Mad Friday with The Christians.

So Friday and it was a last few hours in work and thats me done until Jan 2nd. A nice break but no work no pay so I might set up a Just Giving page because every other cause seems to have one ?? It was then into town with Mrs Fay and the youngest Holly. We had booked to go into the one in St Johns which claims to be over 100 years old and the one from the auld Lewis’s. Anyway we got our ticket and waiting in a queue to then be allowed through the magic curtains to join another queue. There were some decent displays to keep us busy to be fair and we eventually got to see santa. He said I had been a good boy raising money by running marathon and my overall behaviour was much better than last year though he did wink at me and say “Glastonbury wasn’t on eh” With limited time with santa I thought I better get off his knee and let Holly have a go. She did and wants an iPad !!! So after santa I has a bit of time to kill so we got some deluxe munchies in from Marks and Spencers including this bad boy (See below) With family duties out of the way I was meeting some of the lads in The Crown on Lime Street at 3pm and the beers flowed. We moved onto meet the rest of the gang in The Rose & Crown an old haunt of mine from Council Days. Mad Friday eh. Spotted a fella sitting down and passing something to his mate on the sly. Maddest thing is that he couldn’t of made it anymore obvious what he was up to if he tried ha ha. On the “Lemmo” at 5pm and a mad Friday will certainly await. Anyway had to bail just before 8 to hit a boozer on West Derby road to catch the first half of the match before heading over to The Olympia to watch The Christians. A cracking band called Shamona were supporting but I am afraid to say the footy took precedence over them.

So onto the main event of the day and suitably lubricated by being out from 3pm I was ready for some live music and my joint fave band The Christians. It was quite a disappointing turn out crowd wise but mad Friday and tickets being near the best part of £30 might have put some people off. On the plus side we got a boss speck and were spoiled by another great performance from the band. Taking me right back to 1987 with Forgotten Town all their songs can remind me of a place and time in my life. “Whats in a word” got me this time and the summer of 1992 with A levels finished, about to head to university and move into my nan. All the freedoms of the big wide world about to be obtained without a fucking care or problem in the world. Nice to hear a track from Garry’s solo album “Your Cool Mystery” having never heard anything from his solo stuff live. The night was rounded off with “Happy Xmas” (War is over) and we headed off into the mad Friday night at 11pm deciding not to go back into town and say “We have had a lovely day Jim but 7 hours on the ale is great and we are going home with what we have”

So the next day and salvation Saturday and no hangover which was a bonus and the second bonus was I hadn’t tucked into my sausage roll garland when coming in bevvied last night. A walk of the dogs and me and Mrs Fay headed out to the farmers market on Lark Lane but got their late as things were closing down. So only one thing to do and head to The Fullwood Arms for a pint. Trusting the eldest to look after the other two kids we left them with a supply of Fruitshoots, Quavers and Oreo’s which should see them through to bedtime. As it was we had another drink in The Tipsy Cow by ours and headed home for just after 3pm.

So mad Friday wasn’t that mad (Well were I was anyway) Just chilling now writing this and listening to my Joe Strummer vinyl who died on this day in 2002 age just 50.

Christmas next, cant wait !!! (not)

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

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The Fay Meldrew Advent Calendar 2018 Dec 8th to 14th

You still here ? Well done. Well days 1 to 7 of the Fay Meldrew advent calendar 2018 are HERE

So onto days 8 to 14 you lucky people. As chrimbo nears my grumpiness levels increase only slight offset with a new habit of every time I go to Tezzies I get myself a bottle of vodka. Currently waiting to go onto my optics some Russian Standard Vodka with a name I cant even type on here and an Absolute Vanilla vodka. You can add to that a bottle of Baileys with a hint of Orange truffle and soon I will have a bottle a day to get through the festive season. Maybe chrimbo 2018 will be a blur of being pissed and everybody will say “Wasn’t Fay happy this Christmas” I am looking forward to next Friday and the holiday season starting because I am on holiday and a nice break until Jan 2nd. Well earned because I have been doing 6 day weeks as these posh vodkas don’t buy themselves and I have a few more gallons to purchase. This week is mainly health related news and my 6 monthly check up and despite being burger munching no fruit or veg overweight beer belly monster everything is below what it should be and my cholesterol has actually fallen since last time ! Fat and fit kids its the future. Today I had a visit to the dental hygienist and came out shaking like a shitting dog. No need for such torture la. Anyway back to moaning and included are the pictures from my Instagram Advent Calendar and yes what a social media whore I am.

