Creamfields 2018 (Saturday)

So Saturday lunchtime and I was chilling and thinking about a wedding reception I was to attend that evening and a text drops asking if I wanted to go to Creamfields today. A few more details received and it was an access all areas ticket. Hmmmmm last nights £3 flowers I bought from Tesco wasn’t going to be enough and I was thinking even a night with Robbie Williams wouldn’t do the trick. Anyway Mrs Fay is a goodun and she allowed me to go and by 4pm I was heading up to Daresbury for Creamfields 21. Funny enough 14 years a go to this very day I was planning on popping out on my lunch break to get my Creamfields ticket when i got a call from the womens hospital to say Mrs Fay was not coming out and that I needed to get there ASAP. The next morning ickle Elizabeth Fay was born 5 weeks early at just 3 pounds and my Creamfields career was over. Now 15 years since the last one the hiatus was to be over.

We arrived on site and entered the artists accreditation area. My mate was playing (Babalou) and I had promoted myself to be his production manager and after the sniffer dogs had given us the once over we had picked up out artists beer and food token and we headed into the artists area. We then headed out and had a look around the site and there were plenty of sites to see and people already in various states of “enhancement” The site was a mixture of tents and some man made structures as well including a bull ring type venue and the now famous Cream Steelyard building. I must admit the site was much more impressive than I had imagined with two large outdoor stages and things have definitely moved on over the 15 years since I last attended. The Speke Creamfields had developed into a festival for the kiddas of Liverpool but with this having a camping area and spread over several days it had a more of a festival feel though there were a few gangs of Ket Wig kiddas decked out in black with their manbags. A quick look into the hospitality tent and we left that armed with some cans of San Miguel and we headed back to the Steelyard to see Camelphat. We managed to get backstage and onto the stage. The crowd were lapping it up and through the smoke there was just a few rays of sunlight entering the tent which made for a cracking scene. Thousands upon thousands of happy faces looking my way in adulation of Camelphat not me the fat camel in an Adidas trackie top. Anyway the decks for the next set had been put in front of us ready to wheel on and I couldn’t resist posing for a photograph to make it look like I was DJ’ing to the masses. It gave me an insight into what it must be like for a footballer to scorer a massive goal and look at the faces and celebrations of the fans.


So leaving the excellent Camelphat as my mate Babalou was to play on The Red Bull tent and behind the DJ booth was a crate of San Miguel. Happy days as I danced for the hour and amount of people in the tent ebbed and flowed as the set progressed. En route to a toilet break I took in one of the main stages and a smaller stage nearby and with me representing The KLF with my t-shirt I couldn’t resist taking a photograph of an ice cream van even if it wasn’t The KLF (Make mine a 99)

So a final potter around the site and 7 hours of boozing had caught up with us and we headed home just as I imagine the party was starting for some people around midnight and due to this got an Uber cab dead easy after some hackney wanted £80 of us !!

It was an excellent day and who would have though that this near 45 year old washed up “Cheesy Quaver” would attend another Creamfields festival and not only that have access all areas which put a very interesting and privileged view on the days events. You know your getting old when you go to Creamfields and still get in earlier than the wife and kids who went to a wedding. How the mighty have fallen. On the plus side I woke up this morning at 10am right as rain as opposed to a three day wipe out after Creamfields 2003 and below is me at that very festival taken at 2.53am I was hardcore then



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The Fay Family Holiday 2018 – Pontins (Southport)

So we were all up last Thursday nice and early to catch the first Merseryrail train to Southport for The Fay Family holiday to Pontins (Southport) It had been a tough year as a freelance worker but I counted up the 5p jar and the family needed a much needed pick me up so I treated them to a holiday. In reality the 5p jar is empty but thanks to credit cards “tarting” it was a week in Cyprus and a return to Avanti Village in Cyprus where we went in 2015. There is a whole wide world out there and I dont like going back to places but the kids enjoyed it and with only going for a week we could dive straight into holiday mode without having to find out where to go in the resort etc so made a return visit.

So with the flight out going all as planned and the kids amazed at TV’s in the seat in front (Even if there were like something from the year 2000) we were eventually in the pool for about 4pm and time for a beer at the swim up bar showing off my newly Veeted (Immac for old skoolers) back to stop me looking like a cousin of Chewbakka. Once that was done it was time to head the supermarket and stock up on Keo beer and munchies. To my amazement there were no Jamon Ruffles. The highlight of any previous family holiday is sitting on the veranda half pissed on a balmy evening in just my shorts scoffing a Jamon Ruffles crisp butty. Then when finished locating several dropped ruffles in my chest hair (Cant shave that off as it would show how big my moobs are) and having a second helping of Ruffles.

