A review of 2018

So as we head to 2019 time flies past like the driver of a train speeding out of Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine. May I wish you all a very happy new year. Even at the height of my clubbing days I never went out on new years eve. Too many knob heads and too many handshakes on offer so the year its back to having a party in ours. So here is the review of my year as as ever its always a bonus when nobody very close to you dies though we did sadly lose one of the school mums we got to know well Alex in February and you can read my blog on her HERE

Links to old blogs will posted on various keywords throughout this blog. Please do have a read of them if you have not. Always pleases me to see the numbers increase on my blog.

So January was spent not drinking, not eating what bread and running as the hard work for The London Marathon I got a ballot place for started in earnest.

Onto February and a good mate Alan was 60 and as mentioned Alex sadly passed away. The annual trip away took place and this year was Berlin and it wont be too long before 2019’s trip away and Bratislava will be my 12th trip away in February and you can throw a Glasgow and Edinburgh trip onto that as well. February also sees my annual music awards and the 30th year of them. What a nerd !! And after just over two years I finally finished Prisoner Cell Block H Episodes 1 – 692

March was back to running and fitness after a few days drinking in February and I made my debut on Capital Radio in Liverpool !!

April was the big month running wise and I was the lightest I have been for many a year. Just shows you what no booze, exercise and no white bread does. I wont lie it was a shite existence but reaped dividends as I completed The Greater Manchester Marathon in a personal best 04:27:18. Later that month was the big one London and on the hottest ever London Marathon it was a case of survival and just getting to the finish and then giving Mrs Fay a massive surprise (You have to read the blog to find out)

May was recovering from the two marathons with one more to go in Liverpool but sadly due to illness in the run up I had to downgrade to the half marathon.

There was a massive Glastonbury shaped hole in June but I did create my fantasy Glastonbury line up and we also had The world cup kicking off and was much better than I thought and even England somehow managed to get to the semis despite being poor and getting beat three times in one tournament ?? My fundraising page finally closed and the final total raised for Millstead School was £1562.55. Amazing. Thank you all again so much x x x

July seen this blog turn 9 years old. Jesus christ !! I also got all nerdy over Liverpool Street Signs  and the end of the month was rounded off with a great trip to Glasgow for my father in laws retirement.

August was the Fay family holiday to Pontins (Southport) and a surprise at the end of the month as I ended up going access all areas for a day at Creamfields life in the old raving shoes yet though I do think Ibiza IV is pushing it too much but never say never !!

September I turned 45. Hate the bastard fives. Roll on 50 and a trip away. Anyway I summed up my whole life in this blog We had a comedy few days as there was a mouse in my office and yes I am shit scared of mice. Still now I swear I can see something in my office. The karma in the room has never been the same since that mouse appeared.

The running continued with just half marathons and the great news that Glastonbury tickets were secured for 2019 so there will be daily blogs from what will be my 8th Glastonbury.

A very quiet November was only punctured with the world of virtual reality being unveiled in the Fay household.

And so into the final month of the year and a knee injury struck curtailing my running that after I announced earlier on in the year my retirement from football and a lovely write up of my footballing career. The traditional Faymondo advent calendar was produced 1st to 7th 8th to 14th 15th to 24th.

And so we get to the end of the year. A year that seen me go from very fat down to fat and now back in-between fat and very fat. Life moves on and my daughters are now 14, 11 and 6. My vinyl collection expanded into four shelves and another great year gig wise. Back on the wagon Jan 4th later than normal but have to get the Manchester City game out of it. Liverpool are in the best position for years to win the league. Oh my god imagine if it happened. Mrs Fay is already on warning that I might go missing for a day or two celebrating.

So thanks for reading and hope you carry on this year as the Faymondo blog turns 10 years old and we should reach the 650th blog at some point. Who knew one man could churn out such bollocks for so long.

May I wish you all a happy new year. Is 13:30 too early for a bevvy ?

As ever all I want for 2019 is enough cash for a bevy and my health and the health of the people around me.