December 8th

Festive lights. Jesus what did Jimmy Corkhill start back in the day ? The electricity  companies are laughing their tits off as we could power a small country with the light being used. Climate change takes a back seat in December as we go mad. I will allow some 1970’s multi coloured fairy lights but that it. No massive displays with props and don’t get me started on projections onto your house. Moving snowflakes looks shite and what are coloured LED dots about ??? Oh yeah top tip you know those white lights in your bush in front of your house. They look bad at chrimbo (Its a bush with lights on) so do us all a favour and bang them off on Jan 2nd no need for them all yea around.

December 9th

Up-selling. OK WH Smiths when I go in to buy some pens for work I do not want a chocolate bar or I would have bought one. How is you jumble sale of a shop still going in the days of the modern hight street or whats left of it. Local shop by ours when I pop in for a sausage roll I just want a sausage roll. Not a coffee or mince pies. Whilst I realise you need to survive if I cant just get a sausage roll in a smooth and quick transaction you will actually put me off and I will go to Tescos for them. But if a bar wants to offer me a double vodka for just a bit extra we will allow that. Season of good will etc !!

December 10th

Leaves. Yep leaves. Despite if being mid December there are still thousands of the bastards about. When wet its just makes paths into mini ice rinks and that along with the gamble that underneath the leaf there onset a dog shit waiting for you makes jogging on certain routes a game of jeopardy. I am sure in the good old days there was an army of council workers to clear them. Now by about February they have finally been walked on and disintegrated enough for pavement safety levels to be declared OK. I blame the Tories.

December 11th 

No I am not going to mention The Tories its a boring subject. But being a fussy bastard its the land of plain. Plain Burger please. Waits five mins “Cheese on that” no just the burger and the bun. Man then goes to put cheese on. No mate just plain. Naked you know no clothes on. Burger ready. So you want salad an mayonnaise on that. No just plain please. Just about cope when buying in a shop as my beady eye is on the case but when phoning up its hard to get the message across and the number of plain burgers I have had with shite on is amazing. Nothing will ever best being on holiday with Mrs Fay and my plain burger came out with an egg on !!! To be honest its lucky I didn’t serve time for that !!!

December 12th 

Child of the week. We have all done it and posted a picture of little Johnnie/Julie proudly holding up their child of the week certificate and Fay Family tradition dictates that little Johnnie or Julie in my case as I have three daughters gets taken to Smyths toy shop for a reward. In truth though all they have won is “Its your turn to be child of the week” There is no merit to it. You know your gonna win it. If you nail it in week one you can doss for the rest of the year. So OK the bods will win it most time but imagine that time that your little Johnnie/Julie actually wins it on merit and Tarquin/Tabitha have a right titty lip on. Well in little Fay bring it home kidda. Never mind Smyths were off on an open top bus with the final destination The Apple Shop. Your not winning any more Tarquin Rees-Mogg.

December 13th

Updates. Life is just one giant update. Is there nothing that doesn’t update ? Even the TV updated the the other day. So OK in this modern world things need updating. But please please please just give us an honest update bar. One that doesn’t take the piss. You know the ones that go from 0% to 80% dead quick then takes ages to do the last 20%. Not only that but once full then move to an installation bar and pull the same trick as above aghhhhhhhhh. I am in the process of updating my wife but its only 43% done at the moment.

December 14th

Tory bastards. What is going on ? Whilst we are sidelined with this Brexit bollocks all their other many shortfalls go under the radar. They cant even get rid of their leader properly. Mad how the English just take all the shit thrown at them whilst over the water the French are on the streets causing changes to policy whilst we are just sat on our fat arses complaining about updates and leaves whilst getting sloshed on cheap vodka.

Did you make it to the end ? Well done. Just a happy birthday to “London Calling” by The Clash which was 39 on 14th December (Today)  and I was listening to it whilst writing this blog.

