Posh Sausage Rolls and 80’s Drama my kids are missing out big time !!

So a regular readers of this blog will know I am a fat bastard and fond of a sausage roll or 12 (Depending on the size) It seems a new bakery in Garston Village has opened. Now I am still grieving from the closure of Wilsons (Hardcore sausage roll fans know the score) but its amazing how many of my friends and indeed just followers over “The socials” (My god who would have thought that was a phrase when I were a lad ?) tagged me in the news that a new bakery in Garston Village has opened called Porkie Pies. Now for a start I don’t eat pies I mean what do you take me for some kind of BMI busting blob of lard ? But I do scoff sausage rolls. Now don’t get me wrong I have told a few Porkie Pies to Mrs Fay back in the day when I had lost weekends but the counter balance was that when I came in wrecked and left my jeans draped over the bannister and money on the hall window sill she would dip my money for an amount that reflected how twatted I was. AKA The Good Night Weekend Out Tax. But anyway back to sausage rolls and I came in on Thursday night after seeing The Villagers (They were great) and a quick mention for Soul II Soul last Saturday (They were boss) and my mouth was salivating at the thought of a sausage roll from this shop. Mad thing is I have already mentioned in a previous blog how trendy sausage rolls have become with M&S young all kinds of funky flavours and the now traditional sausage roll garland which should really come with a pint of Gaviscon ! Anyway Mrs Fay was under strict instructions to go there on Friday and pick up some lunch whilst I ordered some jeans an extra 2inches size up from da internet.

So Friday morning and with my taste buds were into salivating overload and I had a tea towel tucked into the top of my neck to keep my t-shirt clean. I was in work and after a few ciders the night before was ready for some sausage roll hammer. Lucky enough Mrs Fay was off work so I was encouraging her to get down early to guarantee success in the sausage roll draw. She finally headed on down there at 11:45 to be told the heartbreaking news that all the sausage rolls had gone by 9.30. Whats all that about ! The Johnny come lately sausage roll bods will soon move on whereas you have my custom for life. Ahh well Porkie Pies will be reviewed another day.

In other non sausage roll news now wishing that I had wiped the tommy K from my beard and brushed the crumbs onto the floor much to the excitement of the dogs a classic scene from Boys From The Blackstuff was brought to my attention by a Twitter friend.

Wow the took me back to watching TV as a child with my late mum and dad. On the plus side the Albert Dock was not bulldozed. Only now looking back I realise how educated I was with this “Scully” “One Summer” which I watched years after missing the twist of the teacher (Kidder) being an innocent 9 year old but I remember watching the last episode of One Summer all sat in my nans living room which is now the knock through kitchen of the house we live in. Never forget the scene when Icky dies. We thought Icky was cool as a 9 year old. After that it was the likes of Auf Weidersehen Pet. That post made me realise that I watch no TV with my kids. This is partly due to the change in the dynamics of watching things on demand and on your own personal viewing platform and that any “family” TV consists of the kids watching reality shite with Mrs Fay. I often get a little bit down about my advancing years but then look back and think compared to my kids I had it all musically, drama wise and social media free wise though I did have a penpal from Germany who I soon fucked off as it was a lad and not a girl ! I honestly think my parents looked at me and thought “Lucky bastard” I look at my kids and modern life and think “Unlucky bastards”

For those of you were arsed to watch the clip “I can’t believe there’s no hope, can’t” words that sadly resonate today.


Fay x x x x x x x x x x


Behind Enemy Lines (Manchester)

So up early Sunday morning and not a touch of grog all weekend as the father in law kindly offered to drop me of in Manchester for The Manchester Half Marathon. Heading of into the gloom with rain starting en route in the car I had the beginning of a migraine with my vision having an aura. Dropped off in plenty of time I headed the shop for some Nurofen and water. I decided to take the risk and just necked the tablets not checking the ingredients and safely assuming I wasn’t going to win the race and fail a drugs test. A quick walk to the Theatre of dreams AKA Old Trafford for a bit of shelter and to change my race number from my top onto the front of my jacket as rain was now falling. It was more like the theatre of piss as it smelt like a subway where I decided to change my number over. Out into the Manchester rain and I was representing as I have done in my two previous races there (Both marathons you see I am an athlete) and my Istanbul 2005 Champions League winners badge was on my running hat.

So at the start in plenty of time a random man asked me to pin his race number on. He was wearing a Manchester United shirt. I explained I was a Liverpool fan and would more than be happy to put his number on but couldn’t guarantee that I would not draw blood from the safety pins. As it was I let him off and we had a laugh about it and I showed him my hat with my LFC badge on.

So a delayed start and I finally got across the start line at 9.25 as the rain began to fall down harder. I was thinking anything under two hours would be great as I was in nowhere near Personal Best form (Or weight) The plan was to see after 10k what my watch would forecast for a half and the first 10k was fine if not a little wet. Around 5 miles the leader was coming back on the other side with about 1.5 miles left. He was what I would call sprinting. A bit disheartening but I always run my own race and try and not let other people going past me etc worry me. As it was I was on for about 2 hours 3 mins after 10k and decided just to plod around at the age pace and enjoy the race.

This was leg two out of twelve in the half marathon a month challenge since I turned 45 in September challenge and I just wanted to get to the 10 mile marker and then it was mentally the home straight. Whilst out running I spotted what I thought was a mile marker with “Sale” on. Cheeky bastards I thought fancy a shop using the same font etc as the race to advertise a sale. As it happens it was a sign to say I was now entering Sale !!