So the first proper full day Friday and I was dragged out by the kids to get some lilo’s. Now the world of lilo’s has moved on since I were a lad and you just got a red one (For Liverpool) and it cost about 200 Pesetas. This years trend was the unicorn lilo coming it at around 30 Euro’s. Now I have three daughters and wasn’t spending 90 Euro’s on bloody lilo’s thus denting The Desperados kitty and after many shops outing for prices and varieties I got them down to a smaller Pink Flamingo and a Whale. Flamingo made it home but the Whale burst on day 1 !! Some of the lilo’s stretched into the 50 euro’s bracket (Giant grapefruits and double ringed Unicorns) Based on the lilo’s for sale I roughly calculated that 5% of the GDP of Cyprus is from the sales of lilos.

Now the Germans historically get stick for putting towels on the sunbeds early doors but as this was a very much UK and family orientated complex you had to get up early putting a towel out and if there were any Germans on site they would have been as shocked about that as their early World Cup exit. In other towel news on the apartments opposite and above there was a Manchester United versus Liverpool “Towel off”

As the days just merged into one of a nice morning stroll on my own, playing in the pool. Beers at the swim up bar around 5pm and then out for something to eat and drink memories of the holiday all blur into one. We did let the eldest have a “Sex on the beach” which was accompanied by a traditional dad joke about it and I did manage a bit of time on my own as reward for keeping the kids entertained in the pool. This mainly involved footy and one bar had that many games on a Saturday afternoon I appreciated the job that Jeff Stelling does on sky keeping it all together as goals were flying in everywhere. I of course had the pleasure of United getting beat whilst noticing Mixed Fruit Koppaberg abroad is about 5.3% compared to the 4.0% piss we get ??

We split the week up by having a day at the water park. Mrs Fay was brave enough to go on a few of the more less thrill seeking rides. I had a go on everything. On one of the tamest rides I managed to end up going backwards most the way on my rubber ring ending the ride with a 360 somersault to finish. The young Cypriot attendant ran over with a look of worry on his face and said “Are you alright sir” to which I just shook some water off and cooly said “Yeah no problem” whilst inside thinking “Fucking hell I might have been inches from a wheelchair then” Funny how when you get older the fear (And danger) of everything creeps in. I did of course go on the kamikaze etc and think being a hefty 6ft 3 frame added velocity to everything I went on in the waterpark and as I found out the morning after the water park I must have had internal bruising of both my upper arse cheeks thanks to the more danger rides !!

So with one night local and then the next night down at the harbour area the 7 days soon quickly passed but I am always happy to come home after 7 days. Coming home all was looking good as the plane we were due to get had left Manchester but by the time we got to the airport it was a three hour delay as the out coming flight had to return to Manchester not long after a technical fault occurred. It was at that point I thought me and Mrs Fay should really make a will though I did not pass this thought onto Mrs Fay who doesn’t like flying. After all I would hate you all to be fighting over who gets what when we had died a tragic death and after all my gadgets had been sold off there was still one credit card and half my overdraft still outstanding.

Lovely to have quality time with just the five of us. Mrs Fay was mostly well behaved for the 7 days apart from a few moments and the kids also behaved most of the time. So in the end thanks to a speedy turn around of the plane (No new food and drink loaded) they managed to keep the delay under three hours so no compo claim. I did queue up for the 8 euros each for us all though sadly as I was driving when we got to Manchester I couldn’t spend the 40 Euros on several pints of Keo and instead had to water and feed the sprogs !

Crash bang wallop and Friday decked out in tracksuit bottoms (First time my legs have been covered up for months) and my raincoat I headed out in the chilly 12c hoping to dodge the heavy showers and was soon picking dog shit up on Sudley Field again. I consoled myself with a sausage roll from Sayers before I commence the 18th diet of 2018. I did manage to get a “Sausage Pie” on holiday but this was jarg and was a hot dog in a pastry roll but at least things are heading in the right direction on the foreign sausage roll front.


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Just say no kids (And original Ronaldo)

So walking the dogs up Sudley Field the other evening and there were some kids spinning around inhaling a substance out of a balloon. The effects must of lasted about 15 seconds and to be honest I reckon they would have has a better laugh if they just inhaled a bit and spoke to each other in high pitched voice like everybody does with the balloons tied to bag of sand disguised in a pretty box that are on tables at the end of a wedding when bladdered. It is such a shame how society is breaking down and the youth of 2018 are resorting to such shennanagins for entertainment. When I were a lad back in 1990 I would have been up Sudley Field with my posse after security at the IM Marsh security over the road couldn’t take any more of our antics. We wouldn’t have resorted to such things as balloons. No we were far too pre occupied with getting slaughtered on a litre bottle of Stock Bianco (A poor mans Cinzano Bianco) and singing along to Deacon Blue songs (Maybe thats what tipped the IM Marsh security boys over the edge) and then having a bop to “Ride On Time’ by Black Box. Using our creative juices literally to use a few 10p carton drinks as mixer and doubling up as a glass to neck our Stock Bianco out of. What must the dogs walkers of the 1990’s thought of our antics ? Saying “When I were a lad we used to just go the local milk bar for a jive” Now I am the dog walker. Next time I am gonna go up to them and say “Giz a go otherwise I will tell yer auld fella” but only do a small bit of the ballon and in a voice similar to Joe Pasquale say “This is shit here’s a litre of Stock Bianco” do a high pitched giggle and walk down the hill back to ours shouting back “Search for Pump Up The Jam by Technotronic on Spotify on your phone kidda’s”