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

I am a in-law get me out of here and Michael Jackson spotted in Liverpool

So last Sunday morning and another 1.30am finish the night before as this time I ended up sitting with Mrs Fay in the kitchen listening to records. Tonight I am dusting down the Z X Spectrum for Daily Thompson’s Decathlon. This time we are off for a trip to Delamere Forest with the wife and kids along with the in-laws for a game of “I am a in-law get me out of here” So on arrival I thought this cant be much of a forest as they have chopped down hundreds of the trees to sell at £60 a pop. But its Chrimbo and you gotta follow the money. So we had a lovely stroll around the forest and even took the dogs who after not being too impressed being in the car had the time of their lives. I was meant to be running the Oulton Park half marathon but sadly all the running over the years has caught up with me and I have a knee injury and just hope its not too bad but I think I will end up needing a scan on it but lets see what the new year brings. I can still manage a run and plodded around 4 miles on Saturday. Whilst out running I was on the new running path in Sefton Park  and a woman with two dogs was in the distance with her dogs on leads one on either side of the path. I moved to one side far out to give her a clue but as I got nearer to her it was heading to showdown. I couldn’t come off the path as it was a bog as the ground was still recovering from the path being built. I got closer and closer still and ground to a halt. Thankfully the dog had a fucking brain and moved inside to stop be being snared by the lead. once the dog had safely passed I said “Thank you very much” and start jogging. I must say that women age 60-70 are most probably the most ill mannered demographic of twats out there. But back to todays trip to the forest and the mother in law was enjoying herself and letting people past pouring doubt on my demographics theory (There goes my can of Lynx and socks for chrimbo off her)  Anyway the forest was sound. Would love to know how big it is and can it be classed as a forest or just a large bush ?

in other news last week Pink Floyd’s album the wall was released on 30th November 1979. Now I obviously now some tracks but have never listened to the album in full. To be fair I was never one of those pot heads sitting off to Floyd with a giant spliff. I was too busy listening to Mel & Kim ! So “Another Brick in the wall” reminded me of Nightfever by the Bee Gees ?? I could however thanks to the modern technology of surround sound see how pot heads could become immersed in the album though to be fair once your stoned most sounds take on a higher consciousness. Even Mrs Fay was shocked as she came into my office and said “I never knew you were into Pink Floyd” Any my 39 years late review of “The Wall” is a couple of decent tracks.

So me and the father in law were the first to be evicted from the jungle forest as Dave was going the match and I was watching it. I hate all the derby “bantz” as much as I hate the word banter. Just when you think you have seen everything in footy. I wont go on about it here as it is only footy after all. In bigger news when walking down North Mossley Hill Road the other day I spotted Michael Jackson in full on white socks, black shoes and 10 inch half masts. Nice to see the legend living on and he might feel have been off to meet Elvis in Sayers cafe on Allerton Road.

 

So writing this blog I am listening to “Bowie Legacy” on vinyl. ‘Under pressure” started and I thought Vanilla Ice.  Forgive me father for I have sinned. I am indeed a twat.

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

The Fay Meldrew Advent Calendar 2018 Dec 1st to 7th

Different year same shit. Welcome to the 2018 Fay Meldrew Advent calendar. Some of the moans might be the same and some might be new but its December and to put it politely as I swear for too much on this blog I am not a fan of Chrimbo. But each day in the lead up to chrimbo I will have a moan and here are windows one to seven in the Fay Meldrew advent calendar. Also included are the pictures from my Instagram advent calendar

https://www.instagram.com/faymondo/

 

December 1st 

Old but gold and its the modern trend of parking on the pavement. The problem grows bigger every year. There is a simple way to end it. Any car parked fully on a pavement and its a legal requirement for a pedestrian to let all four tyres down so the time spent pumping your times up is four times that of the time that it would have cost you if you could be arsed parking around the corner. This modern phenomenon is normally spotted by these new bars/restaurants that have popped up in the suburbs.

December 2nd

Carol singers. Just a few mins after the amazing end to Sundays Derby and carol singers from the local church at the end of our road are belting out songs. I was tempted to invite all 15 of the bastards in to look at this crazy end to the derby. I say church its a hall at the end of our road thats fun of bible bashers. I always thought the 7th commandment was “When working overtime on Saturday thou shalt work in relative silence” rather than them raking in serious dollar renting the hall out for birthday parties and “I am the music man” booming down the street and back entry at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon. Could be worse I am mid terrace as if I lived next to it the place would be shut down by now. PS check out the chrimbo single by Confidence Man below