Fay x x x x x x x x x x


Scouse Pub World Cup 2018

So being bored over chrimbo I decided over on my weather account on Twitter a scouse pub world cup to see what the best boozer in Liverpool (Centre) was. Whilst congregating in the Carnarvon Castle for our now traditional Christmas Eve pint we got the number of boozers down to a handy 16 and I made the draw in ours on Boxing day and the first four matches were put out to my twitter followers. Just proper boozers in my eyes made the cut so no shiny dance floors and communal toilets etc. I have a feeling I know what will win bit will reveal all at the end. The final is due on December 31st and the first scouse pub world cup winner will be revealed.

So I Neil George Fay he returning officer for scouse pub world cup herby declare the following boxing day results.

Cornmarket 40% vs Lion Tavern 60% (158 votes cast)

Railway 48% Caledonia 52% (174 votes cast)

Rose & Crown 33% Peter kavanaghs 67% (167 votes cast)

Roscoe Head 42% Baltic Fleet 58% (236 votes cast)

On a personal note sad to see The Roscoe Head go out and out of all of them I am in The Rose & Crown most but the public have spoken.

So with everybody nursing Boxing day hangovers there was no rest on the 27th December and the completion of the round of 16 was put out to vote. Voter turn out was a bit better for this round. Maybe it was less people actually in the pub today ?

So I Neil George Fay he returning officer for scouse pub world cup herby declare the following December 27th results.

Carnarvon Castle 22% The Grapes (Roscoe Street) 78% (292 votes cast)

Ship & Mitre 81% Ma Egerton’s 19% (242 votes cast)

Belvedere Arms 36% Thomas Rigby’s 64% (269 votes cast)

Dr Duncans 35% Ye Cracke 65% (238 votes cast)

All pretty much one sided them but 8 names make it into the hat for the quarter finals of the scouse pub world cup and the names came out of the hat as follows. Ties to be played on 28th and 29th December. The draw is below and if you want to vote you need to be on Twitter and go to @Liverpoolweath

And yes I know some other great boozers have been missed out so in what seems like world cup tradition next years scouse pub world cup will be expanded.

Ship & Mitre 78% V Caledonia 22% (246 votes)

Thomas Rigby’s 50% V Peter Kavanaghs 50% (261 votes)

Replay Thomas Rigby’s 48% V Peter Kavanaghs 52% (186 votes)

The Lion 32% V The Grapes (Roscoe Street) 68% (121 Votes)

Ye Cracke 53% V Baltic Fleet 47% (144 votes)

So down to the last four and the draw is as below

Ship & Mitre 84% V Ye Cracke 16% (336 votes)

Grapes (Roscoe St) 61% v Pater Kavanaghs 39% (183 votes)


So the final is posted and its Ship & Mitre V Grapes (Roscoe Street)

The bronze medal match is Ye Crake V Peter Kavanaghs

Vote away and the 2019 Scouse pub World Cup winner will be announced tomorrow evening.

So with the voting over results as below.

FINAL Ship & Mitre 64% v Grapes (Roscoe Street) 36% (378 votes)

BRONZE PLAYOFF Peter Kavanaghs 53% v Ye Cracke 47% (129 votes)

So congratulations to The Ship & Mitre on winning the 2018 Scouse Pub World Cup and we will be back in December with an increase to 32 pubs so might well be asking for nominations.


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

Christmas Number 1 those were the days

So I was looking at the top 40 last Saturday to see what was in line to be the coveted Chrimbo number 1 single. I was shocked to find three old chrimbo choons in the top 10. I long gave up on the charts years ago but growing up as a child I loved the top 40 and taping them. Indeed in chrimbos of past I was made up to get a five pack of TDK C90 cassettes so I could tape the charts on a Sunday. How times change. Anyway being a nerd I compiled my own charts from 4th June 1989 to 19th September 1997. Just one day after my 24th birthday !!! Maybe I thought you know what Neil yer never gonna get married an have kids if your still writing your top 10 singles down. To be fair I love music and am slightly OCD so it would have been force of habit. I am ashamed to admit that there are a few gaps in the charts towards the end. Maybe I was getting a life ?