In other drug related news is seems that original Ronaldo has been hospitalised in Ibiza with Flu. Yeah we have all been there Ronny. The old Ibiza “Flu” Ronaldo assured fans on social media on Sunday that he was fine and would soon be ready to go home after suffering “a heavy bout of flu” I wonder what club he went to on the Saturday night ? Or was he hardcore and been out since Friday ? Guess we will never know as what goes on in Ibiza stays in Ibiza. Get well soon Ronny and enjoy your Lemsip just don’t try and snort it ! Funny enough it comes exactly a year ago since I came out of retirement and went to Ibiza Read about it here

As the football season is back after football never came home and another little bit of me died on Sunday despite a Liverpool win and going top of the league. I liked the old days when the first table was produced after about 3 games. Also there is no need to be putting lines on for qualification and relegation again in the old days when these popped on on the graphics you knew it was the business end of the season. Anyway I spotted on the digital advertising around the ground Petro-Canada Lubricants “Liverpool’s official lubricant partner” Jesus I know football fans are getting screwed over all the time but do they need official lubricants now to ease the pain of being fisted for cash from their team. Again I preferred the old days of a Davy Liver taxi advertising in the corner. In fact I think I just prefer the old days. Speaking of which I am off to crack open the litre bottle of Stock Bianco I have bought. If you live in the Aigburth Vale area of Liverpool listen out for a merry man singing Deacon Blue songs echoing around the enogs of Aigburth “Can this white man sing the blooooooooooooos”


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It’s a In-tree-guing blog

Just the one tree pun I promise. Well whilst walking the dogs yesterday lunchtime I noticed that the dead tree on Sudley Field was getting cut down. To be fair bits of it were falling off every time it was windy and I had visions of it toppling onto me due to a rotten core. So by the time I went on the evening dog walk the dead tree was no more and all that was left was the stump and a large part of the trunk. It was attracting attention of fellow dog walkers on the field. I will post a few pictures and first up is the tree in all its dead glory earlier on in the year. Second up is the tree as it looked this evening and finally a picture of the cross section of the stump. As ever click the image for a larger version.

Luckily enough somebody had already been as sad as me and wanted to try out some dendrochronology and attempted to count the rings and it was put at around 100 years old. You can see on the cross section that the older the tree got the less it grew. The darker rings indicate growth towards the end of the summer. Mad to think that this tree was not more than a sapling when my nan was born in 1915. I played junior football on Sudley Field in the mid 1980’s and no doubt many of my shots would have hit this tree (indicated by a small ring growth !! ) Anyway on the opposite side of the field are some now medium size trees. I actually remember these being planted around 1982 as they were staked and we used two of them as a goal !! Nearly 40 years later these bastard trees remind me of how old I am. Indeed you know your knocking on a bit when you start measuring your life in trees. So there you go I have gone all Swampy Eco Warrior on you but it was an intriguing start to this blog.

The next decision of the evening was do I go for a jog or go the chippy for my tea ? Run the chippy was suggested to me on Twitter but I went for a nice evening stroll anyway and was that warm I didn’t fancy chippy anyway in the end ! I ended up walking around Sefton Park for a bit marvelling at the massive houses around the perimeter and thinking I would love to live in one of these. The wife, three daughters and me would have plenty of room and if I positioned myself correctly in the house it was that big that I could actually think I live on my own and have no noise from aforementioned wife and three kids and we could meet in the dining room for meals and then I could return to my “boys room” loft or cellar ! There was a lovely pink sunset over Lark Lane and when walking down there I was accosted by a man in an electric wheelchair asking for a pound to put towards a taxi. I only had sports clobber on so had no pockets with money in and thankfully beggars haven’t yet entered the world of contactless payments. I made my excuses and walked on. It then dawned on me was I being arlarse in thinking hang on a minute mate you are sitting in a personal electric taxi ?? Anyway he was soon razzing over the other side of the late trying to bum a pound from somebody else. Perhaps I was being too harsh not knowing his full issues ? Speaking of issues on Sunday I posted and sent something and as I was doing it I actually made myself laugh. Is this the first sign of insanity or is it good to make yourself laugh ? Am I that funny that you are laughing with me. Or are you now laughing at me as I laugh at myself. Am I laughing now ? These questions and many others will be answered on the next Faymondo Blog.

Final mention for Barry Chuckle and the only thing getting me through this tragic loss is that the fat Chuckle is still alive. Hope for me yet !!


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