December 3rd

Ok baton down the sexism hatches. Its women who when at a decent size queue at the checkout bag everything up but then spend the next five minutes looking for a bank card and loyalty card. Jesus Christ you have just been waiting 5 mins in the queue get with it did it not occur to you that you have to pay at the end. For the record I have never seen a male do this and I spend a lot of time in checkout queues as I will not use self service (Maybe thats December 18th’s moan ? )

December 4th 

Sausage rolls. Now regular readers of this blog will know I am fond of a sausage roll or three but these days they have gotten all trendy. Hog Roast sausage rolls. Chilli sausage rolls its never ending. Its bad enough my old love football being bastardised but commerce and trendiness in sausage rolls is too much. As a protest I herby declare I am boycotting all sausage rolls until sausage rolls return to sausage roll lovers.

BREAKING NEWS : Just realised M&S do a mighty sausage roll garland for chrimbo. The boycott is over.

December 5th

Chatting at gigs. It seems nearly every gig I go to the chatty one ends up next to me. I am there for the music mannnnnnn if you want to chat fuck off outside with the smokers. Public Service Broadcasting have nailed it with this. Don’t be Geoffrey.

December 6th

Size. Is size everything ? Does it really shrink as you get older ? Eh dirty mind I mean food sizes. Everything is shrinking. Just bang the cost up. Don’t be denying me an extra two Jaffa Cakes in a pack. Don’t be redesigning things and clearly having us off (Cadburys you twats)  But we are getting to danger levels. Some bread makers have now made their bread smaller that it barely fits on a Breville Toasty maker (Yeah I know its 2018 not 1987) but what will come after that is a new toasty machine that boasts it fits modern day smaller bread. They are all in on it.

December 7th

Wow day seven and I haven’t even got going. Imagine what day 24 will be so I leave you with the final instalment of The Fay Meldrew advent calendar 2018 and its The Liverpool Echo. Once a bastion of local news reporting now resorting to shite weather headlines an “compo” faces. Do us all a favour. Its printed in “Manchester” anyway just put it out of its misery. As for the “reporters” there must be a better way to get into journalism ? (I use the word loosely)

 

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

 

Whatever happened to Sunday afternoons and a Brexit Party who’s coming ?

So last Sunday and having ended up staying up to 1.30am the night before watching the Greg Davies stand up special on Netflix (Well worth a watch) I didn’t make it the gym even though it was 13:30 and Mrs Fay out me to shame as I was left lying on the bed watching the latest instalment of The Brexit Tales. Determined not to let the day go to waste and to get my 10,000 steps for the day I went for a later afternoon stroll heading to Sefton Park which as we all know is the best park in the world. Coming out of the park the other side it was  quick detour down Ullet Road and then back on myself along Linnet Lane to come out on Lark Lane. Some boss houses on Linnet Lane and that area in general but most divided up into flats but it made me think I would love to walk around here around 1900 (The year not later on in the evening !!) So a stroll down the lane and its a busy old place these days with so much going on food and grog wise. It reminded me of the good old days when I used to play Sunday League footy and after a few in the now gone Inglenook we would end up on the lane and get smashed and fall into my nans who I lived with. Used to love a good old Sunday afternoon session on the ale and nothing beats that feeling of either coming out the pub bevvied and its still light at 9.30pm or on the other side of the coin doing a pub crawl and thinking I am a bit pissed here and its dark but then finding out it was only 5.30pm !! Hopefully later on in life when the sprogs grow up a bit more the auld Sunday session will be back on the cards ? This did make me think hang on I can see the match is on shall I pop into the pub for a random pint on my own. I decided for my future that heading into pubs on my own can only spell one step nearer to the gutter as I know me and it would soon develop into all day walks and me staggering around South Liverpool. It would be one small step to the gutter and I don’t want to end up there. It was pointed out to me that these solitary pints can be some of the most liberating and peaceful pints you can have but despite that temptation I still decided it was too taboo and instead headed back to ours as the now early evening descended on a south Liverpool autumnal evening and I knew I had 5 Corona in the fridge and texted Mrs Fay to being a few more in just in case.

