? Luckily enough the captains mate had a special sting scraper and some sting gel which sorted me out and he said I had just been glanced twice as if the fuckers had got me properly I would have known about it !! Lets just say that was the end of my sea adventures and one of the lads who was put off by my stings decided just to cool his feet but he got stung anyway. So we sailed around the beautiful island of Ibiza and eventually pulled up on what was effectively a car park for rich boats. We awaited the taxi boat to come and get us and we headed to the very upmarket Blue Marlin Restaurant Marina Ibiza. It was a pricey gaff with burger and chips at 55 Euro’s. I opted for just chips and a pint instead.

So we headed back to the port taking in another stop and as the sun began to set on another Ibiza evening the champagne was cracked open and we all headed back with a smile on our faces ready for the main event and a night at Amnesia hosted by Elrow. One last chill on the boat and a few drinks in the room and we headed off in taxis to the club about 12.30. So again fully treated to the VIP experience with a position on the balcony overlooking the already large crowded dance floor it was time for a few vodka red bulls to get me in the mood and we were given a few hat accessories to help us get in the party mood with the picture of me the final picture before the madness of the night and next day was to take hold.

So not long after the above picture I ditched my ladybird hat but had found a microphone I headed downstairs into the club and to be honest the rest of the night is mainly a blur and all images and videos have been censored. If there is no evidence from my clubbing heydays in the 1990’s the I certainly aint letting that be ruined now in 2017. It was a belter night and reminded me of all previous good times. We all had a ball though what Bernard the stags dad who was in his 60’s must have made of it god can only know. I do know he lasted until about 5am before heading off home. Well as for most of us we left just before closing at 8am and into the already hot Ibiza sun we headed back to the hotel and a small cafe by it for a G&T for breakfast. We bumped into another gang of scousers and had a few more drinks before heading up to a room. There was a all day pool party at our Ibiza Rocks hotel but we couldn’t physically make it down there instead listening to the choons from a balcony. Come 5pm it was time for bed and a decent chance I would sleep through until the plane on Monday morning. It was only 5 mins back to our room but as we got about 10m away there was a security guard who said we must go the long way around. I pleaded in my very unfit state but he said no it was only a few mins extra. About 20 mins later we came down the stairs by him and he just had a wry smile on his face as it had took so long to play the Ibiza Rocks Crystal Maze we then walked the extra 10m past him hmmmmmmmmm. So literally straight asleep as soon as I got in the room I was stirred about 7.30pm by somebody coming into our room and using a phone light to go for a piss. I thought it must be one of the other lads coming to check if we were going out that night. He finished his piss and moved around the very dark room but then silence. Ahh one of the lads must be dossing on out couch again. A few mins passed and completed silence. This had worried Moses my room mate who put the room light on. There was a young lad just in his shorts standing there. “What the fuck are you doing” said Moses to which the lad (Irish by his accent) tried to speak but was just about capable of saying a mumbled sorry after about 40 second she shuffled out of the room saying sorry a few times and out of the door. The poor lad looked more shocked than we were. Obviously worse for wear he must have lost his key and thought his room was 124 getting a replacement key. Imagine the relief of making it home and navigating a dark room to find two men in your bed. A surreal ending to the holiday and me and Moses both went back to sleep and woke up at 6am the next day to catch up sleep lost from the crazy Saturday night.

So the plane home Monday wasn’t as bad as I expected though one of the lads had left his passport in the hotel and had to get it delivered by another lad who was coming home later. I was back in my house for around 3pm and with two more much needed days off work after returned to work today after two weeks off and two holidays !! Back to normal now and as I said when in Ibiza. Normal is very underrated as when your hungover and fucked all you want to do is get back to normal. Many thanks again to Paul (The Stag) who organised the whole trip who I did want to thank in person but not when I was pissed and wrecked but straight headed to make it more sincere but slept through. Apologies to the other lads I did not make it out Sunday but as you can read it was never going to happen after events and I would have come home to find an Irishman in my bed if I had. Again I can’t thank Paul enough for the whole weekend. You have made an old man very happy and given me memories that will last lifetime. I hope the wedding goes well and you and your missus have a lovely life together filled with love and fun.

Oh yeah thats me retired again.


Fay x x x x x x x x x


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