So for the record the first number one was “Heylom Halib” By Capella

The Final Number one was “Sunchyme” by Dario G

So back to Chrimbo number ones and here is a list of my ones from 1989 to 1996

1989…..”Words” by The Christians 

1990…..”All Together Now” by The Farm

1991…..”Justified & Ancient” by The KLF

1992….”Megamix” by Boney M

1993…..”The Power Of Love’ By Frankie Goes To Hollywood

1994…..”Rok Da House” by Tall Paul

1995…..”Wonderwall” by Oasis

1996…..”Cosmic Girl” by Jamiroquai

So a strange old pick of number ones there !! Well the 2018 Chrimbo number one is “We Built This City” by Ladbaby !! Remember the old days when charity Christmas songs were to raise money for starving people in Africa. 30 years on and its for starving people in our own country. If that doesn’t tell you how fucked things are then I don’t know what will !

And just for the record seeing as the charts are ruined with old chrimbo songs here is the top 10 old songs placed on positions in the chart this week actual chart positions in brackers

1 (5) All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey

2 (7) Last Christmas – Wham

3 (11) Fairytale Of New York = The Pogues feat Kirsty McColl

4 (15) Do They Know It’s Christmas – Bandaid

5 (16) It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas – Michael Buble

6 (18) Step Into Christmas – Elton John

7 (20) Merry Christmas Everyone – Shaking Stevens

8 (21) Rockin Around The Christmas Tree – Brenda Lee

9 (22) Driving Home For Christmas – Chris Rea

10 (24) I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Dy – Wizzard

As you can see not only is the country fucked the charts are fucked as well !


As for me this is my fave. Its magic.

May I wish you all a very Merry Christmas


Fay x x x x x x x x x x


The Fay Meldrew Advent Calendar 2018 December 15th to December 24th

So here we are the third and final instalment of this years advent calendar. 24 moans and 24 pictures as back in the day thats all I got as a child. A picture a day. None of this chocolate malarky or even worse now deluxe chocolates. I do remember being allowed to call up Busby (Ask your parents kids) for a chrimbo story on the phone. Pushing technology to its limits in 1982.

So previous calendars are here December 1 to 7 December 8 to 14 do have  read of them.

Here we go then and may I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a special Christmas Number ones of years gone past coming tomorrow.


December 15th

Mobile phones and Social media. Yeah I know I am one of the worst, though I have come off Facebook but have a sub account just for my Liverpool Weather Group. They are evil. Should destroying, addictive, putting pressures on young people via social media etc. They make people rude and unsociable but can be very handy at times. Well I would rather go back to when they were just phones and not mini computers but the genie is out of the bottle.

So hit me up on Twitter Faymondo73 or Liverpoolweath. Instagram I have three accounts faymondo, liverpoolweather and bennyanduma or join my Facebook Liverpool Weather group and of course this world famous blog. Gotta go got 12 notifications on my phone to read !!

December 16th

Just Giving pages. They seem to be set up for everything now. The “best” one I spotted this year was for somebody funeral who was a well know gangster abroad ?? Of course “Johnny” who was shot dead had a heart of gold and never hurt anybody. Chester Zoo even set one up after the fire (Insurance surely) which is on £145,000 I mean what the actual fuck. I wonder how many people who donated to this walk past their local food bank collection point in their supermarket. The world has gone mad !!!

December 17th 

Football. Yep this is my last season being into footy. My love for the game has slowly ebbed away over the years and with VAR (Video replays) coming in from next season. I cant be arsed with everything being about VAR and its already creeping into the game this year being mentioned and £5 million pound for the outgoing executive chairman of the Premier League thats it I am out. On the plus side it would be a perfect finish if Liverpool finally won the league and that would give me anything I ever wanted from football. Its only on as well !!

December 18th 

Complications. I like life to be as easy as it needs to be. So there is no need for a bread bin. Its just an extra layer between me and the bread and is not needed. Another one is lights. we have four in the bathroom and its very rare all four work at the same time making the light poor to shave. I know how about just one big bright one in the middle of the room and so when that goes you just replace it. You can repeat this in many of the rooms in out house.

December 19th 

Manners. They costs nothing but go a long way to make the world a better place. I often go the extra mile holding doors open for people and when somebody doesn’t for me I now say “Thank you very much” Most probably end up getting filled in one of these days but after I do I will say thanks for that !!