As it happens Sunday evening comes and whilst starting to write this blog the gang arrive home and World War III has erupted. Though to be fair the youngest daughter Holly (6) was an innocent bystander as Mrs Fay was at war with the two elder daughters (11 & 14) it was at this moment the epiphany occurred. I should have went for that pint on my own thus avoiding the nuclear hormonal event taking place. The gutter seemed a better place to be as the shrapnel from a quiet Sunday afternoon at Nanny’s house was now whizzing past my ears. Here was me just minding my own business having a Corona listening to some Prince vinyl and now I am Kofi Annan trying to mediate between the warring sides and work out what exactly went on. I even texted the sister in law to get a neutral point of view but it turns out she was at work. Anyway after about 30 mins of talking to all fractions a delicate ceasefire was agreed at 19:20 and fifteen minutes later is still holding so I might get to enjoy the rest of my only day off for the week. With the way the government is going through Brexit ministers I think I am next in line for the job after showing excellent negotiating skills then but I suppose thats all part of being a father and husband eh.

So I cant really ignore Bexit can I and time slowly moves towards March 29th 2019 and 11pm. This made me have a think and if we do get to that point its handily falling on a Friday. I am tempted to hire a venue, preferably an old warehouse type gaff and have a Brexit party. But a Brexit party with a difference. Both Brexiteers and Remainers would be welcome but all mention of Brexit would be banned. My mate who is a DJ would be spinning some boss retro choons and we get off our tits again like it was the early 90’s. Then just before 11pm the decks would spin to a halt and the 11 chimes of big ben would play out and on the 11th bong the screens would show some kind of weird Brexit soundbites montage for 1 minute then Fuck Brexit would come up and be repeated over the sound system and then the room would erupt into a mass of smoke, lasers and confetti cannons and a killer choon would be dropped. People dressed as Corbyn, May, Blair, Thatcher, Cameron and Farage would parade around on stilts dancing to the choon that had been dropped.  Now the big question is what would the choon be. To be honest I could pick a different choon every time I think about this but I am going with the one below as it builds to a crescendo and I look around and there are happy faces everywhere oblivious to the chaos that is about to happen in the outside world and as this track stops the people on stilts vanish and Brexit will be marked in a never to be forgotten way and “Rok Da House” by Taul Paul would be played and everything would be perfect.

Just one problem with this plan. Imagine finally getting home as the sun rises and you get your head down to finally awake around afternoon time on Saturday March 30th with the mother of all comedowns and facing the news ughhhh. But on the bright side you have had one last great bash as part of the EU. So who is up for this party then ? Just need to design the flyer now !

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

Virtual Reality wallops The Fay’s

Long time no blog. In short I have acquired a knee injury limiting exercise so I have hit the bottle and M&S munchies and all the hard work of the marathons etc earlier on in the year is slowly being ebbed away as the gap in my pants grows ever thinner as I get ever fatter. But I thought I better write a blog just to let you know I am still alive. So now every chrimbo I get myself a treat. Something that I wouldn’t normally spend dollar on and call it a present off my late mum and dad as they would have normally banged at least a ton my way. In the end last year I didn’t get around to buying myself something so this year I have double bubble to spend. With black Friday starting earlier each year (Before payday this year for many ?? ) I decided not to go the Asda on Smithdown and fight with the masses but the Playstation VR was at a decent price and with the excuse the whole family can play on it as well it was ordered and on Tuesday with the aid of modern technology I was tracking my parcel and it was 55 stops and counting. Anyway he turned up and Christmas had come early to Neil George Fay which is ironic as I hate chrimbo  !

So the bargain Playstation VR (PSVR) came with three free games which were Playstation Worlds, Astrobot and Resident Evil Biohazard. So eventually set up and it was middle sprog Charlotte who debuted in the world of virtual Reality by banging on the headset. Now it really does have to be seen to be believed and the VR experience exceeded what I was expecting from it. Anyway Charlotte was in a cage in the water and lowered down to the seabed coming across stingrays, luminous jellyfish and a whole host of sea creatures. Best up was last when on the bottom of the sea her cage was attacked by a shark causing a lot of hysteria not helped by me and the youngest touching the back of Charlottes legs for added effect. The younger kids had a go but couldn’t take much of the shark attack and had to take the headset off and no doubt will have recurring dreams about sharks for the rest of their lives. I think Jaws the film will be next weeks treat. And here is another treat my youngest looking like she is at an audition for Daft Punk.