So wet through and my nipple plasters having bit the dust the main problem for the last few miles were nipple related. Entering the long home straight which was the same as The Marathon one brought back memories of my greatest race and a 4 hour 27 full marathon in April. I had a decent sprint finish in me so went for it and indeed my fastest mile of the race was my 13th and final mile at 9mins 10. Over the line and another medal for the collection this was my 14th half marathon.  Official time of 02:03:43 and officially the wettest race I have ever done. Well done Manchester. As ever time to pick up a t-shirt that doesn’t fit me and a quick dash to meet Mrs Fay and I was soon back in Liverpool and after a nice relaxing bath it was time to walk the dogs.

Being an athlete its importing to refuel and rehydrate so it was sausage rolls for a late brunch and I have just cracked a Desperados open to get my creative juices flowing and write this blog.  In other exercise related news me and Mrs Fay went the gym together on Friday quickly followed by a chippy tea !! I do work very hard to keep in this shape.

So another successful raid behind enemy lines and into Manchester escaping unscathed and with a medal to show for my efforts. Time for another two Nurofen washed down with Desperados.

In future blog news the winning host city for what will be my 12th February trip away is Bratislava so expect the usual “A Cultural Review Of………….” blog to be posted in February 2019 once I have recovered. Think I might need to get Februarys half marathon out of the way before that trip !


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

The Glastonbury ticket giant sale oh and some other giants

So that time again. After a fallow year in 2018 leaving Glastonbury in 2017 ticket day seemed an age away and here we are on Thursday for the first batch of tickets on sale were the coach tickets ahead of the main sale on Sunday. Theres always some smug bastards on Thursday night smiling at the fact they have already boxed off their Glastonbury ticket. Yeah I was one of them. Ticket sorted and Glastonbury 2019 will be added to 2010, 2011, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017. It was all eyes to the weekend and the giant task ahead in Liverpool. Nah not them giants the giant ticket hunt for Glastonbury at 9am on Sunday morning. I needed to sort the rest of my crew out. Before Thursday I told Mrs Fay don’t worry if we don’t get tickets in the main sale or resale I will take us for a weekend away in Ibiza not being able to sit and watch the Glastonbury weekend unfold in front of my eyes on the TV. On Thursday night she asked about the Ibiza plans. Well thats a non started as I am going to Glastonbury. You could take the kids to Legoland I replied as I got ready to duck for cover at kitchen items to be hurled in my direction.

So Saturday night and having dodged two saucepans, a frying pan and large bottle of tommy K it was a massive weekend for the city of Liverpool with the return of the giants AKA Massive puppets AKA puppets AKA like Thunderbirds AKA not arsed. Funny enough my favourite puppets had been launched back into my life this week with the sad passing of Rainbow’s Geoffrey Hayes. I am just glad he wasn’t involved in operation Yewtree as that would have shattered my childhood but looking back he was more likely to of been involved in an orgy with Rod, Jane and Freddy. With giant fever hitting overload on Saturday night it got me thinking about my favourite Giants.

So at number three Jossy’s Giants the kids TV show from the 80’s. Written by the late great darts commentator Sid Waddell.

New entry at number two is Giant Haystacks. Mad to think as a 7 year old watching the ITV wrestling with me nan that I would grow up to be a Haystacks stunt double.

And staying at number one for the 1768th week its giant sausage roll. (See above)

So with all that giant nonsense I was in bed at 9pm on a Saturday night and asleep just after 10 ready for the giant Glastonbury ticket hunt.

Sunday morning awake and feeling fresh for not touching a drop of grog all weekend I walked up to the in-laws house to use their wifi as they were away as its an extra way in for a ticket. I quickly completed my tasks of feeding the mother in laws pussy and stirring the father in laws red wine he is in the process of making. So just before 9am as the nerves kicked in a bit despite me smugly having a ticket I wanted our crew to go and get as many extra tickets for people who I knew. It was good news by 9.10am and group one had secured their tickets and just after that group two has theirs sorted. But that was it as all sold out about 9.35. Mrs Fay was going to Glastonbury and would not have to rely on reading my daily blogs from the Farm thus making sure we reached our next wedding anniversary. There are quite a few people I know who did not get the golden Willy Wonka ticket and we will be trying our hardest come the resale in April for them. The more of us down there the merrier.

So with the giant ticket hunt being over more successful than not the giants left Liverpool for the last time. Well until next time. A bit like me with Ibiza and every time I leave I say “I have had a have nice day Jim but I am gonna take the comedown and let the next couple have a go at Ibiza’s special star prize” Funny enough its Fay Ibiza 3 Liverpool Giants 3. There will deffo be a winner but who? As you might of been able to tell the giants were not for me but for Liverpool and many people they are. I am not that much of a Meldrew to deny you your joy after all who wants to walk in a muddy farm in June for 5 days ? I hope you enjoyed the giants it looked like you did and this picture from Saturday is a belter.

Well I gonna round the weekend off with a Taurus cider which we cart down to Glastonbury by the gallon and look behind me at the Tyskie Flag on my office wall knowing it will be down there in 2019. Right time to look at faceprint and glow sticks on Amazon !!


Fay x x x x x x x x x x



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