December 20th

Weather headlines. Being a pretend weatherman and declared a Liverpool weather expert by Radio City the amount of bollocks weather headlines is amazing. Artic Blast to hit Liverpool (Temps 7c and raining) I thought the Daily Express was the worst but The Liverpool Echo is hight up there now. Mad how many people say to me in April so we having a 3 month heatwave this summer then !!

Undated: Chris Waddle and Paul Gascoigne in Santa Claus suits. Mandatory Credit: Ben Radford /Allsport

December 21st

Periods. Yeah I don’t have them but the riots that occur in our house around that time of the month is crazy. Gonna end up with 4 nuclear bombs a month ready to go off in years to come. No wonder I just sit in my office with my optics rack close to hand !

December 22nd

Football bantz. For a start if you use the word “banter” or “bantz” I am tempted to use the c-bomb. As for footy humour as I like to call it. I am really not arsed if the Liver Birds are blue or that there is a photoshop of the Everton lock up in red. It is just a game of multi millionaires kicking a bag of wind about. Celebrate things when your teams win but do us all a favour and lay off the b word please and the shite “humour” that surrounds it.

December 23rd

Moaning. Its bloody hard moaning all of the time. Trying not to repeat moans of years gone past so next year I am gonna use the notes on my iPhone when I feel the inner rage of a moan take place thus making next years advent calendar easier. Ahh just thought of another moan. Oh well thats December 1st 2019 sorted.

December 24th

No moan today and just a chance to wish you all a very merry christmas and a happy new year. I even have a special christmas day blog lined up for you. Enjoy your christmas and hug your loved ones and for the ones who aren’t with us have a bevy and a cocktail sausage roll on their behalf.


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

Mad Friday with The Christians.

So Friday and it was a last few hours in work and thats me done until Jan 2nd. A nice break but no work no pay so I might set up a Just Giving page because every other cause seems to have one ?? It was then into town with Mrs Fay and the youngest Holly. We had booked to go into the one in St Johns which claims to be over 100 years old and the one from the auld Lewis’s. Anyway we got our ticket and waiting in a queue to then be allowed through the magic curtains to join another queue. There were some decent displays to keep us busy to be fair and we eventually got to see santa. He said I had been a good boy raising money by running marathon and my overall behaviour was much better than last year though he did wink at me and say “Glastonbury wasn’t on eh” With limited time with santa I thought I better get off his knee and let Holly have a go. She did and wants an iPad !!! So after santa I has a bit of time to kill so we got some deluxe munchies in from Marks and Spencers including this bad boy (See below) With family duties out of the way I was meeting some of the lads in The Crown on Lime Street at 3pm and the beers flowed. We moved onto meet the rest of the gang in The Rose & Crown an old haunt of mine from Council Days. Mad Friday eh. Spotted a fella sitting down and passing something to his mate on the sly. Maddest thing is that he couldn’t of made it anymore obvious what he was up to if he tried ha ha. On the “Lemmo” at 5pm and a mad Friday will certainly await. Anyway had to bail just before 8 to hit a boozer on West Derby road to catch the first half of the match before heading over to The Olympia to watch The Christians. A cracking band called Shamona were supporting but I am afraid to say the footy took precedence over them.

So onto the main event of the day and suitably lubricated by being out from 3pm I was ready for some live music and my joint fave band The Christians. It was quite a disappointing turn out crowd wise but mad Friday and tickets being near the best part of £30 might have put some people off. On the plus side we got a boss speck and were spoiled by another great performance from the band. Taking me right back to 1987 with Forgotten Town all their songs can remind me of a place and time in my life. “Whats in a word” got me this time and the summer of 1992 with A levels finished, about to head to university and move into my nan. All the freedoms of the big wide world about to be obtained without a fucking care or problem in the world. Nice to hear a track from Garry’s solo album “Your Cool Mystery” having never heard anything from his solo stuff live. The night was rounded off with “Happy Xmas” (War is over) and we headed off into the mad Friday night at 11pm deciding not to go back into town and say “We have had a lovely day Jim but 7 hours on the ale is great and we are going home with what we have”

So the next day and salvation Saturday and no hangover which was a bonus and the second bonus was I hadn’t tucked into my sausage roll garland when coming in bevvied last night. A walk of the dogs and me and Mrs Fay headed out to the farmers market on Lark Lane but got their late as things were closing down. So only one thing to do and head to The Fullwood Arms for a pint. Trusting the eldest to look after the other two kids we left them with a supply of Fruitshoots, Quavers and Oreo’s which should see them through to bedtime. As it was we had another drink in The Tipsy Cow by ours and headed home for just after 3pm.