Other games included the jaw dropping Astrobot which is a platform game like Mario except your in the middle of it. We got some extra purchases and a virtual reality cat called Konrad which Holly loves and like a VR Tamogotchi will have to tend to it every day and we finished with some Fruit Ninja VR a twist on the iPad/iphone game with VR swords that when playing you are fully immersed in slicing those fruits but to those watching you waving your arms frantically with the headset on making you look more like a 90’s clubber having the time of their lives on ecstasy. First session on the VR was rounded off with what can only be described as “Pong” VR. The basic tennis game from the first gaming experience I had back in the very early 80’s with a Binotone game system now fast forwarded 35 years and VR pong with you moving up and down and tilting you head left and right determined to beat the computer opponent.

Eventually on the second day of owning the VR I got to have proper go myself and put on Resident Evil Biohazard which is rated PEGI 18. Time for some VR Zombie action. To be honest in the hour I played it I didn’t get that far but did discover some pretty ugly things that made me pull away a bit and pull a funny face. So if you come around to ours you cant escape but to be offered a go on the PSVR and Charlotte’s mate who was staying over has just been terrified by the shark experience. I hope she sleeps tonight. Well I just need a decent golf VR game and thats me done for the winter.

So I would say the PSVR at the current price of £179 with 3 games is well worth getting. When I looked at it last year it was £229 for just the headset. The acid test is the big question of when will it be put back into the box and on top of a cupboard never to be seen again ? Certainly for now its flavour of the day and well worth a purchase.

Now you could not expect a review of the PSVR without the burning question of 50% of the population are thinking and can you get porn on it. The answer is yes and the method via a quick google is a bit cumbersome but could be ultimately worth it if thats what floats your boat. As for me well I am gonna swerve it (honest) The PSVR come with earphones to add 3D sound to the virtual reality experience. Can you imagine the shame of being totally immersed in cracking one off with yer jeans by your ankles and a handy size pack of Kleenex by your side not even noticing your wife coming in the house, standing for 10 minutes as you have your fun and then the orgasmic joy turning into agony and shame to last forever as you withdraw the headset from your head, squat down to pull yer jeans up, turn around and your missus is there with a look you have never seen before. As for the man caught in the act he just walks past his wife head bowed, straight out the front door and to the nearest divorce lawyer. Its a risk I cant take but Mrs Fay goes away every November with her mates. He who dares !!!

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

 

Posh Sausage Rolls and 80’s Drama my kids are missing out big time !!

So a regular readers of this blog will know I am a fat bastard and fond of a sausage roll or 12 (Depending on the size) It seems a new bakery in Garston Village has opened. Now I am still grieving from the closure of Wilsons (Hardcore sausage roll fans know the score) but its amazing how many of my friends and indeed just followers over “The socials” (My god who would have thought that was a phrase when I were a lad ?) tagged me in the news that a new bakery in Garston Village has opened called Porkie Pies. Now for a start I don’t eat pies I mean what do you take me for some kind of BMI busting blob of lard ? But I do scoff sausage rolls. Now don’t get me wrong I have told a few Porkie Pies to Mrs Fay back in the day when I had lost weekends but the counter balance was that when I came in wrecked and left my jeans draped over the bannister and money on the hall window sill she would dip my money for an amount that reflected how twatted I was. AKA The Good Night Weekend Out Tax. But anyway back to sausage rolls and I came in on Thursday night after seeing The Villagers (They were great) and a quick mention for Soul II Soul last Saturday (They were boss) and my mouth was salivating at the thought of a sausage roll from this shop. Mad thing is I have already mentioned in a previous blog how trendy sausage rolls have become with M&S young all kinds of funky flavours and the now traditional sausage roll garland which should really come with a pint of Gaviscon ! Anyway Mrs Fay was under strict instructions to go there on Friday and pick up some lunch whilst I ordered some jeans an extra 2inches size up from da internet.

So Friday morning and with my taste buds were into salivating overload and I had a tea towel tucked into the top of my neck to keep my t-shirt clean. I was in work and after a few ciders the night before was ready for some sausage roll hammer. Lucky enough Mrs Fay was off work so I was encouraging her to get down early to guarantee success in the sausage roll draw. She finally headed on down there at 11:45 to be told the heartbreaking news that all the sausage rolls had gone by 9.30. Whats all that about ! The Johnny come lately sausage roll bods will soon move on whereas you have my custom for life. Ahh well Porkie Pies will be reviewed another day.