So mad Friday wasn’t that mad (Well were I was anyway) Just chilling now writing this and listening to my Joe Strummer vinyl who died on this day in 2002 age just 50.

Christmas next, cant wait !!! (not)


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

The Fay Meldrew Advent Calendar 2018 Dec 8th to 14th

You still here ? Well done. Well days 1 to 7 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar 2018 are HERE

So onto days 8 to 14 you lucky people. As chrimbo nears my grumpiness levels increase only slight offset with a new habit of every time I go to Tezzies I get myself a bottle of vodka. Currently waiting to go onto my optics some Russian Standard Vodka with a name I cant even type on here and an Absolute Vanilla vodka. You can add to that a bottle of Baileys with a hint of Orange truffle and soon I will have a bottle a day to get through the festive season. Maybe chrimbo 2018 will be a blur of being pissed and everybody will say “Wasn’t Fay happy this Christmas” I am looking forward to next Friday and the holiday season starting because I am on holiday and a nice break until Jan 2nd. Well earned because I have been doing 6 day weeks as these posh vodkas don’t buy themselves and I have a few more gallons to purchase. This week is mainly health related news and my 6 monthly check up and despite being burger munching no fruit or veg overweight beer belly monster everything is below what it should be and my cholesterol has actually fallen since last time ! Fat and fit kids its the future. Today I had a visit to the dental hygienist and came out shaking like a shitting dog. No need for such torture la. Anyway back to moaning and included are the pictures from my Instagram Advent Calendar and yes what a social media whore I am.

December 8th

Festive lights. Jesus what did Jimmy Corkhill start back in the day ? The electricity  companies are laughing their tits off as we could power a small country with the light being used. Climate change takes a back seat in December as we go mad. I will allow some 1970’s multi coloured fairy lights but that it. No massive displays with props and don’t get me started on projections onto your house. Moving snowflakes looks shite and what are coloured LED dots about ??? Oh yeah top tip you know those white lights in your bush in front of your house. They look bad at chrimbo (Its a bush with lights on) so do us all a favour and bang them off on Jan 2nd no need for them all yea around.

December 9th

Up-selling. OK WH Smiths when I go in to buy some pens for work I do not want a chocolate bar or I would have bought one. How is you jumble sale of a shop still going in the days of the modern hight street or whats left of it. Local shop by ours when I pop in for a sausage roll I just want a sausage roll. Not a coffee or mince pies. Whilst I realise you need to survive if I cant just get a sausage roll in a smooth and quick transaction you will actually put me off and I will go to Tescos for them. But if a bar wants to offer me a double vodka for just a bit extra we will allow that. Season of good will etc !!

December 10th

Leaves. Yep leaves. Despite if being mid December there are still thousands of the bastards about. When wet its just makes paths into mini ice rinks and that along with the gamble that underneath the leaf there onset a dog shit waiting for you makes jogging on certain routes a game of jeopardy. I am sure in the good old days there was an army of council workers to clear them. Now by about February they have finally been walked on and disintegrated enough for pavement safety levels to be declared OK. I blame the Tories.

December 11th 

No I am not going to mention The Tories its a boring subject. But being a fussy bastard its the land of plain. Plain Burger please. Waits five mins “Cheese on that” no just the burger and the bun. Man then goes to put cheese on. No mate just plain. Naked you know no clothes on. Burger ready. So you want salad an mayonnaise on that. No just plain please. Just about cope when buying in a shop as my beady eye is on the case but when phoning up its hard to get the message across and the number of plain burgers I have had with shite on is amazing. Nothing will ever best being on holiday with Mrs Fay and my plain burger came out with an egg on !!! To be honest its lucky I didn’t serve time for that !!!

December 12th 

Child of the week. We have all done it and posted a picture of little Johnnie/Julie proudly holding up their child of the week certificate and Fay Family tradition dictates that little Johnnie or Julie in my case as I have three daughters gets taken to Smyths toy shop for a reward. In truth though all they have won is “Its your turn to be child of the week” There is no merit to it. You know your gonna win it. If you nail it in week one you can doss for the rest of the year. So OK the bods will win it most time but imagine that time that your little Johnnie/Julie actually wins it on merit and Tarquin/Tabitha have a right titty lip on. Well in little Fay bring it home kidda. Never mind Smyths were off on an open top bus with the final destination The Apple Shop. Your not winning any more Tarquin Rees-Mogg.

December 13th

Updates. Life is just one giant update. Is there nothing that doesn’t update ? Even the TV updated the the other day. So OK in this modern world things need updating. But please please please just give us an honest update bar. One that doesn’t take the piss. You know the ones that go from 0% to 80% dead quick then takes ages to do the last 20%. Not only that but once full then move to an installation bar and pull the same trick as above aghhhhhhhhh. I am in the process of updating my wife but its only 43% done at the moment.

December 14th

Tory bastards. What is going on ? Whilst we are sidelined with this Brexit bollocks all their other many shortfalls go under the radar. They cant even get rid of their leader properly. Mad how the English just take all the shit thrown at them whilst over the water the French are on the streets causing changes to policy whilst we are just sat on our fat arses complaining about updates and leaves whilst getting sloshed on cheap vodka.

Did you make it to the end ? Well done. Just a happy birthday to “London Calling” by The Clash which was 39 on 14th December (Today)  and I was listening to it whilst writing this blog.


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

I am a in-law get me out of here and Michael Jackson spotted in Liverpool

So last Sunday morning and another 1.30am finish the night before as this time I ended up sitting with Mrs Fay in the kitchen listening to records. Tonight I am dusting down the Z X Spectrum for Daily Thompson’s Decathlon. This time we are off for a trip to Delamere Forest with the wife and kids along with the in-laws for a game of “I am a in-law get me out of here” So on arrival I thought this cant be much of a forest as they have chopped down hundreds of the trees to sell at £60 a pop. But its Chrimbo and you gotta follow the money. So we had a lovely stroll around the forest and even took the dogs who after not being too impressed being in the car had the time of their lives. I was meant to be running the Oulton Park half marathon but sadly all the running over the years has caught up with me and I have a knee injury and just hope its not too bad but I think I will end up needing a scan on it but lets see what the new year brings. I can still manage a run and plodded around 4 miles on Saturday. Whilst out running I was on the new running path in Sefton Park  and a woman with two dogs was in the distance with her dogs on leads one on either side of the path. I moved to one side far out to give her a clue but as I got nearer to her it was heading to showdown. I couldn’t come off the path as it was a bog as the ground was still recovering from the path being built. I got closer and closer still and ground to a halt. Thankfully the dog had a fucking brain and moved inside to stop be being snared by the lead. once the dog had safely passed I said “Thank you very much” and start jogging. I must say that women age 60-70 are most probably the most ill mannered demographic of twats out there. But back to todays trip to the forest and the mother in law was enjoying herself and letting people past pouring doubt on my demographics theory (There goes my can of Lynx and socks for chrimbo off her)  Anyway the forest was sound. Would love to know how big it is and can it be classed as a forest or just a large bush ?

in other news last week Pink Floyd’s album the wall was released on 30th November 1979. Now I obviously now some tracks but have never listened to the album in full. To be fair I was never one of those pot heads sitting off to Floyd with a giant spliff. I was too busy listening to Mel & Kim ! So “Another Brick in the wall” reminded me of Nightfever by the Bee Gees ?? I could however thanks to the modern technology of surround sound see how pot heads could become immersed in the album though to be fair once your stoned most sounds take on a higher consciousness. Even Mrs Fay was shocked as she came into my office and said “I never knew you were into Pink Floyd” Any my 39 years late review of “The Wall” is a couple of decent tracks.

So me and the father in law were the first to be evicted from the jungle forest as Dave was going the match and I was watching it. I hate all the derby “bantz” as much as I hate the word banter. Just when you think you have seen everything in footy. I wont go on about it here as it is only footy after all. In bigger news when walking down North Mossley Hill Road the other day I spotted Michael Jackson in full on white socks, black shoes and 10 inch half masts. Nice to see the legend living on and he might feel have been off to meet Elvis in Sayers cafe on Allerton Road.