In other non sausage roll news now wishing that I had wiped the tommy K from my beard and brushed the crumbs onto the floor much to the excitement of the dogs a classic scene from Boys From The Blackstuff was brought to my attention by a Twitter friend.

Just watch it, you don’t need my words https://t.co/85DCvVTORW

— Keith Salmon (@keith_salmon) October 25, 2018

Wow the took me back to watching TV as a child with my late mum and dad. On the plus side the Albert Dock was not bulldozed. Only now looking back I realise how educated I was with this “Scully” “One Summer” which I watched years after missing the twist of the teacher (Kidder) being an innocent 9 year old but I remember watching the last episode of One Summer all sat in my nans living room which is now the knock through kitchen of the house we live in. Never forget the scene when Icky dies. We thought Icky was cool as a 9 year old. After that it was the likes of Auf Weidersehen Pet. That post made me realise that I watch no TV with my kids. This is partly due to the change in the dynamics of watching things on demand and on your own personal viewing platform and that any “family” TV consists of the kids watching reality shite with Mrs Fay. I often get a little bit down about my advancing years but then look back and think compared to my kids I had it all musically, drama wise and social media free wise though I did have a penpal from Germany who I soon fucked off as it was a lad and not a girl ! I honestly think my parents looked at me and thought “Lucky bastard” I look at my kids and modern life and think “Unlucky bastards”

For those of you were arsed to watch the clip “I can’t believe there’s no hope, can’t” words that sadly resonate today.

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

Behind Enemy Lines (Manchester)

So up early Sunday morning and not a touch of grog all weekend as the father in law kindly offered to drop me of in Manchester for The Manchester Half Marathon. Heading of into the gloom with rain starting en route in the car I had the beginning of a migraine with my vision having an aura. Dropped off in plenty of time I headed the shop for some Nurofen and water. I decided to take the risk and just necked the tablets not checking the ingredients and safely assuming I wasn’t going to win the race and fail a drugs test. A quick walk to the Theatre of dreams AKA Old Trafford for a bit of shelter and to change my race number from my top onto the front of my jacket as rain was now falling. It was more like the theatre of piss as it smelt like a subway where I decided to change my number over. Out into the Manchester rain and I was representing as I have done in my two previous races there (Both marathons you see I am an athlete) and my Istanbul 2005 Champions League winners badge was on my running hat.

So at the start in plenty of time a random man asked me to pin his race number on. He was wearing a Manchester United shirt. I explained I was a Liverpool fan and would more than be happy to put his number on but couldn’t guarantee that I would not draw blood from the safety pins. As it was I let him off and we had a laugh about it and I showed him my hat with my LFC badge on.

So a delayed start and I finally got across the start line at 9.25 as the rain began to fall down harder. I was thinking anything under two hours would be great as I was in nowhere near Personal Best form (Or weight) The plan was to see after 10k what my watch would forecast for a half and the first 10k was fine if not a little wet. Around 5 miles the leader was coming back on the other side with about 1.5 miles left. He was what I would call sprinting. A bit disheartening but I always run my own race and try and not let other people going past me etc worry me. As it was I was on for about 2 hours 3 mins after 10k and decided just to plod around at the age pace and enjoy the race.

This was leg two out of twelve in the half marathon a month challenge since I turned 45 in September challenge and I just wanted to get to the 10 mile marker and then it was mentally the home straight. Whilst out running I spotted what I thought was a mile marker with “Sale” on. Cheeky bastards I thought fancy a shop using the same font etc as the race to advertise a sale. As it happens it was a sign to say I was now entering Sale !!

So wet through and my nipple plasters having bit the dust the main problem for the last few miles were nipple related. Entering the long home straight which was the same as The Marathon one brought back memories of my greatest race and a 4 hour 27 full marathon in April. I had a decent sprint finish in me so went for it and indeed my fastest mile of the race was my 13th and final mile at 9mins 10. Over the line and another medal for the collection this was my 14th half marathon.  Official time of 02:03:43 and officially the wettest race I have ever done. Well done Manchester. As ever time to pick up a t-shirt that doesn’t fit me and a quick dash to meet Mrs Fay and I was soon back in Liverpool and after a nice relaxing bath it was time to walk the dogs.

Being an athlete its importing to refuel and rehydrate so it was sausage rolls for a late brunch and I have just cracked a Desperados open to get my creative juices flowing and write this blog.  In other exercise related news me and Mrs Fay went the gym together on Friday quickly followed by a chippy tea !! I do work very hard to keep in this shape.