So writing this blog I am listening to “Bowie Legacy” on vinyl. ‘Under pressure” started and I thought Vanilla Ice.  Forgive me father for I have sinned. I am indeed a twat.


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

The Fay Meldrew Advent Calendar 2018 Dec 1st to 7th

Different year same shit. Welcome to the 2018 Fay Meldrew Advent calendar. Some of the moans might be the same and some might be new but its December and to put it politely as I swear for too much on this blog I am not a fan of Chrimbo. But each day in the lead up to chrimbo I will have a moan and here are windows one to seven in the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. Also included are the pictures from my Instagram advent calendar



December 1st 

Old but gold and its the modern trend of parking on the pavement. The problem grows bigger every year. There is a simple way to end it. Any car parked fully on a pavement and its a legal requirement for a pedestrian to let all four tyres down so the time spent pumping your times up is four times that of the time that it would have cost you if you could be arsed parking around the corner. This modern phenomenon is normally spotted by these new bars/restaurants that have popped up in the suburbs.

December 2nd

Carol singers. Just a few mins after the amazing end to Sundays Derby and carol singers from the local church at the end of our road are belting out songs. I was tempted to invite all 15 of the bastards in to look at this crazy end to the derby. I say church its a hall at the end of our road thats fun of bible bashers. I always thought the 7th commandment was “When working overtime on Saturday thou shalt work in relative silence” rather than them raking in serious dollar renting the hall out for birthday parties and “I am the music man” booming down the street and back entry at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon. Could be worse I am mid terrace as if I lived next to it the place would be shut down by now. PS check out the chrimbo single by Confidence Man below

December 3rd

Ok baton down the sexism hatches. Its women who when at a decent size queue at the checkout bag everything up but then spend the next five minutes looking for a bank card and loyalty card. Jesus Christ you have just been waiting 5 mins in the queue get with it did it not occur to you that you have to pay at the end. For the record I have never seen a male do this and I spend a lot of time in checkout queues as I will not use self service (Maybe thats December 18th’s moan ? )

December 4th 

Sausage rolls. Now regular readers of this blog will know I am fond of a sausage roll or three but these days they have gotten all trendy. Hog Roast sausage rolls. Chilli sausage rolls its never ending. Its bad enough my old love football being bastardised but commerce and trendiness in sausage rolls is too much. As a protest I herby declare I am boycotting all sausage rolls until sausage rolls return to sausage roll lovers.

BREAKING NEWS : Just realised M&S do a mighty sausage roll garland for chrimbo. The boycott is over.

December 5th

Chatting at gigs. It seems nearly every gig I go to the chatty one ends up next to me. I am there for the music mannnnnnn if you want to chat fuck off outside with the smokers. Public Service Broadcasting have nailed it with this. Don’t be Geoffrey.

December 6th

Size. Is size everything ? Does it really shrink as you get older ? Eh dirty mind I mean food sizes. Everything is shrinking. Just bang the cost up. Don’t be denying me an extra two Jaffa Cakes in a pack. Don’t be redesigning things and clearly having us off (Cadburys you twats)  But we are getting to danger levels. Some bread makers have now made their bread smaller that it barely fits on a Breville Toasty maker (Yeah I know its 2018 not 1987) but what will come after that is a new toasty machine that boasts it fits modern day smaller bread. They are all in on it.

December 7th

Wow day seven and I haven’t even got going. Imagine what day 24 will be so I leave you with the final instalment of The Fay Meldrew advent calendar 2018 and its The Liverpool Echo. Once a bastion of local news reporting now resorting to shite weather headlines an “compo” faces. Do us all a favour. Its printed in “Manchester” anyway just put it out of its misery. As for the “reporters” there must be a better way to get into journalism ? (I use the word loosely)



Fay x x x x x x x x x x


Whatever happened to Sunday afternoons and a Brexit Party who’s coming ?

So last Sunday and having ended up staying up to 1.30am the night before watching the Greg Davies stand up special on Netflix (Well worth a watch) I didn’t make it the gym even though it was 13:30 and Mrs Fay out me to shame as I was left lying on the bed watching the latest instalment of The Brexit Tales. Determined not to let the day go to waste and to get my 10,000 steps for the day I went for a later afternoon stroll heading to Sefton Park which as we all know is the best park in the world. Coming out of the park the other side it was  quick detour down Ullet Road and then back on myself along Linnet Lane to come out on Lark Lane. Some boss houses on Linnet Lane and that area in general but most divided up into flats but it made me think I would love to walk around here around 1900 (The year not later on in the evening !!) So a stroll down the lane and its a busy old place these days with so much going on food and grog wise. It reminded me of the good old days when I used to play Sunday League footy and after a few in the now gone Inglenook we would end up on the lane and get smashed and fall into my nans who I lived with. Used to love a good old Sunday afternoon session on the ale and nothing beats that feeling of either coming out the pub bevvied and its still light at 9.30pm or on the other side of the coin doing a pub crawl and thinking I am a bit pissed here and its dark but then finding out it was only 5.30pm !! Hopefully later on in life when the sprogs grow up a bit more the auld Sunday session will be back on the cards ? This did make me think hang on I can see the match is on shall I pop into the pub for a random pint on my own. I decided for my future that heading into pubs on my own can only spell one step nearer to the gutter as I know me and it would soon develop into all day walks and me staggering around South Liverpool. It would be one small step to the gutter and I don’t want to end up there. It was pointed out to me that these solitary pints can be some of the most liberating and peaceful pints you can have but despite that temptation I still decided it was too taboo and instead headed back to ours as the now early evening descended on a south Liverpool autumnal evening and I knew I had 5 Corona in the fridge and texted Mrs Fay to being a few more in just in case.

As it happens Sunday evening comes and whilst starting to write this blog the gang arrive home and World War III has erupted. Though to be fair the youngest daughter Holly (6) was an innocent bystander as Mrs Fay was at war with the two elder daughters (11 & 14) it was at this moment the epiphany occurred. I should have went for that pint on my own thus avoiding the nuclear hormonal event taking place. The gutter seemed a better place to be as the shrapnel from a quiet Sunday afternoon at Nanny’s house was now whizzing past my ears. Here was me just minding my own business having a Corona listening to some Prince vinyl and now I am Kofi Annan trying to mediate between the warring sides and work out what exactly went on. I even texted the sister in law to get a neutral point of view but it turns out she was at work. Anyway after about 30 mins of talking to all fractions a delicate ceasefire was agreed at 19:20 and fifteen minutes later is still holding so I might get to enjoy the rest of my only day off for the week. With the way the government is going through Brexit ministers I think I am next in line for the job after showing excellent negotiating skills then but I suppose thats all part of being a father and husband eh.

So I cant really ignore Bexit can I and time slowly moves towards March 29th 2019 and 11pm. This made me have a think and if we do get to that point its handily falling on a Friday. I am tempted to hire a venue, preferably an old warehouse type gaff and have a Brexit party. But a Brexit party with a difference. Both Brexiteers and Remainers would be welcome but all mention of Brexit would be banned. My mate who is a DJ would be spinning some boss retro choons and we get off our tits again like it was the early 90’s. Then just before 11pm the decks would spin to a halt and the 11 chimes of big ben would play out and on the 11th bong the screens would show some kind of weird Brexit soundbites montage for 1 minute then Fuck Brexit would come up and be repeated over the sound system and then the room would erupt into a mass of smoke, lasers and confetti cannons and a killer choon would be dropped. People dressed as Corbyn, May, Blair, Thatcher, Cameron and Farage would parade around on stilts dancing to the choon that had been dropped.  Now the big question is what would the choon be. To be honest I could pick a different choon every time I think about this but I am going with the one below as it builds to a crescendo and I look around and there are happy faces everywhere oblivious to the chaos that is about to happen in the outside world and as this track stops the people on stilts vanish and Brexit will be marked in a never to be forgotten way and “Rok Da House” by Taul Paul would be played and everything would be perfect.

Just one problem with this plan. Imagine finally getting home as the sun rises and you get your head down to finally awake around afternoon time on Saturday March 30th with the mother of all comedowns and facing the news ughhhh. But on the bright side you have had one last great bash as part of the EU. So who is up for this party then ? Just need to design the flyer now !


Fay x x x x x x x x x x

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