So another successful raid behind enemy lines and into Manchester escaping unscathed and with a medal to show for my efforts. Time for another two Nurofen washed down with Desperados.

In future blog news the winning host city for what will be my 12th February trip away is Bratislava so expect the usual “A Cultural Review Of………….” blog to be posted in February 2019 once I have recovered. Think I might need to get Februarys half marathon out of the way before that trip !

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x

The Glastonbury ticket giant sale oh and some other giants

So that time again. After a fallow year in 2018 leaving Glastonbury in 2017 ticket day seemed an age away and here we are on Thursday for the first batch of tickets on sale were the coach tickets ahead of the main sale on Sunday. Theres always some smug bastards on Thursday night smiling at the fact they have already boxed off their Glastonbury ticket. Yeah I was one of them. Ticket sorted and Glastonbury 2019 will be added to 2010, 2011, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017. It was all eyes to the weekend and the giant task ahead in Liverpool. Nah not them giants the giant ticket hunt for Glastonbury at 9am on Sunday morning. I needed to sort the rest of my crew out. Before Thursday I told Mrs Fay don’t worry if we don’t get tickets in the main sale or resale I will take us for a weekend away in Ibiza not being able to sit and watch the Glastonbury weekend unfold in front of my eyes on the TV. On Thursday night she asked about the Ibiza plans. Well thats a non started as I am going to Glastonbury. You could take the kids to Legoland I replied as I got ready to duck for cover at kitchen items to be hurled in my direction.

So Saturday night and having dodged two saucepans, a frying pan and large bottle of tommy K it was a massive weekend for the city of Liverpool with the return of the giants AKA Massive puppets AKA puppets AKA like Thunderbirds AKA not arsed. Funny enough my favourite puppets had been launched back into my life this week with the sad passing of Rainbow’s Geoffrey Hayes. I am just glad he wasn’t involved in operation Yewtree as that would have shattered my childhood but looking back he was more likely to of been involved in an orgy with Rod, Jane and Freddy. With giant fever hitting overload on Saturday night it got me thinking about my favourite Giants.

So at number three Jossy’s Giants the kids TV show from the 80’s. Written by the late great darts commentator Sid Waddell.

New entry at number two is Giant Haystacks. Mad to think as a 7 year old watching the ITV wrestling with me nan that I would grow up to be a Haystacks stunt double.

And staying at number one for the 1768th week its giant sausage roll. (See above)

So with all that giant nonsense I was in bed at 9pm on a Saturday night and asleep just after 10 ready for the giant Glastonbury ticket hunt.

Sunday morning awake and feeling fresh for not touching a drop of grog all weekend I walked up to the in-laws house to use their wifi as they were away as its an extra way in for a ticket. I quickly completed my tasks of feeding the mother in laws pussy and stirring the father in laws red wine he is in the process of making. So just before 9am as the nerves kicked in a bit despite me smugly having a ticket I wanted our crew to go and get as many extra tickets for people who I knew. It was good news by 9.10am and group one had secured their tickets and just after that group two has theirs sorted. But that was it as all sold out about 9.35. Mrs Fay was going to Glastonbury and would not have to rely on reading my daily blogs from the Farm thus making sure we reached our next wedding anniversary. There are quite a few people I know who did not get the golden Willy Wonka ticket and we will be trying our hardest come the resale in April for them. The more of us down there the merrier.

So with the giant ticket hunt being over more successful than not the giants left Liverpool for the last time. Well until next time. A bit like me with Ibiza and every time I leave I say “I have had a have nice day Jim but I am gonna take the comedown and let the next couple have a go at Ibiza’s special star prize” Funny enough its Fay Ibiza 3 Liverpool Giants 3. There will deffo be a winner but who? As you might of been able to tell the giants were not for me but for Liverpool and many people they are. I am not that much of a Meldrew to deny you your joy after all who wants to walk in a muddy farm in June for 5 days ? I hope you enjoyed the giants it looked like you did and this picture from Saturday is a belter.

Well I gonna round the weekend off with a Taurus cider which we cart down to Glastonbury by the gallon and look behind me at the Tyskie Flag on my office wall knowing it will be down there in 2019. Right time to look at faceprint and glow sticks on Amazon !!

Peace

Fay x x x x x x x x x x